Saturday, June 30, 2012

What if you want is what you have?


What a magnificent day today…

it started at 5am with me turning my body around …my feet where my head was and vice versa…

(that is when my first alarm goes off, then I still have 30 minutes before the final countdown….in getting up!)I do that because in that half hour I have lucid dreams that I can remember and they are always messengers from my inner being.

I turned my body because I was so intrigued with the two big planets that were rising above Haleakala, our beloved volcano. It fell asleep within the minute and woke up 20 minutes later with the shimmer of an orange color.

It was as if the orange touched my deep senses and my body became aware of the light change in the morning sky. I opened my eyes and saw a brilliant orange sunrise painted at the sky.
Oh my God!
The birds noticed it too, because their morning song was different then other days. It was with more brilliance and happiness. Or was that the feeling in me???
We say in Belgium when you look through pink glasses that you see everything MORE happy!

We should invent happy RAINBOW glasses.
Glasses in all sort of colors that make others smile. The other is you, because every other will smile back to you with the RAINBOW glasses.
I am daydreaming again….i am a world changer, or that is what I always wanted to do and as a matter a fact a few days now, I am in deep sadness..Although my blogs are happy…I am not lying, I am happy, really happy but there is a shift taking place inside of me that is so profound. I feel that in a few days I will be another being. And the sadness is not really sadness, but a saying goodbye to a old piece in me.
Maybe I will be in a better place to write about it in a few days…let’s say that a lot of my beliefs are put into the fire.
I see that a lot of my dreams I wanted to make true, are illusions. That is a hard thing to realize if you are still attached to it and was the major thrive of my life. But I witnessed today that I get more and more detached and I feel a space and freedom I never experienced before.

I had a aha moment this morning…


It was heaven and in many small-huge aspects, that made my day feel like so a RICH loving day.
Only the start was so rich already….
After the wealth of observing bright planets;
and the feeling of still having a 30 minute hug moment with my own body in my very comfortable huge bed,
and the symphony of splashing colors of the sunrise ,
and my great glorious home run,
I felt like the luckiest girl on Earth…

The intensity of the beginning of the day carried further when I entered the bay and was embraced with the turquoise colors of Mother Ocean.
I deeply watched my friends one by one and felt so blessed to have each one in my life.
I felt so deeply what a RICH gift that was. I felt so deeply appreciated and my gratitude and appreciation for them just radiated as yellow energy up in the sky.
It are those things that changes the world. We don’t always have to do the so called ‘great’ things.
These are great things.


We started discussing where we would swim…and it was so much fun.
Ms. and M. wanted to go to another spot and S. and I wanted to swim here. Ms. put H. on the spot that his voice would be the final decision. It was hilarious; he tried to get out of the situation….and we laughed so hard. It is in these seemly small things that GREAT changes take place.
Laughter contributes to the love of this planet...it is a TRUTH-energy that shows what is real and that is that LOVE is our true BEING.

I don’t think S. nor I really cared; we love to swim far; so it would happen anyway. J
We went to the other spot and OH my…I am happy we did!
It was so clear there, you can’t believe how clear it was.
Being in the water is just magnificent for me, but when it is so clear I witness that I am mumbling the whole time; “Oh it is sooo beautiful!” then I talk to the turtles, the fish, the coral…it makes me so happy.

I had the feeling that there were more fish than I ever saw together!
And then we did it! S. and I decided to go a little further than the others and go to the corner.
And that corner became another corner…
We passed different of large school of fish! It was so gorgeous.
We spotted a lobster, turtles, a bone fish and a barracuda on our way…exciting, so exciting all!!
Suddenly S. pointed a spot in the distance;”That is the fishbowl.”
“Are we going to do it?; I asked.
“You want too, it is pretty far”; he answered.
“Of course, I want too!”; I answered.
Waaw that was amazing!

I was never there and the current was against us, but I wasn’t tired at all! I felt in good shape.
But still you never know.A  few days earlier S. had showed me how to improve my stroke.
ok this is embarrassing inside
Jinformation…so no inside information anymore, here it is:
you have to know that my friends laugh with my stroke.
They say that they can see and hear me coming from a far distance. They call me the human torpedo….
J Hmmmm don’t know if I want to be a torpedo…
I am fast but S. explained me that I can even be faster if I would not splash so much, so he taught me how to glide in the water.
So first I was trying to keep up with him in my old fashion ‘SLAM the water’ style.
Bubbles everywhere, splash splash splash…there she comes, get out of the way….schools of fish parting, because they just saw a torpedo rushing through there calm and peaceful space….
J

Since ages I had a guilty feeling about that,…

But today the impossible happened.
I was splashing around and hanging at S.’s fins.
Once I ALLOWED myself….
(watch out this kind of stupid story has a profound meaning…how stupid things can get the major lesson of your life! MY LIFE, haha
J)
So…
once I allowed myself to RELAX and to just glide with the water…you hear that WITH…
in a supple movement, I actually came swimming next to S.
It was effortless! I didn’t have to push anymore, I was just gently embracing the water and I was gliding….
Oh my God!

My whole life I try to PUSH what I want in life!
Try to make it happen.
Try to manifest it.

But once I let go and glide with God/ Universe everything moved so easy and fast…
I could see how I sabotaged my own life with trying to FORCE something…

I could even see this…

YOU HAVE WHAT YOU WANT!!!!!!


There is nothing to want than what you already HAVE!!!!!
You are not separated from the water…see the analogy???
You are not separated from GOD!
So you have what you want… ISs'T that what YOU REALLY WANT anyway?

WE WANT GOD!

That is our real search, our journey, our wanting, our trying to…
it is our search for God…

But we are God and God is we….
There is no time, no space difference…
there is nothing to DO to BE that…

So look good to your life and look…

Don’t you have already what you want?

Pushing against the water is pushing against God..it is a pushing sprouting out of a belief system without FAITH.

Once you KNOW you are God, than you see that you have everything you want…
YOU have YOU and you are GOD.
I have me and I am God.
I AM…and in that space…you know that is the true wanting….
I am free…


I guess I am waking up to a wonderful orange sunrise from now on….
the sunrise that is me,

I AM,

Love Tamara Rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

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