What if you want is what you have?

What a magnificent day today…

it started at 5am with me turning my body around …my feet where my head was and vice versa…

(that is when my first alarm goes off, then I still have 30 minutes before the final countdown….in getting up!)I do that because in that half hour I have lucid dreams that I can remember and they are always messengers from my inner being.

I turned my body because I was so intrigued with the two big planets that were rising above Haleakala, our beloved volcano. It fell asleep within the minute and woke up 20 minutes later with the shimmer of an orange color.

It was as if the orange touched my deep senses and my body became aware of the light change in the morning sky. I opened my eyes and saw a brilliant orange sunrise painted at the sky.
Oh my God!
The birds noticed it too, because their morning song was different then other days. It was with more brilliance and happiness. Or was that the feeling in me???
We say in Belgium when you look through pink glasses that you see everything MORE happy!

We should invent happy RAINBOW glasses.
Glasses in all sort of colors that make others smile. The other is you, because every other will smile back to you with the RAINBOW glasses.
I am daydreaming again….i am a world changer, or that is what I always wanted to do and as a matter a fact a few days now, I am in deep sadness..Although my blogs are happy…I am not lying, I am happy, really happy but there is a shift taking place inside of me that is so profound. I feel that in a few days I will be another being. And the sadness is not really sadness, but a saying goodbye to a old piece in me.
Maybe I will be in a better place to write about it in a few days…let’s say that a lot of my beliefs are put into the fire.
I see that a lot of my dreams I wanted to make true, are illusions. That is a hard thing to realize if you are still attached to it and was the major thrive of my life. But I witnessed today that I get more and more detached and I feel a space and freedom I never experienced before.

I had a aha moment this morning…

It was heaven and in many small-huge aspects, that made my day feel like so a RICH loving day.
Only the start was so rich already….
After the wealth of observing bright planets;
and the feeling of still having a 30 minute hug moment with my own body in my very comfortable huge bed,
and the symphony of splashing colors of the sunrise ,
and my great glorious home run,
I felt like the luckiest girl on Earth…

The intensity of the beginning of the day carried further when I entered the bay and was embraced with the turquoise colors of Mother Ocean.
I deeply watched my friends one by one and felt so blessed to have each one in my life.
I felt so deeply what a RICH gift that was. I felt so deeply appreciated and my gratitude and appreciation for them just radiated as yellow energy up in the sky.
It are those things that changes the world. We don’t always have to do the so called ‘great’ things.
These are great things.

We started discussing where we would swim…and it was so much fun.
Ms. and M. wanted to go to another spot and S. and I wanted to swim here. Ms. put H. on the spot that his voice would be the final decision. It was hilarious; he tried to get out of the situation….and we laughed so hard. It is in these seemly small things that GREAT changes take place.
Laughter contributes to the love of this planet...it is a TRUTH-energy that shows what is real and that is that LOVE is our true BEING.

I don’t think S. nor I really cared; we love to swim far; so it would happen anyway. J
We went to the other spot and OH my…I am happy we did!
It was so clear there, you can’t believe how clear it was.
Being in the water is just magnificent for me, but when it is so clear I witness that I am mumbling the whole time; “Oh it is sooo beautiful!” then I talk to the turtles, the fish, the coral…it makes me so happy.

I had the feeling that there were more fish than I ever saw together!
And then we did it! S. and I decided to go a little further than the others and go to the corner.
And that corner became another corner…
We passed different of large school of fish! It was so gorgeous.
We spotted a lobster, turtles, a bone fish and a barracuda on our way…exciting, so exciting all!!
Suddenly S. pointed a spot in the distance;”That is the fishbowl.”
“Are we going to do it?; I asked.
“You want too, it is pretty far”; he answered.
“Of course, I want too!”; I answered.
Waaw that was amazing!

I was never there and the current was against us, but I wasn’t tired at all! I felt in good shape.
But still you never know.A  few days earlier S. had showed me how to improve my stroke.
ok this is embarrassing inside Jinformation…so no inside information anymore, here it is:
you have to know that my friends laugh with my stroke.
They say that they can see and hear me coming from a far distance. They call me the human torpedo…. J Hmmmm don’t know if I want to be a torpedo…
I am fast but S. explained me that I can even be faster if I would not splash so much, so he taught me how to glide in the water.
So first I was trying to keep up with him in my old fashion ‘SLAM the water’ style.
Bubbles everywhere, splash splash splash…there she comes, get out of the way….schools of fish parting, because they just saw a torpedo rushing through there calm and peaceful space…. J

Since ages I had a guilty feeling about that,…

But today the impossible happened.
I was splashing around and hanging at S.’s fins.
Once I ALLOWED myself….
(watch out this kind of stupid story has a profound meaning…how stupid things can get the major lesson of your life! MY LIFE, hahaJ)
So…
once I allowed myself to RELAX and to just glide with the water…you hear that WITH…
in a supple movement, I actually came swimming next to S.
It was effortless! I didn’t have to push anymore, I was just gently embracing the water and I was gliding….
Oh my God!

My whole life I try to PUSH what I want in life!
Try to make it happen.
Try to manifest it.

But once I let go and glide with God/ Universe everything moved so easy and fast…
I could see how I sabotaged my own life with trying to FORCE something…

I could even see this…

YOU HAVE WHAT YOU WANT!!!!!!

There is nothing to want than what you already HAVE!!!!!
You are not separated from the water…see the analogy???
You are not separated from GOD!
So you have what you want… ISs'T that what YOU REALLY WANT anyway?

WE WANT GOD!

That is our real search, our journey, our wanting, our trying to…
it is our search for God…

But we are God and God is we….
There is no time, no space difference…
there is nothing to DO to BE that…

So look good to your life and look…

Don’t you have already what you want?

Pushing against the water is pushing against God..it is a pushing sprouting out of a belief system without FAITH.

Once you KNOW you are God, than you see that you have everything you want…
YOU have YOU and you are GOD.
I have me and I am God.
I AM…and in that space…you know that is the true wanting….
I am free…

I guess I am waking up to a wonderful orange sunrise from now on….
the sunrise that is me,

I AM,

Love Tamara Rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

The odor of LOVE, pikake!

When I smell the flagrance of pikake flowers (also know as jasmine) it gives me such a blissful feeling.
It is just amazing how these small flowers have such a strong sweet adorable odor. I found two on the beach just an hour ago with sunset. And now they are filling my living room with such sweetness.

I just love it!
Was I lucky that those two little girls lost two of their flowers! When they ran by me in the water I smelled their pikake leis. The odor of the leis stayed with me. My nose didn’t want to let it go and wished it had more of that sensational flagrance!

My nose turned itself 90 degrees and pointed to the disappearing girls…hoping it could catch some of the delicious perfume.

Was my nose happy and in a state of ecstasy when we discovered that the girls lost two of their flowers!!!!

My fingers picked the flower from the sand with such a grace…carefully so I would not damage the little petals. My fingers still are in a state of awe…

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa….. J
mmmmm J

My beloveds lie here next to me while I am typing, so I can share this gift with you… my nose is your nose now, we are in oneness!

Don’t you have that sometimes...that when you have a smell, a taste, a sound, a view,…that you get a memory of where you smelled, heard or tasted it in the past? (the past that doesn’t existJsee my blog from yesterday)

The pikake reminds me to all my friends on Oahu. They regularly gave me these magically leis.

When I lived on Big Island I flew regularly to Oahu to give some workshops and every time they treated me with these amazing orgasm bombs.
My nose is really in a higher state of being right now. Pikake is tantra for my nose.
My nose is enlightened right now..in oneness with the pikake….OH my God!

I think I will lay it on my pillow tonight when I sleep and I bet my nose will control the rest of my body the whole night…J it will face one direction. It’s in love!

I love the Hawaii leis! We have it  for every occasion possible. It is a form of affection and love.

That is it! The pikake flowers smell to love! They make love with my nose….

This is it, right?

This is the magic of life.
It is when you can be joyful and happy when you find pikake flowers and that is ENOUGH.
or when you appreciate the sunrise…oh my God, the sky was in fire this morning early…
or when you can sit and make a friend laugh, who tries to make you laugh…
or to know that you won’t leave that friend behind in the big waves, and that she/he would do that with you neither…
or when you can taste the carrots, fresh grated…tasty and delicious…
or when you allow your Self to take a nap
or when you give your Self the freedom to mess with the paint so bad you become as a little child with no boundaries of THINKING something can go wrong…
or when you can allow your Self you don’t HAVE to make anything happen…
and even when those thoughts come you SHOULD make it happen…to just choose not to BELIEVE…
or  when you can walk on the beach and just walk
or when you allow yourself to see all beauty…
or to allow yourself to not judge, but see unity…
to allow yourself to love yourself…
I am enough!

It is then in that field of gratitude…
you see the little black girl laugh, when her big brother comes running up to her. She just stands there as a rock trusting her brother, loving him…not afraid and with FAITH. This 2 year old looking up to the 15 year old and balances on her two not sure little legs yet…and smiles so big….I saw that wonder…
It is then in that field of gratitude…
you see two girls running behind each other, after one had splashed the other…you witness that they magically bring smiles to all the people surrounding them. Including me.
It is then in that field of gratitude…
that you see that each person plays a role and it is interesting and rich to see how everybody is identified with a certain identity. When I look through those I AM eyes of me I see God everywhere disguised in all different actors. Including me.
It is then in that field of gratitude…
that you SEE that gratitude is a spinning circle of LOVE that brings you more and more experiences
to be in GRATITUDE for.
Gratitude as the swirling spiral of Love..it smells to pikake….haha
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm JJ

Tamara rainbow,
www.rainbowsheart.com

I opened my eyes

This morning I was driving to the bay. I love the drive…it is just magnificent.

I love the vibrant colors of Hawaii! The colors of the flowers are so radiant and intense!
I just can’t stop eating and drinking those colors.
Color is as food for me. I can just absorb it so intensely...it is as if I am in awe. It feeds my Soul.

Probably that’s why I use so much color in my paintings. I realized today with witnessing the Hawaiian colors that right now I am in the right place on this planet. Belgium is often grey and it is so different…here the water is so turquoise, the sky so blue, the sun so yellow, the flowers so so red, fuchsia, white, yellow, purple, blue, green , orange…Oh my God I live in the land of COLOR!

I enjoy the ride to the bay, you can only drive 30 miles an hour and so I take advantage of doing so.
Cars behind me…if there are…can’t complain.
Slowly I walk with my car to the south part of this magnificent Island…
navigating between myna birds and cardinals, who have breakfast on the street. They try to open the pots of the keawe trees that are a sugary treats.(no good to much suga! J)
 I slowly enjoy the sunrise, the green fields, the palm trees…hmmm  the further I drive the dryer it gets. (The green fields are not natural, but still I enjoy the green…J)

At a certain point I always turn of my tape recorder. It feels as if I come on sacred ground.
The road is narrow and it turns back and forward along the Ocean that is smiling at me with its crystal clear turquoise freshness. The waves are smoothly rolling in on the black lava rocks. Just gorgeous…
The birds loudly expressing their joy and happiness for this new day!
They never worry if they will have enough, be enough, sleep enough,…they just are.
And fly in freedom.

I come around the corner and enter the reserve and there is where it happened.

I was in this moment NOW.
Each step of the road I intensely enjoyed, nOW.

It is something I often am…in the Now.
But something happened...it was as if something fell of my head. It is weird to describe...
but it felt as if I SAW and HEARD really for the first time.

THERE IS NO NOW!!!!

Waaw it was as if I exploded…there is no now…It doesn’t exist.
There is no past and there is no future…I always followed that concept and practiced the concept of NOW.

But there is no now, I heard again.

Very strange...in that moment it was if the front of my car was the future for me, me the now, and the back of my car was the past.

I kept on hearing…this doesn’t exist. None of it.
How do you mean?
I tried to understand.
But my inner voice whispered;”Sttt and feel.”
And I felt and I felt as everything was gone. Nothing was time anymore. Everything that ever happened, that will happen and that was happening was happening SIMULTANEOUS.

It was a freedom I never ever felt before…it was insane to try to push our magnificence of the I AM in this little moment of NOW. That was what I heard.

My car was suddenly not linear anymore…
I mean by this:
If our time is divided in all NOW segments; the front of my car is always ahead of me. The back of my car is always behind me.

So when I come in the NOW moment, the front of my car is the past for its own now moment….etc…
My own Now moment, would be soon past also….etc….

I experienced that all, all living beings are all in ONE MOMENT.
So that means no time difference, no space difference…

Simply I AM.

And that is where FAITH comes in. It is already all there! Nothing needs to be achieved.
My world just exploded from a tiny little perception to an immense space.
It felt so expansive.
All the worries I ever had looked so silly.
And I saw that I had them because I lived from a perception of past/NOW/ future…
I lived from a space that was small; I lived from my body and mind perception.
And that space is narrow.

In the space I just entered I am not identified with body and mind anymore, but with the larger I AM being.
 

It was just one moment Jhahah one moment..YES an ONENESS moment of awareness….
And then I drove further and entered the lava fields and enjoyed the raw fertile lava rocks.

Haleakala, the volcano, waking up…mmm on my left…

Me enjoying my larger Self.
My car, Rocky enjoying his larger self…hahah

J  I HAD…I HAVE and I WILL HAVE….

transformed in
I AM, YOU ARE, WE ARE

Love Tamara Rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

Let the Universe make the puzzle!

So happy I am in Hawaiian waters.

I know I am ‘the artist’ but more and more I love to write my blog every day and I know I can’t help it,
I have to teach something in it or it would not be me. So along with ‘the artist’ comes ‘the writer’ and ‘the teacher’. J

I just got an email from my friend J. that I didn’t have to worry about anything, but just had to be me.
What if that is the only thing we really have to do in life? JUST BE ME, JUST BE YOU!

If we would see ourselves as a puzzle piece of the BIG PUZZLE (=GOD/ The Universe), and see that it is impossible for us to put our puzzle piece in the big picture… because it is not our job, but God’s!
We would be able to RELAX and let go!!!!

What if your life purpose, your puzzle piece is BEING WHO YOU ARE.
What if that is your only job!
You can’t be someone else then you ARE!

What if that is true….ooooooh no figuring out anymore, no thinking we have to be in control and put our puzzle piece in somewhere,…NO THINKING anymore what TO DO….
Aaaah ONLY BEING….only being your SELF.

Only being that UNIQUE puzzle piece….

No more thinking … we should be doing this or that, we should be going there, we do something  wrong,  we are in the wrong place in the wrong moment…We think we are wrong and have to change ourselves to fulfill somebody’s thought about us,….all those wrongs are just thoughts…
it are as waves in an ocean, you can let them come and go…and NOT believe them…

How many times do we try to make the puzzle and put our puzzle piece somewhere where we THINK it should be? Even when it doesn’t really fit?
Mostly we disregard that and force our piece somewhere in an empty space.
Every time we interfere and try to put our puzzle piece in the space we THINK we want (that obviously doesn’t fit) we sabotage the whole puzzle. Then God/The Universe has to take it out and wonder what does that piece here, it doesn’t belong here.

Sometimes it is just no time yet to be lied down. Sometimes other pieces need to go first before yours fit. Sometimes you belong somewhere else….

I know this game very well.
Sometimes I push and pull and I can tell you already that just hurts. I tried many times to get my puzzle piece somewhere in where I think it fits. Well, God just puts it at the side and brings you far away from that particular situation. Start over and try again…can you let God? hihi


I experienced that if I live from mind/body (=ego) perception I am trying to FORCE that puzzle piece…and …well you get the picture. J
But when I let go and let God then suddenly I magically fit in, in the right moment on the right spot.
And this next story is an example….

For the longest time I tried to help the turtle Bella. You know Bella, right?
I wrote another blog about her and her wedding veil.
She had a wedding veil, fish line  and comb on her flipper and was immobile somehow. She was losing her flipper. It is difficult to kind of help a turtle, because sometimes she doesn’t show up when we want. Or the currents are different. And lately we had some South swells what meant that we couldn’t see much. (Kind of a bummer to find a sick turtle)
And on top of that you can’t really help a turtle, because they are protected.
So you have to play a little bit a Good Samaritan.

I can’t help it. When there is a human, animal or plant in danger my natural instincts kick in and I just do what I feel to do and that is to help. I guess everybody is like that. That is our nature, isn’t it?

My friends X. and Y. had emailed my friend W. they might look for it today. Although I thought we couldn’t because we needed to wait for W. to help us with the turtle.
The last weeks I was monitoring it almost every day where it was and twice we cut stuff of her flipper. The last time X. and I cut of the comb and wedding veil. (see other blog)
So they forgot to email me somehow and I felt hurt. (only ego can be hurt..boehoe)

This morning I was still hanging on to the hurt and I THOUGHT we couldn’t help anyway, because we had to wait for W.
So I went swimming somewhere else.
Incredible enough I could stay in the Now moment and I forgot everything. I was kind of in a state of bliss and didn’t want to come out of the Ocean in the bay. The water was so SO warm and soft. I can guarantee you, every bay feels different. I swam far out and it was so crystal clear and then I just enjoyed the water on my body. I held my hands and the water would push gently between my fingers. It is just gorgeous. It was just me and the Ocean….heaven…paradise….love….

I was absorbing the wonderful view of the turquoise water. I was holding my mask half in and half out of the water and I could see the color of the water and then the green of the palm trees, the black of the lava rocks and the yellow of the sun. Aaaah I am in Hawaii! Oh my God I am in paradise!

Thank you God!

It was just gorgeous. It was as if every fish I met was intensely happy.
Or was it my happiness, my peace, my wholeness I felt?
This is it. I was so in the moment and totally forgot time.

I wanted to stay in the water, I felt like a little dolphin, turning around, diving down, jumping up….
then I got hungry and came out anyway and bumped into my friend Z. and we were so in a happy holiday mood, took out the chairs and sat watching the colors of the water.
We were chit chatting about Mooji and being the I AM.
Not being in fear, being …just being….yes it was lovely…
Then I got hungry again and we decided to drive between the raw lava fields back to ’HOME’!
It was so nice Haleakala on my right side, the turquoise Ocean on my left. This is my favorite spot.
It is my church, my home.

Suddenly I see my friends X. and Y. at Bella’s home in the Ocean between the rocks!!!!
Oh my God, they came out anyway to help her!
Z. and I. stopped both our cars abruptly and we were watching them with binoculars.
Suddenly I saw they got Bella in their hands!
Ooh she was splashing around; she didn’t know what was happening.

I was not moving and Z. had seen it;”Get over your hurt and ego”; she said and yelled; “R. you need to help the turtle!”
She spoke magic words and I jumped…towards my beloved Bella.

I jumped over the rocks, off the rocks with my flip flops and I couldn’t care less about cuts or anything...I just had one focus now: Bella. I could reach X that had trouble holding her. Y. had let go because of the rocks and Bella was fighting for her life.
I kneeled down and grabbed her back fin, and could prevent she took off.
X. was a hero; he had held it all by himself while I was climbing over the rocks to get there.
Once I had her fin Y. came closer again.

We were now on low rocks, rocking away on the waves. I was standing with my flip flops on slippery rocks, falling down, holding her…oooh Bella it is almost over!
Z. was encouraging us. It was amazing how we all worked together to help this turtle.

Now I remembered what W. had taught me; flip her over!!!!
And that is what we did…turtles are helpless upside down…no fighting, no kicking anymore.
Silence and surrender!
Y. was fabulous in cutting the thin lines that were so close to her flesh. He was like a surgeon, doing this delicate work, while X. and myself were holding her. The waves were pushing us back and forward.
A Hawaiian man screaming  and asking if we were locals, and when he saw we were he left us alone.
It was pono.
It is good to know that nobody here would allow anybody hurting a turtle!

Adrenaline runs through your body…I watch her face….her helplessness…her vulnerability…her beauty…it is almost over Bella!!!

Finally we got it off and let her go…poor thing …(she is not, but she might have thought that in that moment)

But now her fin is finally free from all the debris that was hanging on there. Her flipper is damaged. It didn’t have circulation enough and so it has white spots, but at least now she has a change to keep it and to heal.

Waaw when Z. and I walked back to the car we realized that what we were talking about in the other bay just happened. We were in the right place on the right moment! I would not have been of any help in the water with my friends. God placed us all in the right place. An amazing experience that let me see that if we let go and be ourselves, everything is taking care of…let God place that puzzle piece in the big PICTURE as he/she did today for Bella. We made all a difference in her life!

And not only the 4 of us today…You know how many people were involved to help her?
Many! She carried a huge bunch of debris on her and each person (puzzle piece) cut of little by little.

WE THINK we changed her life today…but what about HER changing our lives with giving us the opportunity to open our hearts and help a helpless turtle. Each one of us is touched and changed forever…

God always knows how to make the puzzle, because God is the PUZZLE!
This whole being…God…the PUZZLE is called FAITH.

I am not talking about PATIENCE, when I tell you not to try to force your puzzle piece. Patience is an energy like:;“ I am not happy with now, when can I get what I want?”

I am talking about FAITH…

ENOUGH ALREADY…
Faith is the new energy to thrive on…
Let the mind come and go…

Let it try to get you, but you don’t let it anymore, because guess what…
You have FAITH….

You are a warrior of LIGHT…
You know through FAITH that that light is already in you, it is not something you have to achieve, no…
it is already there…

IT IS YOU!

SELF LOVE is the key to that light……
Self LOVE let you BE who you are
Self love is SELF authority…and dedication to the SELF…
Self love is having faith in your own life, your own puzzle piece in the knowing that you are a piece of the whole. Without  error…you are who you are, because you supposed to…
because there is FAITH…

And it is letting God make the puzzle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Secretly i am happy though I was in the puzzle to help Bella after all... :)
Love you all,
all my fellow puzzle pieces!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Tamara rainbow,
www.rainbowsheart.com

 

pic of BELLA with debris, now she is without all of that...

So happy I am on Hawaiian land (aina)

Out of the book 'The lost Poi Pounder"

I am so excited and I can’t hide it!

Kind of a miracle, and it went so easy…but I finished the illustrations for the Hawaiian children’s book “The lost Poi pounder”.

It was such an honor to make this book. It plays in the 1800 and I did a lot of research work to find out how the Hawaiians lived. And being in the energy of Eddie Aikau and his family was such an honor for me.

I can’t tell the story or show the illustrations. I hope you buy the book. But I am happy with the result.

It is my 5^th children’s book I illustrate and I just love to do that!
It was so easy to work with Gerald Aikau, the author. It was great.

I might start another one for another author. This time it will be a dolphin story.

The dolphins are just rooted in my heart. I came to Hawaii on May 7^th 2006 and I stayed on the big Island. I came to participate in a work shop of my friend G. that would take place on Maui; but I thought it was insane to just travel at the other side of the world for only one week; so I searched for another place to stay and to find the dolphins.
That place was on the Big Island. It is a long story that I might write one day, but to tell it short I stayed on land with a Dutch woman. She was never there, she lived somewhere else and so I kind was living all by myself on this big piece of land that climbed the hill from the bay Kaleakakekua towards the high way that connects Kona with the South part of Big Island.

I did work exchange and had to cut grass every day. The piece of land was so big that when I was finished at the end the beginning was long again. My hands were hurting because I had blisters. I was cutting it with a sickle.

I lived in a huge tent. It had the size of a room. The bed was covered with a net against the mosquitoes.
The kitchen was outside, the shower was outside and wide open…ohoh this Belgian girl was so upside down!  I had to shower naked (well yes J of course) where anybody could see me.(the birds, the  mongooses,…J)

I was alone on her land. I just had returned from Maui after the workshop with my friend G.
I can tell so many stories of my adventures on Big Island.
But now I just want to share how different it was in the beginning I was living there. It was so dark!
There were noises everywhere.

I was sitting in the kitchen and got introduced with cockroaches for the first time, mega frogs, mega spiders, centipedes…and I was not from the city in Belgium!!! I was used to work on the farm and to deal with all kind of animals…but everything in Hawaii was so much bigger!

Ok I admit, it kind of freaked me out. Especially the noises at night in the darkness...
it was overwhelming.
 It was as if I was surrounded by many many eyes…and I couldn’t see them!

In the beginning the nights were terrifying. Especially, when I needed to go to the bathroom!
The bathroom was a big trashcan upside down with a hole in and a toilet seat on top. It was a compost toilet. I had to go with my flash light which brought all kind of insects with me. I was always concerned that an insect would bite in my butt. So I always hurried up as fast as I could.
And then I got in my tent and tried to get as fast as I could in my bed! I thought that the only safe place from all those big creatures was in my bed behind the net.
That was what I thought at least…and I still think that…J

The first days I slept with my flash light in my hand. With every noise I turned on the light.
A big spider…I would control it every 10 minutes to see where it was going…I was not laughing…
I heard noises…things crawling over my tent. On top of my tent, on the side…what was that?!

Hup the light on again….
Hmm that spider still sits there.
What can it be?
I don’t see anything…
Ok need sleep…
Light off…
tsatsatsa
Light on…
Nothing…
Light off…
crisssss…
light on…

 I couldn’t figure out what that was.

I was so happy when it started getting light…aaaahhhhh…relieve…

It took me days to find the creature behind the noise. It were gecko’s!!!!

I never heard that ‘tsatsatsa’ before. Once I found where the noise was coming from I relaxed and they became my friends, eating the spiders and cockroaches hopefully J.

I was especially scared from the centipedes. They looked horrible. Yeck. All those long legs.
The Dutch lady was so kind enough to tell me, that I had to check my linens, my pillowcase for centipedes that could have crawled into it…..aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah….

Ok well nothing else to do….

I look from it on a distance, standing on the bed lifting the sheets up with my hand far away from my body….you never know what falls out of it.

Oh man…

Hei wait a minute. It that thing can crawl into it when it is light, it can come at night too!
Oh great…

When I would shower in the morning little worms would crawl out from under the rocks. It looked like centipedes, but I think they called it millipedes…hu…I knew they were harmless...but still I had to get used to it. Bugs would come and from under the rocks….Oh my God I HAD TO GET SO USED TO THIS!

This experience I am writing about is not the chronological time frame I really experienced this.
On May7th I arrived in Honolulu, stayed on Oahu for 3 days, went to Big Island for 5 days(but other people stayed on the land so I felt safe then), then went to Maui for the workshop and then returned to Big Island. I experienced the above when I returned to Big Island and I was all by myself on that big piece of land in the middle of nowhere without any light. I only had flashlight. No electricity. No internet.
I do had solar energy for the fridge.

I worked hard in the day, discovered the land. Was all by myself. It was as if the Dutch woman forgot about me…where was she?
I didn’t have a car. I just worked, ate and slept…well slept…

It was the 3th day I walked down the street to go to kaleakekakua bay to see the sunset…
when I saw to Hawaiian man play a guitar…

Where did you come from they asked?

TO BE CONTINUED…
J

Love tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

Buy my wonderful paintings on my website!

The white dove, as symbol of liberation

                                     

This is a beautiful story of a dove when I was living in Oahu in 2008.

One day I found a dove while I was running in Ala Moana Beach Park in Oahu.
It’s a beautiful beach park with Magic Island as my favorite place.
She, the dove-I do think it was a she-was sitting in a weird position on the ground. When I came closer she was not moving.
And then I saw that her wing was hanging along her body. She was injured that was for sure.
What now?
I approached her slowly but she didn’t move at all. It was easy for me to take her in my hand. She just let it happen.

I looked at her wing and I felt nauseous. ( I don’t need much, I am a wimp sometimes J)
A fine fishing line was twisted around her leg and wing. Her little toes were in blood and the line was cutting in her flesh. A long pin was sticking out of her wing.
I saw immediately what to do.  I had to pull out the pin and cut the thread very slowly so she would not lose her leg.  I knew that she would be a bird for the cat (This is a Belgian expression that means she would not have a chance at all to survive) if she didn’t get help soon. I was lucky my car is a driving house on wheels and has almost all the basic tools in it.
While I was playing the surgeon I got a download of information.
This white dove on my path was NO coincidence!
God had put her there to show me what was going on in me.
She was a mirror. Seeing through the mirror would liberate me, and the mirror would become a window; where I could fly through and be free!

The first year in Oahu I had given my power away to someone I thought was much more powerful than me. I had been a scared little bird when I arrived in Hawaii. Immigration was hard for me and I thought I was a victim and helpless. I didn’t see it were false thoughts that were fooling me and so I had put my business partner in charge of my life.
The image of the dove with the broken wing and the chained foot was the mirror I needed to energetically liberate myself! That was exactly how I felt since…I THOUGHT  I was not strong.
The Universe talks to us through these events and shows us symbolic imagery.
On top of that I broke my wing (= left shoulder) a year prior to this event.
It was exactly the same left side than the doves’ wing.

When you give your power to an external force you live a lie.
Freedom is there when you are in alignment of who you really are: God and so TRUTH.

I felt betrayed and so helpless that particular year in Oahu; I just let the power flow out of me.
That day the dove showed me it was time to realize, see and change that energy pattern in me.
I could either choose to keep the ball chain on my leg or I could choose to liberate myself and so also the dove!
It is sometimes easier to not change and stay in a bad situation or relationship. But I realized after so many times that that is an illusion. It requires courage, but it would ask much more courage to stay in that bad situation, then to step out of it. I just have to close my eyes and jump!
I decided to jump and change so the dove had a chance to live. And so I had a chance to live!

This is really how it works. We are all connected and God/The Universe places people, animals or plants together to help one another. And even if the dove did not make it, I learned that it is all good as it IS. She taught me a lesson by being there in the right moment and I bet that her soul benefits from my care for her. We have to let go of the outcome and surrender to the lesson. The outcome is not important. It is only important that we stay in the present moment with what happens and share a higher energy of compassion and love. It is this kind of energy that changes the world. We don’t have to reach millions of people in order to change the world. Caring for one dove is enough to do your part of the love story of this whole Universe. Because in that pure love you realize that you are not separate from the dove and that her wounds are yours. You chose to heal together. In that moment of togetherness the energy of oneness opens itself. Miracles happen.
In everything is a lesson and it helps us to realize of who we truly are.

I knew no matter what the dove would be fine.

I took the pin out, liberated her from the line on her foot, washed it and gave her water and food.
And then I left her with her choice for life.
I had to let the dove go. I did my part of the work by changing my thoughts and my choice for life!
I felt the shift.

I thought about the dove all day long. Is she ok?
Even knowing that death is okay, I wanted her to live.
But who am I?
That was between her and God.


A few days later I was at Ala Moana Beach Park again and suddenly a white dove flew over me and landed on the ground.  I had to move my body rapidly so she would not hit me.
I looked carefully at her and saw she limped. She looked at me and came really close.
That was her! She made it!
She came even more close to me and then flew a few meters further, as if she was showing me she could fly and walk.
Thank you God!
Thank you so much!
I had tears in my eyes.

Is a white dove not the symbol of freedom?
We both set ourselves free that day and thanks to this experience together!
So never say when a ‘bad’ situation shows up;”It is bad.”
Nothing is bad, everything is always FOR you and so it is all well!

Animals, people, plants, situations,…it is all there because you created them.
They are always mirroring you back what is going on in you!
Love it all, because it is yours!
Sometimes you can’t like the mirror, but don’t resist it. Go with it and then change what you want to change. And you will see the change happen in front of your eyes.

The sick and wounded dove was the mirror I had about myself.
I saw the scared little girl from Belgium needing a mother(businesspartner) to protect me from the external authorities (=immigration). To me that was suffocating (foot wrapped in a line) and it meant not to have any freedom (pin in wing).
The moment I changed my thoughts from captivity to freedom, she healed and showed me clearly another mirror a few days later.

She was flying (free) and walking (powerful)!!!!

Life is an amazing adventure..embrace it all It is all FOR YOU!!!!!

Love, Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

Me, as surfer girl

Lot of South swells lately at Maui’s south shore.
It means is that the water is kind of murky for us swimmers and we get a whole surfers tribe over the floor.
I love the energy of surfing. It gives so a free feeling.
I frequently get asked if I am a surfer..I wonder why? J
haha, yes my car looks like a surfers car…everything is in it, I can survive in my car.
Rocky(which is the name of my car)has that freedom feeling.
Yes it is a him.
And Rocky doesn’t come from the movie Rocky; but from the idea that my car brings me everywhere and is like a ROCK. Strong and independent!
Rocky is like a little camper. He is always happy. He has the energy of “NO WORRIES”.
He has bumper stickers on him that says ‘LOVE’, and ‘SAY YES TO LIFE’ and ‘WHAT IF NOTHING IS WRONG?’
Each bumper sticker illustrated with my Art.
Yes yes, he is a cool car.
He is a shiny sunny happy trooper!

People always look to my hair when they ask me if I am a surfer. (or maybe I think they do J)
I know my hair looks like I have been surfing forever.
When my friends tell me they need a haircut and I offer them to do it (am joking, right);
 they put me checkmate because they make it obviously they look to my hair…and then say;
“NO, thank you!” JJJ

The salt of the Ocean and the Sun have made my hair really blonde; and so people think that I am a true surfer in heart and kidneys (‘heart and kidneys’ is a Belgian expression for …I guess you feel it what it means…right? J)

I like the SURFER identity.

I like the atmosphere of no rush, no push, slow down, RELAX,…
Hmmm so yes I can be a surfer girl, but then one without a surf board; because in reality for me it is too boring. I see how it can give you a kick catching that one wave. But you have to wait so long sometimes. And I know already: I have no patience for that. But I have patience in life and I can wait a long time to catch that one wave. Hmmm I think J….

So I prefer to swim and snorkel and encounter dolphins, whales, sharks, turtles,…I love to be connected with nature and what is underneath me. I would not like to lie on a surf board and not be connected with the ocean life.

But of course a wave is Nature too, and what a Nature!
So I went out with my friends S., Ms. and M. swimming in Ahihi bay at the end of ‘dumps’. And the waves were so beautiful. I love to watch a perfect wave. It is so artistic, to see the wave coming, turning, laughing and then rolling….dying….and returning….

I have of course the identity of the Artist and many times I look to things through the glasses of the artist.
I see the wave in paint already.

Let’s play a game…

Let’s say that we have 10 different people looking to the same wave. We will have 10 different waves.
haha

There are 10 different waves, because there are 10 different identities.
If 10 people look to the wave from the position of I AM, where we are all one…we SEE ONE wave.
But if we come in the vibration of body/mind we identify with the personality we choose and have 10 different waves.

I as the ARTIST IDENTITY see the wave as a painted wave.
The surfer IDENTITY sees the wave as the perfect kick for fun.
The life guard IDENTITY sees the wave as possibility of danger.
The photographer n IDENTITY sees the wave as a piece of art.
The scientist IDENTITY sees the wave as the cause of tides.
The captain of the boat IDENTITY sees the waves as part of the ocean.
The dolphin IDENTITY sees the wave as a joyful ride!
…..
All of these identities are roles we play, behind that is the ONE ‘I AM’; that is not separate from the wave. That is the wave….
We are the wave…

Allow your SELF to BE, and to ride the wave in joyful splendor.

Yes I loved it to give myself to the wave and to allow the wave to carry me…
I also take it to a larger awareness and practice to give myself to God and to allow God to carry me…

I had a magnificent feeling when I was riding the wave. I felt pushed forward, gently…I couldn’t do anything then to just allow. When I was above the wave, I looked down and that was such an enormous incredible feeling. The wave was pretty high and I just was on top of it…how delicious!
I didn’t dare yet to go in the break; I also think that is for the real pros. They wait so long to catch that one wave that I don’t want to come between them.

I am already happy riding it, the way I do. As me.

All this surfer’s energies made me paint a surf painting..haha J
It feels so good…to be walking in the surfer community, even though I am not part of it.
Or maybe I am?

I smell, taste and feel it and I love it.
So here is my first surfer painting…

Woeha!

love, tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

Dolphins are asking for Peace, LOVE and joy!

I heard yesterday the awful news that the military arrived around the Hawaiian Islands to play some war games with 40 other countries.

I am stunned. I thought there would be some change in 2012. But I see that there is still a lot of unconscious heart-less people on this Earth.

It makes me angry, it makes me sad…
I know I am judging…no good.
Judging another, is judging me…
The 3 other fingers are pointing my direction. Ja, ja…
If I point my anger towards them…am doing the same thing. I play a war game….aiai

It won’t help the dolphins or whales if I explode.

What can I do? How can I protect my Dolphin family???

Thinking something needs protection comes from a THOUGHT that they are not powerful enough.

It is comes from a point of view that is not tuned into the WHOLE picture.
This is God’s business and yes I want to put my nose in it and I am aware that it won’t help one bit…
then only that I slam the door on my own nose with my sadness, anger, judgments,…
Aaaah this won’t help them at all.

You can’t fight anger with anger. You can’t fight a war with war.

The dolphins would not fight. They are peace, love and joy. That is there true Nature.
So I can help them to be more of who they are.

The only POWER I have is the power of my own life, my own heart and mind and that I can change.

So YES, there is where I have to start and see that I am CAUSE of my own world!

If I STOP the war in me, I STOP participating in the energy of the military.

If EACH individual can stop the war in them, they participate in PEACE.
WAR with one SELF happens in the MIND.
We are God, we are awareness and we ARE PEACE, LOVE and JOY.
We are ONE with the dolphins…
From our own SOURCE of LOVE we choose in each moment to express our SELF- LOVE, SELF-PEACE and SELF-JOY.

It is in this recognition of the SELF, the awareness that we ARE already all those things.
We are already lOVE, peace and joy. We don’t need to do anything for it.

IT IS!

And from there we ARE it….and then there is no NEED for PROTECTION.
No need for WAR.
NO need for trying weapons.

We are like little children playing a game, only it is with real weapons...I wish we could have left the games when we were playing with play mobile…and even then…

Let us throw our weapons down and allow our true Self to BE.
We walk as warriors of the LIGHT, heads up, shoulders backwards…
a deep awareness of divine power streams through our whole being…
We walk alone...one by one…seeing that we are the CREATOR of our world and we CREATE…
by ALLOWING us to be who we really are…
And one comes two..
And we walk together…
3
4
5
6
7

….
and while we are walking we radiate Peace, LOVE and joy…
and suddenly there only walks
ONE.
The one that KNOWS
all is well.
We are ONE, we ARE GOD.

Love to you, Tamara Rainbow

Once you are that…the whole being, I AM, you might choose to sign this petition.
If the fight stopped within you, maybe it is just a smart thing to sign; maybe not. You will feel.
I signed, because it felt a logical thing to do. Not because I was angry anymore. Just because I felt so….

http://signon.org/sign/navy-under-water-sound.fb10?source=s.fb&r_by=189174

Please visit my website www.rainbowsheart.com

The gate of the Golden heart

Lately I feel watched…hmmm…my friends discovered my blogs and are trying to figure out who the D dot, the M dot, S dot or whatever letter and the dot are. Haha

I kind of had a feeling ,“Ohoh…now they are going to read what I write.”
I had a feeling of doubt, shame, avoidance, hiding, etc….
It is always great to see with awareness why you have those feelings. If it doesn’t feel good, we are most likely thinking something that is not TRUE!
I took one step back and I saw the whole movie playing in front of my eyes…
I was judging me, it had nothing to do with them but with how I was treating me.

If my life is a movie, than I am the director and the actor.

The director= I AM steps back and watches the actor= the body/mind play its role.
The director chooses and directs what the actor is going to play now…

So I could change my reality in:
my friends will love reading about their selves in my blogs and I love to write blogs and I will have a blast writing about them.(especially about them J) or I  could stay in misery and drama.
NO, I choose the comedy!!!! I will have fun with this! JJ

Hihi

This happened yesterday and today…two stories with 2 of my dear friends and how you can bring a God’s request into reality.

I had to bring my friend Md. to the airport. I wanted to ask her to go an hour earlier so I could stop in the way back to do my shopping in Costco. Her plane was leaving at 10 or so and we needed to be at the airport after Costco closes, so it would not work; and I didn’t want to ask her or bother her with it.
I knew she had that flight on her mind and it is no fun to be earlier and sit at the airport, so I just let it go; but my thoughts and desire to go earlier were strong. I felt it.
I had to be at my friends’ house around 8 pm. At 6 45 she calls me and asks; “Rainbow, can we go an hour earlier to the airport, because I changed my flight?”
Bingo..God just made it happen.

She changed her flight in an hour time…
Waaw that was fast…

Ask, ALLOW and receive….

And then this morning I had a feeling I wanted to travel. I wanted to do something different today and that feeling was inside of me so intensely strong. I even thought of going off the Island somewhere so I could travel. I just wanted to drive and MOVE, being in motion. I needed change.
I heard deep within me, don’t wait until another day, travel now. Go around the island!

I came in the bay and I was talking story with my friends J. and M.; when a tourist couple walked up to us with their snorkel gear.
“Oh”; said J.; “It is too murky here you should go to the west side of the Island.”
It happened so fast and I don’t really know how anymore but a half hour later my friend M. and I were on our way to Honolua bay.
I didn’t really did anything, it just happened so fast.

Last night and today, it was so effortless.

Ask, receive and allow…and there you go….zoef with the speed of light.

My friend M. and I had so much fun driving to Lahaina and Honolua bay, joking about what I would write about her in my blogs. (I am teasing her)

 I think she sits on hot coals now to see what I will write about her.
Maybe about
-her dirty car I changed into a piece of art work with drawing hearts in the dust;
-about the funny things she says,(I’ll start writing it down…word for word, forgot it now in this moment)
-about the chickens we fed until we had a grumpy tourist women kind of hitting us on the fingers for feeding the DIRTY birds….”What dirty I hear my rebellion voice answering?”
My friend M. has more brains or maybe more manners than me, and so she stood up and walked away…kindly…me following…the dirty chickens were full of crackers anyway…
I love to feed the birds, especially when they are brave and come and get it out of my hands..
-M. is the champion of feeding birds. M. feeds the whole population of Kihei birds in her yard; what pisses of her landlady…
So M. is a bird lover and she would want to hear what I had to say about the tourist lady…I thought…
M. always listens to my stuff…which is nice… J haha

“What”, I said, “dirty birds?”
“How can chickens be dirty birds?”
“They eat and they poop and give back to Mother Earth.”
“ I bet that the tourist lady is dirtier than the DIRTY chickens!” I continued.
M. was silent…listening to my monologue. She always does.
“We humans produce more dirty things than chickens can ever produce, we throw away so much junk and plastic, who’s dirty, really?”
M. is so patient with all my philosophical brabbel (=Belgian for blabla)

I have much more to say about M. then I did today. Hihi….
she is so cool.

But to end the note…

I don’t want to say that…
you can create anything where you put your MIND too,

but what I really want to bring is
You can CREATE anything where you bring YOUR HEART IN.

Enter the gate of your Golden heart towards your SELF, love your Self enough to be who you really are to ALLOW yourself to enjoy life as YOU!

No matter what anybody says do what you love to do and walk in integrity with your own compassioned HEART!


Love you, Rain

Home sweet home!

Home sweet home

Jipie I am adopted in the Myna familia! I didn’t adopt them! They adopted me!

I have to be clear!

They adopted me…

I have a video of PROOF that I am not living in my home, but that I am a humble visitor.
From now on the Familia Myna will pay the rent and deal with the landlords. I am off the hook!
On top of that they will reimburse me all the money from all the months I THOUGHT I was living in my home as primary inhabitant.

The only thing I have to do is to clean up after myself. Ok, I like that. Not hard to do.
They clean up after themselves too, they say. (Ye, right J)
(The youtube video is posted at the end of this story in a link)

Don’t you feel that the MYNA birds’ family is like a big Italian family?
I feel they have the characteristics of Italians…
Buongiorno! Ciao!

Madre Madonna! Life is good, life is excited. No worries!

Good wine, sun, beach, good life and good food…talk story…what do you want more…

They are like clowns…ohoh I hope they don’t hear this…
They are like ONE big Familia.

It is as if they made it their Familia inheritance to run in front of our cars to demand to SLOW DOWN!
All the Myna birds do it!

Rallenta!

What are you running for?
Are you running from your SELF?
Are you enjoying life?
Are you smiling today?
Are you NOW?

They show you that big smile…. S>>M>>I>>L>>E

NO HURRY (pretend they talk English as an Italian)….
Aaaaah (their wings in the air)
No hurry… PER FAVORE!

It is even so that they made it their life PURPOSE. Yes yes…
They believe that their whole FAMILIA has to show humans (the creatures that THINK they have more brains than any other creature on the planet) what it is to SLOW down.

It is like their Familia HONOR…
Young myna birds get trained to step in the footsteps of ‘padre e madre’.

Unfortunately some are sacrificed for the cause of their noble mission.
It is to make humans aware that there is a NOW and that that NOW needs to be LIVED NOW!
Per favore!

Madre Madonna! Aaaah….

I finally come to the core of this story and why the Familia Myna has adopted me. J
(I am already talking story as the myna Familia)

Monday when I was running I played SUPERTRAMA and saved a Myna bird from getting ran over by a car.

SuperTrama stands for Super Tamara with good drama…J
While I was running I saw a Myna bird on the street. He was kind of tucked in, wings in as he had been hit by a car. I stopped and looked and talked of course! And I knew there was something really wrong with him, because he didn’t answer!
He just looked up and stared at me with big eyes. (As the cat in Shrek2)
My heart was melting …
In one second I saw a car coming from the left in his direction, the tires of the car right on the track where he was sitting. I jumped on the street as a good supertrama, and held my body so that the car had to move away. The car did move away a meter and in a blitz I picked up the Myna bird and jumped back away from the road.
The car zooooofed besides us.
 I was holding the myna bird in my hands and inspected him for injuries.
 I looked in his eyes and in that moment he started YANKING sOOOOOOOOOO loud.
As if I was murdering him.
In one sec his mom and dad flew up to me…and it didn’t take long for supertrama to see the whole picture. (this was so hilarious J)

Immediately I put the mynabird on the floor far away from the cars, and moved away fast as I could feel the threat of mom and dad coming towards me.
Mom and dad flew immediately to their little baby Myna bird that most likely was training itself to be a good Familia member.

He probably got its first training in continuing the roots of the Familia to SLOW down the human RACE.

Aiaiai..

I had to laugh when I ran further…I just escaped an attack…
(Supertrama might write more drama than it really was) J
But it was that very day my Familia returned home (see previous blog) and announced that they heard of my noble jump.

I think I made friends after all!

Love, tamara rainbow

www.rainbowsheart.com

Here you can buy my wonderful art!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhhMespEw4I&list=UU2aYnQHflBLmEqrh66rjYZw&index=1&feature=plcp