Listen to the wise words of the LION KING

 

I am floored again...feeling sick...
it is as if I am pushed into what I wrote about my new painting,The lion...
Resistance brings me down.
I can only be in the FIELD of FAITH...
sometimes my mind takes me out of it,
and then I feel sick...
So SURRENDER I guess...

Here is my text about THE KING!


When I am the space ‘IAM’…I am KING!
I AM AWARENESS.
I AM what is inside of me.
With dignity I watch from inside out.

I adore my Earthy appearance, but I know it is just an appearance that comes and goes.

I am what is undying, what I always AM.
It is in that space that there is no-identity and identity simultaneous.

When I became KING of my life,
When I started deciding,
I came in a place of authority…

I decide out of the place of ‘IAM’.

It is the place, my castle…the only place that is of my concern,

If I can say it like that…

There are not really concerns there…

Only CREATION happens there…mmmm delicious...

I am absolutely sure I am the most incredible creation…just like you...J

All what is me, what you can see as me is a magnificent manifestation out of the field of LOVE,

that I AM.

My decisions come out of the state of bEING, my castle…
No 'tjigijangle' anymore with matters of the body/mind….

When I am 'BEING' the one, that is in place anyway…
I am FAITH.


Once I peacefully surrendered me in that space…
resistance dropped and faded away out of my existence…


Birth and death, or death and birth…
It doesn’t matter there, creation upon creation…
All creation comes out of the field of LOVE…


The setting moon comes from there, the rising sun comes from there, a beautiful ‘madam’ lion comes from there…J
All what arises in my world comes out of that space and goes back into that space…every moment upon moment…
The sun, the Ocean, the moon is never ever the same…
I am never EVER the same..I change each moment upon moment…

My beloved Queen Lion too…in the place of ‘Iam’ we are ONE always….
together changing...



It is the place of never ending SPIRALS…never ending change….

 

Namaste…


tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

Oh my! My wonderful world of Maui!

 

Two days already I have seen the moon setting in the Pacific.

Is it the Pacific? We have a joke going on…my ranger friend told me once that tourists sometimes ask if one side of Maui is the Pacific and the other side the Atlantic Ocean.

Huhum…

Don’t laugh…this is a SERIOUS question...LOL...or a serious PROBLEM...

Sometimes they even ask if Kaho’Olawe, a small island in front of Maui, is Japan.

Don’t laugh…this is also a serious question… or a very serious PROBLEM...

Huhum….

I don’t know if those questions come from Americans or Europeans…J

My friends know when Europeans show up just by the way they dress and I am clueless.
I don’t see it.
My friends laugh with me, because most of the time I am just dressed in my swim short and bra…
So I am exceptional. I can't be put in a box...hihi
Nobody can tell if I am a European or an American.
ONLY….this is really sadly ONLY the case, when I keep my mouth shut.

If I dare to even say the tiniest little thing, I lose all my privileges of being the anonymous mysterious stranger; that i love to be at times.

And sometimes my accent makes me more mysterious and then also more desirable for others...
which is just the opposite of being the disguised stranger…
Oh well, I kind of am used to it now…
Hilarious part is that I am already so long here and that I don’t hear I have an accent.
Me?
Nooo…
And so I am still surprsied each time when I have to answer the question over and over;
“Where are you from?”

When they hear that I came all the way from Belgium, they stand in awe…
And that makes it 'up' then for me…then my ego gets proud or is flattered…LOL…
Oh well, the ego is no problem anymore…
It can..I see it anyway... if you know who you are and you see your ego playing the game…J
It is so much fun now…to see it all happening.

So a lot of people are in awe.
And then my ego stands in awe too…
And it thinks:
I made a big jump and a big shift to do this.
I am kind of proud of myself.
I had to go through huge choppy waves and at times I was drowning, but I didn’t give up!

We play identities here and when you see the game…it is so delicious...
 

This morning somebody, as a matter a fact, a tourist, said to me I was very dedicated.
This was not one of the tourists that ask those serious questions, this was a very clever man...
I suspect he was European...hahahahah...I am joking...he was an American...

Yes , every day…I am up early to visit my sacred space, and to meet my soul travellers.

But I realize that what I am most dedicated too is what Mama-P teaches me. I want to know what life is about. I want to be my true SELF.
I am driven to know more and more.
And really it isn’t about knowing, but more about BEING…
That is my true dedication…

This evening I was dancing on the beach on the tunes of Snatum Kaur…Mul Mantra…

My arms, my feet,…and my body danced for the awareness that arises within me.
That IS me...

I could see me dancing...
and I could see the space within me...where I was dancing from...
There are no bodies, no minds…only connectedness and aliveness…

People on the beach walking by...they were in that space with me...
they are me, we are ONE...
I wasn't shy anymore, i was dancing for them too...in them too...

It is the space where I feel nothing…and everything…

It is the place where I find me, my true Self and know it is who I am always...
Body or no-body...

I fall in this FIELD of LOVE most of the time now…
sometimes I forget and let my mind trip me, but not so much anymore..

I surrender to BEING lived…and raise my arms to receive the abundance that I am…
I dance and dance….
I sing…
What a life…what a Joy…

I am alive…
thank you God, thank You GOD….

All is in me….
God behind everything...

 

The same me…in the morning…doing yoga…

Raising my arms to the rising sun , the setting moon…..
the breaking waves…
The black lava,
The sweet breeze,
Big island,
Orange,
Pink,
Yellow,
Blue sky,
My body dancing…

Stretching,
sun,
greeting,
my eyes, looking out
my eyes , looking in,
IAM…
awareness…
DELICIOUS...
ALL IT IS!

I am that…
I am ALL<
I am LOVE…

Love tamara Rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

22 it is!

 

 

 

Can’t believe it, but Mama-P. was .ucking right about those 22 days!
Mmmm…on Monday morning when I called her in all my excitement about a pod of dolphins, she asked in a normal tone…
“Which day are we?”

Mmm…my brain was kind of searching…you know like your computer scans….
Why would she want to know that? She normally doesn’t do time. Hmmm…
I know her by now well enough to know that she doesn’t make plans and lives very much in the moment. She is the one telling me over and over that I can’t THINK ahead of time, because then I am away from the NOW.
There was a silence because my brain was working HARD to give her the right answer.
It was funny to see that my brain was coming up with possible answers, but that there was some watcher in me; that was deleting every answer that appeared in that little space between my two ears.

I came to the amazing conclusion on Thanksgiving Day that our thoughts appear between that little space between our ears. Well, that’s what I made of it! J And I think it is funny!
It gives me a really funny safe feeling that my thoughts have to fit in such a small space and so are in fact NOTHING at all!

Before I would be scared of my thoughts and make them bigger and more important than they really are. But now they have to fit between my ears; they lost kind of all their importance (read other blog).


Anyway, so Mama-P. asked me this insane weird question I would never EXCPECT coming out of her mouth…J “Which day are we?”

My mind was…scanning …Monday….First day of the week…I was looking for the date, which was a disaster; I didn’t have a clue…J
No that’s not it…J
DELETE
Mmm…my mind even thought, that it could be a ‘trick ‘question, as we would say in Belgium.
Hihi, my mind was now making this whole innocent question more important than it really was…
WELL, actually it was NOT so INNOCENT…J

And ACTUALLY …VERY important, beeecause suddenly ‘my dollar’ fell down!(=Belgium expression to say that I understood in which direction the whole thing was going)

SHIT…I said…I started laughing….I GOT IT!!!!!

The 22^nd DAY!

“Ahum”, I hear at the other side of the telephone.
“And?”, she asks, “Are you ears still clogged up?”

In my excitement of what happened with the dolphins, I forgot my ears, really…J
“NO, NO…they are fine!!!!” I answered.

Again I hear;”Ahum.”

LOL

We started laughing so hard…

She was right!
I felt better than ever after the 22^nd day!
Yeah, yeah , yeah…a DANCE for Mama-P!

I was still tired, but waaw…well…ok…I guess. haha.
I have to admit she was dawn rIGHT! S..t.

We just couldn’t stop laughing.
I had bet (lucky we didn’t bet for money) that I was going to be sick for 2 days and she had said 22 days, 22days for 22 years of self abuse. PFFFFT…
She has God on her side, she is unconditional LOVE…I am learning or she is teaching me to be UNCONDITIONAL LOVE…J

We just had fun that it turned out to be ‘her’ 22 days and not 'my'2 days…
and I even had more fun the next morning when I arrived at my regular yoga spot on the lava.
On Sunday Mama-P. and her friend V. visited with me to see my yoga spot.
I adore making hearts for Mama-P. everywhere I can.
Underneath her heart I made was a text that somebody else made.
The text said;”Dovy WAS RIGHT!”
But the heart was lying so that it kind of was; “Mama-P. was right!”

 

LOL

 

I LOVE to make hearts for Mama-P.!

Can you imagine how I feel?
In the beginning I always thought I was too much…sometimes I still have that…
But she accepts all what I give her…
I so love it!
I love to love her!
And she let me love her.
I love that.
It is for the first time in my life, I can love somebody that doesn’t say no to me.
(I know she would say now, that is because I don’t say NO to me anymore…J)

She never tells me I am too much or too passionate or too intense!
That’s the word…intense…
It feels as if I can’t make any mistakes
or I can make all the mistakes I want and still she loves me.
She loves me unconditionally. It feels so safe.

It is one year ago I met her and since then my life changed RADICALLY DRASTICALLY AMAZINGLY WONDERFULLY….
I was never as happy as now.
I was never so my true Self as now…J

I feel so honored and I am ecstatically happy I can call her Mama P., my mama.
And I know those are only roles and identities, but I just love it.

I can tell her everything and as a matter a fact I do. I can be totally me as I AM.
We are one in the ‘IAm’.

It all started with me, wanting a new teacher last year. The very next day she showed up at the beach and it was as I was stroked by lightening. I recognized her immediately. I was so clear.
I told her: “Waaw that was fast, you are my new teacher.”

Funny now to think about it, because it was as if she didn’t have a say in it…LOL…She probably laughs her ass off…right now…
And really, you know, what I just hear and feel…I didn’t have a say in it neither… J

I know deep in my heart that she is one of the reasons I travelled from Belgium all the way to Maui.
Lucky she was in Maui and not in Alaska.

Yep. Oef.

I just looked up the date when I first met her: 11/20/11.
J

I found my first email back I sent to her...
And one of the lines was:

I want to do your soulpainting, maybe I can have more teachings from Yoda then!

love Rainbow

 

Looking back now, I was BOLD and really I am NORMALLY not bold…I was clear, I wanted her! I made her Yoda…me sky walker…LOL

When Mother day came I asked her if I could call her Mama . And she said yes.
I, the daughter.

I was and am in the seventh heaven!(Belgian expression for being very joyful!!!)

Now I made her Mama-p.-JI!
In India they give that title to honorable teachers…But really I came to see it is me who is moving up…maybe we move up together…J

 I lolololololololololololove her!

 22 it is!

This is a painting I made during my sickness:

 

It shows my turbulent but amazing change from the form of body/mind to more and more “Iam’ reality.

It shows that I gave up all control…
I came to see that I never had control in the first place. It was a lie I believed.
I see now that all this time I was being lived…really…
I see that with my thoughts I can create a world of pain or a world of joy…
But more and more I experience that there is an outline to my life that is already in place and what I need to do is just showing up.
Trying to control things just overrides the peace and ease that is who I am.
Why not just surrender to the wonder of life in the knowing who I really am.
When that is in place I can play whatever I want, because I know that that is not me.|
I can enjoy life on Earth, enjoy my body, enjoy all what life brings me…

Dolphins, turtles, Maui, joy, abundance, ME!, my friends, my art, Mama-p.!

I am…

The day I realized to be thankful for bEING me…I could drop me…and see that it was the easiest thing to do…LOVING ME!!!

Before it was a hard thing…I have to love me, I have to have more self love…but when I dropped the me, I fell into who I really am: LOVE!!!
How difficult is to LOVE LOVE????

Thank you Mama-P. for all what you are in my life. Without you I would not be who I am now.
I lolololololololove you! Very very much.

 

I know sometimes words can't measure how I feel...and I can't put it in words...

but I believe it is better to tell someone you love them, than to keep it to yourself.
So TODAY might be the day that you tell someone how much you love them!!!
Don’t hold back…go for it! You have my blessing…J

Now rest again...I feel good, but am aware that I am vulnurable...so rest rest REST...

Tamara rainbow

www.rainbowsheart.com

Oh my God I got 'chicken skin' seeing this,a Maui blast!

It started with this...

 

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mmmmmm...
No words...
just blown away by this

celebration of colors!

 

love Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

 

The crap between my ears

 

Here I am back. I had another episode of being sick, that’s why I didn’t write. I still am as a matter a fact, so I am going to keep it short.

Yesterday was my worst day…well after my worst day from last week…seems like I had a lot of worse days lately..but I am fine. I know that this sickness is FOR me and not against me. I am changing my life drastically and it feels like I am breaking out of my OWN MADE prison.
The voice that kept me in there for so many years, is becoming smaller and smaller. Sometimes he still burps up and then I just try to be the WITNESS and see it and just let it be.
It is my old identity that wants to fight for its life, but is feeling it is losing its existence.
And the funny thing is that that existence is not even true EXISTENCE…it is a ghost pretending it is something.

ok enough ‘teachering’…J for now…you know already I can’t leave it any way. It’s part of me…J

Yesterday it was thanksgiving and almost the whole day I walked like a zombie. It was as everything was moving through water, kind of foggy. I was not hearing very well. My one ear was hurting like hell and my head was as heavy as a canon ball. I almost fell a few times. It felt as if I didn’t have balance.

And I did things that didn’t make much sense.(Mama-P would tell me; “Not much difference with other days, then?” LOL)
It was the night before that my ear started hurting.
I didn’t have the power to go to any shop, and I didn’t want to lift any one’s else’s butt…so I looked up online what I could do to help my ear.

That was tea tree oil and onion. So that is what I did. I put the tee trea oil at the outside and juiced the onion and put it in my ear. J Oh boy! Smelly affair.

You know…sometimes you just have to RELAX in being sick.

To be truthful the whole week I was mumbling and arguing with being sick.
I was arguing with God. If you arguing with what IS, well …I experienced already:
YOU GET MORE OF THAT, WHAT YOU DON”T WANT!

It really doesn’t work…J

But i still fell in the trap!
I was frustrated and irritated and wanted to be well in one two three.
In two days, really.
Mama-p. said 22…huh,yeckies...Now I see that she comes closer to the truth then me with my 2.
I am at day 17 now…J that’s loooooong.
I didn’t want to lie down and sleep and do nothing…oh boy, what a concept: DOING NOTHING. J

In Belgium we have a saying; “Who doesn’t listen, has to feel it.”Great…
I knew immediately when I got the ear infection that that was my inner God telling me;
“LISTEN and RELAX!!!!!!!!!”

Shit, so well …I let it all go…yesterday…with THANKSGIVING and I just surrendered in being sick.
I could be so sick as I could be…as I wanted (oh well)…doing nothing…

And I was!

At some point I didn’t know if I would walk or fall down…After that feeling, I just lie myself down…and fell in a deep 3 hour sleep…
and didn’t want to wake up…
didn’t need to wake up, because nobody was doing anything on Thanksgiving anyway. J
So I didn’t really have to do anything either…J
Oh boy, that voice is so stubborn.

I woke up to go to the Thanksgiving ‘sweetness’ party and it was really sweet.
Only I can’t have sweets right now…J but that is ok, I can resist all of that.
It’s more the doing part that bothers me…

I felt as if I was on a Halloween party, not because of the others but because of me…J
I was not really hearing people…it was as if my brain was so slow…it took me so long to recognize some people… When I walked, it felt as if my head would fall off…
ye, it felt I was dressed in a zombie…walking under the Ocean…blub blub…hearing conversations in the distance…
Maybe it was my own way to disguise my shyness.
Luckily Mama-p. was there so I could hide a little… J and feel safe…
And there is a piece in me at the same moment that feels home with Family.
Sometimes i can't figure myself out!

But inside I was seeing that person, the identity in me who’s shy and  who feels not worthy;
because that is what shyness is about, right?
I tried to turn it around and work with it and could only see that if I am who I truly am “IAM” there is no possibility of being neither unworthy nor shy.

But I still felt shy.

Who is then that one that thinks that?

Sometimes God answers our questions instantly….

At a certain point I was blessed to have somebody offer me a reiki treatment.
And really, it was amazing. He kind of blow my head of that was so heavy before the treatment, but felt light afterwards.
But he specially blew my head off for the things he said while he was giving the treatment.

He said that I could let go what was between my ears.
And he doesn’t know that, but in Belgium that is a particular expression we use for people that make up stories. Even worse: It means whatever is there between your ears is complete nonsense.

Haha was that the answer on my feelings of being unworthy????

What a thriller… J

Also he said that today with Thanksgiving Day I could be thankful for being me.
And that just blow me away, because I had thanked everything and everyone today that is part of my life and magic, but I forgot myself.(haaaaaa, unworthy…J)
And then he said that I could feel safe inside here, between my ears…and that blow me away too; because I was feeling so insecure…(haaaaaaa, unworthy…J)

It was an amazing experience to be in the space between my ears and to SEE how much crap I make up, right there in that little space. And that that ‘crap’ makes or breaks my life.
While he was giving the treatment I was the watcher of that space and it felt good to see that it was totally empty right then.
I could also see that I had the choice to BELIEF what comes between my ears or not.
Shall I listen to it, or just let it pass as a cloud in my blue sky?

All of that I was thanking this morning when I was doing yoga on my favorite spot on the Island.
Thank you for the reiki V. and especially for every word you said that kind of split me open today…

Am I going to listen to the crap of my mind or go deep inside and start connecting my inner ears and eyes and live from there?

Every day is for me a Thanksgiving Day!
So Happy ThanksGiving!
But now with me in it: “I am thankful to be me” and I have my PERMISSION!

Love tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

The s..t party goes on for 'eve'!

 

 

Last month or two months ago, I forgot the time…I did my scuba dive certification.
And at some point, I was at my last dive and knew all the emergency techniques by now…
So at some point I had to laugh so hard at the bottom of the Ocean that my mask ran full of water and that I choked in my air mouth piece. I just couldn’t stop laughing….

My teacher had just gently put a pinkish substance in my hand and had made the sigh; “Very rare!”
Hmmm, I was looking to it closer and studied it from all sides, but couldn’t make up what it was.
I was wondering…
And I saw him writing something on his board…I couldn’t wait to know what it was.
I was kind of like a child; Full of wonder. J

You know I have seen the weirdest things in the ocean.
I was prepared for anything!
Just a few days ago I saw a frog fish and if you Google it, you will see I am not exaggerating.
A frog fish looks like ‘a rock’ that’s swimming.
It was amazing to see this fish coming by. His mouth wide open; it was just the weirdest thing I ever saw.

So what was that pinkish kind of plant? Maybe it was also a strange kind of fish or shrimp.

Who knows?

Suddenly my teacher came closer and showed me the board.

When I saw the words on the board; ‘Turtle shit.”

I collapsed in laughter…

I had to do all my emergency tricks to be ok…

Oh my God that was so funny!

I wasn’t prepared for that though!!!! J

 

When we came out of the water, I told him how funny that was and you know what he said;
“I didn’t lie, it is very rare you see it.”

And NOW I know why!!!

 

 

It all started with my friend T.

I had accidently ran or swam into my friend T. yesterday.
He kind of warned me that a certain person was gossiping about me and was trashing me.
I know that everything outside is the cause of what I am doing to myself.

So I immediately knew I was trashing me… And with all the current changes in my life, I can say that is something from my past…In the past I had override my body’s needs so long, it was not beautiful anymore.(Belgian expression)

It is that simple.

Hmmm… I was contemplating all of that…taking the projections back within myself…

I know I am on a big breakthrough in my life, where I stopped taking from me and start giving to me. Where I stopped being harsh with me, but everything needs time, so…
I knew I had to embrace this, but how????
Here I was…I knew all of that, but how???

Mmmm, swim swim…I was just swimming…my thoughts were moving in my field, out my field….
splash, splash…

Suddenly this beautiful big mama turtle appears in front of me and we have a little love affair…J

Energy sparks…honu and I love each other…J

And the love she has for me translated in the help I was seeking!
Suddenly I was surrounded with the biggest treat ‘eve’!

 

She launched 3 huge pieces of shit…

She treated me on a huge ‘TURD’ party.
(See my last blog, I just learned this new word…J)

I was surprised she wasn’t ashamed to do it just in front of me…this is hilarious, right?

In fact I kind of felt honored she felt so relaxed and just did it right there. J

In, and I am not joking, in less than a second I was circled by about 50 fish…eating the mystery, of why turtle shit is so rare, away.

The fish kind of let me know that it is so delicious and good that they leave no leftovers.
The way they were eating it must be a ‘delicatesse’ (=Belgian word) and even some SUPER-food!

Hmmm…maybe a thought to make a new super powder to add to our diets!
It must be loaded with good spirulina and protein!
Only it is soooooo rare…J


I taped the whole thing and again I couldn’t stop laughing… LIFE is so hilarious and interesting.

Mama HONU gave me the message; “LET IT ALL GO!”

 I guess my shit affairs are continuing, until it’s done…

Oh boy, I am letting go of so much….

I laughed so hard, hilarious…knowing that I could let go of all the shit somebody else was telling about me, because it doesn’t matter what they say! It is even not of my business, really!

I knew that the correction takes place inside of me and that I had to stop making up shit about myself. J

It was a true delight to be drifting in the middle of shit, knowing that it was symbol for my own shit I am letting go off. And I could see that others were benefitting by it (the fish) and so those others were symbol for all the beautiful areas in my life, where I am building consciously a NEW garden of beliefs that will give me a NEW wonderful life…
The shit was the mulch for my new life!

A life in FREEDOM, PEACE and ABUNDANCE…JOY and LAUGHTER!!!! J

The only thing I still need to let go off is that I have trouble accepting I collapsed and I am still exhausted.
I see the treasure in it, but my old self wants to move and go go go….
And no it is about rest, rest , rest…something that wasn’t written in my dictionary 'eve' before and that I now added.

J

If I think there is still a whole ‘rest’ to do before I am who I really am, I am insane…I know I can rest now in being…who I was already…from ‘eve’!

Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

I am so de-LIGHT-ed to make you laugh...here we go...

Yeeee you know I was in the past to SERIOUS…really,

I think the only thing I want to do anymore is to admire the STAR SIRIUS, which shines each evening at the Hawaiian sky nowadays just underneath the constellation of ORION.

Yes mama-P is teaching me to be LIGHT…not being that fake light that I kind of tried to be in my seeking for truth. That light we want to be sometimes as spiritual enlightened good girls and boys.

I can see now that in the past I was analyzing everything to the insane edge of insanity… J
God within me must have sighed quite a bit…and I know that is a BIG lie, because God doesn’t give a shit; doesn’t sigh…for little or big things…
All is well.

So now I decided to not make life ANYMORE ‘a matter of life or death!’

I make life NOW ‘a matter of life and death…just awareness…no separation…no good/bad

I only know about NOW…anyway…

Hei …since I am so delighted to experience my life in lightness…I was wondering…
nothing has to but everything CAN!
Nothing sounds too crazy. Let’s live LIFE…
No perfection anymore…I can fall down as much as I want…I can get up as many times as I want..or keep lying down…

I am moving in the place where I don’t live life, but LIFE lives me….

Woeeee…and seeing to the new glasses of awareness brings me hilarious new stories I never really saw before!

All this time I thought my neighbor was deliberately annoying me with smoking pot on his lanai…it would just hang in my house  and and….
making my life miserable…oooh bad boy! He doesn’t respect me!
Wow I see that story now… it wasn’t about the pot or the smell…
It was about the story I was thinking of it/him!
HE DOESN’T RESPECT ME!
That story doesn’t affect him! J really…
It only brings me suffering…
Now I see that everybody outside of me just holds a mirror to show me how I treat me…J

Where am I not respecting me?

Good news!
I am the change I am bringing into my own world!
(Be the change you want to see in the world-Gandhi)

The enlightened being in me sees now that I can make up any story I want about him, so here I go:

He just wants to help me being lighter…sharing his marijuana ecstacy with me…what a wonderful man! What a beautiful attempt to help me over my NEED for PERFECTION!
How better can you do that than with marijuana?!
He was so sweet to even not have to have anything back for it, he just does it KIND of anonymous…J

LOL

HAAA you know this morning I started off with this light-NESS and it kind of was a red tread through my day…still I am recovering…I didn’t know how exhausted I was….I still am. Incredible…also my body is helping me to RELAX and let go!!!!
And be LIGHT with me…physical…spiritual…mind-ical ( is this a new word?)

 

This morning I was sitting in the bay with my two good friends T. and M and the 3 of us were sitting in a row on our beach chairs overlooking  the water, chatting…light talk…funny talk…joyful nothing mean really talk…just delicious…being with friends.
Suddenly a tourist comes and squats down next to M. and asks her how to get to the Aquarium.
Well, after 2 minutes he figured out that the 3 of us thought he was insane to do that, without ever have swam so far…J
M. warned;”Oh, the waves are going to pick up!”
T. shared;” It is a bad day, look how grey it is.”
R, that’s me;”Look to those rocks that is ¼ of the way to it; can you do that?”
T. announced ;” I thought it was 1/3.”
The man…started getting it…Oh no…OH well…
Suddenly my friend T. whispers in my ear; “Do you really think that is only 1/4, you really want to discourage him?”
“Oh well, I said, no that’s not what I wanted to do…maybe it is between 1/3 and ¼”; I whisper back.
I thought it was kind of silly to really go and measure how much it really was but…I wanted to make my mistake right in honoring of my friend T….

And suddenly I said out REALLY LOUD;
“It is a TURD!”
The guy; “A TURD??????”

T. and M. were LAUGHING so hard…

My head was moving from T. to M….getting it? J
I was in the middle…what was going on?

HMMMM…..
I was happy I was bringing some lightness in their lives, ha…
Me still wondering what I said WRONG…
Hmmmm….I knew I must have said something, but what could it be?
I only said: “It is a TURD.”

What is wrong with that….my brain was trying to find it…it was as if something in my head was scanning every word I put out there in the wide open air at Keonionio…

T. luckily liberated me after wiping of the tears in his eyes, with explaining me that it was not ‘a TURD’ but ‘a THIRD’.

“Well, that was what I said, right?”

My face probably was looking like a big question mark…

?

“No”, he explained;” You said a TURD.”
“What is that?”I asked.
Oeeeee…I was going on slippery ice (Belgian expression…you get what that means, right?)
“A big piece of SHIT”; he whispered.
“Oh”; was my answer. Just ‘OH’…nothing needed more explanation then that…J
Now I understood the laughter and the man’s face when he heard that swimming to the most precious spot on Maui is kind of a TURD.

Oh well I guess I started bringing lightness into my life and the lives of my dear friends that couldn’t stop laughing, really…
I had to practice more to get the TH straight…they said…THIRD not TURD…
Put your tongue between your teeth and say…THIRD….

I guess it was symbolic for what I am UNDOING within me… I am leaving a pile of shit behind and move further within myself…there it really doesn’t matter if it is turd or third…hihi J

To know precisely what it meant I looked it up in the dictionary and this is what it says:


Generally, a log-shaped piece of shit. Nevertheless, they are also found in coil-shape, mushroom-cloud shape, and even loch ness monster shape.

I leave you with this pile…it is the necessary component to grow my field of wonderful flowers…

The lightness of my being happily sharing with you…what a delight…thank you!

MAHALO!

Love tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

The shit UN-DOING continuous...aaah

 

So much to write about…My world enfolds in front of my eyes…just like Mama-P. teaches me…yesterday she taught me to embrace all what’s in it, even if it smells to shit, because really it is YOURS; she said!
You are the creator. “Actually the world outside of you is only a projected world”; she continued.

And oh my…if you look from there, from the place of IAM…
it is so a delicious, RICH and ALIVE! And it just appears in front of my eyes, all of it…

This morning I was still my small self…feeling ashamed…
and really I can tell you…tonight I sat in stillness watching sunset…
This was what I saw:

It’s a long story…and maybe one day I will tell you, but actually I don’t think it is of any importance because really it is just a story.

While I was sitting there, on my towel, watching sunset…
I could see that particular story playing in my world…mmmm…you know…
I was the watcher looking…
I saw how I have/had the belief that I have to be PERFECT…actually worse, that I have to be a SAINT.
And it doesn’t serve me at all, because if my body/mind appearance does something that doesn’t FIT in that little box that is called SAINT, I become a ‘woehoe ‘BAD’ person.
Bad girl….
I did something yesterday where I am not proud of, but that I know wasn’t a mistake, because there are no mistakes. Ok to name it by name…(ha Belgian expression)
I pushed somebody in the water  with my shoulder that pushed my limits to the end. (in my story of her) Now I am trying to justify the push, which doesn't work really...
IIn my story I HAD enough and I just couldn’t take it anymore.
I guess with all the big changes and the sickness I feel in my body, I was more sensitive and irritable than usual.
Well, usual I have to be a SAINT. A PERFECT SAINT...
And yesterday I wasn’t.

When I came out of the water, my SAINT principles kicked in and told me I should be like a Gandhi.
Or the Jesus principle of ‘if you get slapped you need to show the other cheek’ kind of principle.
I hope that was something from Jesus, I am not sure, sorry…J
You get the picture, I NEED TO BE A GOOD GIRL ALL THE TIME…that is safe, because then everybody will like me…J puh what a story…J
The story I had about that person was that she tried to undermine me, pest me or bully me…
In my story I had to be quiet and be a good girl and just swallow that all…and yesterday I just exploded…the good girl myth was gone and became a bad girl story…A ton of stories on top of eachother...

It left me sitting with a low frequency of energy and feelings of guilt.
If I am LOVE, how could I ever push anybody?
Right?

AND you know…I know better now already…Mama-P. teachings are getting so IN-CORED (new word I just invented) inside my very own being, that I know that there is NO-BODY outside of me.
When I look from my 'IAM' and see the bigger picture:

I am the one BULLYING me, I am the one PESTING me, I am the one UNDERMINING me…

I did all of that for about 22 years and I know now that my belief systems can only bring that to me, that what I am doing to me…

It is since 12 days I am giving up to bully, pest or undermine myself.
It is since 12 days that I start to realize what LOVE is. What loving myself is…

Well it is since a year I am working on it…but 12 days ago something really deep started…
I guess that might be a story too…J

It takes some time to UNDO what I was DOING to me…
Automatically the bullies are going to disappear out of my life, because I stopped it within me.
It is when I SEE this I know that the bullies that appear in my outside world are actually allies helping me to be FREE. They are my friends.

The neighbor that deliberately smokes pot next to my door to annoy me, is actually so kind to share his stuff with me. Mama-P's way to make everything lighter...LOL
The woman that tries to ‘break me’ (my story of her) is so kind to help me to connect deeper with me… J

So…when I was sitting tonight…watching sunset, in stillness I came to the place of truth.
I am love.
I felt so huge, looking down on the thing that happened yesterday…in a far past…something that doesn’t even exists and I could see that it was something INNOCENT. Something I did because I didn’t know better.
I could even see that when I swim with dolphins, they do the same…if some other dolphin comes in their space, they slap him or her… telling “slam” get out of my space…
I could see that INNOCENCE…
and the awareness that what I ‘did’ was nothing more than that.

“ENOUGH”

And I know in my “IAM” I am not saying that to the person outside of me, but to the ONE inside that thinks ‘she doesn’t deserve anything and needs to be a PERFECT saint on top of that’.

I REALLY SAY ENOUGH to the BULLY in me…
ENOUGH, enough…ENOUGH!!!!

I am still recovering…waaaw Mama-P is RIGHT again. I feel so depleted and I feel that the danger of my kidney infection/or stones might be gone. And I feel my primary chi- energy is kind of back; but I am still so exhausted.

Sitting on the grass…looking to the sunset….i was watching my body/mind and I could see how gently I was today with myself.
I started the day with a gorgeous sunrise and yoga…that I trade in for my running…
Really!!!! This is an event like a tsunami or earthquake into my life….NO RUNNING????

I saw that the ‘saint’ voice tried to catch up with me and tried to fill me up with guilt and shame…again…
And what I did was taking Mama-P’s notes back and worked with it in a gently way, so I could SEE truth…
Then I listened to Mooji and that brought me in a good vibe…he said that when your life is in chaos…which is mine, I can tell you…(that’s how it feels)… J
that you are actually in the right place…J
Closer to the ‘IAM’ than ever…
Aaah…well, inside I knew that deep,
but still it gives more courage to hear it again…
and to let God UNDO me from all what I am not.

And while I am sitting there on my towel watching sunset…I got surprised by God by so many abundant surprises… J I could see it was the result of being gently with me…I was the GENTLY BEING and that’s what I got outside of me…J

First when I walked on the beach I heard a pipe player playing…I love it!
It gives me so much ecstasy in my 7^th chakra.
I sneaked as close as I could to hear her magic tones travelling into the air, so I could feel the vibration of the waves coming into my energy field. Oh it is such true pleasure!

While I was sitting there enjoying the Scottish hymns, a child walked up to me and offered me an almond nut…. J
I saw her going from one person to the other with her little box and sharing…oooh I felt so honored…
I saw her delight in her eyes when I took the nut. So much joy in the sharing…
Thank you God for this lesson of sharing…I will never forget the body language of the little girl when I accepted the gift. So much love!

Next to me sat a baby trying to handle its phone, he was crying…but soon it was over…a thought came and it went parentally…he smiled again…J NO WORRIES…only discovery and openness…J

Then a dad walked in front of me holding a one year (?) old at his hand. The father a little bowed sharing the joy of the child (I assume it was the father, let just make up the story it was the fatherJ)
it showed me what Mama-P. was doing with me…I am walking my first steps in new territory…in the truth of what is and all what is NOT is leaving my life… and that shakes sometimes as an earthquake…J
It goes together with a body that is upset, with a mind that is upset…because I am breaking through all my old belief systems…it was as if I was locked up in a box and there was a box after that box…

In my 'IAM' I realize it is no hard work…it is my MIND sometimes that tries to let me know ’it is hard’!
If the one whispers in my ear that we want to be free, I know it is not my IAM, but the one that believes we are NOT free.
haha the one that is free, doesn’t even THINK how to get free…
The I AM is FREEDOM….no journey to me…just AWARENESS of the truth…
Dorothy clicks her red shoes…that’s all she needed to do and she was home again…

J
It is just now that I need to be aware of the mind that wants to STAY ALIVE…and
When I look at it it is a lie…the MIND isn’t alive…it is just a thought it thinks it is…puh…
ok well I am still dealing with that old mind structure…one step in front of the other…
Like the baby walking…

Anyway sitting on that towel…the sky some grey…not as spectacular as the sunrise this morning that gave me yellows, oranges and pinks. The sky kind of exploded this morning.
Tonight it is more gently, very soft…it is as I feel…
Really, you can’t imagine how rude and harsh I have been treating myself. So badly I almost destroyed myself. I can let that story go too…J

And now sitting here I realized that all what I did today…(it was mama-P’s assignment)
ONLY doing the things you LOVE and you WANT.

I know it is chocking to write that since a few days I start realizing how the energy levels in my body work.
I depleted myself so so much…AND I realized when I was sitting there holding the almond nut, that it is the first time I am giving myself energy…really…it is the first time I am NOT taking from me…
I feel so good FEEDING myself with SUNRISE, YOGA, dolphins, turtles, Mama-P, Byron Katie, Mooji, healthy food, positive caring energy…waaaaw…I AM really FEEDING myself…

I am filling my so dry empty cup….it was time…

I guess I will just surrender to the 22 days…because I still feel so depleted.
Guess I have to keep on filling my cup with babies, almond nuts, friends, water, love, flowers, breezes, joy, ….mmmmm

The I who is really ‘IAm’ is watching down and sees…it is good…

BEING the ONE who is sharing…
Giving up the one that is scared and needs to control…
FAITH…J

This morning my friend D. said, when I announced that the Ocean water in Mekena landing is always so crystal clear, that I am already happy when I just see my nose in the water…. J
He kind of joked that I make from murky water clear crystal water…
Guess I am a magician…J
You get the picture…I guess I am ‘fast happy’ (Belgian expression), and I see this as a good thing…

As I know I am not the body and not the mind I will still enjoy this life here on Earth, which is a true gift and delight. And I want to be choosing who I want to be…I like to be the one that is content with the small things and sees the Rainbows in the drops of water in the morning dew… and know that those things are actually not small at all…J

And I don’t need to be a SAINT to see that…J LOL
nor I need to be perfect...
maybe it is even good once a while to say “Enough”.

Especially to my own nagging MIND…J

What if nothing is wrong? (Mama-P.)

When I am left wit TRUTH, I will only see I am ONE LOVE...
I had glimpses of it...ready to undo more so that remains ONLY.

Love tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com