This is a new painting. First time I really use black in my
paintings. It all has to do with the silent exercise I got from mama-P.
When I did the exercise I saw who I really am, and I only saw black.
When I did the exercise I saw who I really am, and I only saw black.
Black is a concept…I write black..but really it is only
ENERGY.
It was as if everything gets created out of the black and returns to that same black. That black is not as a dark black hole, but as an embracing ALL what is.
It was as if everything gets created out of the black and returns to that same black. That black is not as a dark black hole, but as an embracing ALL what is.
It doesn’t end. It kinds of is behind everything.
Also tonight, I was dancing on the beach and I had my Ipod
on and the music was blasting in my ears and I felt or saw how the music came
from that black place, that I will call AWARENESS.
I am in a most weird period of my life. I still don’t feel
100% and normally in the past that would not have made any difference to my
daily work. My daily work is the amount of exercise I have to finish before I can
relax, really. Which never happens because there are only so many hours in a
day.
So for about 20 years or more I only sleep 4 or 5 hours, because I have to finish all those things that my MIND tells me to do.
It took a kidney infection and blood in my urine to wake up.
Hallo! Lucky I am it is only that…J
I was overriding for many many years every signal my body was giving me.
And, really I am lucky I still have my body after all what I did to it. J
I am coming more and more in a loving relationship with it.
So for about 20 years or more I only sleep 4 or 5 hours, because I have to finish all those things that my MIND tells me to do.
It took a kidney infection and blood in my urine to wake up.
Hallo! Lucky I am it is only that…J
I was overriding for many many years every signal my body was giving me.
And, really I am lucky I still have my body after all what I did to it. J
I am coming more and more in a loving relationship with it.
Now I know I am not it, It seems easier.
Or what really true is: I see the GIFT of my body; I see the gift of life.
And I see how I created myself…J so hei I want to take the credit! J
Vanity disappears when you see who you really are.
You can love your body in a way it is not really love, but is more an ego trip to hell, actually.
Or what really true is: I see the GIFT of my body; I see the gift of life.
And I see how I created myself…J so hei I want to take the credit! J
Vanity disappears when you see who you really are.
You can love your body in a way it is not really love, but is more an ego trip to hell, actually.
(That’s food for a whole other blog…not today, I want to
rest)
Today, kind of was the day that I saw lots of things…
I also saw it was ok that I severely abused my body, because that was the only way my MIND knew how to survive.
I saw it is in the past and it is done.
I saw I didn’t really have to figure out why… what am I going to do from now on, right?
I can start over and make better choices.
Oh my abusive mind still tries to keep the control and it seems hard work for the one in me that wants to fight with that abusive voice.
But the ONE I really am never fights and always is LOVE.
I also saw it was ok that I severely abused my body, because that was the only way my MIND knew how to survive.
I saw it is in the past and it is done.
I saw I didn’t really have to figure out why… what am I going to do from now on, right?
I can start over and make better choices.
Oh my abusive mind still tries to keep the control and it seems hard work for the one in me that wants to fight with that abusive voice.
But the ONE I really am never fights and always is LOVE.
I return over and over to that one and then the abusive mind
gets less intense.
It is who I really am.
It is the black place I found that watches everything arise in and disappear in it.
It is the black place I found that watches everything arise in and disappear in it.
I also saw today that that abusive voice was a voice that
tried to survive on the level of body/mind dimension. It is not who I am. That voice
tries to hold me in a place where I THINK small of myself, and those THOUGHTS
HURT because it is NOT true.
It is from that suffering I had to RUN.
That’s the real root of all addictions really…we THINK small of ourselves, because we are asleep for who we really are.
It is from that suffering I had to RUN.
That’s the real root of all addictions really…we THINK small of ourselves, because we are asleep for who we really are.
It is when I saw that I am as big as the black place= God,
that I realized I can STOP running and RELAX in who I really am.
I was standing there on the beach, exhausted I think from
many years of running… dancing a little…
Just feeling my body move smoothly…my arms, my belly, my legs…
Suddenly a whole world opened more and more of pure
darkness.
It wasn’t scary, it felt liberating actually.
I started crying…
I saw how I ran from this, because I thought it was unsafe.
It felt so good, to see this world more and more opening within me.
I could see that all what IS is in it.
The darkness was as a gently hand palm holding existence in its hand.
Watching existence with a loving kindness, it was an energy of NO JUDGMENT…only ALLOWING…
the darkness was existence…EXISTENCE was EXPRESSED darkness…J
Out of the dark space colors splashed out…my art…
Others peoples art,
Music,
trees,
Dolphins,
Humans,
turtles,
Beloveds,
Mama-P,
me,
ALL WHAT IS…
It wasn’t scary, it felt liberating actually.
I started crying…
I saw how I ran from this, because I thought it was unsafe.
It felt so good, to see this world more and more opening within me.
I could see that all what IS is in it.
The darkness was as a gently hand palm holding existence in its hand.
Watching existence with a loving kindness, it was an energy of NO JUDGMENT…only ALLOWING…
the darkness was existence…EXISTENCE was EXPRESSED darkness…J
Out of the dark space colors splashed out…my art…
Others peoples art,
Music,
trees,
Dolphins,
Humans,
turtles,
Beloveds,
Mama-P,
me,
ALL WHAT IS…
It is that what I painted…me falling in love with my body
for the first time, because I know I am not my body I am the black space where
my life arises in…
I am looking to my reflection that soon will show the black space, because that is what is behind all what is… it is what is in all of EXISTENCE…
I am looking to my reflection that soon will show the black space, because that is what is behind all what is… it is what is in all of EXISTENCE…
Rivers, Ocean, stars, sky, Earth, bodies….
IT IS AWARENESS…
Love tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com
www.rainbowsheart.com
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