Born to be FREE!

My neighbor was singing with ‘full breast’ (Belgian expression =met volle borst)
“BORN IN THE USA!” when I came home.

Aah I just came back from the silence of the ocean and the joy and fun being with my friends.
One friend was a little sad when we came out of the water and so I organized a strategy to make her happy. We played police officer cop M. and police officer Rainbow and fined 2 of our friends that were still in the water. We wrote citations for the stupidest things and let them pay big time. We were the law and the reinforcement! We sat at the back of my car waiting for the return of one of them. Oh my God, we had so much fun. We were like little kids….laughing is so good! M. felt better and I hope she stayed in that energy.

Hmmm, telling another what to do, right! (I better do that all the time… J)
Well it was well meant…hope she is doing better.
I felt so happy, wanted to be with myself on this 4^th of July. Never felt so happy in my whole life and it had nothing to do with anything that I have received from outside of me. I was happy to be with me.
So when I came home and heard my neighbor singing ‘the’ song, in a volume that was not allowed in the police officers Rainbow’s law book, I felt I wasn’t alone with me anymore.

Woeps , did I not just say I never felt so happy! Better stay in it!!!! J

Now I had suddenly to deal with this intruder that dared to sing a patriotic song! GRRR…
That’s what I THOUGHT.

Huhu…there went my peace, so easy I gave it away….
He was just singing, and I just let him have my peace… just like that…

Ok there is a history and today I wanted for once and all be FREE and INDEPENDENT
from the terror I allow in my head when this man is himself.
He is known in the neighborhood to be aggressive, rude, selfish, weird and asocial;
at least by the people that dared to approach the crazy lady that dared to live next to this man.
And I agree on all accusations!
We should give him a citation for that!!!!
We should put him in front of a judge…

Hihi  oeps I can see now that I was judge Rainbow the whole time…judging this innocent man…

Ok,I have to admit that I think that my neighbor is ‘a piece of work’.
Hmhm yes yes my mind is full of judgments about him and sometimes he irritates me enormously.
If it was not that I love my apartment so much, or I was gone already.

But I love my place, I love all the light coming in and for 90% it is worth to STAND this man.
Is it?

The first day I met him I had asked his wife to meet him. He came in the door opening very quick and said “Hi” in a very cynical way and then turned to his wife and said very grumpy;”Are you happy now?” and walked away.
That was so unusual unfriendly. I was perplexed.

The second day he was grumping about a light I had turned on outside. And to be truly he scared me.
He is this bold guy, only wears shorts and his skin is very red. It is as if he is angry all the time.
He never says hello and if he has to say something he shouts kind off and is very rude in the way he speaks. Bottom line I have a problem if I let it bring me down.

People from the neighborhood ask me sometimes how it is possible I can live next to him.
I don’t know, sometimes it is challenging. But I see it as my practice to stay in my love and as I told you it is quiet 90% of the times…
It is true sometimes that silence can be abruptly broken by him singing; ”Hei motherfucker, hoo!”

I can see now that if I let the external world get to me; I am not independent.
I am in the prison of my own mind through all the judgments I THINK of him.
It doesn’t feel good. It is no LOVE energy.
I see it as a great practice of self love.

One is to hear him….

two is to react…

even if it is only in my mind…

Three is I lose my peace…

because with reacting  I brought myself in the energy of the aggression (Hei,motherfucker!)

Four  I am gone…

And now have to work to come back…

I WANT TO END THIS TODAY on the 4^th of JULY, I want to be independent and free from me giving away my attention.
I don’t need to say:”It is him!”
Or “He is to blame!”
No, no …right there I give already my power away!

I the past I tried to see him as retarded, so it is easier to accept…but it doesn’t really work…because my attention is still with him.

Today in the Ocean I saw a Ulua…

That’s a big grumpy fish and I thought by myself: “That is exactly my neighbor! Grumpy and dominant!”
You know what, it is sad to see that I take my selfish neighbor with me in the Ocean where I normally have peace! There is only one world and it is mine. His creation in my mind about him is only my own.
There is only one neighbor as I see him. Oh damned…..


Do you see it??
It are my THOUGHTS who are grumpy and dominant towards him.
If I could just let him be where he is in his energy, with his motherfucker songs and in his own world….aaaah if I can let him be and don’t want to change anything. No resistance….
And see that it can be over today!

Sometimes I THINK as long as he pushes my buttons I am not free of it.
 I HAVE TO STAY HERE to clean this energy up, so it never comes back or shows up somewhere else…

But now I realize that is a thought too!!!!!
It can be over right now! RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! FIREWORKS yoehoooo!

No more held hostage by my own thoughts about this man.
He walks free (he already did anyway) this guy doesn’t even care.

I WALK FREE!!!!!!

n fact I should thank this nice man to help me with this important lesson.
I don’t need to be his friend, but he can just be my neighbor that lives his life in his space and not in mine, because I closed the door. Because I love myself enough to give myself peace of MIND!
That is what it is all about, right!
The world can go under, but if I am in the IAM of my own peace, nothing can disturb me!

Ok so really who was on trial here?
I am declared free, because guess what…
There was even something deeper than all the above, another layer peeled off….

I saw through this belief I carry for the longest time…and thanks to this situation
( I won’t give him the honor Jthough) I see it clear now.
The IDENTITY that was on trial was the one that wants everything PERFECT!
I LOVE my apartment and it is for 90% perfect, maybe after today for 95% and it is ok.
From now on it is all perfect in its imperfection…
The need to have something perfect comes from a fear and a need to control.

What is perfect anyway, it is again a mind made up CONCEPT that is not based on truth….

WOEHA!!!!! I AM FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM BORN tralalala!!!! I AM BORN tralalala….not in the USA, not in Belgium…
but TODAY again in HAWAII!!

haha Born in the USA…you know first I thought that song was a patriotic song and I have a feeling that we Belgians are not so patriotic minded, for the simple reason that all the countries around us, conquered and trampled us. The Netherlands, France, Germany, England. Spain,…all of them came and all of them went. And all of them have this chauvinistic ‘fat neck’.
So I am kind of colored by my own country and when I heard him singing I was thinking like Europeans would think:

“Why would you be so proud to be born in the USA?”
The USA put its nose everywhere and wants to control everything….

And yes that is what Europeans think …
I looked up the lyrics of Born in The USA and it is a very cynical song in fact….
Here is a piece of the song…

Born in the u.s.a., I was born in the u.s.a.
I was born in the u.s.a., born in the u.s.a.

Got in a little hometown jam
So they put a rifle in my hand
Sent me off to a foreign land
To go and kill the yellow man

Born in the U.S.A...

What if my neighbor is not the one I always thought him to be?
And he is this cool guy that is against wars?
Hilarious THOUGHT, right?

How life shows us symbols on our path!!
After I wrote this piece I walked down to the beach and I knew I was standing before a breakthrough.
I wanted so much to be INDEPENDENT today from this terror in my head. And wonder-well a little just born bird flies on the street. It couldn’t fly yet. It was so fragile and I picked it up and put it far away from the danger of the street. It felt like me today. Fragile, new born and ready to fly as the EAGLE!
Free and independent!

An hour later I walked back home, still with the thoughts of my new gained freedom and the knowing that I will have to keep my thoughts and attention with me….a little tension, that kind of feeling…
Better not lose your freedom again….
In that moment a stranger walks up and says;”It just looks like a little war isn’t it?”
He was referring to the fireworks on the street…
I had a big smile, because it confirmed my clearness of MIND and HEART.

I can stop the war…right here and now…
IT IS PAU (Hawaiian for it is done!)
Do you have a situation like that in your life? It can be anyone or anything, you have the power to stop it right now and to be free and INDEPENDENT!

Love Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com