Wow, everything is possible!

I had an interesting afternoon! J

I had a call from a friend I didn’t see in a long time. As a matter a fact I had two calls from two friends I didn’t see in a long time. One of my friends, I knew was moving of the Island and I had given him a present 4 years ago. It was my painting of the wolf and that painting was very precious to me.

I had given it to him, because we were kind of close family then (we still are, but see each other less, let’s say it like that).
The painting has a deep meaning for me and I knew deep inside I should never have given it away.
It was not the right thing for me. But I never said anything to my friend, because in Belgium we say “Given is given!”

I made this painting for my dog Mercy.

I made the moment my dog, mercy was very ill and dying.
I might have told you this story already and I might not have shared it. I don’t remember.
I feel to write it anyway, share this with you to show that there are so many realities.

There is so much magnificence!

I knew my dog was going to die, she had told me a month before her death. We were sitting together at a waterfall in France and there it was when she told me. Mercy was a boxer, and she was so sweet.

I didn’t believe her then. I didn’t want to believe her. But in one month she came ill and came blind.
I had to carry her everywhere after a while.
I didn’t know what to do. What is the right thing, right? Going to the vet or let nature do its course.
I didn’t know. I had made my bed next to her basket. My other dog was there too, but would start taking distance and they probably natural doing that. That’s when I knew it was the end.

Mercy was one of the biggest losses of my life. (I hear her now saying, one of the biggest loss and one of the biggest loves! J Love doesn’t stop after the body dies! Never!”
Mercy was kind of my child.

One of the days I lay next to her basket, giving her energy…

still hoping for a miracle; but knowing in my heart that there was no miracle possible anymore.
Her body was done, I could see and feel that.

…I was lying there falling asleep and I dreamt about the wolf. The wolf came into my dreams and said; “You have to paint me, because I am Mercy. I am her alter ego. I will help her die. When you finish me, she will go easily to the light.”

I started painting, but I didn’t really want to paint it. Two nights I lied next to her and in the day I would paint. The third day I finished the painting. For about two days she had made noises that were telling me she was in pain.
It was Monday morning and I took her on my lab holding her gently. She started yanking…that sound went so deep into my bones, that I asked my girlfriend for the telephone. I called the vet.
I took Mercy and drove her to the vet. I still see her standing in the back of my car. She knew where she was going, she was ready. I wasn’t ready at all.
When we came at the vets place he said he would give her first an injection to gently fall asleep and then he would give her 'the' injection. I was holding her, when he gave the product to sleep and the phone rang. He walked away and came back 5 minutes later. I was still holding her and he looked and said; “Oh my God she left already. I don’t need to give her this anymore.”

I wasn’t very strong in those days and the only thing I could think off to get over losses like that was creating anorexia. That’s what I did then again.

Now I know that death doesn’t exist and I kind of knew it then too, but I didn’t know who I was.
Whatever was in my life brought me to who I am now. And I know everything is perfect.

As Mama-P would say; “What if nothing is wrong?”

I would never have left Belgium if Mercy was still alive. I would not have been in Maui.

When I heard my friend was leaving the Island, I secretly hoped to get the painting back.

I was so happy when he called me this afternoon TELLING ME HE WANTED TO RETURN THE PAINTING!
I was in awe…how the Universe works. You don’t have to change anything at the outside, only the inside.
I learned from mama-P that that is the only place where it works.
No more trying, getting, pulling or pushing…only BEING and ALLOWING…J
This is an example of it…J

I immediately jumped into my car and picked it up.
It is standing now on my altar and It feels…Mercy is closer...
Mercy never left in my heart, she is always with me.
But today, I know I am making big changes in my life. It feels as I am becoming who I really am.
And that painting is kind a part of that.
Maybe I am closer to me?

When I was driving with the painting in my car I said ‘Muffie’, because that’s how I called Mercy often. She was superior in making the room stinky in a blink of an eye.
With no warning you were getting gassed and she would just stare at you and say;
“What, it wasn’t me, and pointing to her buddy Jodhi, the black Labrador.”
Or even trying to make a face that said: “It wasn’t me, are you sure it wasn’t you?”
Yes she got her name Muffie from that.

She was a real Queen sometimes.
She would have loved Maui. I bet I have some things from her, right?
Am I really a Queen?
She ABSOLUTELY didn’t like the rain. I do, but you know I prefer not to have a lot.
That’s why I love Kihei so much.
It rains here maybe 10 days in a year.
Belgium is a rainy country. So if I wanted to take her out for a walk and she felt that the street was wet she would hold one of her paws up and look at me with a face; “I am not crazy, it is wet. You go! You are on your own!!”

She was a boxer and she loved to play with her own tail that she didn’t have any more. So she would chase NOTHING…probably what I did my whole life. JThen she would turn in circles trying to catch what wasn’t there. AHah

Oh man…now I am describing her a bit…if I look like that…J

Sometimes I she would hurt herself she would sit in her basket holding up the wrong paw. J

She was fun. She was living with 8 cats, but she didn’t like cats; then only as chase object.
The cats came spontaneous in our lives. All lost souls…J

Mercy was a lost soul herself by the way. I brought her from the French part in Belgium.
I just had lost my other dog and went for fun searching in a kennel to let go of the sadness. We saw a boxer and we kind of fell in love with the boxer. And when we walked back to town we saw boxers everywhere. It was as if Durbuy(Smallest town in Belgium) was taking in by the boxers.

We walked in our hotel and there was the boss and asked us if we saw a dog we wanted and I just explained him we saw a little boxer. But I didn’t tell him we had only 300 euro in our banc account.
And the dog cost 400 I remember. We couldn’t pay it. In the US you just do credit card, but in Europe , we don’t do that so fast. At least I didn’t.
While I was talking to him his cleaning lady heard us talking and said in French that she and her husband were divorcing and they had a 5 month old boxer and she needed to GO!
They were asking 300euro.
Of course right there that day Mercy appeared in our lives!
All what was left in our banc account we spend to buy Mercy.
We loved her from first sight!
When we came home there was a check in the mailbox for 300 euro taxreturn!!!

Miracles happen. When you are being the one and the heart longs and it belongs to you and you ALLOW, the Universe works behind the scenes to bring it to you.

One more story about Mercy. I had made a cake and put it way back on the kitchen counter. Mercy was with us then for about 2 weeks. My girl friend and I went to the movie theater. We were longing for a piece of cake on our way back vey badly...but when we came into the kitchen only a few crumbs were left on the plate!I still can’t figure out how she pulled that off, but she did!
She was looking to us with the most INNOCENT face ever. Me? Noooooooooooooo

I know the painting came back for a reason. If there is one thing I know about my art is that it has power to bring me or anybody more in the ‘IAM’.

I hear that IF I could love myself so much as I loved her…waaw…
It feels as whatever I denied about myself and gave away, ignored and abused…came back today and I don’t know yet what this all means….:)

thank you GOD!

 

Often when I see a turtle i think of mercy, she has kind of teh same face as a turtle...flat...

Do I have a flat face too? LOL

Love Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com