Lucky, lucky me!

When I am writing my blog it feels as if it happens like I do my soulpainting readings.(see my website)
I never know what I will write next.

Haha It is like life, we never know what’s next.

I am learning and really it is not a learning anymore….to not plan NEXT.

I never know what I am doing the next hour, really…and if I dare to go to the next hour I just tell myself; “Give it up, forget about it; you don’t need to know and really you even can’t know.”

It gives me an immense feeling of freedom and excitement.

It is kind of being lived by life… trust that you will know in the right moment…well you’ll know in the moment what to do…Mama-P. would say; “You can’t know ahead of time.”

I see that I sometimes have high standards on how I think things should be…
I try to change that in my life, because it sucks….really…
The word ‘expectations’ in Dutch is the word ‘verwachtingen’ and it literally means WAITING FOR….
If you have to wait for something, it means it is not for you, because there is only one moment to be lived…the one we’re in each moment again and again…
Waiting for is waiting for something you project in a future that doesn’t really exist.
In the truth of who we are, awareness, there is not such a thing as TIME.

Let’s see …an example:
I had the desire to heal quicker than I did. I expected results that were not coming….nop
It was lying in a far future…somewhere over the rainbow…
In the desire, often an expectation is hooked in.
And if that expectation is not met, we tend to get sad or…disappointed…frustrated…
And disappointment is just an appointment not met.
As mama-P would teach me, it is just like missing the bus…
That’s all it is…nothing more than that…no drama… it is what it is.

Isn’t that a relief?
That counts for everything.
It is all not so important, really.

So, sometimes I see my thoughts come up with stories of how things SHOULD be….and as Byron Katie would say; “You lose 100%, if you are not accepting what is.”
Especially when I was sick, I had often that voice in my head that resisted being sick…J

So I have a new saying in my head now that works really well to help me accept what is…

It is “LUCKY, LUCKY ME”…
Really when I say that to myself, it is as if my mind get stopped in its tracks…
all resistance and complaining crashes in the TRUTH of what is really true and that is
that I am so LUCKY to be alive…and to be me!
We all are…LUCKY ,LUCKY us!

You know I realized that LUCKY, LUCKY me is so so true…

And I am not only looking towards my life in this body and mind dimension…but I am so lucky I have this drive to know what awareness is about.
It is that desire (I guess desires are ok if you let go of the outcome) that brought me to Mama-P.
She is my mama, teacher, master,…all the above and she teaches me how I can see through my mind games…she teaches me who I really am. Lucky, lucky me!


I am a seeker and that’s why I love to write of these things too, because I am seeking through my experiences.
I don’t write if I didn’t feel in my God’s self it is true.
And always I can be wrong too. It doesn’t matter, really.

Don’t believe me…haha

Mama-P. would say; “What if nothing is wrong?”

It is not wrong to be wrong…J  and even if I am wrong I want to be able to say: “Lucky, lucky me.”

I want to come to the point I love my life with everything in it. I had difficulties to love it when I was sick for one month a half,… I am much better by the way after my conscious shift (see other blog).

I am coming to the point, you know…I am a seeker and the last days I was wondering if my life or if life in general has a destiny. I asked Mama’P. and then I asked God in me and little by little puzzle pieces came together…
When I ask something to my God’s self, the awareness I am, a whole mechanism starts working behind the scenes and brings me the answers in the most peculiar ways.
Last night I was watching a movie and right there the question was asked…the same question I asked mama-P. and myself.
Is there a plan, a destiny to life?
In the movie Ms Palfrey answered;” Yes I believe in destiny. Destiny might lead you to the path, but the rest is up to us though! Make the best of every moment.”

Maybe the path is our awareness itself.
I believe that’s our true destiny…of course how other can it be?
Than to be who we truly are?
God will always make sure that events in our lives happen to bring us back to the awareness of who we truly are. I feel that is the essence of life.
And I do believe that there are certain events that were kind of planned…I would never have been in Maui, if my physical mother didn’t die so young. I believe I have a connection with dolphins and turtles. And I deeply feel I had to come to Maui to meet Mama-P.
I see in my life that I have deep soul connections with close friends and I believe that we are from the same soul family. It is very strong….

Is my art imbedded in such a thing as destiny?
I think so….
So that’s the path…and who ‘AM I BEING’ is my job…J

This afternoon…it is so funny how life works…I was listening to Mooji.
I opened a new life streaming video and there suddenly he was talking about destiny…
So amazing…life works so perfectly, if we don’t try to control…J or have the illusion we have control…LOL
Even that must be NOT WRONG….

Mooji said that not everything is free will.
And then he gave the example of a friend of his that wanted to do a business and everything failed…he would start over and over again and invested everything he had and it just wouldn’t go….
It is interesting to hear that, because I feel the same thing happened to me.

This is a funny story, oh well…I don’t know if it is so funny after all…J but here it is…

Every year I have a friend that gives my solar for my birthday. This year I didn’t ask, because I don’t want to know anymore…I don’t think it can even be accurate, because there is no future anyway…
And it doesn’t really matter…
A solar is the horoscope for a full birth year, so from turd of December 2011 to turd of December 2012.
(see other blogs to understand the joke ‘turd’)
My friend had told that in July 2012 I finally would break through with my true life purpose.
By August I would do my real life purpose and I would be in great abundance…
I of course had put MY OWN STORY on that predicament.
I had this image I had to help and save the world with my art…
LOL J yep…. I thought that that was it…
I thought there would be Rainbowshops everywhere with rainbow clothing and Rainbow books…
Ok we can all start laughing now already…

I started knowing Mama-P. since that same birthday and since then my world didn’t turn up side down once, but didn’t stop yet turning upside down… J
A lot of my belief systems I still had with my birthday of last year is vanished as snow for the sun..
it is gone…I even forgot most of it…
My wish to save the world…gone…
My task to love everybody…gone…
My whole happy thought of having my book everywhere, my art everywhere…all of that all gone…
gone…
gone…
gone…
I feel a lot lighter, I can say…J
After I was released from those desires…hahah….
I got sick…was burning inside…beginning of November…
It was as if a long wick was placed inside of me and God light my fire…OH YES!
It went from the kidneys, to my urine track, to my ear and then to my intestines…
The fire was cleaning my body, but also my consciousness…

It is burning all what isn’t me…
and today?
What do I know today?
I mean do I know what my destiny is?
I thought I knew and I was kind of a fighter and a knight and also invested all my money in it and it is all gone…It is time to give up….I see that really clear so my real destiny can surface…haha
do I know anything, really?

I guess what Mama’P. would say is this; ”Here it is. You don’t have to look further or work to find it.
Right here and now it is, you are. This is your destiny. You are awareness, that’s it. And in the awareness you know yourself to be you can choose who you want to be and just PLAY.”
( I assume she would say that, I don’t know really if that is true)

I want to be LOVE, FREEDOM, PEACE, ABUNDANCE and JOY…I want to be the one swimming with dolphins, turtles and hear the whales singing….
I want to have this amazing relationship with Mama-P.
I want to do my art and live in abundance…
I want to share my love with friends…

Waaaw, I guess right here and now I am living my destiny already, because that is what I am living…J
And the next moment will be my next destiny…

I just have to stay in the moment and feel intuitively what to do…and live in the law of synchronicity…

I don’t even have TO DO that…IT IS LAW, it is life…I can’t even not do it…it is who we are.
It is insane to think that we have control over our lives….

As mama-P. would say: “Why would it be better to give the outcome of who you are being to God?”
I was like;”Hmmmm.”
MP.;”because God is unlimited, you are limited.”

And then I came to the next thought…life is a dream…what we really are is awareness.
Our lives here is a dream…so it doesn’t really matter to ponder about destiny or not…maybe? J

Is destiny just a dream?

Remember the movie ‘the life of Pi’ where his destiny was to be surviving a shipwreck with a tiger in a little boat. At the end of the movie the insurance company didn’t believe him. And so he made up another story that was even more unbelievable…so they choose the tiger story after all…
Just to say that our life is just like that…it is a story… and maybe there are outlines as meeting the tiger and being in a boat….BUT THE REST IS UP TO US…” J

So “LUCKY, LUCKY ME!”

 

Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com