I don’t know if I will be able to write this in one blog, but the Universe is responding with amazing surprises on my new born energy.
Lately I feel as new born, had some inner insights and had put them into action.
In the beginning of the week I had this major light going
on.
It was concerning relationships.
If something falls away don’t mourn, but celebrate!!!
After a break-up we all die a little death. We suffer and it is just extremely painful. But I had this voice inside of me that said that you could just choose to celebrate!
It was concerning relationships.
If something falls away don’t mourn, but celebrate!!!
After a break-up we all die a little death. We suffer and it is just extremely painful. But I had this voice inside of me that said that you could just choose to celebrate!
“But how could I do that if I just lost the person I love?”
I was asking myself.
My inner voice answered;”there is nothing really EVER to lose.”
You ARE “I AM’ presence, it is a fact. You will always be that, but only that. All the rest is just a role you play. The other is an illusion. There is no other.”
“Also”, continued my voice, ”if something leaves your life, trust that that is always for your good.
Trust that you get spared J Also the other get spared from you…JJ because it means that both of you just got what you really want!”
“You always get what you really authentically want”.
Waaw I never thought about that. But when I looked at it, it was true. The girlfriend I dated for about a month… if I ever dated her…was not what I wanted; that was so true!!!
I could see that now.
I didn’t want somebody who lied and betrayed people!
I would betray and lie to myself if I would want that behavior. And unfortunately that was what I did for about one month. I took abuse and lied and betrayed myself. It was that pain that I constantly felt.
Not her betrayal, but my own lack of self-love was hurting me!!!!
Oh waaw that was such an insight and liberation! My inner voice answered;”there is nothing really EVER to lose.”
You ARE “I AM’ presence, it is a fact. You will always be that, but only that. All the rest is just a role you play. The other is an illusion. There is no other.”
“Also”, continued my voice, ”if something leaves your life, trust that that is always for your good.
Trust that you get spared J Also the other get spared from you…JJ because it means that both of you just got what you really want!”
“You always get what you really authentically want”.
Waaw I never thought about that. But when I looked at it, it was true. The girlfriend I dated for about a month… if I ever dated her…was not what I wanted; that was so true!!!
I could see that now.
I didn’t want somebody who lied and betrayed people!
I would betray and lie to myself if I would want that behavior. And unfortunately that was what I did for about one month. I took abuse and lied and betrayed myself. It was that pain that I constantly felt.
Not her betrayal, but my own lack of self-love was hurting me!!!!
RIGHT NOW I HAVE WHAT I WANT!
And that was so so true!!!
I HAD FINALLY ME!!!
For about one month I had suffered the intense pain of the
loss of my loved one, I thought.
I was in deep grief and really thought every day about it…until I had that insight…'YOU GET SPARED; it would have meant LIFE SENTENCE…'
Just 3 days after that awakening moment I got a letter in the mailbox form MC., a woman I never really met; but always had meet.
She wanted to meet me…I didn’t have any doubt I wouldn’t because that morning I had heard my voice saying;” You have the same birthday then this woman and not only day and month but also the year are exactly the same. Something has to happen!”
When I was reading her letter, it was as I had read it before. It all was so familiar that my heart went open. Of course I would say yes to meet her, why not?”
I was in deep grief and really thought every day about it…until I had that insight…'YOU GET SPARED; it would have meant LIFE SENTENCE…'
Just 3 days after that awakening moment I got a letter in the mailbox form MC., a woman I never really met; but always had meet.
She wanted to meet me…I didn’t have any doubt I wouldn’t because that morning I had heard my voice saying;” You have the same birthday then this woman and not only day and month but also the year are exactly the same. Something has to happen!”
When I was reading her letter, it was as I had read it before. It all was so familiar that my heart went open. Of course I would say yes to meet her, why not?”
I know nobody can follow anymore, so I will clarify who the
mysterious MC is, who wrote her dream in the letter to me.
I will clarify with this little theater play, called “Menage a trois’
A play played with 3 characters, 3 woman…
We had CL., MC and then me, R.
I will clarify with this little theater play, called “Menage a trois’
A play played with 3 characters, 3 woman…
We had CL., MC and then me, R.
It was in March that R. thought it was a great thing to ask
the Universe for a new love in her life. She asked if a new girlfriend could
show up in ‘her’ bay in Maui. She didn’t want to do any effort; she wanted the
girl to appear so she could know it was the right one for her. She really
wanted a soulmate kind of person…you know kind of the right one...
3 days later CL. appears in R’s bay and Cl. Pursues R. (watch out what you are asking for! J)
CL. Is really trying to charm R. and R. kind of doesn’t know what is happening. R. never felt so wanted. It kind of felt good. But she was still aware and cautious because the last thing she wanted was to get hurt again.
CL. confessed she still had a relationship with somebody, but no worries it was so abusive and it was over for 99%.
R. doubted, was this right?3 days later CL. appears in R’s bay and Cl. Pursues R. (watch out what you are asking for! J)
CL. Is really trying to charm R. and R. kind of doesn’t know what is happening. R. never felt so wanted. It kind of felt good. But she was still aware and cautious because the last thing she wanted was to get hurt again.
CL. confessed she still had a relationship with somebody, but no worries it was so abusive and it was over for 99%.
CL. kept on telling R.”I want you!” (isn’t this slimy drama? Jwe do this all the time in “real’ life)
R. thought about the amazing synchronicity of her asking the Universe and thought that CL. showing up , right there where she had asked was a sign. They started making plans together…big plans…
But then when Cl. went back to the mainland where her so called abusive girlfriend was waiting for her it got really painful for R and ...that was not what R. expected, because it should be a no-brainer , right? Nobody wants to stay in an abusive relationship! (I need to say that :) )
You are guessing it already …MC. Is the mysterious ex girl friend.
Anyway to make it short,for about a month CL. started lying to both of us and created a ménage a trois. Cl. Would tell she wanted me, and latterly turn her back on me and say the same thing to MC. And vice versa and she would do that over and over…
Can you imagine this DRAMA PLAY>>>OH my God…TORTURE…
Boehoehoe….many tears from all sides…real pure good drama…
CUT!!!
CUT
CUT!!
CUT
CUT!!
Ok lets be the witness now…what happened for God’s sake?
Before I met CL. I was totally happy and suddenly got in this huge drama having huge heart pain.
I could see it was my LACK of self-love that allowed this drama into my life.
It is as if my part that is not self love yet, was getting played out just in front of me… in the form of CL and MC…
I can tell you, it was horrible and disgusting. CL. Even came back to Maui for a second episode...
And i am not saying it didn't had to happen...It did, it was this way i could see how I still was not loving myself enough...
Ohh I went through hell, until I had the insight that it was
the relationship with myself that created
this whole sick situation. So I was still sick with myself…Before I met CL. I was totally happy and suddenly got in this huge drama having huge heart pain.
I could see it was my LACK of self-love that allowed this drama into my life.
It is as if my part that is not self love yet, was getting played out just in front of me… in the form of CL and MC…
I can tell you, it was horrible and disgusting. CL. Even came back to Maui for a second episode...
And i am not saying it didn't had to happen...It did, it was this way i could see how I still was not loving myself enough...
There were layers of thoughts that came up:
She doesn’t want me.
I am not good enough.
I am bad.
I am not beautiful enough.
I am not interesting enough.
I am not kind enough.
I am not loving enough…
Not enough…not enough…
I got heart broken by CL. And MC trashed all her anger on me. For the first time in my life I had the feeling of having en enemy. It felt so weird and painful all..just pain…
The liberation came when I could let go of the voice of NOT ENOUGH to I AM ABUNDANCE.
From that point I saw that she wasn’t the one for me, or she would be. And also I saw that she was not the one I wanted, otherwise again she would be.
In that acceptance and allowing comes the greatest freedom ever…because you come in the SPACE of FAITH. You trust that The Universe doesn’t take away what belongs with/to you.
God takes only away when it is time to let go and to bring in what you really want.
So trust that if something falls away...really...
In that state of bliss I walked to my mailbox yesterday and opened Mc’s letter.
While I was reading it, I could only feel love and understanding. I had seen her as the Dart Vader in my life and suddenly that mask fell off and I could see her face and see it was all good…
Isn’t this something… CL. brought us together through cheating and lying. And here we are same birthday, even the year is the same…
We are helping each other to get over it, to heal our wounds
and to purify ourselves of the shit…I got heart broken by CL. And MC trashed all her anger on me. For the first time in my life I had the feeling of having en enemy. It felt so weird and painful all..just pain…
The liberation came when I could let go of the voice of NOT ENOUGH to I AM ABUNDANCE.
From that point I saw that she wasn’t the one for me, or she would be. And also I saw that she was not the one I wanted, otherwise again she would be.
In that acceptance and allowing comes the greatest freedom ever…because you come in the SPACE of FAITH. You trust that The Universe doesn’t take away what belongs with/to you.
God takes only away when it is time to let go and to bring in what you really want.
So trust that if something falls away...really...
In that state of bliss I walked to my mailbox yesterday and opened Mc’s letter.
While I was reading it, I could only feel love and understanding. I had seen her as the Dart Vader in my life and suddenly that mask fell off and I could see her face and see it was all good…
Isn’t this something… CL. brought us together through cheating and lying. And here we are same birthday, even the year is the same…
Oh that shit by the way I kind of symbolically and literally encountered during my amazing swim this very morning. After I received the letter yesterday and I agreed to meet her, I got nervous and lots of painful memories came back. I tried to clear out my feeling of darkness and pain, but it came back and back…over and over…
and I guess God put a piece of shit in the water, just when I wasn’t looking. I saw the turtle, yes I did and the coral and the fish and suddenly I feel this smooth vast mass sliding through my fingers…
“HU, poop!”
As always I want to discover God’s communication. I told God that next time she/he can quit the shit, and don’t give me shit anymore!
You know what God’s answer was;”Who was first, you think, you or me?” J
I had to tell my mom P-Yoda the shit story and she texted me
‘SHIT IS FLOWERS!”
And I hope so…I believe it is meant that MC. and I met…and we did tonight and it was pretty cool, and I can see we are clearing the shit together...
Isn’t this a great example of pure love and forgiveness that you can share your shit together J
And as always I don’t know the next chapter, God has its mysterious ways and the only thing I can do is to SURRENDER!
And I hope so…I believe it is meant that MC. and I met…and we did tonight and it was pretty cool, and I can see we are clearing the shit together...
Isn’t this a great example of pure love and forgiveness that you can share your shit together J
And as always I don’t know the next chapter, God has its mysterious ways and the only thing I can do is to SURRENDER!
It is something that sometimes our thoughts can bring us in such a theater play and we are so in it, we are not the 'I AM' anymore! If i would have been in my "I AM" and looked it from a distance, I would never have allowed such drama...but I had identified with one of the players and I could only see that anymore. I was lived by my thoughts, my feelings and body...and i can tell you it was no good. Step back...and cut the movie! And let your thoughts serve you as master!
I hope that my testimony saves a lot of pain in many people's life.
I know that many of us are caught up in this relationship drama, and it doesn't need to be like that..if we just step back and be the powerful 'I AM'.
Of course the play with CL. Wasn’t all bad, otherwise I would not have made plans with her.
But it really had a lot to do with a lot of LACK of self-love. If you love your self you can’t allow that to happen, it is that simple.
So LOVE YOUR SELF!
I know, I am in the process of forgiving CL. and maybe that is what MC is helping me with...
and i help her....who knows why God put us together...right??
I hope I help somebody with this...let go and LET GOD.
Here is the key to all relationships you will ever have in your life:
ALWAYS BE YOU, the joyful, authentic one who lives in FAITH in the LOVE that YOU ARE!
There is no other way that you will attract the same kind of people around you...It is a law!
Love attracts LOVE!
Visit my website for my wonderful art!
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