I am a little hair floating...

For about a week I try to start my book how I came to Hawaii, but kind of every day I see that something happens so another blog arises in the NOW and my Hawaiian adventure gets postponed….

Who knows, if I will ever be able to write it?
It is a good story though.

Today something really weird happened with me and I still don’t know what it is. Lately I had major flashes of awareness, and letting go of old beliefs. Since months now I have the honor to work with Mama-P-Yoda so intensely that I don’t recognize myself anymore from who I was two weeks ago.
So I am so another person from months ago.
It goes so fast. I am so ready.
I can only say, it is good and great.
I never felt so free than I feel right now.

I still have my things of course.
I still have to learn a lot.

Aaaa….at the same moment I am writing these things, I know it are only IDEAS (see blog yesterday) and I don’t know if I like the idea of having to learn a lot still. J I want to be…that’s it, I just want to BE.
Well, learning is fun if you make it fun. J
It all depends what you THINK learning is about.
Anyway with Mama-P-Yoda learning is a true adventure to a place where life is radically different.
I can say that I THINK I need a lot of guts and courage to live like that. But at the same moment I know that it kinda silly to THINK that, because I came to see that what mama-P-Yoda teaches me is true reality in fact! The life I was living in the past, that was so fake…and not REAL!
Now I learn to be who I really AM. There is no COURAGE required to be who IAM.

Ok well, this happened this morning.
I went running…my usual beloved thing in the morning…and something really strange happened to me.
I quiet don’t know what it all was. It was scary and at the same moment quiet exciting.
Mama-P-Yoda explained later I was in a higher awareness or an altered state of consciousness and probably that is the same…J
Anyway what it did with my world was that I couldn’t really see like I used too. Really , physically I couldn’t see anymore as I did 5 minutes before.
A spiral was turning in front of the left of my eyes. When I would close my eyes, it would be there in the left corner of both my eyes.
While I was running I even closed and opened my eyes, and there it was again.
Oh, s..t I thought; “What now?”
It was if nothing was real. I saw the houses but they were kind not really existing. It was as if they were there but not really. They were kind of moving, and the trees too. Everything was moving.
I looked to the sun and it was as if the sun was build up of all points. Haleakala was constantly moving too. EUH it was spooky at some point.

I kept on running and a thought came that I could fall down. But it was as if I wasn’t my footsteps anymore. It was all so weird. Whatever I was looking at, the spiral was there and everything was moving… Suddenly it just appeared to me that all what I saw was not real.
An awareness came that this whole world where I was living in and I thought was real, wasn’t.
I was still running, trying to get that thing of my eyes.
Now I started having a worrying thought that said to me; “What if you stay like this? You have nobody to take care of you. You won’t be able to drive a car, or paint. This sucks. What now?”

It was as if that voice wasn’t me. It was separate of me and was just talking about my physical condition.
My other sense of being wasn’t worried at all and so kept on running, because that was what I was doing. I was as if I knew I was fine.

The thought again said; ”But what if it doesn’t change. We will have to cope with it and accept and move on and live the best way we can.”

The ‘I am’ awareness came,” It doesn’t matter, you are not the body. It really doesn’t matter if you can’t see. You don’t really exist. Your body is not you.”

And then I went to my body, yes my body. I am still running, how is my body doing? Maybe I am going to fall down or so. That was a thought that came.
And I tried to find a way to go to my body. And it was as if my body was on the right and I was not in it.
I was on the left next to my body.(of couse if my body is on the right i am on the left..haha)
My body looked extremely fit and extremely small.
What was this?

I just continued running…

And thoughts came and went and I thought this is where Mama-P-Yoda still talks about.
Also I had listened to a youtube video of Mooji where he says that we are the watchers and we are really only eyeballs floating in the Universe. We are not the body, nor the mind. Just eyeballs with a little hair on it maybe J (he is funny)
And then I thought, “Oh God here I am the eye balls and then it was so funny that it were my eyeballs who were not working properly!”
And I thought, shoot now I am drifting in the Universe as ‘IAm’ but with no eyeballs.
They were not working properly…everything was floating around me…haha

But remarkable, the secure deep awareness in me let me know I didn’t need eyeballs to see. J

LOL only a little bit of hair was floating in the Universe…(this is Mooji humor, just imagine eyeballs with hair on it and then hair without eyeballs)
So I relaxed and I kept on running. And I tried to see things normal again. But it didn’t work.

I knew that everything I saw wasn’t there. I was in fact running through space, running through dimensions. So weird, really…so weird.
But fun too. It was already 20 minutes I was running like this…I already accepted that I would always have to live with this eye sight.
Then at a certain moment I said to the God within myself; “Ok enough I will never leave you again. I promise. I got it.”
And instantly I had my normal eyesight back. (The day before I had left myself really, a..aa not good)
I just kept on running and I felt so good  to feel my body again..to see again…the trees, the birds, my hand…

Although I knew deep inside… how cool this experience was... I travelled as my true Self in the true Universe.

When I came home I wrote an email to Mama-P-Yoda and it was so strange. The computer was the computer but there was a deep awareness that that is all NOTHING. I was ticking on the laptop knowing…I wasn’t really there…how weird…it still needs to sink in…

I looked around me and nothing was of any importance. I walked to my car and it was not important.
I mean it is just what it is. There is no car, not me or my body really and at the same moment I am experiencing all of it.
I still feel strange and don’t really know what happened…maybe I will never know.
Really. J

I came in the bay and there was my good friend M. gifting me with an unreal  nutella croissant…hhmmm
but that one was real, I ate it 3 hours later in solitude so I didn’t have to share with anybody. She almost gave a piece to the birds, but I could grab the bag out of her hands and secure it safely away…far away from any living eating beings. I gave the birds some peanuts instead…unreal peanuts for their unreal bodies…J
it is all so weird…
then I met 6 unreal turtles in one spot eating unreal sea weed…
and I went home enjoying my unreal croissant….

Isn’t this all interesting… I see myself as a new born child touching all the different veils of different dimensions seeking the truth…seeking who I really am…
I keep you posted… I know it is all weird…maybe it isn’t?
I don’t know anything…

Love tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com