It was stinking for sure!

Posing proud with our catch...I still in aah for the tiny little fish around my head in the water.
I am showing with my fingers how big they were...tiny!

                              

Who had thought that we, my friend B. and I would have a important task at hand today.
Not me and absolutely not B.

I had lost B. in teh water and my thoughts became sTINKING thoughts.
I had followed our normal journey and had become a little worried, not seeing her in the water.
Some big Hawaiian bird was hanging in the sky, it is a sort of vulgar and somebody a long time ago had ‘made me wise’(=Belgian expression for trying to convince you of something) that that was BAD luck.
Ooh my MIND brought me in all different kind of scary places…a shark attack, a heart attack,…
You know if you let your mind take over the show, then every little thing you hear or see will be used to proof that THE MIND is right.
I came with my head out of the water again and now I heard helicopters in the distance…Oh I hope everything is ok…. First the birds, now the helicopters…
BUT
I know better already and see through it…I see that it is my mind that makes something up.
With allowing the mind to rule my world, I just gave it permission to change my peaceful movie into a horror story. But I DIDN’T buy into it and could let the thoughts pass my blue sky and relax and even enjoy the water!

I actually felt my heartbeat go down again…really, how we can mess up everything with our thoughts!
Once I relaxed I found B. back of course …she apologized and said she took a short cut because her boy friend was at home waiting for her.
She was going to go home as soon as she could!

That was her plan A.

I already learned in life to not make plans so much anymore. I really live mostly in the present moment and don’t really know what is going to happen the next hour. I don’t know what tomorrow brings, it is all open…That’s how I love to live my life. I love that freedom to follow what life brings me.
And besides when I ever dare to make a plan, it often gets changed anyway.

I have a friend and we always make plan A, B and C. 
“We have plan A, B and C and then God comes with plan D.” LOL J
That’s what we learned having Plan A, B and C. We often didn’t come to those plans at all….

Today too…J  B. was pushed to let go of her Plan A and the boyfriend.

It is weeks I wanted to show her the baby sharks and I was so happy to show her one!

It felt as if it was telling us; “Come you have to see this.”
And it brought us to a huge clump of nets, cords and other junk the fishermen left behind in the ocean.(Or lost)

B. and I started pulling on it, but it was dawn hard. It was anchored at the coral. Luckily she had a knife and I started working to get it loose. Little tiny cute little fish were dancing around my head while I was trying to loosen up the cords. Meantime waves were rolling over us, because we were in the middle of the surf.
We bumped into each other and I saw how dangerous this was in fact. Easily we could get tangled in those ropes and pulled under water. (But that was a thought too…a careful one, so I was careful J)
At a certain point I didn’t see how we could do it, because the coral was so law. Each time we entangled something, the other side got stuck somewhere else.

Jee, it was heavy work.
The little fish were swimming around our snorkels telling us to leave their home alone!
They were so cute!
Can you imagine how easy a turtle would get caught in those nets? Dolphins would never come so close in, but yes the baby sharks could get caught too. A Shark can breathe under water, but a turtle has to come up. It would drown if it would get caught in those nets.
So that motivation inside myself let me decide to start pulling at the nets and to sacrifice the coral.
Within 5 minutes we got it loose! B. is more than 70 years old and she loves turtles so much. She rescues them since years. I am one of her team buddies now. It was amazing…I saw immediately that we would get caught in the coral again if we took the shortest route to shore, so I said to go against the surf and go in deeper water and go around the surf to get to our usual exit at Wai’ala.
It was hard work, my legs..I can’t feel them tonight…not that is not correct…that is how we would say it in Belgium to announce that our legs are exhausted.
We got the dawn thing on shore, scratched ourselves with coming in, dragging it on land…yeah!

I left B. there and swam back to the entrance of the reserve where my flip flops were.

Oh, I never enjoyed the water so much I believe. It was as if I had to be cooled down. The whole effort had made me so hot….

When I returned in the parking lot; B. wanted me the pose with the more than 100 pounds net cluster.

So easy to live in the present moment…it is what it is any way. If you think that you have your whole life under control, that everything is in time…well keep dreaming.
Sometimes you get picked out to do something…the only thing you have to do is show up and accept your plan A, B and C changed into D,E or….
J what a life…I stopped making plan A, B and C… J

Isn’t it exciting!
It is a true adventure!

Love Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

rOUSH there comes Piggy rainbow...out of the way!

my friend H, another piggy buddy...i have many...

                                            
                               



Two piggies’ and me;
each of us on a skate board rushing through the curves of the road….yeah!!!!

This was the last part of my ‘sweaty’ dream this morning.
First part was not so fun...I was sitting in a car at the driver’s seat and my ex was sitting at the right side. Normally I should have had the steer weal in my hands, but I didn’t. She was driving the car with a remote control and it was insane and frightening, we almost got out of the curves of the road! I tried to use the breaks…but there were none!!! I was out of control! Help!!!

Woeps and the dream catapulted me in a far past where I was walking with my previous partner and my two dogs at the country side in Belgium. And there it shifted again…SUDDENLY…
me on a skateboard and my dogs transformed into piggy’s… following me on their mini skate boards…woesh…SO MUCH FUN!!!!! We wre going so fast, you can’t imagine!

Dreams are awesome; they tell you what is ready to be revealed and are brought to the surface as information to become more of who you are.
I couldn’t figure out yet what it all meant, but I had some idea. But I just left it there and went running and swimming this morning. And forgot about the dream…
I had so much fun with my friends S., M. and Ms. on our Sunday swim!
M. was in top form (we would say in Belgium) and joked around. It was as if she was one of those little piggy’s of my dream. Also Ms. and S. were in their element and were acting as little laughing piggy’s.
We were 4 little piggies swimming in the beautiful turquoise ocean.
We have so much fun in teasing each other. I am the bubble maker, Ms. makes good stink eyes, S. gets always in trouble with saying things he better doesn’t let come over his lips and M. is just always funny.
She has these bright yellow fins now, because she wants to be seen from the boats. But she flashes all the fish and makes them blind. And the one that is blind (the shark) she gives back its eye sight and asks for his attention….come come… J  nam nam...Haha (I hope she doesn’t read this blog, or she won’t bring me any croissants anymore)In fact we call her Angel M. Now...and she really is… (HIHI …want to not lose my privileges to be treated as a spoiled European getting croissants!) If you want to charm a European, croissant, nutella and chocolate will do! :) especially when that European is ME!

I don’t know what it was this morning, but it was as we swam and rushed around coral heads, and around lava rocks…’roushing’ through the water…just as those piggies did in my dream.
We were laughing and giggling and teasing…and having so much fun!
SO SO MUCH FUN!

We parted and each went to its home and I saw I had a text from my sweet friend D.
Oh oh… I had to make the really difficult decision to: 1)to go for a hike with her or 2) to work this afternoon. Mmmmm let's THINK...
I choose to NOT work…aah that was a hard decision!  haha really my work is not really work, painting is my passion and play! J

D. and I went on the Lahaina pali trail! We started at the Manawaipueo Gulch and climbed the dusty zigzag road up over the Kealaloloa Ridge in the West Maui Mountains. We could see Kahoolawe, Molokini , Lanai and Kihei from the path. But what was most intriguing was the turquoise ocean just beneath us. We promised each other to jump in afterwards. We were already hot after 20 minutes going up that steep mountain with our flip flops. D. and I always forget to bring other shoes, as we don’t own any other shoes…do we? (LOL)…we even descended into Haleakala (volcano) once with flip flops, but never did that again; because we had to climb out the same way of where we came… J
Try it and you’ll know what I am talking about.

It was so beautiful …we could see the coral through the water! Turquoise, green, yellow…aaah food for the Soul!
So inviting….
We didn’t make it to the water, because it was kinda of late…so we went for ice cream…(my first sugar in a long time)
It is ok, today I was allowed to be a Piggy…We were so thirsty and hot….but extremely happy!

And then we went for sunset…woeha… I can proudly say that I am a SUNSET addict!
Mmm. What an awesome piggy day!
And then I still didn’t have had the cherry on MY cake! I called Mama P-Y and we laughed so hard.
We laughed especially with the piggy thing… but really extremely with the first part of my dream.

Once I saw that all what’s in my dream were parts of my SELF, I started laughing. Because seeing through it is dissolving the belief systems that are behind it. It was just silly after that.
YEAh!
And you know what remains???

Me, the 2 piggies and the skate board… and knowing that REALLY I don’t KNOW a thing…
Maybe this though:
The point is what are you going to choose…you are the power….you have the CHOICE…
it is OUR life, it is my life, it is your life…what are you going to do with it?

I kinda of like being a piggy… J Love life, celebrate and BE me!
Live life as you don’t NEED TO BE CAREFUL ever any more…LIFE IS FOR YOU and not against you!
You can be a piggy and enjoy the ride!
Trust that life is always good….and is with you on that skate board, laughing...

rOUSh….there I come PIGGY Rainbow, with my two friends Piggy Jodhy and Piggy Mercy…
(Jodhi and Mercy were my BELOVED dogs, still always at my side) now  transformed in my Piggy buddies....
watch out…we might disturb the ‘peace’ with our laughter…
Who else wants to be our Piggy buddy!
Let's make a new movement! The pIGGy movement...
The mission statement would be..Life is always with us, let's celebrate!

Love tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

I am a little hair floating...

For about a week I try to start my book how I came to Hawaii, but kind of every day I see that something happens so another blog arises in the NOW and my Hawaiian adventure gets postponed….

Who knows, if I will ever be able to write it?
It is a good story though.

Today something really weird happened with me and I still don’t know what it is. Lately I had major flashes of awareness, and letting go of old beliefs. Since months now I have the honor to work with Mama-P-Yoda so intensely that I don’t recognize myself anymore from who I was two weeks ago.
So I am so another person from months ago.
It goes so fast. I am so ready.
I can only say, it is good and great.
I never felt so free than I feel right now.

I still have my things of course.
I still have to learn a lot.

Aaaa….at the same moment I am writing these things, I know it are only IDEAS (see blog yesterday) and I don’t know if I like the idea of having to learn a lot still. J I want to be…that’s it, I just want to BE.
Well, learning is fun if you make it fun. J
It all depends what you THINK learning is about.
Anyway with Mama-P-Yoda learning is a true adventure to a place where life is radically different.
I can say that I THINK I need a lot of guts and courage to live like that. But at the same moment I know that it kinda silly to THINK that, because I came to see that what mama-P-Yoda teaches me is true reality in fact! The life I was living in the past, that was so fake…and not REAL!
Now I learn to be who I really AM. There is no COURAGE required to be who IAM.

Ok well, this happened this morning.
I went running…my usual beloved thing in the morning…and something really strange happened to me.
I quiet don’t know what it all was. It was scary and at the same moment quiet exciting.
Mama-P-Yoda explained later I was in a higher awareness or an altered state of consciousness and probably that is the same…J
Anyway what it did with my world was that I couldn’t really see like I used too. Really , physically I couldn’t see anymore as I did 5 minutes before.
A spiral was turning in front of the left of my eyes. When I would close my eyes, it would be there in the left corner of both my eyes.
While I was running I even closed and opened my eyes, and there it was again.
Oh, s..t I thought; “What now?”
It was if nothing was real. I saw the houses but they were kind not really existing. It was as if they were there but not really. They were kind of moving, and the trees too. Everything was moving.
I looked to the sun and it was as if the sun was build up of all points. Haleakala was constantly moving too. EUH it was spooky at some point.

I kept on running and a thought came that I could fall down. But it was as if I wasn’t my footsteps anymore. It was all so weird. Whatever I was looking at, the spiral was there and everything was moving… Suddenly it just appeared to me that all what I saw was not real.
An awareness came that this whole world where I was living in and I thought was real, wasn’t.
I was still running, trying to get that thing of my eyes.
Now I started having a worrying thought that said to me; “What if you stay like this? You have nobody to take care of you. You won’t be able to drive a car, or paint. This sucks. What now?”

It was as if that voice wasn’t me. It was separate of me and was just talking about my physical condition.
My other sense of being wasn’t worried at all and so kept on running, because that was what I was doing. I was as if I knew I was fine.

The thought again said; ”But what if it doesn’t change. We will have to cope with it and accept and move on and live the best way we can.”

The ‘I am’ awareness came,” It doesn’t matter, you are not the body. It really doesn’t matter if you can’t see. You don’t really exist. Your body is not you.”

And then I went to my body, yes my body. I am still running, how is my body doing? Maybe I am going to fall down or so. That was a thought that came.
And I tried to find a way to go to my body. And it was as if my body was on the right and I was not in it.
I was on the left next to my body.(of couse if my body is on the right i am on the left..haha)
My body looked extremely fit and extremely small.
What was this?

I just continued running…

And thoughts came and went and I thought this is where Mama-P-Yoda still talks about.
Also I had listened to a youtube video of Mooji where he says that we are the watchers and we are really only eyeballs floating in the Universe. We are not the body, nor the mind. Just eyeballs with a little hair on it maybe J (he is funny)
And then I thought, “Oh God here I am the eye balls and then it was so funny that it were my eyeballs who were not working properly!”
And I thought, shoot now I am drifting in the Universe as ‘IAm’ but with no eyeballs.
They were not working properly…everything was floating around me…haha

But remarkable, the secure deep awareness in me let me know I didn’t need eyeballs to see. J

LOL only a little bit of hair was floating in the Universe…(this is Mooji humor, just imagine eyeballs with hair on it and then hair without eyeballs)
So I relaxed and I kept on running. And I tried to see things normal again. But it didn’t work.

I knew that everything I saw wasn’t there. I was in fact running through space, running through dimensions. So weird, really…so weird.
But fun too. It was already 20 minutes I was running like this…I already accepted that I would always have to live with this eye sight.
Then at a certain moment I said to the God within myself; “Ok enough I will never leave you again. I promise. I got it.”
And instantly I had my normal eyesight back. (The day before I had left myself really, a..aa not good)
I just kept on running and I felt so good  to feel my body again..to see again…the trees, the birds, my hand…

Although I knew deep inside… how cool this experience was... I travelled as my true Self in the true Universe.

When I came home I wrote an email to Mama-P-Yoda and it was so strange. The computer was the computer but there was a deep awareness that that is all NOTHING. I was ticking on the laptop knowing…I wasn’t really there…how weird…it still needs to sink in…

I looked around me and nothing was of any importance. I walked to my car and it was not important.
I mean it is just what it is. There is no car, not me or my body really and at the same moment I am experiencing all of it.
I still feel strange and don’t really know what happened…maybe I will never know.
Really. J

I came in the bay and there was my good friend M. gifting me with an unreal  nutella croissant…hhmmm
but that one was real, I ate it 3 hours later in solitude so I didn’t have to share with anybody. She almost gave a piece to the birds, but I could grab the bag out of her hands and secure it safely away…far away from any living eating beings. I gave the birds some peanuts instead…unreal peanuts for their unreal bodies…J
it is all so weird…
then I met 6 unreal turtles in one spot eating unreal sea weed…
and I went home enjoying my unreal croissant….

Isn’t this all interesting… I see myself as a new born child touching all the different veils of different dimensions seeking the truth…seeking who I really am…
I keep you posted… I know it is all weird…maybe it isn’t?
I don’t know anything…

Love tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

I have a great idea...it's just an idea

                                           Just an idea.....


You know …I assume that anyone during his/her  life…kind of feels a victim at some point…
I know many that walk around with wounds, so as myself…until I realized this:

I mean I felt like I RAN away from all the abusive situations in my life.

Today I came to SEE that I CHOOSE to walk away from it.

It makes a world of a difference (is that how we say it?).

If I believe I run away from something, I remain a victim.
If I choose to walk away from it, there is no victim...there is only power and self-love.

This idea came today… I always had the story in my mind that I RAN AWAY from home when I was 18 and just having this thought made my life so miserable.  Believing I ran away was like believing I didn’t have another choice. It also gave me a feeling that my life after that was a big mistake…
In the eyes of my victim identity I had a very hard life and still until today I had a feeling to watch out nobody would hurt me.  It always comes back on a lack of self-authority, self-love and self-worth.

If those 3 qualities are in place than I am the identity of the BRAVE one, and then I don’t run away but walk away with each new choice I make.
In the position of the brave one there is NO REGRET….there you trust your unique journey.

Today, right now…I can choose to be the brave one and walk away from any situation that is NOT my choice.
It can even be a situation that only plays in my head.
We most suffer because we are victims of our thoughts.

If we take the concept those THOUGHTS are IDEAS…than I find it kind of easier to make choices.
You have good and bad ideas. What doesn’t feel good is a bad idea.

For example if I feel fear for being poor, it is because I had a thought that made me afraid. It is not the truth and it might never be the truth. That thought of being ‘poor’ was just a thought AND so a bad idea and I can just delete it!

If I get a thought to make some breakfast because I am hungry; then that is a good idea….

When we look to thoughts as ideas, than it feels as fear is not a heavier thought than wanting breakfast.
It are just thoughts…just ideas…
One is a great idea and the other is…eeee…no so good.

In each point of our life we CHOOSE, trust you always made the right choices….
This will liberate you, make you free…and it will give you the Quality of TRUST within your Self.

Love Tamara rainbow

www.rainbowsheart.com

It is not in our hands...

It is out of my hands…and it feels good.

I was walking on the beach tonight. Marvelous sunset and a father was shouting at his son “Push more.”
I realized in that moment how we push life so much. I was a ‘pucher’ of my own life big time.

We are a society of ‘pushers’ and we can say, if we weren’t pushers maybe we would never have invented the train, the light bulb, the airplanes, the computers,…We would still live as ‘savages’…
But can you know absolutely sure that is true?
What if everything is already is in place and it just comes naturally without any need to push?
What if that is the NATURE of life…that everything streams like a river streams, effortless and with faith… that whatever has to happen happens…

Sometimes I get in my environmental mood and then I would shout;
“Look around you, look how our Earth suffers...all because of our pushing…”

Deep inside I know there is no way anything will go faster or slower with pushing and controlling.
in fact I know that there is nowhere to go. We are who we are and that is “IAM”, all the rest is fake.

We push so hard for nothing, really!

When I identify with the environmentalist my courage sinks often in my shoes (Belgian expression) when I watch it all in front of my eyes.
How can we hurt and abuse the Earth so much? How can we so use and abuse ourselves?

I know that I have only control over my own world… it is only my world I can change.
And even when I write this right now…I hear a deep laughter… I know deep inside I don’t have really control of anything. Not even of my own world.

It is not in my hands, my life is in God’s hands.

And we can try to secure ourselves with houses, insurance, retirement plans, stuff….
We can have the biggest houses with the thickest walls that can endure anything…at the end we will see we are not in control. It is really not in our hands.
Trying to secure ourselves (most of the world does that) roots out of LACK.

LACK of trust…
Lack of Faith…
Lack of LOVE…
Lack of well being…
Lack self worth…

I see that in order to come out of this mass consciousness of LACK; our society needs to learn to die.

Anyway what I say is that we PUSH ourselves in any way, since we are born…and my belief is, that we do that to avoid thinking that one day we will die. But that one day will come eventually, and then it doesn’t matter if you have 2 houses, 3 cars, televisions and all stuff stuff stuff….

We kind of get humbled by dying. That’s how I see it…
There you know that IT IS NOT IN OUR HANDS…
So , right now in my world I try to come to terms with it and I don’t want to wait until my last day.
It would be wonderful, if we would be so in tune with death as the indigenous peoples were.

I think I am saying that our culture would benefit to embrace death and to talk, teach and feel about it.
Right in this moment people are dying, right now when you read this.
Babies are getting born, and people die right now. Many die alone not prepared and I know I am not prepared yet if death would come tomorrow…or maybe I am...i mean if death comes it is inevitable it is time, or you would not die.
The fact we are still here is because we are not done doing what we came here to do.

I believe if we can learn to die, here right now before it is really our time to go; if we all can learn to die together…the world would be a much happier place to be.
I feel that we won’t buy stuff stuff  stuff anymore to fill up the hole we feel in ourselves….
We would not take so much from the Earth anymore. We would be more in Nature and BE in Nature.
We would be so filled with joy of being alive, that we would be content.
We would see that dying in fact is coming alive in the ‘IAM’state.
We would see that we are all connected and that LACK is a lie.

Our society would not be build on lack anymore, but on FAITH and abundance.

Go to the place where you feel I have only one day to live…. And you will feel an aliveness inside of you.
You will feel the infinite Source inside of you.

You will feel the GRATITUDE for LIFE!

We stop take life for granted as we do now in our society today.
Every day again is a gift of life…

Your life is a gift to you…smile…each new day again and again…
it is really not in your hands….

Love Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

God's fingers in my hair

I had a marvelous day today. I was hanging in the middle of the ocean… and was still enjoying the encounter with a baby shark and the two baby turtles. One baby turtle was so small, it was the cutest turtle ever…well it shell was a little smaller than a foot. So that’s pretty small.
It was as the two baby turtles were playing with each other, how cute.

The bigger one left and the smallest one stayed with me. He or she was hanging a feet beneath my belly and was just watching me and I was watching her/him. Maybe he loved it when I was telling him/her how cute she was. It was as if she was enjoying… the attention.

Getting attention is sooo enjoyable!

When I left the little mini turtle I imagined while I was hanging in the big Ocean, that the Earth was floating in the Universe. It felt as if I was hanging in the silence of the ocean, but at the same moment I was also hanging in the silence of the Universe. I moved my awareness to my center and suddenly it was as if I was just air…and just floating in the big galaxy.
I didn’t hear a thing, I was just time travelling, space travelling and was the Universe.
I didn’t think…until a thought came…..maybe this was how it is to be dead.

This is what we really are…energy floating in the Universe. I didn’t feel fear, I felt secure and safe.

The water was carrying me, I didn’t sink and something in me felt as this could be the same when I am dead. I would feel content, floating and HELD by a loving force. It felt safe….loving.

Once the awareness came back to my body; I only felt love for my body.
Once in my life I have punished and tortured my body with starvation and severe over-exercising…but that was gone. Once in my past I had wanted to be without body, because I thought that being in a body was LESSER than being a spirit.
I came to see that those thoughts were all bullshit.
I understood from a deep point that when you ARE “IAM’, you have an appreciation and love for your body as God has for us. I can only compare the love I feel for my body now, with God’s love. I don’t know otherwise how to describe the enormous feeling I feel for it. But know that I feel no separation between God and myself. I am God and God is me.

But this thing happens that when you surrender in “IAM” you see your body for what it is. You don’t make it more and you don’t make it less. It is your vehicle, your temple on earth. It is through the body we feel and enjoy. It is through this body we experience we ARE “IAM”.

In that awareness you give it ATTENTION. YOU do..I do…no waiting for someone else doing it for us.

I came out of the water in a state of bliss and it is as if I always see the colors more intense…it is as if Nature is buzzing. I only want silence and Nature than….

So it was so enjoyable when my friend J. invited me to go with him on the Waihee trail.
It is an amazing hike behind Iao valley. The mountains always remind me off Peru. You have these amazing coastal views of Paia, Kahului and you even see the other side of the Island and Kihei.
It is mind blowing.

You hike up the mountain and at a certain point you look into the valley where a river flows to the Ocean. Waterfalls are moving their way towards the river. Just…waaw. The green is OVER-abundant and the smell is very typical tropical Hawaiian.

Haiku smells like that too. It smells wet and warm, to rotten fruits and the special grass that grows along the path. I can recognize the smell with my eyes closed. Kihei where I live smells totally different.

I love both smells.
I feel home here and I am always kind of touched when they call me a local. It feels as if I am accepted.
My external doesn’t show I am from here. (my white skin and blonde hair), but my internal is.
This is funny:
I do everything in my flip flops. I don’t know why. It just feels the most comfortable way to walk. It feels like I have trouble having shoes on my feet. That happens when you live here 6 years. It is too warm to wear shoes. Anyway when we went up, 3 Hawaiian local boys called me a hard core…haha J I like that. They were wearing their tennis shoes and I was doing the Waihee trail on my flip flops…

 am used to it, but still I was tired when I came home…

And now comes the whole point of my blog…
ATTENTION…
I lied myself on my bed with a very intensely good loving feeling towards myself and my life. Lately I started thinking so differently...I am more and more in the “IAM” and don’t IDENTIFY myself anymore with my body or mind. I really come more and more in the moment and with what is.

And in the past I had those moments when I paint.
Tonight I had an intense moment of joy when I was lying on my bed. I wasn’t the body, but in the same moment I was in gratitude for it. A little breeze came in and just activated my whole 7^th chakra on the top of my head.
You know that feeling when somebody caresses your hair…I had that feeling and it went on for an hour.

I could see I could increase the joy on top of my head with the vibration of gratitude and love.

I didn’t touch myself...I just touched myself with AWARENESS.
First I was “IAM” (like floating in the Universe, deep breath, feeling your Source) and then I came in a deep gratitude for my unique body…

The GRATITUDE was the ATTENTION that the body received. That attention caused an immense feeling of joy in my body. Only when I paint and swim with dolphins I feel the same thing. It is as if the 7^th chakra opens itself widely. It feels so good.

The GRATITUDE…is the feeling of love…is also FAITH…it is a high vibration… all these qualities is the love we GIVE ourselves…we don’t need anyone for it….It is amazing to be with yourself in this way.
It is amazing to ALLOW yourself to give your Self this kind of ATTENTION!
It is accepting you are God and treating you as God.

It is as if the top of my head is DIRECTLY connected with a hose of LOVE energy entering my being… and my body… when I am there…

God's fingers in my hair...

Try it…It is amazing…this happens when you BE and allow your SELF to DO the things you LOVE.

Life is precious, live life like it is your last day on Earth…
Do you love your SELF so much you can let your Self be and do what you feel WILL EXPAND you?
In that EXPANSION we are the UNIVERSE.
Gratitude= EXPANSION

Love tamara Rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

Mama shark teaches 'BOUNDARIES'

Funny how life works and how rich life is in fact. Maybe it is me...I don’t know J
I meet the weirdest people on my path…ohoh maybe it is a mirror for my weirdness! Haha J
This morning when I arrived in the bay I didn’t have a chance to really get out of my car. Suddenly a black Jamaican older grey man was standing in front of me. He had some dread locks in his white beard and out of his ears, I saw, grew black curly hair. That was very funny and cute. th rest of his hair was grey or white.
His energy was very agitated, as if he saw the most beautiful thing, ever. Or won the lottery, or something like that. I didn't know yet, I was the 'price bird'.

It felt a little uncomfortable...because what I wanted to do was gazing over the Ocean…just being with me and the Ocean… but here he was standing, blocking the way to the Universal Ocean…

“Here you are! I always wanted to meet you! I love your energy and your smile! You are an angel”;He announced loudly. His arms were swinging in the air. It was as if he played the theater play of his life!

"This is meant to be!"; he DECLARED!

I didn’t know what to do with all these words. I was just standing there, kind of trying to hide away for the crossfire of beautiful words. Maybe I was just not used to such beautiful 'flowering' words!
I answered his questions as ‘a good girl” and polite I gave him my business card. I was a little overwhelmed and didn’t know what to think of it.
My old convictions and beliefs that I have to love everybody, that I have to be loving to everybody and open for everybody…were passing my mind.

What did I need to do with this?

I felt uncomfortable and just wanted to hide, really.

“You don’t remember me?” he asked.
I had to dig deep in my memory and then it came to me that about a month ago, this man had blocked my way to come to the bay. That day he was parked in the middle of the street and was talking to a homeless person aside the road.  I couldn’t pass through.
I waited very patiently until they were done and just waved and smiled when I drove by. That was it.

“I wanted to chase you and tell you how beautiful your smile was”, he said.
“YOU are LOVE”; he announced.
It just pours out of you. I want to meet you. It is no coincidence I was called to come to the bay today. You are love, you just can’t help it.”

You know, I was a little flattered by his words. It was nice words, but I didn’t know what he wanted. He wanted more than I could give him or I wanted to give him. That was clear. He asked me to talk with him, but I didn’t know what to say.

I was relieved when I saw that my friend M. arrived. She kind of was my savior and she didn’t know it yet. I kind of stayed around M., but the Jamaican older man stayed too; as he was stuck with some glue for some reason. J

A half hour later my friend B. came and I saw more rescue coming. B. has boundaries, she was a teacher. Now I will get away, I thought.
B. whispered she knew him and called him ‘the flirter’.
Jee, great. That did it!
I announced; “I am going to swim, who comes with me?”
My friends M. and B. agreed without any resistance. Why would that be? J

We said goodbye and I was so so happy to be in my car, safe and in my own boundaries.


The water felt so good and now I write about it, I guess MISS shark gave me a lesson in BOUNDARIES.
My whole life I have difficulties to say; ”No, thank you.”
But MISS Shark did!
When I came around the corner, swimming in my usual splashing turbo Rainbow style, she set herself just in front of me. Didn’t she hear that 2 months ago I cut a shark loose? (see blog Mano the shark)
I thought I was protected from now on. She should know that she can trust me…and that I helped her family member.
Oh no, she absolutely made CLEAR to me that I would be TRESSPASSING if I was going any further!
Normally reef sharks just pass and move away. But she was looking to me with her eyes, moving her body as she was a football player that would just knock me out, if I would come closer.
Mmm, I felt a little fear. I was used to the reef sharks now, but this 5 footer seemed like not wanting to move away. Contrarily when I backed up, she followed me. Huuuu….
I looked back and I was not 100% sure yet, if it was a ‘Nono’, so I turned myself to see what she would do and she just came closer with a body language that made me aware that there was NO DOUBT, she didn’t want me there.

Hmm I felt a little hurt. J haha really, I mean it. I thought the sharks were my friends now.
I swam to my friend B. and I told her that Miss Shark (shark=Mano in Hawaiian) didn’t want us closer…but we were both curious; so we swam to the goatfish anyway and kind of trespassed her back yard.
B. telling me; “She is probably watching us from somewhere.”
Huuu, ok.
So I kind of had it and started swimming to the left so I could get out of her back yard. I really didn’t want to enter her living room. “J”
When we came more in a safer place, my friend B. announced; “Ha, we still have all our body parts.”
She is funny.

In the afternoon I got two telephone calls and when I called the numbers back, the numbers kind of not exist. And now I wonder, if it was the guy?
Oh boy..don’t really want to go there…

But now I look deeper in my experineces of the day, I can see that Miss shark thought me, to put my boundaries without the need for one word. (of course not sharks don’t talk J)
I kind of practiced that yesterday, I remember. There were two tourists (we see it are tourists by the white or really red skin). They were chasing a turtle when I swam by. Normally I would say something, but I felt not to do so and just to watch them. I was in a waiting position to see how they would continue.
I felt the tourists got uncomfortable and looked at me. They tried to dive again and I just crossed my arms over my belly, letting them know, to NOT go further; or they would be in real trouble! Ha...they got my Luke Skywalker rescue look; “Honu, the turtle is my friend. Watch out! I have a light saber!”
 I waited until they left and I knew the turtle was safe.

Damn, I did it. No words, just body language and energetically intention…aha!

But how could I have use that this morning? The guy was only nice...a little too nice…maybe...
was he? I don't know anything, really...
I have still so much to learn…

What I did learn out of the situation with the Jamaican guy was, that whatever happens just IS.
(It was kind of Mama P-Yoda that made me aware of this lesson)In the moment the guy tells me nice words; that’s the ONLY thing that happens!
Nothing more, nothing less. It is just nice words.
It is when I put MY PAST on it and judge it from past experiences that I CHANGE the situation.It becomes a situation covered with shit, if my past was shitty. J And it was.
So suddenly this situation can become a whole other story than it actually really IS!
Even B.’s story about the man. “He is a flirt.” That is her story. If I take it on (which I did) I am in B.’s story and not IN WHAT IS REAL for me.
What was real was: “The man tells me nice things.”
That was the only thing that was happening!!!!

So the trick is to just be in the moment and to not go to the past and judge the situation out of the perspective of past experiences. No need to go to the future and to think that he is going to chase me, because I AM NOT in the FUTURE!
I can’t ever BE in the future anyway. So why go there, ever!?
If I go to the future, I go AHEAD of the TRUTH.

The truth is NOW.
The man even told me that the first time he saw me, he didn’t wanted to follow me, because he was scared I would THINK he would chase me. So why thinking it now?

Point is to stay in the NOW, always. There is NOTHING else than right here right NOW!
So now I see through this whole situation and my projection of past fears; I embrace the words he spoke to me, because truly it were wonderful words! J

HAHA

So it means that I embrace that "I am LOVE and that I have a beautiful smile." J HIHI
Byron Katie and Mama P-Yoda would say; “This man is a clever man, because he noticed!”

And then they would teach me to say; “YES, I THINK that of myself lately!!!!! JJ yeah!

sn’t it cool , how life works!
And you know, the man gave us each a gift, a coconut...sometimes we really have to put our stories and wounds aside, or we miss the beauty!
J

LOVE Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

Buy my paintings those are super COOL TOO!

Pueo laughs...where or what is the treasure?

My guide-animal is the owl.
I had that already very strong in Belgium and so here in Hawaii I have the PUEO, the Hawaiian owl as my totem animal. Here in Hawaii they would say it is my aumakua.
Aumakua means that a deceased ancestor takes on the form of an animal to protect you.

That is what I understand. It might have a much more deeper meaning.

Personally the owl always came to me, to remind me of who I really was.
The owl always showed up to confirm my life path and to ask to relax into it.
I never really felt an ancestor in it...I more saw it as disguised angels in an owl body.
(and maybe that are my ancestors)LOL

The owl came over and over to remind me that ‘IAM’ pure awareness.
My life path than is the map I choose before I incarnated to express that awareness with JOY.
Since yesterday I know that that can be multiple things.
It are just roles I play, it is just a play. It is just a game.
And it is the owl that reminded me over and over, again and again which life I choose for this character Tamara Tavernier, rainbow.
On my map is written that I would be born in Belgium. I choose that my dad would be an architect and an artist…hei I have to have it from someone! J

My mother would be very sensitive and a teacher…J etc etc….
I would have my ups and downs so I could be modeled and brought to the awareness of this very moment NOW. TODAY. NOW.
Our life, the journey, the map is a like a treasure map.
The pathway to the treasure has ups and downs, has challenges and fortunes… and we have talents or gifts to help us find that treasure! Sometimes we have to slay imagined dragons….
On our journey we have unseen and seen helpers. People we meet (even if it sucks L) are helpers to come to that treasure! Remember, everything that happens in your life is to bring you closer to your treasure. So nothing that ever happens is WRONG!
(Mama P-Yoda would say;”What if nothing is wrong?”)
Each one of us gets also a totem animal, joining our path…the spirit of the animal comes and helps you on your path to the treasure.
For me that is the owl/pueo and mostly the owl always showed up when I would give up my ‘mission’ or to encourage ‘my mission’.
Hmmm…now the last days I changed so much that I really don’t know any moré what my mission really is….haah J
As I don’t know anything anymore. J It’s nice to be here in this state of MIND.
Then you are really open for God!
No mind that can block the ROAD to the treasure!

In my heart I hear to tell and share my life story and LIVE this life path and enter the chamber where the treasure is…and open it… and BE IT.
Be the ‘ absolute’, be the magnificence we ALL are.

BE ‘IAM”

and WALK as I talk…
be the example…(hmm maybe...whatever, right?)
my blogs are one expression (the story teller)
my art is another expression (the artist)
my blogs and art together (the teacher/healer)
….

Pueo tells me; “Why all the fuss, just BE it and DO it!”

Really, in the most bizarre circumstances owls would show up in my life. Mostly it happened when I was in doubt for some reason. When I was conflicted if I would be the artist, the healer or the teacher? (see blog yesterday) it always would bring me back to the fact…to just shut up your MIND and surrender.

I guess I have to shup up NOW and surrender…

because this morning when I drove to the bay I saw something laying on the street. I thought it was a bird, but I didn’t have the guts to go and look. So I just drove by. An hour later my friend M. and I were driving back from the bay to another place to swim. M. felt sick and she wasn’t going to swim with me. But suddenly she showed up where I was parked and I thought she had changed her mind and would swim after all.
No, no she had brought the dead pueo that I saw in the morning.
I said to her; “Waaw, it is a sign you found this dead pueo.”
She responded; “WE found the pueo, you saw it first.”

When I was in the water I was a little sad first, I didn’t really wanted a dead pueo. (as if you can tell God...haha)...I don't want it...) I even went with my thoughts to the fact that that might be a BAD sign. HUHU…J Let the mind jerk you around, rainbow.
The Ocean was so great that I eventually let go and actually I forgot about it, really.

The whole day I felt good and pleasant. There really happened something with me (see blog I am space) as if I am not the same anymore. It is as if I am new. It is as if fear and worries are gone.
It really feels so different, because for all these years I only had worries. And now I could feel a connectedness with God and a love deeper then deep. I have much to write about...the insights I have gained...it is all so liberating…but I still am absorbing it all. J so later…when I am ready…

Anyway with sunset I called Mama P-Yoda, as you know out of my previous blogs she is my mama, teacher and friend. I adopted her. She didn’t have really a say in it J haah she will laugh when she reads this.
I wasn’t much bold during my life, but with her I was super bold. I told her the first time I saw her; “You are my new teacher!!” I had asked God for a new teacher the day before I met her, and here she was.
After I met her I went home and started painting her Soulpainting, my first installment for her teachings.

Picture a comic movie FASTforward…that's how much i wanted to be with mamaP-Yoda.
 My soul recognized her as a major important Soul on my treasure map. I can’t explain it… I guess you will get it, if you need to get it. i am getting it...:)

While Mama P-Yoda and I were talking on the phone…guess …
A PUEO flow over my head and landed on a rock just next to me.
Oh my God, what was she beautiful!
There she was, my living ‘alive and kicking’ PUEO.
That was fast!!!
I asked this morning for a living one instead of a dead one and here she is!

I always am humbled when the owl or PUEO comes into my life.
She always brings the message of:
You think you have control over your life, but that is a big illusion. You think you have some choices that you can make, but that is also a big illusion. I would just start giving up all resistance and just go WITH GOD! BE ’IAM’ and let everything over to the Universe…don’t let your mind try to figure it out or you will end up in a knot with your body and mind! (I noticed that already Jmany many times)

But as much as she humbles me, she also shows me how much I am guided and watched over.
There is nothing to fear, everything is according to plan, just follow the map and relax into it.

There is nothing really to do, then only to BE.

It was so amazing that mama p-Yoda saw the whole thing through my eyes…
No difference..only connectedness…
One central core point.
Her and me as one with all that IS.
I am the core, it is inside my body…but my body is inside the Core.

I am core…
Pueo is core…
Mama-p yoda is core
You are core…
We are core…

Hmmm …the pueo flies away and feels it is good; “She is reminded of her treasure map”, the Pueo thinks…
She turns and his invisible presence lands on my shoulder…
“Let’s go my friend..What’s next? I am excited…what does the map say?” I ask Pueo.
"Which plan?" says Pueo.
"The treasure map!";  I respond.
"Oh that"; Pueo mumbels.
"What does that mean?" i ask.
"You are the map, my dear"; answers Pueo
"No need for hard work, or heavy journeys. You are already it."
"What am I?" I ask.
" The treasure." Pueo laughs…

"No need to do anything, you are it!"
"Iam"
"You are"
"We are"
"God"

Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

Oh boy!

                                                                                                    my healers sign, the infinity rainbow


How life can turn in a second. Sometimes I think that I have something to say about my life.
Haha J nowadays more and more I see that that is a BIG illusion.

It is all so paradoxical and I don’t have it quiet yet…
When do I create and when does God?
Mmmm I am God, so what is the question, really?
Sometimes I think we just made up stupid questions to be busy in the MIND trying to figure things out. (Am I talking about myself...haha)
If we would see the color in our heads when our minds go off, it is RED.

Thing thing thing…SOS SOS SOS …think think think….

That is really the only painful exhausting action that is happening, EVER.

Without our thoughts there is only a deep peace of allowance and faith.
I compare it sometimes with a blue sky without one cloud in it.

For days now already I was (s)thinking about being the artist or the healer, or the healer and the artist. What about the teacher? Dadadad J
What do I really have to do to serve the world? What is really my talent?
naninanina…J

Oh boy...
What about just being, hu? (says my inner Source)

Today I was going to go to my heart and listen what it says! I decided.

Oh boy…
What about just  letting go of the thought you have to GO to your heart. You are always there!!!
(says my inner Source)

I heard I wanted really to be the artist! Ha, I finally know! Oef, what a relief! I decided to change it on my website. It is GOOD to know things!!! J

Oh boy…
What about not giving so much IMPORTANCE to a role you are playing? Being an artist is just something you DO. It is not who you ARE! Daaaaa (says my inner Source) ...knowing things, yeah right!

This was great, finally I am blowing away the mist and I am making a clear decision! People will have more clarity now of who I am when they go to my website!

Oh Boy…
I can’t believe you want others to have clarity about you. You are the one you know. There is no other. You are the one that wants clarity of who she is! J (says my inner source) Just be you and there it is YOUR CLARITY.

Ye ye I hear you, but now I am taking ACTION! Aha and I will take ‘the healer’ button of my website.
I will only be the artist anymore, much easier to be only ONE thing.

Oh boy…
What does it really matter? You are not the artist, nor the healer...what matters is your CORE being ‘IAM’. Whatever you play is ok. You can play more than one or two or three roles! IT REALLY DOESN’T MATTER!  The plan was made before you came here...nothing really....matters...

Here I am, ready for my big decision writing my web designer to take ‘the healer’ button off.
I just finished the email, when I hear….I am not totally ready…just my name… it is a big descision, you know!

Doung doung…I get a chat text in my facebook account.
Just before I send my email off to my web designer I peep who’s wanting to chat… J

It was K. writing me a message that blew my BRAINS of my head forever.  (HOPEFULLY!! J)
NEVER MIND the email…
Here is K.’s important message:

K.:You came into my mind quite clearly today. I was sitting in service with my Lomilomi Kumu (kumu=teacher in Hawaiian) and I had a flash of your reading for me - and the word healer came, and I told you pretty much that you were wrong.
Mahalo Tamara

T: Waaw what are you telling me? I am deciding in this very moment if I take the healer of my website and just be the artist from now on; tell me more what you saw….

K: I was thanking you for giving me the reading you gave me about two years ago....it was powerfully true even if I could not see it at the time. You did a reading for me - said I was the third chakra, Said I was a healer.
I told you no, I am a teacher, You said no, I heard very clearly you are a healer.
So today, that memory came to me. That you had the sight to share what would be true. It was a just moment of thanks, but I thought: Oh Wow, Tamara was one of the only ones who said that to me before my Kumu

T: oh yes I remember all of that my sweet K.
So I guess I will also still offer my insights as healer.
It is no coincidence you tell me this RIGHT NOW!
thank you...
But I want to be a insight giver, a one moment teller...

K: I haven’t thought of that in awhile - interesting timing.
So maybe just say that, that you see the core and share what you see.
Maybe it’s that simple!

And then I thought there is a honu print/painting of yours that I will want to hang in my healing space. Donʻt know which one yet.

:)Waaaw, that was TIMING!
This really blows my MIND away and I hope (Mama-P Yoda would say Hope is a low frequency, it is a frequency that lacks FAITH!) my mind stays away!
When things like this happen I know the Universe/ God is watching me and is playing close on the ball.

This was NO COINCIDENCE and a matter of seconds…
this event makes it so CLEAR now…wasn’t that what I was asking for? J

There is a saying that if you let something go and it comes back to you….
well I guess that happened today… J

I am really great in my readings and I see things deep into your core, but yes from now on I WILL MAKE IT SIMPLE and just say it once. No need for hours of consultation..it is so simple…
Who am I telling, right? Am I trying to convince myself? J

And if God makes an intervention as this afternoon, you get humbled…I can tell you…

So I guess, my HEALER button stays on my website and I am available… God told so…LOL J


And so I ended the chat with this message, as if I was also teaching myself…

T: Being the healer is not who we are, but what we DO. And when we ARE "Iam', nothing really matters.
 So be who you are, stand at the center of your life and then automatically you can't avoid DOING where YOU signed up for.
It is that simple and then the Universe just helps you! No need TO s(think) any more!
Give your thoughts to God and just do what comes in front of you to do, because what comes in front of you to do is a result OF WHOM YOU ARE BEING.

K: My heart is smiling and crying at the same time.
mahalo my sister

Mahalo sis,

Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

ps
When you read K's first sentence to me, it is a sentence that shakes my world...because of my decision I was going to make. for her it was the beginning of a whole other story. But isn't it so interesting that she writes in that sentence the word HEALER and WRONG...WAAW
And on top of that she shows me intensely the mirror of what is going on IN me, with what is going on in her...

Life is so amazing and RICH!