Me almost homeless, a beautiful story and a new painting!!

In a blink of an eye
I see you
you as me

FREE…

The wisdom of seeing

I can see now when my ego does its thing.
I can see now how I thought…and so that is my ego who thought… J
(because I witness the thoughts coming and going…)
My EGO thought it was awareness when all was good in my life.
It thought that when things were ‘bad’ in its own projections, demands, wantings and control; it was losing itself as ‘awareness’.

Something like being enlightened when everything is good and in hell when everything is bad…J

Sometimes I trapped in that big TRAP…

Until now a huge challenge came into my life.
First I thought it was ’bad’ and how can I attract this shit; because I am waking more and more up to the truth of who I am?
(Do you see some flagrance of attitude? YEP my ego self THINKING it is awareness)
Mamaji would explain me I can not only wake up for 80%, it is all or nothing…

MY ego
My ego:
How is it possible that bad things can happen to me when I am pure awareness?
yes it was that ego voice speaking…
nanana nanana

Through this amazing experience I came to see what Mamaji was explaining me for so long ‘with hands and feet”  J Belgian expression that means …well feel what it means…LOL

For the longest time, I couldn’t see that when I gave my life to ’being lived’ I still could have shit in my life. I couldn’t understand how I could create that shit as awareness. I thought awareness had no problems…
Point is that the one that was thinking all of this was the real problem maker…haha
Pure awareness doesn’t have any problem, life just happens…J iT JUST IS!
I am being lived.

When I allow drifting off and letting my ego mind take over, with feelings of fear etc I create reality in that low vibration of being.

When I stay as IAM…as pure awareness the vibration is one of love, freedom, and peace.
There is no judgment about the external world,.
There the internal world is KING, the authority.
There I see the ego playing its game, and there I know it is not me.

Do I have a choice?

Yes I see now I have a choice…Mamaji explained me this one with hand and feet too…J

I have a choice to stay as awareness…

As awareness there is no such thing as past nor future.

I am just presence.

In that place there is trust and a knowing that I don’t KNOW anything…
There is always a BIGGER picture…that I call God’s business…
And in awareness I surrender to that
and there I am! BEING LIVED!

That is what I feel is the symbolic meaning of the owl here in this painting…
the wisdom to know we don’t know anything at all…

Only our ego’s…I’ll talk for myself..

Only my ego makes up lies and stuff to keep it safe…

Hilarious enough is that it wants to be safe, but actually it is a lie, it is nothing. Doesn’t exist…

I often look now from a place of awareness and see and look to the mind and know it are just thoughts and I have a choice to believe them or to see for what it is…a big ego-NOTHING….:)

I see my ego makes up so many stories…and none of it is true.
I see I don’t need to unravel any of those stories or beliefs one by one…
it all falls away at once when I see that ‘I’ one, that ‘me-me’ one is NOTHING at all…

And I am the wise one…haha the one that knows NOTHING at all…

I am presence, space where my whole world arises…

Pure awareness…

I saw that when I gave my mind the leadership, my life is a big shit mess…from one lie(Belief) comes another…and it creates and creates and creates more of those lies…all just to be safe…

J

And truly…actually I never felt soooo unsafe in my life when I gave the authority to my mind.
I have experienced that safe doesn’t exist in awareness,
because if you need to be safe, it means you can be unsafe…

Awareness jUST IS…

A few months ago I was homeless. I gave the authority to awareness, to being lived.
Was I scared?
Oh yes I was. My ego was.
But there was a place, space in me that was peaceful, full of love and trust that all was well.

I didn’t know where I was going to end up, but I made that shift than…and surrendered to being awareness. I stayed in that place of giving my life to ‘being lived’ the higher or larger
picture.
I have experienced that awareness DOESN’T fight with life, just goes with it from one NOW moment in the other. Awareness doesn’t question if something is wrong.
Awareness doesn’t say “I shouldn’t be homeless.”
Awareness just trusts.
Not even…I mean there is no such thing in awareness that it has a need to trust…but it feels like that…

I was carrying my belongings, which mostly consists of paints and paintings…J in my friend’s storage.
It was the day before THE day…the day I thought I needed to sleep in my car somewhere…
A man walks in the storage and he wears one of my art shirts. And we started talking.

It come s to a point I ask him if I can put up a tent in his yard.
And he invited me in his home. I live in his porch now. It is a screened in room, the entrance of his house. It is like an art studio. Mostly I am outside.

He offered me his fridge and his stove.

An outdoor shower and a toilet…

This 78 old man just took me like that in his home.. just like that.
We were complete strangers to each other…
In the place of awareness we are one of course…

You know what I mean…
complete strangers…and he just picks me up and helps me out…J

And you know what I always had the story going on that he loves my company…which his friends confirm…and I see that in him…he was otherwise always alone with his dog…
Now I encourage him to play music etc…

But to be truthful … I love his company …J

It was hard for me to accept…this gift of life…

But I came to see that we don’t know anything and that his giving might be something that makes him whole… I only know that I was asked to accept this gift of love and not to try to figure things out and stay with my nose out of GOD”S business…

Do I have a longing to have my own home and my art being sol like peanuts  (Belgian saying..means EASY) YES, I do…but who is that one that wants that???

I see it…awareness just IS and is being lived….

I am happy here with L. and his dog…

I can be myself here completely…and it would be not something my ego would ever have chosen…

But living with this man is quiet an exceptional beautiful experience.

 

Thank you L.

Love, Rainbow
www.tamaratavernier.com
this painting is for sale , call me 808754-5883 or email rainbowsart@yahoo.com