Spaciousness

Hmmm …an immense spaciousness is moving in my life and I feels uncomfortable.

It is so peaceful; I am not used to this peace. My mind made up so many stories my whole life, to fill me up I guess…sorry I am going to use this word: with shit.

Really, lately I see how my mind goes off and tries to make up stories.
The spaciousness that is coming into my life is because I don’t believe the stories anymore.
I don’t identify with the story and then it doesn’t do anything.
Next step, says Mama –P. (my teacher/mom, see other blogs), is that the mind goes with my true Self, with my ‘I AM’ (as I call it) in that spaciousness and stops making up stories.

What she explained me was that my mind even would prefer bad stories, then the spaciousness of my ‘IAM’. The mind is scared of the unknown and it prefers to hang on to the stories, the body…to itself…instead of letting go… and BE GOD.

It will have to one day anyway. We return when we die to the state of ‘IAM’. There is no escape.

It is that what my MIND doesn’t like, really. It prefers to stay indentified with this personification of myself; Tamara Tavernier aka Rainbow.

But it is losing the battle, I feel it. I am dying in my old Self right now, more then ever.
It is not a sad story, but the mind THINKS it is sad…J
Anyway what is going on in one piece of my life…

And at the other side my ‘IAM’ is very present and awake. J

My ‘IAM’, my true self, is witnessing the whole MIND-thing on a distance.

In my life nowadays I am often not identified with my body anymore…
Also my true Self starts seeing through my mind faster and faster…

J But what is funny is that I never ever loved myself so much as I DO now.
Before, I abused my body and my mind in very extreme ways. And now I see myself LOVING my body so much!
I am choosing really good food… I give my body rest, which I never did before.
And the other day I bought even lotion for my dry skin…J
Some people can think that is normal…but not for me. It is a whole transformation.
I start adoring my body that serves me in so many ways.
Where I before degrade it as a shack. I see now what people meant by saying that ‘their body is their temple’.
It is!

In the detachment, there is s huge reference and gratitude for the wonder of it.

Now I know that the next step is to see my MIND in the same way. But I am not there yet.

I am still in a careful position towards it…hmm…and I suspect that that is not even my’ I AM’, but a piece of my own mind that mistrusts itself. J
I already experienced that when you are in ‘I AM’, you don’t have any fear.

There is no shit…

There is only faith….

What the mind often does and what I really start changing is TAKING things PERSONALLY.

When you stop doing that, a lot of the MIND’s POWER falls away.
In fact there you see that the mind never had power, really.
It was the MIND that thought it had everything under control. (haha, what a joke)

But that is a BIG FAT ILLUSION! J

 

When your mind makes up a story and takes things personal, well compare it with watching a movie.
For one hour a half you are in the movie and not in your real life. Well that is exactly what happens when the mind takes over with a story. You are totally away from the TRUTH and what is real!
A story is like a dream or a movie…not real…

I’ll give you two thing that Mama-p taught me and that helped me enormously.

1)      Suffering or HURT is an indication you BELIEVE something that isn’t true.

2)      Everything changes when you love yourself enough to not put up with that suffering (SHIT) anymore. So quit the shit!

She answered that after I asked her how sit was she was so free. J

 

This morning I took something really personal and really when I saw through it, it was as if I lost 10 kilo’s.
It was as if I could fly, I felt so free!
I could really feel the difference with how I felt having the thought and how I felt without having it.
I could feel it in my body...losing the 10 kilo’s…
I could feel it in my mind…feeling free…
And I could feel it in my ‘IAM’ in the spaciousness I entered.
5 Minutes before with the thought HELL, 5 minutes later without the thought HEAVEN! J

And this was all watched from a distance…that was so cool.
Try it, it works….
The thing I experienced IS that when you come in that spaciousness you feel connected with everything. There you feel you ARE LOVE.

This was my wonderful day…growing more into who I really am…little by little the stories are falling away…J (and that is a story itself J)

ALL is me…
ALL is God…J

And while I am BEING all of this…I am DOING my life and just do what comes in front of me to do.
Being Happy! IT IS A CHOICE! J (as Mama-P would say)

 

Love Tamara Rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com