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| Loving the 8year old in me |
Today was a marvelous day in Maui. Every day again I see how
blessed I am to be here in Paradise.
Haha and that would be everywhere actually. It is the moment I saw that , my ‘IAM’ inside, was paradise; that I saw Paradise outside of me actually.
Haha and that would be everywhere actually. It is the moment I saw that , my ‘IAM’ inside, was paradise; that I saw Paradise outside of me actually.
Once you are aware of that;
you start loving your Self as you are Paradise and your outside world starts
reflecting that Paradise you ARE!
I could also use the word LOVE instead of Paradise.
Once you are aware of that;
you start loving your Self as you are LOVE and your outside world starts
reflecting that LOVE you ARE!
LOL…
This morning I was exercising what Mama-P (my teacher/mom see other blogs) teaches me.
Be the one you want to BE and then let go…Let go because the rest is not of your business anymore and have FAITH!!!!!
This morning I was exercising what Mama-P (my teacher/mom see other blogs) teaches me.
Be the one you want to BE and then let go…Let go because the rest is not of your business anymore and have FAITH!!!!!
Yep…She, I know I can’t shut up about it…but I don’t really
want to shut up about it…J
She is the most wonderful thing that I created! J
…besides myself! HAHAHA
…besides myself! HAHAHA
I am her and she is me.
Anyway…
I was swimming and as usual I was wandering around looking for turtles, or dolphins or…anything exciting…and then it just came to me it was not so important, really.
I saw that:’ nothing is to be found outside, it is all inside.’
Once I was in that space an empty feeling of spaciousness opened itself IN me.
It brought me to a place of freedom.
And I saw that I did different things then I usual do.
I swam different. I was just different, really.
I came to see that we humans have a tendency to want to control our lives,
to want to have a certain structure of security, etc…
Sometimes we start living our lives on automatic pilot.
We get up in the morning and do the same things and we go to work the same route, etc…
We become robots, conditioned by a fearful society-MIND.
I was swimming and as usual I was wandering around looking for turtles, or dolphins or…anything exciting…and then it just came to me it was not so important, really.
I saw that:’ nothing is to be found outside, it is all inside.’
Once I was in that space an empty feeling of spaciousness opened itself IN me.
It brought me to a place of freedom.
And I saw that I did different things then I usual do.
I swam different. I was just different, really.
I came to see that we humans have a tendency to want to control our lives,
to want to have a certain structure of security, etc…
Sometimes we start living our lives on automatic pilot.
We get up in the morning and do the same things and we go to work the same route, etc…
We become robots, conditioned by a fearful society-MIND.
Anyway it is the last days that I realized and witnessed how
my personality was in the trap of that seductive mind of our global thinking
since a long time.
It is since I met my teacher/mom Mama-P that I am waking up
deeply to the truth of ‘IAM’, really.
The last days I got presented another piece to clean up.
It seems like that is happening since 9 or 10 months now.
Since I met Mama-P.it is as if I am changing all my old beliefs to the TRUTH of who I am and I must say my life is changing drastically.
I never felt so happy and I hope that my blogs give the teachings through that she shares with me.
The last days I was watching and saw how my ego self or my
personality tries to control my life.Since I met Mama-P.it is as if I am changing all my old beliefs to the TRUTH of who I am and I must say my life is changing drastically.
I never felt so happy and I hope that my blogs give the teachings through that she shares with me.
I also witnessed it is a joke to THINK that I can do that.
It is a fight that I will never be able to win.
I am deeply ready to let control go and I am open to do that for a long time.
I don’t have the pride to say I can let it go in one two three.
Although I WANT THAT! I am open, if there is a possibility that I can do it in one two three, I''ll
DO IT!
Once I opened myself to seeing how I was controlling my life,
I saw a vision of myself when I was 8 years old.
I didn’t like the 8 year old. She was controlling and tried
tricks to get what she wanted.
I have experienced that I wasn’t accepted who I was when I was a child.
I felt I could never be myself and had to be a good girl all the time,
while I didn’t wanted to be a girl at all. J
I didn’t get often what I wanted.
I wanted to be a boy and that got really discouraged.
So I developed a BELIEF that I can’t get what I want.
I saw the tricks that I used as an 8 year old and confessed Mama-p. I felt really bad I was using that yeckie stuff.
I have experienced that I wasn’t accepted who I was when I was a child.
I felt I could never be myself and had to be a good girl all the time,
while I didn’t wanted to be a girl at all. J
I didn’t get often what I wanted.
I wanted to be a boy and that got really discouraged.
So I developed a BELIEF that I can’t get what I want.
I saw the tricks that I used as an 8 year old and confessed Mama-p. I felt really bad I was using that yeckie stuff.
But she was sweet as always and told me the 8 year old was just innocent
and trying to survive.
She just wanted to play, really! All of us had to deal with being shut down at that age.
It took me a day to allow the 8 year old to come closer and to hug her. I wasn’t happy with her at all.
Her pattern of THINKING ‘I can not get what I want” was still with me and I could see how that pattern still was playing itself out. It was still in place because I INDENTIFIED with the thought; that I could not have what I want.
So in order to get what I wanted I needed to control my life.
I was acting as me the 8 year old. J
Waaw seeing that liberated me in a huge way.
I could see that I could just choose to drop that IDENTITY for once and always right here and NOW!!!!!
And take on the new IDENTITY of the ONE that ALWAYS gets what she wants!
Oh my God, that was a revelation for me!
I knew that this would change my life so much!
Since I was 8 I lived with that belief system and created my life around that.
My life sucked a lot because of that belief.
Really.
Well, Mama-P thought me; “Nothing is EVER wrong!”
SO…all is well and was well. J
She just wanted to play, really! All of us had to deal with being shut down at that age.
It took me a day to allow the 8 year old to come closer and to hug her. I wasn’t happy with her at all.
Her pattern of THINKING ‘I can not get what I want” was still with me and I could see how that pattern still was playing itself out. It was still in place because I INDENTIFIED with the thought; that I could not have what I want.
So in order to get what I wanted I needed to control my life.
I was acting as me the 8 year old. J
Waaw seeing that liberated me in a huge way.
I could see that I could just choose to drop that IDENTITY for once and always right here and NOW!!!!!
And take on the new IDENTITY of the ONE that ALWAYS gets what she wants!
Oh my God, that was a revelation for me!
I knew that this would change my life so much!
Since I was 8 I lived with that belief system and created my life around that.
My life sucked a lot because of that belief.
Really.
Well, Mama-P thought me; “Nothing is EVER wrong!”
SO…all is well and was well. J
Can you see how I can create my life
now, with the new belief that I can have everything I want?!
Yeah! J
Yeah! J
Then this morning I allowed the 8 year old in my life,
finally.
Before I thought she was annoying and I refused to integrate her.
I went swimming together with her.
I normally swim the same route and this morning, but I just let that shit-control thing go.
And I saw that we COULD do what we WANTED!
Waaw it was as if the spell was broken!
We entered the most amazing places, everything felt as new and we were on a true adventure.
I didn’t encounter Pinky (see other blogs) or dolphins, but I encountered the 8 year old inside of me.
At a certain moment I became one with her and it was if I felt I never EVER needed anything outside of me to satisfy me anymore!!! That was her belief…it was as if she emerged in my ‘IAM’ and that belief got dissolved.
The awareness that I was enough was so injected in me at once that it was as if everything was shining brighter.
Whatever was shown at the outside was a result of the love I already had for the inside of me.
I was in love with the fishes, with the octopus who gave me a stink-eye, the water, the sun, my arm, my hand,….
It was as if I entered a deep peace inside and a longing for
ONE thing and that is right now to enter more and more who I truly am. Before I thought she was annoying and I refused to integrate her.
I went swimming together with her.
I normally swim the same route and this morning, but I just let that shit-control thing go.
And I saw that we COULD do what we WANTED!
Waaw it was as if the spell was broken!
We entered the most amazing places, everything felt as new and we were on a true adventure.
I didn’t encounter Pinky (see other blogs) or dolphins, but I encountered the 8 year old inside of me.
At a certain moment I became one with her and it was if I felt I never EVER needed anything outside of me to satisfy me anymore!!! That was her belief…it was as if she emerged in my ‘IAM’ and that belief got dissolved.
The awareness that I was enough was so injected in me at once that it was as if everything was shining brighter.
Whatever was shown at the outside was a result of the love I already had for the inside of me.
I was in love with the fishes, with the octopus who gave me a stink-eye, the water, the sun, my arm, my hand,….
I could feel I wasn’t my body and I could feel that everything surrounded was me…I AM…God…and that nothing was more of value then something else.
The fish, the coral, the turtle, the sky, the water, it was
all one substance…it was the UNKNOWN that was named by us in ‘something’ it isn’t.
I was it ALL.
I was it ALL.
(I have to ask Mama p about these experiences I had. I didn’t talk with her about it yet. See what is left to give to my IAM J))
But it feels that where I was scared of…the unknown…fell away.
I realized today it doesn’t really exist!
The Unknown we know all.
It is the only thing that really exists… and we really know.
it is GOD.
It is who we really are.
We never return to God when we die, like people say… I saw
today...
We are already death, we are God.
We don't need to return, we are already HOME, always.
We just need to wake up to that seeing.
So death doesn’t exist.
We are already death, we are God.
We don't need to return, we are already HOME, always.
We just need to wake up to that seeing.
So death doesn’t exist.
Or better life=death.
Unknown=known.
My body was kicking in the water and I enjoyed it so much,
the warm turquoise water was caressing my skin. I was in heaven. It was all me.
It is all love when you see to the core of all things. Nothing is more or less than
me.Unknown=known.
And then I just choose to be feeling my body really intensely and I kicked and kicked and it was so much fun.
I had pain the other day at my ankles and first I was
worried and sad because of the pain.
But once I saw that Life always does everything FOR me, I fell with my butt in the butter.
I saw the blessing in the pain!
I developed another kick with my fins and now I have four muscles to kick with, instead of 2.
It feels so good and so me, because the new kick is kind of the same if I would kick a soccer ball.
But once I saw that Life always does everything FOR me, I fell with my butt in the butter.
I saw the blessing in the pain!
I developed another kick with my fins and now I have four muscles to kick with, instead of 2.
It feels so good and so me, because the new kick is kind of the same if I would kick a soccer ball.
OOOOh I love to play soccer! I was always a soccer player….
I feel really different today and maybe it has something to do with the date 10/11/12.
It feels as I am walking through big gates of awareness and it feels as if I see that that is my true goal here. Nothing really matters, then to come awake to whom I really am.
My heart is so passionate about the work i do with Mama-P.
It is an amazing gift. There are no words for it.
More and more I want to enter the truth and be who I truly am.
When I am that…there is only ALLOWING, because I am BEING who I really am.
And life just enfolds as it supposed too.
Let me give you a painting I have in my head I would want to paint to describe this:…I see us all born as a seed …
Let’s call it the seed of BEING.
All what we want to BE is scripted in that seed and we just need to ALLOW to let the seed develop to a beautiful flower or whatever it wants to be.
But what we do is interfere and try to make it happen and try to THINK through it and try to FIGURE it out…
Like giving it water, or giving it dirt, replanting it, fertilizing it, manipulating it,….
AAAH I did all of it… with my precious BEING…
I feel really different today and maybe it has something to do with the date 10/11/12.
It feels as I am walking through big gates of awareness and it feels as if I see that that is my true goal here. Nothing really matters, then to come awake to whom I really am.
My heart is so passionate about the work i do with Mama-P.
It is an amazing gift. There are no words for it.
More and more I want to enter the truth and be who I truly am.
When I am that…there is only ALLOWING, because I am BEING who I really am.
And life just enfolds as it supposed too.
Let me give you a painting I have in my head I would want to paint to describe this:…I see us all born as a seed …
Let’s call it the seed of BEING.
All what we want to BE is scripted in that seed and we just need to ALLOW to let the seed develop to a beautiful flower or whatever it wants to be.
But what we do is interfere and try to make it happen and try to THINK through it and try to FIGURE it out…
Like giving it water, or giving it dirt, replanting it, fertilizing it, manipulating it,….
AAAH I did all of it… with my precious BEING…
It doesn’t work!
LET god take care of it,...it is already done.
We are the God's flower!
LET god take care of it,...it is already done.
We are the God's flower!
The natural desire I have to swim with dolphins, to paint
my art, to do the work with Mama-P.,
I know, is scripted in that seed. It is ENCODED in it.
I don’t have to do anything to make that happen then ONLY to BE it.
And then to let it go
and do the thing that is so NATURAL for our true being:
and that is
TO HAVE FAITH!
(would Mama-P say J)
I know, is scripted in that seed. It is ENCODED in it.
I don’t have to do anything to make that happen then ONLY to BE it.
And then to let it go
and do the thing that is so NATURAL for our true being:
and that is
TO HAVE FAITH!
(would Mama-P say J)
Love Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com
www.rainbowsheart.com
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