My adventures in Hawaii

My painting Hawaii


 

I wonder sometimes who’s reading my blogs. Parentally people are. I can see it in my blogger results.
Anyway, sometimes it feels as I AM..hhaha …my caps lock went on accidently
(as something like that exists, right? Accidently?)
Anyway, it feels as if I am giving a monologue. I kind of wonder sometimes what people think.
J Maybe I am getting spared, who knows? J

I was thinking today..ohoh If I start thinking, let’s say I was thinking with my heart and asking myself if I would write, if nobody would read it… because that is the point, right?
As mama-P teaches me,(I write teach because I am still learning)… that the Joy is in the doing after bEING it. No need for approval from outside, because there is not really an outside.

I see that I have that ARTIST-tendency in wanting people to like my art and to buy my art.

I want people to like me also, I guess. I want people to like my art, to read my writings…Maybe it belongs to the identification of the artist. An artist wants to be seen. Well, I have something double going on here. Because I want my work and paintings to be seen, myself doesn’t need to be in the ‘shine-lights”(we would say in Belgium). I like to be unseen, invisible some times and just observe.

So when I was in the Ocean this morning I was asking myself the question, if I would want to write if nobody ever reads it. I know I would paint, if nobody ever would buy my art, I would certainly paint.
It is as if I had a brush in my hands before I could talk…lol.

And the answer was YES. It is like painting, like swimming with dolphins…I can’t stop it and I realized that today.
I also thought this: it was so relieving I can do it in English. great creation I am living in Hawaii now doing English!
In my native language they are very severe in making spelling and grammar mistakes and they judge you harshly for it.
I must say that is one thing I don’t like about us, Belgians.  Although we have many good qualities, that is not one of them.
We can be so critical for our own fellow citizens and for our own self. Aha, that’s where I got it!
It is as if it runs in our blood.
Well, I don’t want to be critical anymore!
I am changing this now and as Mama-P said:

"For you coming to the other side of the world and having to adjust to another culture and another language is a TRUE big IDENTITY shift!"

And it is true. I changed a lot!

I learned from the Americans that it is GOOD to share my art. Really!
The first time an American told me;”Thank you for sharing your art.”- I was in shock.
It was an identity shock.

I was only used to being small and unrecognized. And maybe it is me and not all Belgians are like that.
But no I saw it with great sports men and women. They can be the best in the whole world, if they play one bad game that is what Belgians will see. I know generalizing is not a good thing and so I will just take it on me; knowing: I was too critical.
I am changed so much already…more and more I am absorbing the great qualities of the Americans; while keeping the good ones of the Belgians. :)

f.e. First I didn’t like that Americans would announce themselves without asking if they disturb me.
Now I think different about it. Maybe I should be more like that…J More confidence and being straightforward asking for what I want! I CAN WANT!

It is funny…anyway I was talking about my writing and the fact I can make mistakes in English.
I am drifting of my subject here…J

I think and maybe hope…the Americans will have empathy I am from Belgium and see through the fingers(=Belgian expression) that I make mistakes, because I do my best to be as good as I can be in English.

By the way I had some weird conclusions… about being in a country and learning the new language.
Well it is not really about conclusions but rather about experiences.
I experienced that I went through different stages of BEING in English.
It is a weird thing to say ‘BEING in English’.
What I mean by that is, that I never forced it intellectually.
It is as if I feel how to speak English.

Ok..this is it…I am speaking it with my heart.
I love English.

It is as if I just always went with the flow in being the one that speaks great English. J

In the beginning I had this weird thing going on. I would stand in front of a person and in my brain there would be a WARNING…WATCH OUT!!!!” You have to respond in English, you are in Hawaii.
It is not in Dutch anymore.”
It was weird, I could really see that happening in my brain…it was only a fraction of a second…

In the beginning I was still dreaming in Dutch, but suddenly that changed.

Spelling was difficult for a long time. It would confuse my brain so much, it would hurt.I
t was hard because the E is the I in Dutch and vice versa; and my last name had TAVERNIER and all of those letters in it.
Now that goes fluently, so that was a big moment when that stopped being difficult.

Numbers was the next change… I did it for the longest time still in Dutch, but suddenly it switched without pushing.

The longer I was here, if I needed to speak Dutch I would have more words in English in the sentence then Dutch.
If my dad would start in Dutch and I had to reply, I could do it easily.
But if I had to start that was really hard…he had to help me, because I would start in English.

And then not a long time ago a friend gifted me with Dutch books.
Oh my, it was hard for me to do. I must say they were translated out of English and the Dutch wasn’t always correct. Maybe that was it too. But this is all interesting to see…

And then this morning I felt I landed in another stage of English…you will think this is silly but for me it isn’t.

I finally understood ‘TH’ and don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t an intellectual understanding…it was an understanding of the heart. I suddenly got it..PATH…and I said it paF…
Waaw am getting it! I felt I GOT IT! I felt it.

PAF…
before I would say PAD…

We don’t use our tongue in Dutch. PAD, THAD,…
It felt so good to have that feeling…I have the American ACCENT. hahah

 I drifted of of what I really wanted to share with you all…haha J that’s what the mind sometimes does: drifting off. J

I want to write. I want to write my Hawaiian story. It is quiet a story! I want to write about dolphins and turtles!!! I want to write about all my adventures on the islands!
Yesterday I shared the first time I saw dolphins and something woke up in my heart. I want to write a book about it!

YES! About those dolphins!!!

Those first dolphins stole my heart J (see my blog of yesterday) and I never ever was the same anymore. I remember one that was swimming along the boat and would turn him or herself and show his white belly. They were so excited and we were all too.
I tried to get close to the side of the boat to see them as close as I could. You had to hear our OH’S and AH’s…I think and know now that that is what they love. They love our attention!

They love people! They simply love, love love!
They would crisscross over each other to come as close as they could and ride the waves at the front of the boat. And that with all the “yeah’s” and”Jicha’s” of us cheering them on…what a ride…

It was as if I was swimming with them all along…I saw ones eye looking at me…well that was what I was thinking, I love to take it personal J when I think a dolphin looks in my eyes. Why not , right?

I can be special in that moment…J

Haha

Nowadays I just want to be a dolphin sometimes. And my friends tell me that…they say, one day we won’t see Rainbow coming back, she will become a dolphin and swam away with them…J

Before I do that I will write my book…J

I kind of started already J

Love tamara Rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com