On our way to freedom!

My Home


 

I had a gecko in my home. Maybe it was more something bigger than a gecko.

Let’s say it looked like a gecko. It was bigger; I don’t have a clue what it really is then. I saw it for two days.
It was sitting on the screen window looking to the green leaves and wanted to get out. hmmm…no way out , he… J I’ll help you! Yeah! There wakes up the identity of the rescuer in me!
Super ’Rainbow’ comes to liberate you! Tudu….
I jumped of the bed and rushed to the screen window to open it….well that was the plan…J
Clearly I didn’t think long to make that plan…J less than a second really…I don’t know then if you can use the word PLAN if you only think for so long…

The knight on my horse, noble and with good intention…kind of clueless… thinking this was going to be eeeasy…J

Of course Mister gecko didn’t see me as the knight or the super ‘rainbow’, nor Super woman, or one of the Charley’s Angels. No no…he saw something totally different….

He was thinking ‘his version of me’ coming towards him…J

Observing his amazingly dangerous jump from the top of the screen towards the floor he must have thought that I was or Dart Vader, Quasimodo or the wicket witch of the West. J

Not funny…my ego identity of the knight was hurt…boehoe…

Aaaah, there he went…
He was somewhere under my bed.
S..t, well I was not going to chase it. No beginning….=Belgian expression to say that it was unthinkable I would be able to catch him anyway, so I had to just let it go; which I did.

I put my hero cape away….
I thought he might find the same hole somewhere where he came in.

I thought by myself…where my thoughts can bring me…incredible…I think I am kind of a storyteller myself.

So I thought by myself, it must have been ‘the rabbit hole’ for Mister Gecko coming from Mother Nature into my humble apartment full of colorful paintings. It must have been so a different reality for him.

Well, the fact is that he wants to go back HOME…
Maybe he just has to click his red shoes and he’s home again…

Isn’t this the same for us?
We come on earth as pure awareness and we forget and THINK we are the body and MIND and then we have to wake up from our dream to see who we really are. It’s kind of falling into the rabbit hole and having to go back home…
We don’t have to find home, that is the good news! We are it already…easy enough just click your shoes to remember and there you are! HOME!

Meantime Mister Gecko had to stay another day in my home, my reality of art and light and brightness.
That’s what I think of my home….:)
Mister gecko was following his yellow brick road to freedom again!

He was climbing my colorful paintings….J
He was riding a horse in one reality, when he entered my horse painting.
He swam in the Ocean with dolphins when he hopped on my dolphin paintings.
He must have felt home when he walked over my gecko paintings…
He must have danced with Ganesh,
and ride a honu!
He probably was a little impressed by the whales floating in the gorgeous ocean.
He met QuanYin, our compassionate Goddess!

What an adventure for Mister gecko…

Today then, when I took a little nap; I heard some little feet walking over the screen window.
There he was again, Mister Gecko!
Again he was looking to the waving green leaves outside, he wanted to go home…

I could tell the WANTING in his face…

Probably didn’t know he just needed to click his feet…
Anyway, this time I didn’t JUMP into the IDENTITY of the RESCUER…J

I choose another identity…”

I jumped into the identity of the fairy GODMOTHER…haha…the WISE MOTHER…
I looked for a plastic tupperware box and a cardboard piece of paper and sneaked to the screen window this time with a gently energy as the PINK PANTER.

Hup! I put the box over him and he was caught! Haha J

He didn’t see the bigger picture, he wasn’t aware I was the fairy Godmother.
I bet he saw me more as Crusella from the 101 Dalmatians or the ‘bad’ wolf.
Anyway, before I gave him his freedom I took some pictures…

And then he posed in the green grass as a true Robin Hood, free now to help the ‘poor’ other geckos that might get trapped in a Giants home!

 

 

 

 

I recognize myself in this beautiful creature. I know I am writing a lot about mama-P, we say in Belgium where the heart is the mouth flows over. That means that you can’t shut up about it.

It all happens to every one of us. God sends us helpers to get free. We often are ready and we look outside and see the freedom and we don’t dare to jump or do it, because we have fear.

The fear comes from believing our thoughts.
At a certain moment we are soooooo ready somebody shows up to help us getting that box over us and to help us into freedom. For me that is Mama-P. I am sure I came from the other side of the world because my Soul wanted to meet hers.

I am so so ready to be free and she is the fairy Godmother to me… J
I am not so unconscious then the gecko, I see how amazingly GREAT Mama-P is.

But there were times in the past that I didn’t see that with other people. I mean by that, people that I THOUGHT hurt or wronged me…they were not fairy godmothers…but they were there too to help me to freedom. I never saw that before, really. But now I do. Well thanks to fairy Godmother Mama-p. hahah LOL

EVERYTHING IS OR US!
EVERYTHING!!!

Also the screen window, the plastic box, the giant, the wicket witch,….the fairy godmother, Robin Hood, superman,….it is all there to bring us to who we really are;

I AM

That is the goal of life!

God will do anything to help us with that…

and at the meantime you can have fun and jump from one reality into the other…

From one beautiful painting into the other…

From one identity into the other…J

we are all the creators of our own lives!!!

J

Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

 

Falling in LOVE rocks!

Oh My goodness…I am just reading the little piece I started writing yesterday and I had to laugh so hard…I was going to edit it, but I don’t want to keep you away from the possible same laughter that could appear in your present moment…J

This is the sentence I wrote…

I brought my version of Ganesh into this dimension. I just saw a movie about a Swedish musician and he was teaching a queer to sing.

Oh my God, I couldn’t stop laughing the word QUEER should be the word CHOIR. I had to look it up in my translation program from Dutch to English…. LOL

Ok let’s start again!!!

I brought my version of Ganesh into this dimension. I just saw a movie about a Swedish musician and he was teaching a choir to sing. He taught them that music already exists and that you just have to find your right vibration/tune and pluck it out of EXISTENCE…

I love that idea…it means that each CREATION is God’s, we are ‘only’ the channel through what it is happening. And each one of us has his/her own unique vibration, our own unique expression of LIFE/GOD/The Universe.

Each painting I make is a true journey for me. It is as if I become more of who I really am.
This painting of Ganesh is so symbolic and has to do with the work Mama-P-Ji is doing with me.

She wanted to create an identity for me that would help me come in BEING ABUNDANT.
It was Ganesh that showed herself. And because I know I can ground energies better when I paint them, I painted the whole vibration of this Abundance-identity.

 

As you can see I painted the painting on a round wooden board.
The round circle is referring for the Universe, ALL what IS.
It gives the feeling that there is no ending to the painting. It is not limited to 4 corners.
It isn’t a box.

When you look very good to the painting you see two circles spinning around. The outer one spins out of the painting and wants to give a feeling that God is UNLIMITED.
The Inner circle is vibrating through the identities I painted and stands for the ‘IAM’ I am being.
It is the wave in the Ocean. It will move out again and become the Ocean and emerge in PURE AWARENESS= God.
The elephant was the first image I saw when Mama-P. did the exercise with me to create a creation of abundance. Then it turned into Ganesh. That’s why you see that the elephant’s body is disappearing.

It also refers to our own bodies and minds that are not permanent. It is changeable. What isn’t changeable and what is our true SELF, is everything that is behind GANESH and the elephant.

The blue sky with the yellow stars is PURE AWARENESS= GOD.

Ganesh herself appears as creation out of that awareness.
The awareness is watching Ganesh and Ganesh is watching the elephant.
This refers to the place of the watcher in your life that sees through the stories and the mind games we play with ourselves.

Ganesh is the CREATION of pure ABUNDANCE.
It is a truth that can’t be otherwise, because I AM GOD = I AM PURE AWARENESS.
I am everything.
So I am it all= ABUNDANCE.

You see that Ganesh is playing the flute and that stands for BEING your UNIQUE SELF.
It’s kind of like: everybody has its own UNIQUE TUNE/Soul in the UNIVERSE.
She is holding the brush and that stands for DOING what your heart longs for without letting external rules stop you.
Ganesh stands for CREATING ABUNDANCE through PLAYING.
Ganesh gives the message that there is NOT a life to be EARNED, but a life to be LIVED!
ALIVENESS= BEING ALIVE.
When she jumps out of the elephant she breaks with all the rules that would hold her in a collective captive MIND.
She is abundant because she is FREE!

Important is the trunk she has on her head…It refers that abundance is an inside job and so appears when YOU ARE BEING THE EXPERIENCE OF ABUNDANCE.
Abundance will never come from outside.
This means that you can have all the abundance of the world as money, houses, etc… but if you are not abundant in your BEING, you will never BE abundant!
A beggar that has found the BEINGNESS of abundance in him/herself can be wealthier then any millionaire collecting his/her assets.
Abundance is found in WHAT IS. It is YOU! It is me.
That what you see in the painting behind Ganesh…this is the only unchangeable vastness.
GOD.

I forgot a hand at first. She had only 3, now she has 4 and the 4^th hand was important.
Especially in my life. It is the hand that gives to the Self.

It is the Being I AM that gives to the I that is here temporarily as this body I.
It is the hand that is in gratitude for this life as this manifestation.
It is this hand that is the hand of SELF-LOVE.
It was no coincidence that Mama-P. during my painting came to the awareness that I still had a block.
(only one ? J)
I really mean it… when I paint it is a true process. Shit comes up and gets released. Also when I paint for others, it does a lot for me and for the other. It is a journey to more awareness. That is so cool.

Look to Ganesh body…..well one day I stepped back and I looked and I realized …dawn that is my body… I wanted to make the ties and the butt thinner and then decided I wasn’t going to do that anymore. These are the ties and butt that can keep up with dolphins. I should be happy I have them and I did.
I dropped my old slimy whinny story….a story a lot of people have.

The story the body is too thick, too thin,to this to that…vanity…oh boy…

So Mama-P.(my mama teacher for the ones that are just tuning in, see other blogs)…she touched something within me that was untouched FOR SO LONG…
Nobody, including myself could enter it…
It was a place in me where you had to climb a mountain to get to it.
You had to travel on a very narrow road that was paved with slippery stones….
Along side the road there were signs that were saying:

NO TRESSPASSING,
DANGER,
WARNING…DON’T GO FURTHER!,
TOP SECRET,
KEEP OUT,
YOU RISK YOUR OWN SANITY,
PRIVATE PROPERTY, DON’T ENTER,
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE,
YOU ARE ENTERING CHAOS,
EXTREME COLD,
EXTREME DANGER,

Hmmm…I guess she just packed out her angel wings, skipped all the hard work, because Mama-P doesn’t believe in that kind of nonsense …
Ignored the signs and just avoided the slippery stones with gently flying over it…J

and flow into the cave, took my hand and pushed me out…

There you go…
I was in there for decades…hurting my body for so long,
in this bodily life you can refer to having anorexia nervosa,
after that a running –exercise addiction.
I couldn’t feel good if my body didn’t hurt…or was exhausted…

To use some phrases which mama-P used to get me out of there…

”Big thing or not?” (I had told her this was a big thing for me)
It is not worth talking about it.
You want to be free or not?
You have the motivation now to BREAK through the DEMANDING abusive voice in you!
Don’t resist it!
Create SPACE!
Disconnect running from eating!
Don’t let your MIND abuse your body!
It is falling away now!
Go into your ‘IAM’.

GLAD WE SETTLED THAT!”

Really! She is sooooooo funny. J I love her so much!

I was doing this for about 20 years and she gets me out of it in about a week.
I am making so many changes right now, you can’t imagine.
When she took my hand and pushed me of the cliff, I pushed myself of the cliff,
because I am her and she is me…
I took that jump and flew with her into the vastness of PURE AWARENESS and I saw waaaw she is my Mama of ‘IAM’…
I am my Mama of IAM…

There we go! We are ONE!
And we can just PLAY as Mama Ganesh and have fun!

 

 

Love Tamara Rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

Post Hawaiian tsunami day

 

Haleluya!

A day after a tsunami warning feels as a day after Christmas Eve or Old year’s eve to me.
Weird isn’t it! True that’s how I feel. It is like all little worries are nothing compared with the danger of a wave coming over your head. When the danger ebbs away, it feels like you have been granted to continue this PRECIOUS life. The worries of yesterday mean nothing anymore…worry free…
That’s what we, the collective, grand ourselves to do on days like Christmas and New Years day.
They even stop wars and then continue the next day…J No worries on Christmas and New Year!
LOL…we get permission to get a day off…after that we do need to go in our box again! J

Ye…so that’s probably why I am singing Christmas carols today…J

When you get a warning like that, nothing that was in your head that was important before that warning, really seems so silly in that moment.
I kind of observed myself yesterday and I am truly proud to say that I experienced myself for the first time as myself this time.
What I want to say with this is, this is my 3th or 4^th tsunami warning and I was here with the earthquake and all these years I thought I had a panicking Nature. It is NOT true!

I was always with other people during these other warnings. This time I was on my own and I was so peaceful as I can be. It showed me how much I was OR changed OR not influenced by others fear anymore! So probably changed and therefore not influenced anymore by others fear.
(thank you mama-P)

I had a friend of facebook texting me and showed concern etc…and I was watching myself, I didn’t trap in the invitation to go in panic.

The last tsunami warnings were like: panicking disasters!
Now I can see that wasn’t me anymore! Good to see and to know. J

I didn’t start packing food, I didn’t drive to the gas station as crazy, I didn’t fill up water bottles, I didn’t put my belongings in a safe place, I didn’t fled up the mountain,…
I didn’t do any of those things.

The only thing I did was, walking in my home deciding what I would take with me if I had to go and very quickly I decided that was packing my laptop, my art bag and my Mama-P.books.
My snorkel gear was in my car and if I had to go, ‘Rockie’ my car was going to bring me; so I was ready to go. That was it. I was done in 5 minutes. J

Then I just relaxed and watched the news and a movie.

There were silly moments I was thinking;”What if I have just my snorkel gear on and when the wave comes I go and swim with dolphins”…J ye silly moments I have …J

The neighbors just across me had a party going on and that was the vibration I was in this tsunami this time…

No fear… Nothing to do then to let happen what was going to happen anyway…

Oh….so I was in my feeling of Christmas. NO-THING to DO!!!! Just RELAXING!
ALLOWING myself to just enjoy and DO NOTHING without having any guilt…
I am ‘working’ J on being guilt-free all the time…J it’s not always ’WORKING’ yet! J

I REALLY want to leave this life of guilt behind, day after day, one little foot in front of the other…but I am not always succeeding. I am so used to my mind that says I HAVE TO WORK…that not working feels uncomfortable and even worse it feels UNSAFE.
If feels as if I wouldn’t keep WORKING or DOING I would end up on the street.
Working is taught to be necessary to have a roof over our head or have food in our stomach…
Well, whatever you put in the field (space of God) is going to proof that YOU ARE right!
So….it is important to me and for everyone what we are communicating with the field/God.

It is weird but this post tsunami day brings everything so much in perspective.
What is life and death, right?

This morning a lot of the beaches were closed because of a shark attack yesterday…
It brought me in a place of true GRATITUDE for my life.
I allowed myself to really be in the NOW and to feel there is ONLY One now.
I also came into the place of true REALITY.

I was so thankful for my life and was aware it could be over in a sec.
You know… tsunami…shark…

I was driving behind a car and I wanted that it would go faster than it was going…
I was hot and wanted to get in the water…
As ‘Iam’ I suddenly saw this nagging thought coming into my peaceful field of gratitude…J
I didn’t push it away… I just watched it…
I saw and felt how heavy that THOUGHT was…what a judgment…why wanting to have it faster than it was going?
All was well…and ‘hup’(=means in Dutch in an instance) something shifted dramatically…!!!!!!!!

I assure you in that moment I dropped the story of how things SHOULD be and I came in the GRATITUDE of how things were!
And I saw the red color of the truck lightening up and I saw the dog’s radiance and happiness.

He was standing in the back of the truck, enjoying his day out with his master.(he must have had a Christmas feeling too, I could just sense it J)
I saw the lava rocks shining in the sun,
I saw the paved road that was so kind to let me drive on it,
I saw the blue sky shining in this post tsunami ‘doing nothing’ day,
I felt the warm air on my skin,
I felt the stillness of life and I saw this was all a movie..

I mean by this I could see awareness behind all of this…

I could see the true space of life.

 I was not NAMING anything with eyes that were viewing it with judgment,

I was just OBSERVING the things that were coming in front of me as they are…

Red truck, with no attachment,
happy dog, with no attachment,
Road, with no attachment…

NO STORY in my head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What a LIBERATION!!!

 

It was the same feeling I had as when I walked in Safe way the other day. (see other blog)
I felt so huge and so vibrant and so spacious.
And all what I saw was just beautiful. REALITY was BEAUTIFUL. ALL of it!
No judgments of good or bad…

The guy didn’t have to drive any faster, I was enjoying the true ride of LIFE!!!!
I was the awareness and all those amazing creations were appearing in my world responding on who I was.

 

I had it for about 15 minutes, because my thoughts went to a decision I had to make.
Grrrr…still am letting myself slip away…J
Mama-P. already told me millions of times (she must have a deep well of inexhaustible patience)…
and I should have know already she is always right…hahaJ

What if nothing is wrong what she says, right?
This is a funny use of her famous phrase; “What if nothing is wrong?”
HAA!

So Mama-P-JI already explained me that decisions never really have to be made. If you relax into what you want to BE, everything just flows and it is kind of all falling into place without doing any effort…

The only job I have is BEING…

Dawn I forgot that for a minute…
So I was stressing a little…shall I do this or that…

My friends were driving towards the beach where the shark attack took place because they wanted to swim there. They invited me to come with them. They kind of wanted to see the shark.
Hmmm, I asked them;”Are you not afraid?”
No they weren’t.
I thought that was brave.
Also they said that it would be gone by now.
And they had a point.

So I was kind of THINKING it would be good for me to just go through the fear and swim there so I am through it…J

What thinking can do, right..?

So in that moment I didn’t see the beauty of the red of the truck anymore, or the dogs beautiful face in the back of the truck, the beautiful fuchsia red flowers on the road, the palm trees green and yellow waving in their gorgeous being…

I HAD to make a very HEAVY decision…’hup’ right there…
It all became so heavy and my body felt as if I was a little tiny gnome having to reach just above the steering wheel to see where to drive… my spacious feeling of my true SELF was gone (with the wind J)

I was driving to Makena landing and suddenly I pass my friends who were driving in the opposite direction…
“What?”

One of them my friends rolled down his window and said;
“Beach closed, I can’t believe it, just for that little nibble they took out of that woman.”
Waaaw, I didn’t want to be that woman and I send her a lot of love and compassion.

Ok it showed me I still was afraid of sharks…but maybe it is just wise to have fear of sharks and it shows the gratitude I show for my life on Earth. It doesn’t really stop me, so I guess it can be wise sometimes to have fear…

But here we go…Mama-P. was right, huh… Damned…BEACH CLOSED…
Haha…The Universe had responded on what I really wanted…

I didn’t had to choose…it all worked out… J
I could turn back and drive to the place I really wanted to be…
I remembered she said…

BE THE ONE and the Universe takes care of it…J

I drove back in the serene peacefulness of before and I swam…with caution, stayed close to the reef, didn’t go far out in the deep ocean! And I had the honor to have three eagle rays joining me!

With an immense grace they were resting close to the surface of the water and they let me just close near them. In the beginning the two little ones rushed away and went somewhere else and I just floated with the big one. His head was as big as a soccer ball, his eyes so small in his/her cute big face…
her nose is so cute….(let’s say it is a she)

The longer I was floating with her the more she trusted me and she would soar underneath me, next to me and I was just observing the beauty of the pattern of her wings. It was as if an artist had made some dots and circles in white on top of her black wings.
I could see that at her shoulder blades the patterns was really carefully painted in an amazing harmony. God is so a magnificent creator!

Her wings or fins went slow up and down, so slowly, so peaceful. I knew she was kind of sleeping, or in a blissful state. She would soar above the coral and wing around it as an eagle that sees it all with closed eyes. I was wondering if they have a sonar system as the dolphins have. Mmmm,

I am so blessed lately…dolphins, turtles, eagle rays….

I saw her breathing very calmly …just soaring…magnificent…
Then after about 10 minutes the two little ones must have felt I wasn’t the bad ‘eagle ray’ eating monster and just soared next and under me with her as well.

Three eagle rays floating, it was so an amazingly magnificent serene vibration.
I remembered that the Hawaiians call the rays ‘GRACEFUL Strength’
Delicious.

They were doing their thing and I left them in their peacefulness and swam further and saw one of my fellow soul travelers; the HONU.
It is now a whole while when I connect with them and they want it, they respond to my voice…or whatever they respond too-I don’t have a clue…
They give me a clear recognition that they want to be pet.
Yes, I call it petting now. They present their shell and…maybe I am the cleaning lady…LOL…

And it is not petting, but cleaning…

Anyway they are such sensitive beings!

Their shell is extremely sensitive! It is as our skin, so sensitive they are…it sounds weird, but it is.

This turtle was on the surface breathing and then dove underneath me just where I could gently touch her. And she stayed there forever hanging. She didn’t really come to the surface, but she kept swimming forever just this 20 cm underneath me having her beauty clean. I could tell at the mimic of her face…yes I see all faces in the ocean...I love to I say it like that...I kind of see their enjoinment in the look of their eyes. Each turtle has different eyes. It is so beautiful!

It was a true blessing and honor to be having her give me this attention!J

The water was so gorgeous, so warm…it was delicious…
I came out of the water and a man, a tourist came out too and kind of looked at me and I said;
”It’s like you want to say something.”

Because he was moving his mouth and things were kind of coming out, but not really and he just looked at me and he said;
”Oh man, we could have been in Wichita right now.”
“Waaw”, I respond,”How amazing is that, you are not. You are in Maui.”
“Ye’, and again he said, this is ssoooo nice! We could have been in Wichita!”
He was so in gratitude…kind of the same what I was feeling…

And he continued;’ Where are you from? Australia?”
(that says me… my accent is not so bad anymore. Or is an Australia accent considered a disaster? hahaJ)

 

“No”, I said, “I live her, but originally I am from Belgium.”
“Oh my’, he said, “You are so lucky! You could have been in Belgium right now!!!”
“Waaw”, I said, “True. I am happy am not. I love it here!”

Never thought about that…Well I guess I didn’t have to, you can’t be somewhere else then where you are, right?
But it was a great thought to have the feeling of gratitude…J

Sometimes we need to have tsunami warnings, shark warnings, ‘inside Soul calling’ warnings to wake us up to let us know HOW precious life is on Earth.
And to show us that heaven is here…

And now…while I am typing…while you are reading… J
ENJOY!

Love tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

You can feel it, you can feel it, you can feel IT!!!!

Wow life is soooo FULL!

I hardly have time and really I have the feeling for the first time in my life:
“I am doing NOTHING.” AHha J scary sometimes…

We are so DRILLED and being good boys and girls to HAVE to achieve things, to MAKE money, to EARN a living…

Really, if you have to EARN your life?
I don’t think so! J
It is something Mama-P taught me…YOU HAVE YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE ALIVE!

But I still feel uncomfortable in doing NOTHING…so used to do, do , do…
Now I am mostly BEING…be.be.be….

I tell Mama-P.that daily; “You know I am not really doing a thing.”

What I mean is that I am not working my ass off…really…
That I am not pushing anything…
That I am not trying to make anything happen…
That I am not pulling …

Yes all of Mama-P.’s work…Mama-P is my teacher mama!(see other blogs)

I love the teacher/student game. J

Teachers and students are sometimes students and teachers, as you understand what I mean.
There is not one real teacher and it is just a changeable thing.

F.e. the fall on the street, can be my teacher.
Or the wave that smashes me against the sand.
Or the angry neighbor.
The dolphin that smiles.
The turtle that laughs.

What is a teacher, right?
A teacher is when you recognize I am the student and that is a teacher…haha
In my case…I had asked the Universe for a new teacher.
The next day I went to the beach (now almost a year ago) and my friend brought her two girlfriends with her. I came to sit next to Mama-P and when she started talking to me I thought;
“Dawn, that was fast! Here is my new teacher!”
I think I even was so bold (which I never am) to tell her myself. yes , I was. Now I remember.

“You are my new teacher!!!!” I said with great enthusiasm.

“I am going to make a soulpainting for you, and then you can start teaching me.
Yep…not my usual me. Now I look back to it, that was so bold!
I, myself, would run away if somebody would say things like that. But she didn’t, luckily. J
I am sure she felt me.
She has this amazing intuitive radar to say and do things that blow you away.

Well, she kind of blow all my shit layers away and here’ IAM’!!!
I bet the s..t is not all gone yet, keep on blowing Mama-P!

Now I can see it was my ‘IAM' awareness that was ready for her.

She always says; “What if nothing is wrong?”
Haha nothing wrong I was so bold…J

I was open to receive.
Oh my, what a ride since then! I never felt so happy in my whole life since I met her.
I called her first P-Yoda. Not that she looks like Yoda…mmmm maybe she does…hahah ..The ears…
(I'll get in trouble for that...LOL...)
But because of the connection between skywalker , that was me and her, Yoda.
I loved it to play in that realm with her. It is all a game!

So my life is FULL with JOY and abundance but I don’t do anything anymore to make things happen.
I came into the awareness of being and allowing.
My life is so full… I love to be with me, because I am the whole Universe.
I am abundance, there is nothing else that isn’t me.
If I look to somebody outside of me, there I am.
It is all me, so also the shit that appears…the good news is that I can change that shit!
The power is within!

Then once I started getting how identity-work works…we are NOTHING really.
We are IAM, pure awareness and that’s it.
All the rest is theater and movie.
What do you want to be?
 And then JUST BE IT!

Mother Day came and I made her my mom. Again bold…maybe I am in the IAM bold and it was my wounded child that was wining all the time…J
I called her up and asked; What if I call you mama-P?”
“Whatever you want, honey!”; she said.

I think she doesn’t care what I think of her. Knowing her she would say it is NOT of her business…Jhaha

Still I hope secretly she loves in fact my version of her…J
( and that is probably the child in me speaking J)

And now I so FULLY I AM coming into my IAM; I gave her another identity on top of that  J…haha
I heard that people that have Mooji as a teacher; call him Mooji-ji.
It refers to being a master, it’s a great honor…
So mama-P became now Mama-P-JI!

Yeah!!!!

So I am having the time of my life…this is a Belgian expression , when we feel we are having so much fun.

I am swimming , sometimes there are dolphins, sometimes turtles, I am painting, I am singing, I am dancing….I am enjoying life…and really for the very first time I LOVE my body so much.
It is great to have this body, and to be doing this life here on earth.

I just went to safeway and when I walked in it was as if everything was so much brighter. I was like 3 meters tall; it was as if the energy was vibrating. When I looked through my eyes I saw so much wider and deeper. It was as if all the colors were more vibrant.
The people were all so beautiful. Everything was so beautiful. And then I asked myself:

“What  am I doing here?”

And you know I just forgot.

I started laughing…

I was so in the moment and it was as if there was no past and no future.

I was just there in that magnificent space as pure awareness.
I guess this happens when you start knowing who you really are.
You are the watcher then and just see everything as clouds passing in your sky. And it is all beautiful because the clouds are not sticking. They never do. Life is movement and change.
It was as if the whole scene in safeway were clouds passing in my blue sky of deep awareness…nothing was sticking. I wasn’t attached to anything at all. It was all just beautiful the way it was.

Right there in that moment.

Everything was so spacious.

SPACIOUS AWARENESS…
yes it is scary sometimes to live like this. Is it?

Or only my brainwashed ‘society’ thoughts that THINK I should do this or that are afraid?

I really don’t know anymore what I am doing in an hour.
A friend asked if I can make an appointment with her on Monday.
Monday I said? It is so far away.

It is unnatural for me now to try to have something scheduled.
The word ‘schedule’ and I already start sweating…
Box, schedule, appointment…brrr ….all those narrow words!
Feel their vibration!

Feel the vibration of the word SPACE…now the word BOX….
the word ABUNDANCE, the word LACK…
The word FREEDOM, the word CONTROL…
The word Love…the word FEAR

You feel it, I am sure you feel it!

 

Love Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

 

 

 

Wow, everything is possible!

I had an interesting afternoon! J

I had a call from a friend I didn’t see in a long time. As a matter a fact I had two calls from two friends I didn’t see in a long time. One of my friends, I knew was moving of the Island and I had given him a present 4 years ago. It was my painting of the wolf and that painting was very precious to me.

I had given it to him, because we were kind of close family then (we still are, but see each other less, let’s say it like that).
The painting has a deep meaning for me and I knew deep inside I should never have given it away.
It was not the right thing for me. But I never said anything to my friend, because in Belgium we say “Given is given!”

I made this painting for my dog Mercy.

I made the moment my dog, mercy was very ill and dying.
I might have told you this story already and I might not have shared it. I don’t remember.
I feel to write it anyway, share this with you to show that there are so many realities.

There is so much magnificence!

I knew my dog was going to die, she had told me a month before her death. We were sitting together at a waterfall in France and there it was when she told me. Mercy was a boxer, and she was so sweet.

I didn’t believe her then. I didn’t want to believe her. But in one month she came ill and came blind.
I had to carry her everywhere after a while.
I didn’t know what to do. What is the right thing, right? Going to the vet or let nature do its course.
I didn’t know. I had made my bed next to her basket. My other dog was there too, but would start taking distance and they probably natural doing that. That’s when I knew it was the end.

Mercy was one of the biggest losses of my life. (I hear her now saying, one of the biggest loss and one of the biggest loves! J Love doesn’t stop after the body dies! Never!”
Mercy was kind of my child.

One of the days I lay next to her basket, giving her energy…

still hoping for a miracle; but knowing in my heart that there was no miracle possible anymore.
Her body was done, I could see and feel that.

…I was lying there falling asleep and I dreamt about the wolf. The wolf came into my dreams and said; “You have to paint me, because I am Mercy. I am her alter ego. I will help her die. When you finish me, she will go easily to the light.”

I started painting, but I didn’t really want to paint it. Two nights I lied next to her and in the day I would paint. The third day I finished the painting. For about two days she had made noises that were telling me she was in pain.
It was Monday morning and I took her on my lab holding her gently. She started yanking…that sound went so deep into my bones, that I asked my girlfriend for the telephone. I called the vet.
I took Mercy and drove her to the vet. I still see her standing in the back of my car. She knew where she was going, she was ready. I wasn’t ready at all.
When we came at the vets place he said he would give her first an injection to gently fall asleep and then he would give her 'the' injection. I was holding her, when he gave the product to sleep and the phone rang. He walked away and came back 5 minutes later. I was still holding her and he looked and said; “Oh my God she left already. I don’t need to give her this anymore.”

I wasn’t very strong in those days and the only thing I could think off to get over losses like that was creating anorexia. That’s what I did then again.

Now I know that death doesn’t exist and I kind of knew it then too, but I didn’t know who I was.
Whatever was in my life brought me to who I am now. And I know everything is perfect.

As Mama-P would say; “What if nothing is wrong?”

I would never have left Belgium if Mercy was still alive. I would not have been in Maui.

When I heard my friend was leaving the Island, I secretly hoped to get the painting back.

I was so happy when he called me this afternoon TELLING ME HE WANTED TO RETURN THE PAINTING!
I was in awe…how the Universe works. You don’t have to change anything at the outside, only the inside.
I learned from mama-P that that is the only place where it works.
No more trying, getting, pulling or pushing…only BEING and ALLOWING…J
This is an example of it…J

I immediately jumped into my car and picked it up.
It is standing now on my altar and It feels…Mercy is closer...
Mercy never left in my heart, she is always with me.
But today, I know I am making big changes in my life. It feels as I am becoming who I really am.
And that painting is kind a part of that.
Maybe I am closer to me?

When I was driving with the painting in my car I said ‘Muffie’, because that’s how I called Mercy often. She was superior in making the room stinky in a blink of an eye.
With no warning you were getting gassed and she would just stare at you and say;
“What, it wasn’t me, and pointing to her buddy Jodhi, the black Labrador.”
Or even trying to make a face that said: “It wasn’t me, are you sure it wasn’t you?”
Yes she got her name Muffie from that.

She was a real Queen sometimes.
She would have loved Maui. I bet I have some things from her, right?
Am I really a Queen?
She ABSOLUTELY didn’t like the rain. I do, but you know I prefer not to have a lot.
That’s why I love Kihei so much.
It rains here maybe 10 days in a year.
Belgium is a rainy country. So if I wanted to take her out for a walk and she felt that the street was wet she would hold one of her paws up and look at me with a face; “I am not crazy, it is wet. You go! You are on your own!!”

She was a boxer and she loved to play with her own tail that she didn’t have any more. So she would chase NOTHING…probably what I did my whole life. JThen she would turn in circles trying to catch what wasn’t there. AHah

Oh man…now I am describing her a bit…if I look like that…J

Sometimes I she would hurt herself she would sit in her basket holding up the wrong paw. J

She was fun. She was living with 8 cats, but she didn’t like cats; then only as chase object.
The cats came spontaneous in our lives. All lost souls…J

Mercy was a lost soul herself by the way. I brought her from the French part in Belgium.
I just had lost my other dog and went for fun searching in a kennel to let go of the sadness. We saw a boxer and we kind of fell in love with the boxer. And when we walked back to town we saw boxers everywhere. It was as if Durbuy(Smallest town in Belgium) was taking in by the boxers.

We walked in our hotel and there was the boss and asked us if we saw a dog we wanted and I just explained him we saw a little boxer. But I didn’t tell him we had only 300 euro in our banc account.
And the dog cost 400 I remember. We couldn’t pay it. In the US you just do credit card, but in Europe , we don’t do that so fast. At least I didn’t.
While I was talking to him his cleaning lady heard us talking and said in French that she and her husband were divorcing and they had a 5 month old boxer and she needed to GO!
They were asking 300euro.
Of course right there that day Mercy appeared in our lives!
All what was left in our banc account we spend to buy Mercy.
We loved her from first sight!
When we came home there was a check in the mailbox for 300 euro taxreturn!!!

Miracles happen. When you are being the one and the heart longs and it belongs to you and you ALLOW, the Universe works behind the scenes to bring it to you.

One more story about Mercy. I had made a cake and put it way back on the kitchen counter. Mercy was with us then for about 2 weeks. My girl friend and I went to the movie theater. We were longing for a piece of cake on our way back vey badly...but when we came into the kitchen only a few crumbs were left on the plate!I still can’t figure out how she pulled that off, but she did!
She was looking to us with the most INNOCENT face ever. Me? Noooooooooooooo

I know the painting came back for a reason. If there is one thing I know about my art is that it has power to bring me or anybody more in the ‘IAM’.

I hear that IF I could love myself so much as I loved her…waaw…
It feels as whatever I denied about myself and gave away, ignored and abused…came back today and I don’t know yet what this all means….:)

thank you GOD!

 

Often when I see a turtle i think of mercy, she has kind of teh same face as a turtle...flat...

Do I have a flat face too? LOL

Love Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

Dancing Queen!

How an ‘annoying’ neighbor can set you off to something splendid and great!
I am cool with the neighbor now. He is known in the neighborhood for not being UN-friendly and on Sunday he was using the F-word as much as he could through the whole house next to me.
Before it would get my attention and I would get agitated and frustrated and I would resist him and try to stop him. I saw now already that that doesn’t work. The change has to happen inside of me.
So what I did was this:
I choose for JOY instead of anger.

I decided CONSCIOUSLY to have JOY!

I had bought little boxes the other week…(just to let you know I love my apartment and that the 5% of annoyance doesn’t weigh of to the 95% of true pleasure being in my apartment.)
Only…I start loving myself so much I also want those 5% to be quality time for me.
So I bought those boxes and decided if he would have his tantrum, I would put on some music.

So on Sunday he had his tantrum…he parentally wasn’t in church this Sunday. J
F……g  this and F…..ng that…
I opened my I pod library and it started playing random music and I just let it be… while I was painting.
Suddenly Earth Wind and Fire started and ‘hup’ I couldn’t sit still anymore.
I started dancing and singing and I had so much fun!

I thanked the neighbor for his assistance to get me on the dance floor!
Jichaaaaaaaaa…..BOOGIE WONDERLAND!

An hour later my friend D. texted me she was going to Little beach to the drum and dance circle and an hour and a half later I was dancing on Little beach watching the marvelous sunset.

Yeah!

After little beach I didn’t feel done and I parked my car in the darkness at the prince and just started dancing under the stars in the parking lot with my I pod in my ears!
Yoehoe!

10000 Maniacs…. Blondie…haha…ABBA
Dancing Queen…
Waaw I was flying around!

The little circle on the parking lot became the whole parking lot and after that I just danced in the street!

Nobody was there anyway.

Yeah!

Singing and dancing…turning around, jumping around…watching stars….feeling my body…how great!

DANCING QUEEN…
Jezebel from Natalie Merchant was the max. I played it over and over…
Noah’s dove blasted in my ears from 10000 maniacs…

Thank you for the Music from Abba, I made in thank you for my art…

 

I was the ONE BEING in JOY and was dancing a-BUN-dance!

I danced unlimited…no restrictions…turning around, jumping around…there was nobody around anyway J….yeah!

And then finally when I was so tired and climbed into my car and drove away, I saw a car parked 10 meters from where I was dancing with somebody in it…

Oh God… Oh well…J

I think I have the microbe now...this means in Belgian that you are affected with something.
And in this case that is DANCING…because since Sunday evening I danced each night at sunset!

LIFE IS JOY!
Let’s DANCE!

 

Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com