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| This is a NEW painting!! |
Ma kahi a kakou, e hele aku ai he akua no
Wherever we are God is..
Wherever we are God is..
When you read my blog from yesterday you’ll know that I am
kind in a state of…I don’t have a clue…
I don’t know what’s happening…but I see this:
I don’t know what’s happening…but I see this:
The crying didn’t continue, but the silence did. I can’t
express myself yet totally. It is as if I am touched by truth and I am still reverberating.
I can only compare it with a musical instrument like a gong slammed on and the
vibration is continuing to just happen…
I am unable to do anything. I feel like the hanged man in the tarot deck hanging upside down, just disintegrating and vibrating at the same time.
I am unable to do anything. I feel like the hanged man in the tarot deck hanging upside down, just disintegrating and vibrating at the same time.
Really, it is as if you would see me… my body and the things
I believed of myself…the body you see and the things you believe of me…falling
apart…
I see a Paradise shining behind it.
My whole life I was rooted into the security or safety of the body/mind dimension, as most of us.
Money, house, relationships, retirement, insurance plans,…
I knew already for a long time that that security is fake, and I knew that I had to look for the security within; but I never knew how to get there really.
It is scary to let go of the false security if you don’t see where you going to land when you jump.
It is like life is pushing me now…still gently…always gently… but always determined.
I see a Paradise shining behind it.
My whole life I was rooted into the security or safety of the body/mind dimension, as most of us.
Money, house, relationships, retirement, insurance plans,…
I knew already for a long time that that security is fake, and I knew that I had to look for the security within; but I never knew how to get there really.
It is scary to let go of the false security if you don’t see where you going to land when you jump.
It is like life is pushing me now…still gently…always gently… but always determined.
When you are ready, you just are. J no choice…only surrender…
I am falling and what I see is this:
If I can compare it with some of my paintings, it is of the
colored flesh color of my body falls away in shards or pieces. I still see
pieces of my face and body, but I can see through it and behind it is a place where
there is so much color. It is a splendor or explosion of color.
It is as I am the pieces still, but also the one that
watches the body falling apart…I am the body and watching the body.
It is as the outside is disintegrating and I am falling
within…that’s the best way I can describe it…
And I am looking in the depth of where I am falling in…I see colors…
And I am looking in the depth of where I am falling in…I see colors…
In the dimension of mind/body I extremely held on to
relationships I should have let go faster, to safe situations which I should
have let go faster too, I lied and cheated towards my own being,
I abused myself extremely harsh and found a structure as anorexia nervosa to feel safe.
(I should…doesn’t exists, read further and you will understand that I believe that all is RIGHT)
I abused myself extremely harsh and found a structure as anorexia nervosa to feel safe.
(I should…doesn’t exists, read further and you will understand that I believe that all is RIGHT)
This morning when I was running I had a judgment about a
previous relationship. I said within myself to my ex;”You were extremely
abusive and you pretend you are kind to the outside world.”
Oh my…naturally I already know it is my own projection. In taking it back I would bring the situation in a place of love.
I WAS EXTREMELY ABUSIVE towards myself and I showed the outside world a KIND face. I thought nobody could see I was extremely suffering. Anorexia is a very hidden disease. You are in such an illusionary world. You THINK you have everything under control. What a JOKE!
Anyway no need to go there anymore. But just to see how I love myself NOW compared with the past.
Oh my…naturally I already know it is my own projection. In taking it back I would bring the situation in a place of love.
I WAS EXTREMELY ABUSIVE towards myself and I showed the outside world a KIND face. I thought nobody could see I was extremely suffering. Anorexia is a very hidden disease. You are in such an illusionary world. You THINK you have everything under control. What a JOKE!
Anyway no need to go there anymore. But just to see how I love myself NOW compared with the past.
Immediately a deep awareness came so clear to me…
in all of that…
in all of that…
Self abuse shuts down your heart.
Self LOVE opens your heart.
An open heart gives and receives abundantly.
When you have true Self LOVE you can be in FAITH that all what belongs to you will be there GIVEN to you…it looks like it comes from outside, but it comes from your own SELF love.
The self love radiates such energy that all of that which is the same vibration gets sucked into your world and gives you more of that LOVE.
The dissolving of my old self…the seeing that I am witnessing now, are all my old beliefs and all my old ‘holding on systems’ to feel safe.
Self LOVE opens your heart.
An open heart gives and receives abundantly.
When you have true Self LOVE you can be in FAITH that all what belongs to you will be there GIVEN to you…it looks like it comes from outside, but it comes from your own SELF love.
The self love radiates such energy that all of that which is the same vibration gets sucked into your world and gives you more of that LOVE.
The dissolving of my old self…the seeing that I am witnessing now, are all my old beliefs and all my old ‘holding on systems’ to feel safe.
I go extreme in describing what self abuse is…self abuse for
me is all what is not the TRUTH.
No-body can resist the truth…we will all have to give our bodies/minds back and see that we are ‘Iam’ and pure LOVE. No need to tell that that is the only place where you truly can feel safe.
No-body can resist the truth…we will all have to give our bodies/minds back and see that we are ‘Iam’ and pure LOVE. No need to tell that that is the only place where you truly can feel safe.
It is the place that always is and never changes. It is our
CORE-LOVE!
Each one of us will go through this process.
There is a day that you will have to SURRENDER to your true Self…
I wish I can do it now so I walk newborn on the Earth in TRUE freedom.
It always was and always will be my most important thing in life and that is FREEDOM.
My being is in great pain if I am not…I see I have that more
than other people.
Also my body needs space and light around it.
I need no time restriction as best as possible.
I can’t live in a dark room, I would be like a plant dying of absence of light…
Also my body needs space and light around it.
I need no time restriction as best as possible.
I can’t live in a dark room, I would be like a plant dying of absence of light…
I was a rebel in the past..i wanted to know what life was
about, I wanted to know real freedom.
I would not want to settle with a life that would not be free…
I came to see this morning… If I let my Self fall into the Self love…I understood and felt…I fall with faith…
I would not want to settle with a life that would not be free…
I came to see this morning… If I let my Self fall into the Self love…I understood and felt…I fall with faith…
I am faith… I am free!
It also means that everything is pau (means done in
Hawaiian) from the past.
What I mean by that is…if there were situations in your past where you lost money, or had painful relationships…it was all RIGHT. In that knowing you can just let that be NOW.
There is no need for forgiveness, when you look from the witness perspective or sometimes I call it the ‘eagle’ perspective, you know that it was all meant to BE. In that moment pain and hurt leaves and love streams in your heart. You make room for your true Self again and let your old mind go…
What I mean by that is…if there were situations in your past where you lost money, or had painful relationships…it was all RIGHT. In that knowing you can just let that be NOW.
There is no need for forgiveness, when you look from the witness perspective or sometimes I call it the ‘eagle’ perspective, you know that it was all meant to BE. In that moment pain and hurt leaves and love streams in your heart. You make room for your true Self again and let your old mind go…
Falling into the colors of existence feels to me as being
really born…it is the realization that all what I saw before in this life was
just an illusion. And I know that I will continue to play in this illusion but
with the inner knowing who I truly am. I start out of the place of truth now.
I don’t live at the edge of my existence anymore which is now falling apart anyway J, but within the core of my being…
Silence and love…
From that place of SELF love I only play self love…it doesn’t matter which role that is at the outside…
(the artist, the swimmer, the writer, the lover, the daughter, the teacher, the clown,..)
The only thing that matters is SELF LOVE…
and you can let go now
I can let go now
I don’t live at the edge of my existence anymore which is now falling apart anyway J, but within the core of my being…
Silence and love…
From that place of SELF love I only play self love…it doesn’t matter which role that is at the outside…
(the artist, the swimmer, the writer, the lover, the daughter, the teacher, the clown,..)
The only thing that matters is SELF LOVE…
and you can let go now
I can let go now
And fall
Fall
free…
free…
In God’s loving arms
within me…
within me…
Ma kahi a kakou, e hele aku ai he akua no
Wherever we are God is..
ALOHA!
Wherever we are God is..
ALOHA!
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