I Do know something!!!

I don’t know anything…or maybe in not knowing anything is all what I ever need to know.
I feel this is the key I looked for all my life.

Now I understand my friend Gr.
She was my friend that brought me to Hawaii and changed my life for good in 2005.

I had visited her workshops in Belgium and her charisma, her beauty and her presence just shifted my life.
I left everything behind in Belgium to know what she knew.
It is since my mom died 20 years ago that I am intrigued to know about life and death.
I wanted to know what it was, what is life about?

WHO AM I?

Why are we alive, and why do we die…

And today, yes today I got an assignment from M-P-Y, my mama and teacher. I had to go into my biggest fear and feel it….My fear is to be homeless; and dying because of that of course.
Brrrr….

I felt fear already just thinking about going there….

Now tonight after experiencing this intense assignment…I finally understood Gr.
I had accompanied her in 2006 to Sicily in one of her workshops. Three months later she would bring me to Hawaii.
At a certain moment we had to do an exercise where we have to look in each other’s eyes and listen to one another. One person could speak for 5 minutes while the other just listened, and then vice versa.

I had to do it with Gr. And she blew me away in saying this;
“ I don’t know really what I am doing here?” (She was leading the workshop with her husband Ki.)
“All those people are paying and I don’t know what I am doing.”
“I don’t know anything.”
When it was my turn I was speechless, LOL…I was one of those paying people….hahah
I never really understood what she said…until today…

I was very motivated to do Mama-P-Yoda’s practice  today to feel FEAR for every fearful image I could THINK off….I tried everything.
Homeless, not enough money, starving , dying..and no fear…NO FEAR….
Where was it? I was looking for it?

I tried everything. I closed my eyes more tight to be able to envision it better.

No fear. Ok I tried another image. No fear.
I tried to worst, dying not in 10 years but tomorrow…there was no fear coming up..what was happening?

I couldn’t understand I couldn’t feel it.


I stopped the exercise and continued my day. Fearless.

But when I went back to my computer to do something, I got a email and it brought me fear…
Here it is ….FEAR!!!!!!

What was the difference?

The difference was that when I tried to feel my fears with imagining, I knew it was not real. I knew I was doing effort to feel it. I did NOT believe my thoughts. It was just a game.
When I came back to my laptop I THOUGHT I entered the REAL world and I believed the email.
I didn’t see anymore that there was no difference between the imagination earlier and this.
We THINK there are two worlds: imagination and REALITY…forget about it….there is only one! It is all reality and all dream, it is all the same…no difference!
That what I THOUGHT was reality was DREAM and imagination too!
Once you see that everything is dream and reality at the same moment, every fear falls away…

So when I called mama-P-Yoda and told her I didn’t feel any fear…she explained me the above>
I continued; “I feel so empty. And I don’t know anything, really.”
And you know what she said; “You thought before you knew something, but you start seeing truth now, that all along you never knew ANYTHING. And being empty is wonderful, you just have to get used to it.”

Right here I understood my friend Gr., who travelled all over the world, seeking to find the truth of life and death and came to the same place as me today;
“I don’t know anything.”

Ha…what an emptiness in this…I don’t know yet what to do with it.
YES, I don’t know….do you?

And finally it just sank in to me…I DO KNOW SOMETHING..

And it is the feeling “IAM”
Do you feel it?
Every living being feels it!
Just lie in your bed and do nothing and you will feel you are alive.
To feel I AM I don’t need to do…or know anything...

I simple am… and I KNOW  IT!

Hootcha!

Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com