I AM falling in the UNKNOWN

This is an older painting I want to share. I am in FULL action with the illustrations for the amazing Hawaiian children's book and Gerard and I have decided to not post any pics anymore. Now you will have to buy the book in order to see them!

To stay in the Hawaiian theme..this is PELE, Goddess of Volcanoes.

It is as these last days my ego structure is put to the fire. With ego structure I mean the fears, doubts,…the voice in my head. I feel the heat under my feet. It is time to let go and Let God.
It is a very intense experience.
We all have concepts of what the ego is, for me it is my MIND.

It is that part of me that fights reality, of what is.

When I let my mind rule the show, I am lost in a spiral of fear, disorientation and nothing really works…
the mind creates RESISTANCE and puts up a wall that can’t be fought.
Fighting against it makes the wall even thicker.
The only way you can bring the wall down is to accept the wall in the first place and not to fight it; and to see through the illusion of the wall. See that nothing is ever against you, but always for you! And when you live from that trust, mind becomes your servant instead of ruling the show.

It is time to let go and let God.
hah

But then my mind goes…tralalala…blablabla the MIND tries to black mail me. The mind tries to let me believe I need it.
The mind doesn’t want to burn. The mind wants to be master. The MIND is afraid of the UNKNOWN.
It is as if the mind can’t live in the UNKNOWN. The mind wants to control everything.

It is a lie, it is an illusion. Believing the mind is living a life in illusion. You will go from one drama in the other. I did that and I am done.

I am ready to die. It is as if I know deep inside a deep truth that only the mind dies, my essence remains…So if I take distance of my mind, there is no fear, really…but I see I am still in the yoyo stage…

I allow my Self to die in the fire of Pele right now and I say to God;”It is ok, I am ready.
I can’t go on like this.

I am the watcher.

Lately I am there a lot and it is as if I stand in my body but also next to it.
I watch my movie play and see myself in my own movie.  
Sometimes I think; “What a bad movie!” (=judgmental towards myself as director of the movieJ)
Or ; ”What a drama!”
Or; “What is she going to do next?”
Or; “What a great scene!”
Or; “So much love!”
One person leaves my movie; the other comes in my movie. I am the only constant in my movie.
People and things come and go according to my alignment of energies.
So I decided to align myself to whom I really AM…

I AM prepared to step into the unknown and burn in the energies of Pele, my Un-die-able self knows it will step out of the fire as new born. The essence of life is un-destroyable and fertile at all times.

I let my old beliefs behind in the fire of real justice and step as a new born and know that ‘I AM’ is my new AUTHORITY in life. My thoughts can come and go, I don’t fear them anymore, because I will only give my fidelity to the infinite presence inside of me.

I AM the MASTER and my mind is my servant from NOW on.

I step back and watch.

I allow myself to free fall through layer and layer of stories and false beliefs and illusions…
It feels as if I come lighter and lighter…

I am.

I just fall into the allowance to BE…
whatever that is…
no judgment…
no concept…
no words as love, peace, joy, happiness, oneness, God….
just falling… without words…expansion…

Faith becomes GRATITUDE for life, for all what is.

I fall….

In the UNKNOWN….

Love Tamara,

www.rainbowsheart.com