Love us free!

Long time no see.

I was on a wild ride on the river of life and it is all good. I didn’t always see it in the moment and I shed some tears. Some ‘a lot’ tears by moments.
What ever happens into your life, there is growth afterwards and every time you grow you never go back to an unconscious level. It is a law, once aware always aware. So change is good!

The last days I went through hell, fell in love with someone and forgot about falling in love with me.
I realized it when the ride got wild and she jumped off the ride and left me behind.

What happened?
What went wrong?
Where am I?
Did I do it again?
Did I forget how to love me?

I was very disappointed, thought I could believe her when she said she loved me. I thought I could believe when we shared the same feeling. It was incredible. I had asked the Universe to meet someone new, preferable in the bay I swim in Maui. 3 days later I met this incredible wonderful girl. I didn’t know when she spoke to me that she was the one. But I acted strange; I disregarded all my own rules and invited her to swim with me the next day. Something I never do. It is out of the question I want to take anyone with me, because I feel to responsible and I go too far out and then I have to limit myself and go back because they don’t want to go so far in the Ocean. So I had made a pact with myself, to not do that anymore. And hup here I went, crashed my own rule and invited this strange girl to swim with me.
When I was driving back home, I didn’t understand myself.
How could I just have done this, sorry I am going to use this word, stupid thing? That was my thought.
I thought this must be God, I am not thinking straight anymore. What did I do?

I hoped she would forget.

But she didn’t and she texted me and I saw myself texting back. And then she invited me to have a drink and I saw myself saying yes.
And before we knew it we fell in love and it is like heaven. It is as we are made for each other, she feels me and I feel her. If my friends see her picture they all say the same thing. You are made of the same star seed.
We had the most wonderful time and were making plans already for her to move to Maui. I am a Sagittarius and sagg don’t really wait for anything. Also I have Aries and those don’t wait for anything neither. Hmmm…I am a very passionate romantic person.

But the thing I forgot to ask the Universe was that she would be here and live on Maui. I was specific in lots of things and she was all what I ever wanted and wrote down. But I forgot she needed to be on Maui already. I forgot the write down how long we would be together. So now I realized that I added to my list and put it on my altar.

So seven days after we met she had to go back to a life on the mainland.

In my Sagittarius mind, it is no big deal, you mail everything to me and just jump.
But unfortunately she is neither a Sagittarius nor an Aries.

She went home and kind of realized it was scary to just jump.
How do you give up the life you have for someone you only met for about 7 days?

That is insane. In our society it is an insane thought.

And in my mind I wonder too sometimes, if that is right.
But MY HEART, my heart knows. This is the one. This is my girl, my woman.

My heart sings and knows so strong…is it not our hearts we have to follow and not our minds?

My heart doesn’t have any doubt and is joyous all the time when I think of her.
I feel so a deep connection, so intense.
And I know she feels it to, but she is scared and it made me sad the last days.
I felt so out of balance.
Doesn’t she feel it anymore?
Is she not coming?

We had made an agreement that we want to live in Maui. The mainland is too cold and rainy.
But I see and feel her hesitation.
I came from Belgium and jumped. I sold my house and my car the day before I came there, but I was so in love! Nothing could stop me, nothing…. I was in love with the dolphins!

But you know dolphins are trustworthy, maybe humans are not always like that. J
But I am! J
Just to say that I understand what a big jump it is for her and if I would be in her shoes I would be scared too.
Anyway through allowing all these stories in my head , I was driving myself nuts. I was making stories up how she didn’t want me anymore. How she never wanted me in the first place.

LALALA

And I felt emptiness so painful. It was as if I would die.

I realized early enough on a distance that I was playing a drama, that wasn’t necessary. I could just stay in love and hand over the whole thing to the Universe. Here you go….I don’t know it anymore. I trust you will let everything fall into place! LET GO and LET GOD

I used the Byron Katie work to delete the suffering inside of my head. I did the work and I came back to me today. The emptiness I was feeling was not because she was gone, but because I was gone.
I had left myself, with thinking the worst case scenario.
Once I could let go and love her unconditionally I set myself free of any pain.

I came to the point I could say that I want her to do what makes her happy, because I love her so much.
I came to the point that I would support her even if she didn’t choose to come here.
I would just listen to my heart and love her and be there for her and listen what she needs.

And if she needs time, it is.
If she needs space, it is.
If she chooses to stay where she is, it is.

If I love this woman so much, I need to let her go and set her free to choose freely what she wants.

That is true love.

If she wants to be with me I am here with an open heart to welcome her.

If she doesn’t want to be with me, I will be with the same open heart welcoming her.

Love doesn’t demand , nor keeps captive, love sets free…


C. ,Sweetie I love you!
And in loving you, I love me!