FIRE HORSE, the key to true security

This painting I made when I was still living in Belgium.
It resonates with my energy a lot. I am a Saggitarius and my ascendant lies on the cusp between Aries and Pisces. I am the fire horse in the water, and that is how I really feel when I swim with dolphins.

 I have the fire to just go and to just move through fears that otherwise keep me on land, or not let me dare to swim out far. I have the COURAGE. The word courage comes from French or Latin and means ‘from the heart’. And I am like that..when I feel something in my heart I go for it. I don’t stop really…until God tells me it is enough…but mostly that fire energy resonates with God, because it is my alignment.

It is that alignment that I want to find in each new moment…being God, being me.

It is a good thing, my fire energy. It gives me a lot of endurance.
I see this passionate energy of the horse more as a friend, than as a wild running desire that breaks through walls.
I am intense sometimes and I think that a lot of people think I got in trouble by being so intense. And that I could have avoided some things in life, if I would have been more cautious.
But I learned out of my experience I just got in trouble, when I wasn’t the horse!

I have found that if you are truly yourself, there is no way you can be possible a victim, because you are the essence of yourself. You follow your Self, you ARE the CREATOR.

When I was in alignment with myself I could move mountains and I had much endurance.

I dared to live!

It brought me Hawaii!
It brought me the dolphins!
I am the artist!
etc…

When I look back to my life , all good things happened when I was me.
All ‘bad’ things came into my life, when I betrayed me.

The horse brings me adventure and love.

This energy is as the FOOL card in the tarot deck…
It is the jump in the unknown knowing that God is with me.
Knowing that what I feel my heart tells me, is God telling me.
Knowing that there is no separation between me and God.
Knowing that the intensity in my Soul is my inner guidance leading me on my path of love, the path WITHIN!

It was when I didn’t follow that voice and compromised myself I got on a path of pain, because I stepped away from who I really am.

I remember me as a child having this fire energy. I attracted children who were not wanted. I was not wanted, people didn’t understand my energy. I was always with the not wanted, weird kids… the outcasts, the ones that didn’t fit in. I felt not fitting in….That’s why I probably attracted the community of the kids “not fitting in”. Anyway I would not have wanted it otherwise. I always was fighting with the underdog, being the underdog myself. But that underdog energy carried the fire-horse energy, so I didn’t really cared so much. I was ok.
I remember that the whole class would fight on my brother and me because I was wearing boy’s shoes and he was wearing girls shoes.
I remember that I stayed myself, no matter what and that I kept on being the Horse fire energy…
And it took only a little while and they stopped. Looking back now, I believe that keeping my alignment with my true self was functioning as a shield against the bullies.

I had situations in my life where I wasn’t so brave and I betrayed the horse-fire energy and it brought me only misery.

I pushed my horse-fire energy away when my mom died and I accused myself for my fire energy and thought I was the cause of her death, because others told me so…

They are not to blame, I see that now. I could have not believed them. But I did.
I believed my grand mom and dad when they accused me in their own indescribable pain.
Seeing the truth is seeing that besides them I accused myself in the first place, they were only a projection of what I was thinking.

It is only 20 years later I figured that out…

I choose to believe in that moment in time, as a 20 year old girl, that my bold fire energy has caused my mom pain and that that was the reason she got cancer. I believed that because I was gay, she was in so much grieve; she got sick.

All those thoughts were my thoughts.
I never took responsibility for it. I blamed my dad and grand ma. and so stayed the victim for about 20 years.
It was when I owned that I was responsible in BELIEVING my thoughts, that I could change them.

And by doing that I liberated myself, my dad and grandma.

The painful thoughts (=being gay or causing my mom pain) that I thought had brought my mom cancer, were the cause of my own terminal illness.

We can only make ourselves sick. We are only responsible for our own lives. And that is enough!
My guilt-full thoughts brought me anorexia nervosa and  my weight dropped to 72 pounds, until I was dying.

I didn’t KNOW then what I know today…

I WAS RESPONSIBLE for all the thoughts I had and have.
What ever my dad or grandma told me, I didn’t have to take it on.
I didn’t have to believe it.
It is their business what they think of me.
What IS my business IS WHAT I THINK OF ME!
And their lies the POWER.
I AM THE CREATOR of my own life; I am the captain of my own thoughts!
Through my thoughts I create my life.
Which life am I going to choose?

It is that simple.

You just choose your thoughts…
and here comes the real key with that powerful choice...
 

YOU CHOOSE YOUR THOUGHTS in ALIGNMENT with your TRUE SELF.

For me that is fire-horse Power energy.
There will be always people that would want to stop you…
YOU BEING YOU.
That is their job, so you can become stronger aligned with YOU.

It is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to BE YOU, and to choose your thoughts according to who you really ARE!

What a revelation, it means that we HAVE our lives!
We are the owners of our lives and we are the creators of our lives and so WE have a choice in every moment!

I can promise you when you are your TRUE SELF you are one with God and there lies the SECURITY you are longing for, for a really long time.
I know that most of us look outside and try to grab whatever they can get. Houses, money, friends, partners, jobs,…
The thought that salvation is found in an external force, will never bring you salvation.
I can promise you; I tried it. It doesn’t work.
The salvation lies within!
IN BEING YOUR TRUE SELF.

And in REFUSING to compromise, to betray YOU!

Because …your True Self is your alignment with GOD.

You are God, and God is you!

In that space it is Impossible you would not be ok.

BE YOU!

B.U! (=Being UNLIMITED)

Love tamara

Visit my website www.rainbowsheart.com