I am ‘thinking’ I am losing my mind.lol
Hihi, it feels so good though.
Hihi, it feels so good though.
I love my life so much; I love to be with me…it is so delicious.
Can you imagine…
Can you imagine…
This morning I stepped out of the
shower after an incredible amazing swim with parentally some whales around us,
but we couldn’t see them. But just the trill that they are somewhere there
around us…haaaa…it is as they are there…any moment a huge big enormous whale
can come by…oooh ye…that’s the max!
And then just being…being in the water…being with my beloved honu’s…being space in a spacious ocean…I so love it…
I still cry every day to have been given this gift of life! Gift of Maui!
I am so happy here.
And then just being…being in the water…being with my beloved honu’s…being space in a spacious ocean…I so love it…
I still cry every day to have been given this gift of life! Gift of Maui!
I am so happy here.
But back to the shower…
I get out of the shower and I fell kind of in love with my sink and all what was on it. I took a picture of it, so I can show you how beautiful it was.
I couldn’t believe I would feel this ever for a bathroom sink.
I am not the kind of girl that uses make up and does other stuff some other woman do.
I am more the being that doesn’t want to spend so much time in the bathroom, because there are more exciting things to do…LIKE PAINTING!
I have another story…a very funny story….will tell you in a bit…the story of Kongo…
But can you imagine…it was as if I was struck by light and fell in love with the lotion, my toothbrush, the bottles of detergent…all those colors were just dancing. Then my painting at the wall was vibrating so much…it was such a delight to feel that.
It is as since I know or am who I am, I can enjoy my bodily existence more intensely as before.
It is as if I don’t have a future and am being lived in the moment.
More and more I fall from one such moment into the other. Walking tonight on the beach, the warm breeze, the water on my feet, the people on the beach,…it all was so sweet…so loving…
I get out of the shower and I fell kind of in love with my sink and all what was on it. I took a picture of it, so I can show you how beautiful it was.
I couldn’t believe I would feel this ever for a bathroom sink.
I am not the kind of girl that uses make up and does other stuff some other woman do.
I am more the being that doesn’t want to spend so much time in the bathroom, because there are more exciting things to do…LIKE PAINTING!
I have another story…a very funny story….will tell you in a bit…the story of Kongo…
But can you imagine…it was as if I was struck by light and fell in love with the lotion, my toothbrush, the bottles of detergent…all those colors were just dancing. Then my painting at the wall was vibrating so much…it was such a delight to feel that.
It is as since I know or am who I am, I can enjoy my bodily existence more intensely as before.
It is as if I don’t have a future and am being lived in the moment.
More and more I fall from one such moment into the other. Walking tonight on the beach, the warm breeze, the water on my feet, the people on the beach,…it all was so sweet…so loving…
I start crying at some times, just like that…not because I am
sad but because I feel such gratitude.
I am so thankful for mama-P, the dolphins, the whales, the
turtles, Maui, Mooji, BK,my beloved friends,…the list is long…. I am a blessed
being! J
I love so to be alone….because I am not!
LOL
Mooji would say; “You are alone as everything.”
MamaP once wrote to me;”Life is the eternal present moment and we breathe love and connection knowing ourselves as infinite I AM.”
I am I am, no effort to be there , because I am it!
There I breathe Mama-P., I breathe the dolphins, I breathe the turtles….I am!
I am love! They are love, we are love…
Mooji would say; “You are alone as everything.”
MamaP once wrote to me;”Life is the eternal present moment and we breathe love and connection knowing ourselves as infinite I AM.”
I am I am, no effort to be there , because I am it!
There I breathe Mama-P., I breathe the dolphins, I breathe the turtles….I am!
I am love! They are love, we are love…
I want to share with you why I also feel so happy.
My art is changing!
For years I tried to paint to sell…yes I did…I always painted out of my heart, but there was a time I was confused and thought I needed to paint in the theme of Hawaii, so I could live from my art.
I thought that only the painting was what was bringing me joy, not the theme.
Well that is not true.
My art is changing!
For years I tried to paint to sell…yes I did…I always painted out of my heart, but there was a time I was confused and thought I needed to paint in the theme of Hawaii, so I could live from my art.
I thought that only the painting was what was bringing me joy, not the theme.
Well that is not true.
I gave it up.
It is not me to figure out how to sell. It is not even my business!
I paint now what’s me.
I don’t think I have to say more about that.
What I find most pleasant and exciting is that when I call with Mama-P. I share each painting with her now. Even each sitting. My paintings develop in different sittings, as most paintings do…but anyway…
I am always super excited to show her what I did and a sweet collaboration is kind of born, which I love!
I show her my painting and am quiet and listen and most of the time she gives comments on what I already want to change or add or delete…It is so much fun!
I don’t think I have to say more about that.
What I find most pleasant and exciting is that when I call with Mama-P. I share each painting with her now. Even each sitting. My paintings develop in different sittings, as most paintings do…but anyway…
I am always super excited to show her what I did and a sweet collaboration is kind of born, which I love!
I show her my painting and am quiet and listen and most of the time she gives comments on what I already want to change or add or delete…It is so much fun!
The way I paint now is the way I look. Before I saw the
world, just like that. I see the world.
Now it is as if a space is inside of my belly and that is my IAM….my eyes are open gates and it is as if that space flows out of it and emerges with the space outside of me (this is a new painting!LOL) that is the same.
It is from that space inside of me I paint now…not anymore form the little bit of space between my two ears where I THOUGHT too much…I am so excited…It feels so safe!
Now it is as if a space is inside of my belly and that is my IAM….my eyes are open gates and it is as if that space flows out of it and emerges with the space outside of me (this is a new painting!LOL) that is the same.
It is from that space inside of me I paint now…not anymore form the little bit of space between my two ears where I THOUGHT too much…I am so excited…It feels so safe!
All of this …about my art…brought to me a very funny story.
It is the story I wanted to tell you earlier on this page, which kind of links
the story of me loving my bathroom sink and the story of my art.
How shall I begin…because I can make it very long, but don’t want too…
How shall I begin…because I can make it very long, but don’t want too…
It is the story of Kongo.
Once upon a time...
I was living on Big Island and I just had met my new friends from Holland that were staying with me at the camp place of the Dutch woman. I was there already for months and this woman was really abusive to me. My new friends from Holland helped me to make me aware of it and stood firm that I couldn’t take that abuse anymore.
They would leave after a week and I would be stuck there, so they kind of told me that I should be leaving before they did. They were afraid for my safety.
But I was scared. Here I was all by myself, not knowing where to go…it was as if that place was safe, although she was abusive.
With the 4 of us we started to go to Ho’okenna, a beach south of the camp place.
I knew they were right, but I was not ready.
But then came Kongo.
Kongo was a beautiful black Rasta man from Jamaica.
He parentally fell in love with me.
It was the first time a man fell in love with me like that.
I just came out of a long 17 year relationship with my female partner.
Kongo changed my life forever.
I was living on Big Island and I just had met my new friends from Holland that were staying with me at the camp place of the Dutch woman. I was there already for months and this woman was really abusive to me. My new friends from Holland helped me to make me aware of it and stood firm that I couldn’t take that abuse anymore.
They would leave after a week and I would be stuck there, so they kind of told me that I should be leaving before they did. They were afraid for my safety.
But I was scared. Here I was all by myself, not knowing where to go…it was as if that place was safe, although she was abusive.
With the 4 of us we started to go to Ho’okenna, a beach south of the camp place.
I knew they were right, but I was not ready.
But then came Kongo.
Kongo was a beautiful black Rasta man from Jamaica.
He parentally fell in love with me.
It was the first time a man fell in love with me like that.
I just came out of a long 17 year relationship with my female partner.
Kongo changed my life forever.
He changed it in many ways.
One: that somebody can have such an impact on me in such a
short time is for me a God’s given synchronistic event. Kind of a Soul partnership.
Two: he gave me the strength to stand up against that woman and to leave.
He didn’t know anything about me and the first day we met at a certain point he just looked at me and said; “You have a chuckle on your leg and you have to break it.”
I was astonished he knew that. J
He was an intuitive wonder!
Two: he gave me the strength to stand up against that woman and to leave.
He didn’t know anything about me and the first day we met at a certain point he just looked at me and said; “You have a chuckle on your leg and you have to break it.”
I was astonished he knew that. J
He was an intuitive wonder!
Third…he started treating me as a queen.
Something I never experienced before in my life.
He gave me an ear ring and I felt so taken cared for. I really loved it.
Here comes the link with the bathroom story…he loved me because I had hair on my legs!
LOL…in Europe we don’t really shave us as much as the Americans and here people look at you as you come out of the jungle if you don’t!
He loved it! It was the magic touch for him…. J
He told me over and over that I was a REAL woman…because of that hair...
So hilarious, I never have felt as a real woman and now suddenly I was one…
with hair on my legs! Withot make-up...NATURAL...that's how he called me, his natural woman...
Fourth…what was really impressing to me…he was a musician…and so could live into the feeling of my own artist-ship.
I always had my paints and watercolor block with me to the beach.
He would shush everybody away from around me and tell them not to disturb me; because he said; "She needs to paint! “She really needs to paint!”
That made such a life changing shift, you can’t imagine.
He would refresh my water, clean my brushes, so I didn’t have to stop painting…
he would sit next to me and just be lovie loving….really sweet…J
Yes!
Something I never experienced before in my life.
He gave me an ear ring and I felt so taken cared for. I really loved it.
Here comes the link with the bathroom story…he loved me because I had hair on my legs!
LOL…in Europe we don’t really shave us as much as the Americans and here people look at you as you come out of the jungle if you don’t!
He loved it! It was the magic touch for him…. J
He told me over and over that I was a REAL woman…because of that hair...
So hilarious, I never have felt as a real woman and now suddenly I was one…
with hair on my legs! Withot make-up...NATURAL...that's how he called me, his natural woman...
Fourth…what was really impressing to me…he was a musician…and so could live into the feeling of my own artist-ship.
I always had my paints and watercolor block with me to the beach.
He would shush everybody away from around me and tell them not to disturb me; because he said; "She needs to paint! “She really needs to paint!”
That made such a life changing shift, you can’t imagine.
He would refresh my water, clean my brushes, so I didn’t have to stop painting…
he would sit next to me and just be lovie loving….really sweet…J
Yes!
We visited Ho’okena beach every day and I got more
confidence and more confidence…
I loved my visits with Kongo and he parentally too..:)
I loved my visits with Kongo and he parentally too..:)
What was beautiful was that the love between Kongo and me
was so pure.
He didn’t want anything from me and me neither. We were just sitting together, lovingly…being…
I was inspiring him with his music and he was empowering me in my art….
He would play music for me...
He didn’t want anything from me and me neither. We were just sitting together, lovingly…being…
I was inspiring him with his music and he was empowering me in my art….
He would play music for me...
4 days before my friends were leaving for Holland, we all
ran away in the middle of the night….
after i stood up against the Dutch woman...
that’s another story….but thanks to Kongo…
I moved to Oahu...
I searched for him, but he left Big Island and was somewhere doing his music on the mainland…
it was good news…J
after i stood up against the Dutch woman...
that’s another story….but thanks to Kongo…
I moved to Oahu...
I searched for him, but he left Big Island and was somewhere doing his music on the mainland…
it was good news…J
He is in my heart and in my art… for eve!
When you want to make an impression on a Jamaican man, don’t
shave your legs….
that’s the teaching for today!
that’s the teaching for today!
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