The shark Ami teaches me big stuff!

 

                   

                  My friend J. says that my camera doesn't show the reality and he was closer to us.

                              Oh well, it doesn't matter really....we thought it was close enough!

 

 

Funny…yesterday morning I pushed myself in the bay…twice…

It was there that I met the shark the other day. I even hopped from island because I didn’t want to be in the water the day after I met the shark. I went to Lanai to forget…but when I came home…
Ha! All was there where I was afraid of…

You can’t run from yourself, it doesn’t work. I should know!
I ran 22 years from myself and there I am…always.
LOL
Why are we running from ourselves anyway?
Why do we feel alone sometimes?
What are the thoughts behind that feeling of aloneness?

We are pure awareness and there…
EVERYTHING arises out that, so feeling alone comes from a THOUGHT that is a lie…
Truth is we are IAM and never alone…but ‘all ONE’.

No way also you can run away from anything your mind makes up…best thing is to see through it.

So yesterday and today I went swimming in the bay…everywhere.
First I went all by myself.
I was scared, but I knew that it was only my thoughts that were scary.
There was no shark.
Not in that moment YET…

A whale came up just next to me…a huge whale and I wasn’t scared at all.
I was intrigued and excited…
Only because in MY MIND I am not scared of whales…

Haaa the mind, it is time to NEVER mind the mind!

This one shark really taught me a lot. I should give him a name.
Why do I think it is a he anyway? LOL

I see now, even more, how I make myself sick with worry
because I have certain thoughts and beliefs around sharks.
I don’t even know if it is true what I am thinking and what mass consciousness is thinking about sharks.
This one shark inspired me to start reading about sharks and I came to see that some people swim with them…J

I tell myself now when I am in the water that what is true is THAT I AM IN THE WATER. POINT.
Right there in that moment, what I am is IAM and the role I am playing right there in that ONE moment.
I am swimming and so I am the swimmer without a mind.
If my mind makes up stories, a little fish can become a BIG shark.
And I become the fearful swimmer.

Best is to laugh with it…to see for what it is.
In the moment with the shark Sunday, I wasn’t really sooo scared.
I was in fear, but not as  fearful as I am with only my thoughts.
So that counts for paying my rent, for being afraid of illness, of death,…
of everything, really…

I wrote that I made a weapon to take with me…but I kind of saw that that isn’t the right energy to enter the water. It’s kind of entering already with a resonance that is ready to fight a battle…
I don’t want to put that out in the Universe, am I!

My friends and I made the whole situation kind of funny.
I told them that my stick for the shark is just kind of a ‘toothpick’.
From one thing came the other…
We started laughing so hard…
One friend mentioned to take a rope with me so I could floss his teeth…LOL…
Haha I went a step further even…J

My friend J. is planning to come back to Maui and I asked her if she wanted to swim with me.
She kind of innocent asked; “Why?”
“Well, I could use some bait meat”; I said jokingly.Am faster than you and will just leave you behind… you are old enough to miss an arm...J

Can you imagine that I am still busy thinking of that shark?
And I just met him for about 5 minutes or less, what…4 days ago?
Something really short can have a huge impact on your life.
And this shark really did.
As I mentioned I am reading about sharks now and how to approach them, how to be with them.
I even read of people swimming with them and touching them.
I don’t know if I want to go so far…but really if that is possible why not?
I am a being who’s very open for all possibilities.

Major is that I see that the shark is pure awareness and that huge space I see in him,
the grace…that is
exactly what is in me.
We are the same…
I wonder…
in essence we are God, awareness…t
ogether…
so if I am there, there is NO FEAR there…in that space…
there is only fear if I feel that my body, the person is in danger…
The true me, 'I am', can’t die…

I am a vegetarian…but I wonder sometimes…we are not the body nor the mind…
so when we get eaten or an animal or plant get eaten…nothing ever dies.

Because we can’t die…we are awareness, aliveness…

So as Mamaji would say; “What if nothing is wrong?”

MMMmmm and everything is FOR you….

The shark…I’ll call him ‘Amie’…
Mon ami in French means ‘my friend’…
The shark Amie taught me to be done with all fear in me…
The shark Amie taught me that fear comes from what is between my ears…

If I rather believe what is between that little space between my ears
than the GREATNESS of who I really am….well…than I will live a fearful life…
It is time to let all fear go…
just drop it…

and how can I do that better than to only let me FALL into whom I really am….

I fall in the space…in the warm embrace of God…
The shark Ami and I fall together…

Nothing can danger another…because there is NO other…

We are!
Space...
Awareness...
LOVE...

 

Love Rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

Shark!!!! Am still writing with two hands...so lucky, me!

 

He is coming closer! Ohoh!

 

 

I had a great day today…lately a lot of great adventures…turtles, dolphins…name it…

WHALES!!! Oh my God!!

Last week I was surprised when I was swimming with the visit of a mama whale and baby.

Today AGAIN!!!

I was with my friend J. and we came back after hanging out at the aquarium today. To get to the aquarium you have to do a deep water swim.
I estimate it is about a mile or so.
Am not so good in estimating those things in miles and the awareness of kilometers slips me too lately…

In coming back…it was trippy …we heard suddenly a spout.
PHOOOOOOOOOOOOOeeeee

Jeee that was loud!

Another one…oh my God…she must be so close!

We looked in the water and there she was with her little baby. I made a video of it…she just dove and then passed underneath us. Whales are not so ‘hiperdepiep’ as dolphins are…
Oh yes ‘hiperdepiep’ is kind of a Dutch word…

Just say the word and you get what am saying…Oh ye Americans probably can’t do the RRrrrrrrr…
It is hipeRRR…the..piep…

Ye dolphins are so playful and just love to come around you and have joy JOY JOY!
Whales are more silent and invisible…it is then very intimidating when you notice they are or besides you or underneath you suddenly.

J. and I were so happy. This doesn’t happen often, it is a true blessing…these animals are just so precious and very sacred to me.
The baby must have just been born.
This morning I had seen some whales in the bay, and when I was swimming I had seen a long slimy looking thing. I taped it and my friends and I will look at it later.
It was kind of 4 to 5 meters long…never saw that before…
I laughed and told J. when she caught up with me that I saw some whale snot earlier.
LOL

That thing might have been from mom whale that just had a new baby, a small new baby…I mean just fresh born baby baby…it might have been something that had to do with giving birth; because they are still mammals, right…just like us…maybe it was some placenta, who knows what it was…

Anyway…after mom whale and baby passed us, we kind of swam to the coral at the side.
Suddenly I hear my friend J. saying; ”A shark.”
We are not afraid of white tips or black tips, we even go to them so we are kind of hanging above it and I started taping…waaw a white tip I thought by myself, because it rather looked small.
But then…and you hear it in the video in my voice that I suddenly am aware it is neither a white tip nor black tip! It was something BIGGER!
We saw the shark coming bigger and bigger and I heard myself saying;

“ THAT IS NOT A WHITE TIP, THAT’S A BIG ONE!”

I can laugh now with it…it is so funny when you hear it…(video comes later when I edited it…J)

Oh boy! The shark was coming to us now!
In my perception he came really close…
I still had my video on, but was not really aware of it.
We only thought of or I did, really of showing my fins towards him or her.
That was the only thing I had on me to defend myself.
In the tape you see us making as much bubbles as we can…
When I stop the video, it was because he really came suddenly forward..It was just a reflex of shutting it off…NO thinking right then, just DOING…
MamaP. , my teacher, friend, mom always taught me that you can never know ahead of time what to do. And I guess she was right…No thoughts, really just doing right there. No past, no future…just the moment with the shark…

I could just see his beak…but it was till 3 meter away though…he pushed us behind, we were swimming backwards face to him, making bubbles with our fins…
Suddenly he turned…and the danger fell away…and then I started taping again; but he left….

Oh my God…we were so intimidated…I must say this…
I had fear and this sound so ridiculous, but the fear I had in that moment was much less then the fear I have for sharks in general when I THINK about them. It is as if my thoughts make them bigger…
it is the ‘blow up’ fear that comes from your mind. The fear that sits between our two ears.

The thoughts you have about it and how awful and bloody it will be…
The voice that projects and makes a future that NEVER exists.
That voice…that voice can paralyze me, really. But the fear I had today was just a light fear…of ok this is what I am doing and now he does this, so I am doing that…ok I don’t have anything in my hands, so I am going to use my fins…
He did inspire me to make kind of a stick I can carry with me, to point to it when it ever happens again.
We were with two people and that made a big difference I think. Also that we didn’t run off, but faced it and gave it a bubble festival!

We swam away looking backwards, you never know if he changed his mind…and stayed together for sure! J

But 5 minutes further we encountered a manta ray and we admired it and we forgot about the shark…
Suddenly, I think it was J. who said;”Mmm, we just had a shark encounter, maybe it is good to get in , now. Don’t you think?”
“Ye what are we still doing here?”I answered.
And we came on shore, agitated, excited, overwhelmed, relieved…fine.

All of that...it does something with you…with your body and your mind…
I am super tired, super warm…
But the awareness, that what we really are is unmoved…is relaxed…never dies anyway…
IS AlWAYS…is the shark…we are the same…J

We snacked in the hot sun…and…we have a certain word in Belgium….it is called ‘bekomen’…
I don’t think we have it here…it is like calming down after a kind of shock…my body did…

 

But 2 or 3 hours later I was in the Ocean again looking for my turtle friends…

I am a little dolphin…I belong there somehow…

 

I hope baby whale is safe, because that is what he really was after…maybe he saw us as the hors d’oeuvre, but didn’t like the plastic package of our fins.

 

Or he was on his 12 step program as the sharks in Nemo, but forgot it a split second…and was tempted by seeing woman’s meat….

Anyway I am lucky today…as every day really…
But the trippy thing was that I realized I am more afraid of it in my thoughts than in reality…

So that counts for everything!!!

 

Love Rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

As I fall into YOU!

Painting am working on right now...

 

As I fall into you,

YOU,
Safety haven
of BEING...

YOU,
Infinite Space
of TRUTH...

As I fall into you,

YOU,
Sweet LOVE
of emptiness.

YOU,
silent peace
of EXISTENCE.

As I fall into you,
YOU,
Knower
of NOTHING(NESS)

YOU,
exuberant  joy
of happy CRAZINESS.

As I fall
into
YOU,

the soft EMBRACE
of whoYOU
ARE…

As I fall into
YOU,
LOVE!

I fall into
me,
LOVE!

I am you,
you are me…

As I fall into me,

ME,
the safety haven of being...

Rainbow

Thank you Mamaji,
To be the one up there…

Thank you for your LOVE,
your warm embrace,
your constant support,
can't write or say enough thank you's,
but thank you!

For YOU…

I LOlolololololove you! MORE! :)

Rainbow,
www.rainbowsherat.com

The whale

My new painting standing on my painting easel

 

 

Oh my goodness…Iam so sorry…but actually that is a big lie, I am not…really…
I said I am sorry because I am not getting to write as much…

And I LOVE to write!
What that means is that I do things that I even LOVE more…
Oh my goodness, I love my life so much. I am having a blast.
Dolphins, turtles…Ocean…
and this morning …
a whale underneath me suddenly…

Oh waaaw they are big…all the energy in your body kind of moves, is electrolyzed, is shaking when you see this beautiful enormous being slowly moving underneath you, coming up and knowing he or she is checking you out…

The water was a little murky, so I just saw a massive body going under me, coming up…

And the surprises were not done yet…a little later I saw my first hammer shark ever!!!
Lucky for me, it was a little baby… But where there is a baby, there must be a mom somewhere…J

The only thing I have again is pain in my left flank and I am pretty sure I have another kidney stone coming out… Did you hear me?

Coming out!!!
Time to leave my body, yoehoe! J

I see myself watching it…I see my personality getting worried; but the real me…the IAM is relaxed and peaceful underneath all of that worry…




Anyway…I wanted to share with you this beautiful new painting I made.
The intention before I started was to paint what I needed to do to break through the fear of not having abundance.
LOL
I came quickly to see that in awareness you don’t have to break through anything!
Just falling into that, who I really am, and I fall into abundance.
That is what happened with painting this painting…J
Since that painting, I am not in fear anymore.
I can see clearly that fear comes from ‘the mind’, my mind, and that is not who IAM.

The mind, my mind, is or in the past or in the future. It is never correct, never real, it is never there in the space WHAT IS!
It or compares with the past, or makes things up for the future…
A funny story as example of my funny mind I can give you with telling you of my conversation with Mama-P. yesterday night.

I was sick, almost vomiting after drinking the 2onz olive oil and 2onz of lemon juice mixed.
The cure for kidney stones.On top of that I drank apple cider vinegar and that didn’t go so well with my stomach.
It absolutely went into a strike, in opposition and refused to work anymore.
It threw all barricades up…no more…no no, you won’t do that to me anymore…
my stomach protested!

It was funny, I was telling Mama-P. how I am eating ‘healthy stuff’ lately.
BUT
that I allowed myself to have an unhealthy snack in the afternoon( I was not sick yet… J))
but when I came in the store, I just couldn’t buy that crap.
I guess that a shift in consciousness goes together with an immense love for all what life brings me.
Like my body...
I am taking care of my body so much lately…anyway…

I made the remark,….keep in mind I am laying down on a made bed on the floor, any possible moment having to threw up….
So I say to her;”I don’t know anymore which snacks I can eat.”

She responds, in her always humorous to the point way,..

If you have some imagination and see this:
This is the energy of her accuracy:
See it as a soccer game between two people and I go with the ball and attack her goal…
She…each time again, tackles me and lobs the ball just over me into my goal…
GOAL GOAL GOAL….
She is so accurate, fast and to the point…it is as a sharp sword that cuts all lies instantly, right there…
Her team is allround world champion...

So she answers;
“Mmm, I don’t think you have to worry about this right now!”

LOL…

I laughed so hard when she said that, I didn’t even feel my upset stomach and my unease in that moment…J She is sooo funny!

haha see how mind goes to the future and makes up stories, there was no way I WANTED any food AT ALL!!!!
But there I was talking nonsense about a future event of ‘snacking’, while I could have to run to the toilet any second to vomit all my brains out...
Hilarious, how our mind takes us to places…that takes us away from who we really are.

Who we are, we are right here and now…nothing to do than to just allow and fall into it…

So I painted the lion as helper for my fears.
if I go into the painting and the symbolic meaning of it…
it is the symbol of true authority…
The painting has nothing that has to do with fear. It is just the opposite!
It is not about courage, but just about knowing who I am.
I am the lion and the dancer, and the space where all of this arises.
I am awareness…
And it is as if the lion’s authority stands for the one that SEES…

He is so secure and certain…
He knows he is space, he is awareness and that’s where he SEES from…it is the secure place where NOTHING changes and where everything arises.
It is the place of abundance, because it is nothing and everything in the same space.

It is that awareness we feel inside of us, it is that awareness that looks through our eyes to the world outside. It is that awareness that sees that another is NO OTHER, but ONE SELF…
We are awareness and there we meet…

When I dance on the beach…I still am sometimes shy….and tonight too…I wanted to dance…
But I was postponing, because I felt shy…that is not me…it is my mind telling me a story to be shy.
If I believe the mind I am falling into a person, into an identity of the shy one…
My ipod had to fall into the Ocean for me to see that I just needed to knock it off and do what I came for…TO DANCE!!!
(Good for kidney stones too…jumping around like a crazy horse….:))

Always when I dance I have a feeling I fall into the IAm. In reality I am in the IAM always and just dance from there. The dancing happens in awareness…
There I see the connection with the IAM from those people on the beach.
There is just connection…and aliveness…I am them and they are me.

The only thing that can ever happen is that they have a thought that I am a crazy lady…
And actually they might not be wrong…haha…but even if they do, it is not my business…
It is all in the realm of the mind and stories! In the awareness there is NO judgment…
Only love, peace and aliveness…

If I go with my mind and think what are people going to think, I just left my own precious life!
So never mind, Rainbow…and just dance.. and I danced…and danced and I turned as the man on the painting into the space that I am…I don’t need to turn into it, I am it…
My body turns into the wind and the water…
My true self is…
and movement of life happens into it…
The space the dancer goes into is his own awareness, his very truth.
It is the perfection of being…
All what happens in life, is what is…and it is all well…

Even kidney stones…although my mind doesn’t always agree…
I have learned to be lived…
This morning I had a very intense happening…
I was sitting and before I would see my body and my mind and know it is not me.
I would be able to see behind all what is and see that that is inside of me too.

Simultaneously the space inside is the space outside. My eyes are just a frail doorway…

It is not even a doorway..it is just nothing, really. A dream…

Ok I see…
But then this morning deep inside I know I don’t even have to do that effort…of seeing, because I am it!

There is no journey to make to enlightenment, as some call it.
We are it!

Anyway I just had a seeing…as I saw many times before…but I could see that I am NOT the person anymore.
I did see that before, but today was different. Something in that moment fell of me…
Nothing that had to do with the person Rainbow, was real…and I kind of start falling…
I just let it happen, it was as if my energy collapsed into myself, into me, inside…
And I felt fear, but I just let me fall and feel the fear of falling…

Because what my mind was searching for was a net, something that would stop the falling, some security, something vast…but there was nothing of that…I kept on falling and it was as there was no end to that.

I’ll talk with Mamaji about it, that’s how I call my mama-p. lately.
Because right after that I went swimming and encountered the whale…
Very intense all…

But as Mooji would say…who is the one feeling the intensity…that is being watched…so again that is not me…J

LOL

 

Love, rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

Oh the painting is for sale and costs $600 in this world of reality…
Prints you can order on my website and is delivered by a company to your precious home…J

What Americans and Europeans need to change

My painting Joy

 

I am dancing through life lately…I love to dance and when I go to sunset on the beach…

what a life I have...

I DANCE my socks off!

During the day I am mostly in the Ocean. It is as if Mother Ocean claimed me. Or maybe I claimesd her...
I love to be in the water.
I am changing in a little dolphin.
It is really my home….

I splash around, just as I dance around at night…with my feet in the water I turn circles in the sand and move the water. Hands and arms, helping me to turn and turn.

It are the turtles that taught me that. That’s what they do…turn and turn…

FAME! I remember Fame!
Nana nana na…nanana naaaaaaaa Fame…

Remember that! I loved that serie. I would dance in front of the tv and admiring the United states schools. Those were so cool! Leroy was my favorite.
In Belgium everything was so serious. Latin, mathematics, physics, ….
(put my finger in my mouth jester…J)

Lucky I choose sport-science…I mean I was kind of forced by my parents…
It was so boring…but I still had the sports.
In fact one of the classes I really liked was English. I loved it.
Well, we had this teacher that would take us to ‘Faulty towers’ each Friday afternoon.

That’s a comedy show with John Cleese. He thought that teaching English worked better through listening to these kind of things, than to study serious boring stuff.
Hmmm maybe he was right! My English isn’t so bad isn’t it?
Except of the ‘accent’blunders I make, such as TURD, or IDEE, or MODDER, or DAT, or….I might make many many more still, but my friends keep it quiet.

I had some friends form Oahu that I OVER heard once saying; “Oeps now I said IDEE like rainbow says IDEA.”

I asked them why they were not correcting me….

The answer was that it was too cute.

Well, I don’t want to be THAT cute after all, really.

I am almost 7years in the US…Waaw time flies…and man…I lost so much contact with Belgium.
I mean, I was going through my external hard drive yesterday. And I had a dozen of folders with pics from Belgium and my past life…I had folders of my Belgium website…
I kept some pics, but most of all I emptied MY BOXES.

What I mean by that is:

Since I met Mama-P. I am a TOTAL nutcase….LOL
No , well maybe I am…well…
I was joking…

But really in some people’s eyes I might be a total nutcase.

Maybe I was really the nutcase before I met Mama-P. and now I finally get sane…LOL

I lost so MUCH identity of my past self.
I was thinking of typing Mama P.’s books that I write down when she talks to me and call it;
“What if nothing is wrong?”
She taught me this one liner. It is on the back of my car. I made a bumper sticker of it.

But really this morning I was thinking to do this and you know my mind or my feeling or the inspiration…let’s say it was the muse was already writing the foreword.
Nothing REMAINED of me…
In one year …she transformed me in a total OTHER BEING. A nutcase...LOL

The little abused, neglected, scared, addicted …PERSON vanished.
My addiction: over exercising is GONE.
I don’t CARE anymore if my body is skinny or not.
And you know what! My body transformed itself in the body I always wanted.
Consciousness!!!

For 22years I have run, swim, bicycled to be skinny (I had anorexia nervosa).
I did the weirdest insane exercises…to just lose weight.
After a while my body stopped losing weight…
BUT now…I stopped running, now already for about 2 months or more, I don’t even know it anymore.
I see myself taking care of my body, resting and conserving my energy.
That is a miracle!
I AM FREE…

The abused one changed in the self loving BEING that I am now.
‘Neglection’ I am not doing anymore…I see myself now and know what is SELF LOVE.
Scared…mmm sometimes I still am…when I let my MIND take over.
But when I am staying in the IAm, as Mama-P teaches me, there is NO FEAR.

YES actually…I LOST so much of my old identities; I am a new being…really.

I let go of the identity of world savior,
of healer,
of little wounded child,
famous artist,
….

Am kind of all over the place today with my blog…but it’s ok. I am like a little dolphin today.

It plays with one thing and suddenly she’s done and goes to something else…joy , joy , joy!

As me new me, I paint, because I love to paint,
I swim with dolphins and turtles because I adore it,
I eat because I am hungry,
I am doing the dishes because who else would do it.,
I wash my car, because I like it sometimes washed,
I dance because my body loves it,
I drink because I am thirsty,
I am talking to a friend, because I want too…
I call with Mama-P. because I adore her and it is the most important event of my life!

She teaches me who I really am…that is freedom...that is what i was looking for my whole life.

and all of that…all of these actions all happen
in the IAM…

That is my true value…I AM…
No need anymore to be the famous artist, the famous writer, the famous famous…whatever…

So I deleted healer from my website.

I realize now that no BODY needs to be healed. The main reason I deleted it is actually because I didn’t like doing it.
And when you force yourself in doing something, you don’t like…hmmmm that doesn’t sound much to SELF LOVE.

What Mama-P. taught me too is that life doesn’t need to be SO serious. JOY< JOY JOY!
That’s it. It is that simple. Do what gives you joy and you are in self love. And because you love yourself you do what brings you JOY.
Closed circle…the circle of abundance!

Anyway to bring some joy in this blog…this is a very serious matter…

I know of two sides...the American and the European style of living, I can kind of call myself an EXPERT.
Here goes my Self chosen new identity of my full blown important EGO. J
LOL
Ok here I go….
The Europeans should consider having sinks in the kitchen with a disposer.
(Is that the right name? Oh oh better have that straight as a good American citizen!)
In Belgium they have only those little nets that catch all the junk pieces.
(maybe by now they have changed it, don’t know)

The rules to drive they should change. Turn on right should be a new rule!
That means they have to change all traffic lights…J They will like that.

That reminds me at the first time I was driving on Big Island.
My first day after the wheel on Big Island and as a good girl I stand before a red light in the middle of busy Kona.
That was all ok of course, I don’t need to be a good girl to stand still in front of a red light…
Just stand still before red. Point.
The small problem was that I was stationed in the middle of the intersection, because I was standing as in Europe at the other side of the road in front of the red light.

Cars were making noise, tutututut…

What was going on? What was I doing wrong? Something felt wrong…
Nobody from left or right could pass, I was standing in the middle, waiting for red to turn green.
tututUUUUT…..a minute or two of this is a real torture...Everybody is looking at you as you are the most stupid chicken of the whole wide world!

Ok I’ll pass the red then…and get out of the way…
that was the first and last time I did that…J

Then a day later I wanted to put gas in the car and I went to the pomp station and asked if the car was diesel or gas. The woman looked at me as I was from another planet.
Finally I got that they only have gas here, mostly anyway…oh well…

But then there was no gas coming out…what was I doing wrong now?
Ok, back inside….she came out with a long butt
(means in Belgium, she didn’t really wanted to get of her chair for this STUPID tourist)
She came and just put the handle down and looked at me like….aaaaaah.
Oh well again…

There are things I am forgetting. I don’t really know anymore how to take gas in Belgium. I will have problems to NOT turn right on red in Belgium. And I will probably stand in front of the red light 20 meters before the line…J

LOL…

Maybe I should make it another blog what Americans NEED to change…|
it is soso much! LOL
am joking…

No serious…
One thing I thought was weird is that when you flush the toilet here everything comes to the surface. The first time I did that I thought it would run over…I was kind of…”OH no!”
But then it suddenly sucked after all and took the water away.
What a relief…J I thought something was stuck…

In Belgium…
We are NOT talking about FRANCE…there they only know off holes in floors…J
So in Belgium, the suck power is so intense so the whole thing doesn’t come up and kind of threatens to flow over the whole toilet like in the US…

Ok so you have my vote. I think Americans should change their toilets and their TOILET doors!

Oh please, especially the toilet doors.
In Belgium everything is closed of…Maybe not on top or bottom at some places, but at least you can’t look through the doors like here where you can see people sitting.

The first time I had to do that, was a true torture….

But in Honolulu it hit all my BOX limitations I had about toilets…J
I once was at the beach and needed to go so badly…I walked in the toilet…NO doors!!!!

NO doors…Oh boy…J
I took a breath and probably made it in the Guinness record book as the fastest pier in the whole wide world…haha I could have been famous after all!

Happy I was relieved from that ‘HIGH WATER’ syndrome, as we would say it in Belgium…when we need to pee really bad, we say;”It is high water.”

So coming out of that torture toilet….just to let you know I don’t have that shyness anymore. I am becoming a good American in these things…J

Anyway I am coming out of the toilet and there is a huge sign just in front of it that says…
NO NUDE ON THE BEACH…

I laughed my ass off…
I can sit nude on the toilet, but no nude on the beach..
Ok…

Well.

That needs to change definitely…
I vote for being topless on the beach…
That is something we are used to in Europe…

Ok I think this was enough for today…

My boxes are empty and what’s in the boxes now is my new me…
emptiness…
I AM…

Where everything arises as I the creater…
Guess the American toilet bowls are like that too...it arises...

Love Rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

I am free

 

You can buy my paintings through my website www.rainbowsheart.com
or call me 808-754-5883.

On my website you can also order prints or t-shirts.

 

love Rainbow

Kongo, my rasta man

I am ‘thinking’ I am losing my mind.lol
Hihi, it feels so good though.

I love my life so much; I love to be with me…it is so delicious.

Can you imagine…

This morning I stepped out of the shower after an incredible amazing swim with parentally some whales around us, but we couldn’t see them. But just the trill that they are somewhere there around us…haaaa…it is as they are there…any moment a huge big enormous whale can come by…oooh ye…that’s the max!

And then just being…being in the water…being with my beloved honu’s…being space in a spacious ocean…I so love it…

I still cry every day to have been given this gift of life! Gift of Maui!
I am so happy here.

But back to the shower…
I get out of the shower and I fell kind of in love with my sink and all what was on it. I took a picture of it, so I can show you how beautiful it was.
I couldn’t believe I would feel this ever for a bathroom sink.
I am not the kind of girl that uses make up and does other stuff some other woman do.
I am more the being that doesn’t want to spend so much time in the bathroom, because there are more exciting things to do…LIKE PAINTING!

I have another story…a very funny story….will tell you in a bit…the story of Kongo…

But can you imagine…it was as if I was struck by light and fell in love with the lotion, my toothbrush, the bottles of detergent…all those colors were just dancing. Then my painting at the wall was vibrating so much…it was such a delight to feel that.
It is as since I know or am who I am, I can enjoy my bodily existence more intensely as before.
 It is as if I don’t have a future and am being lived in the moment.
More and more I fall from one such moment into the other. Walking tonight on the beach, the warm breeze, the water on my feet, the people on the beach,…it all was so sweet…so loving…

I start crying at some times, just like that…not because I am sad but because I feel such gratitude.

I am so thankful for mama-P, the dolphins, the whales, the turtles, Maui, Mooji, BK,my beloved friends,…the list is long…. I am a blessed being! J

 

I love so to be alone….because I am not!

LOL
Mooji would say; “You are alone as everything.”
MamaP once wrote to me;”Life is the eternal present moment and we breathe love and connection knowing ourselves as infinite I AM.”
I am I am, no effort to be there , because I am it!
There I breathe Mama-P., I breathe the dolphins, I breathe the turtles….I am!
I am love! They are love, we are love…

 

I want to share with you why I also feel so happy.
My art is changing!
For years I tried to paint to sell…yes I did…I always painted out of my heart, but there was a time I was confused and thought I needed to paint in the theme of Hawaii, so I could live from my art.
I thought that only the painting was what was bringing me joy, not the theme.
Well that is not true.

I gave it up.
It is not me to figure out how to sell. It is not even my business!

I paint now what’s me.

I don’t think I have to say more about that.
What I find most pleasant and exciting is that when I call with Mama-P. I share each painting with her now. Even each sitting. My paintings develop in different sittings, as most paintings do…but anyway…
I am always super excited to show her what I did and  a sweet collaboration is kind of born, which I love!
I show her my painting and am quiet and listen and most of the time she gives comments on what I already want to change or add or delete…It is so much fun!

The way I paint now is the way I look. Before I saw the world, just like that. I see the world.
Now it is as if a space is inside of my belly and that is my IAM….my eyes are open gates and it is as if that space flows out of it and emerges with the space outside of me (this is a new painting!LOL) that is the same.

It is from that space inside of me I paint now…not anymore form the little bit of space between my two ears where I THOUGHT too much…I am so excited…It feels so safe!

All of this …about my art…brought to me a very funny story. It is the story I wanted to tell you earlier on this page, which kind of links the story of me loving my bathroom sink and the story of my art.

How shall I begin…because I can make it very long, but don’t want too…

It is the story of Kongo.

Once upon a time...
I was living on Big Island and I just had met my new friends from Holland that were staying with me at the camp place of the Dutch woman. I was there already for months and this woman was really abusive to me. My new friends from Holland helped me to make me aware of it and stood firm that I couldn’t take that abuse anymore.
They would leave after a week and I would be stuck there, so they kind of told me that I should be leaving before they did. They were afraid for my safety.
But I was scared. Here I was all by myself, not knowing where to go…it was as if that place was safe, although she was abusive.

With the 4 of us we started to go to Ho’okenna, a beach south of the camp place.
I knew they were right, but I was not ready.

But then came Kongo.

Kongo was a beautiful black Rasta man from Jamaica.
He parentally fell in love with me.
It was the first time a man fell in love with me like that.
I just came out of a long 17 year relationship with my female partner.

Kongo changed my life forever.

He changed it in many ways.

One: that somebody can have such an impact on me in such a short time is for me a God’s given synchronistic event. Kind of a Soul partnership.

Two: he gave me the strength to stand up against that woman and to leave.
He didn’t know anything about me and the first day we met at a certain point he just looked at me and said; “You have a chuckle on your leg and you have to break it.”
I was astonished he knew that. J
He was an intuitive wonder!

Third…he started treating me as a queen.
Something I never experienced before in my life.
He gave me an ear ring and I felt so taken cared for. I really loved it.
Here comes the link with the bathroom story…he loved me because I had hair on my legs!
LOL…in Europe we don’t really shave us as much as the Americans and here people look at you as you come out of the jungle if you don’t!
He loved it! It was the magic touch for him…. J
He told me over and over that I was a REAL woman…because of that hair...
So hilarious, I never have felt as a real woman and now suddenly I was one…
with hair on my legs! Withot make-up...NATURAL...that's how he called me, his natural woman...
Fourth…what was really impressing to me…he was a musician…and so could live into the feeling of my own artist-ship.
I always had my paints and watercolor block with me to the beach.
He would shush everybody away from around me and tell them not to disturb me; because he said; "She needs to paint! “She really needs to paint!”
That made such a life changing shift, you can’t imagine.
He would refresh my water, clean my brushes, so I didn’t have to stop painting…
he would sit next to me and just be lovie loving….really sweet…J

Yes!

We visited Ho’okena beach every day and I got more confidence and more confidence…
I loved my visits with Kongo and he parentally too..:)

What was beautiful was that the love between Kongo and me was so pure.
He didn’t want anything from me and me neither. We were just sitting together, lovingly…being…
I was inspiring him with his music and he was empowering me in my art….
He would play music for me...

4 days before my friends were leaving for Holland, we all ran away in the middle of the night….
after i stood up against the Dutch woman...
that’s another story….but thanks to Kongo…
I moved to Oahu...
I searched for him, but he left Big Island and was somewhere doing his music on the mainland…
it was good news…J

He is in my heart and in my art… for eve!

When you want to make an impression on a Jamaican man, don’t shave your legs….
that’s the teaching for today!

Love Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

I am talking about my last painting

What a splendor of life! My new painting!

This is my new painting…

I painted while I was sick and recovering and sick and recovering…I guess I faced the tiger inside of me…

This painting started while I was waiting to get gas at costco one day.
There are always long lines and my human identity has something with waiting…
I was not always good in it…I get better and better though, now I discovered my Self…
I am just I AM…delicious waiting…there is nothing to do anyway…then  to be waiting right there in that moment.
There is no waiting really, only enjoying all what is.
I am getting it more and more…J

The wind blowing, the helpful guard at the pumps, the cozy business of people coming and going,
The blue sky, the planes landing and leaving, Haleakala in the distance, my body relaxed in the seat of my beloved car Rockie, my breathe going up and down,…

Yes more and more I am ok with doing nothing…I enjoy so much the being I AM that the doing is just doing.
Before I had to be in silence to be feeling my being, now I peel potatoes and I AM.
It is all delicious.

Walking, eating, swimming, sitting, washing my car, cooking, painting, talking to friends…everything happens into the being of who I am. I hardly leave that space anymore…J

I would say ‘in the knowledge of who I am’, but knowledge has so a heavy feeling…

If I would use the word, I can say that out of the knowing of who I truly am I can PLAY whatever I want in my life. I can create an I out of the perceptions I want to think of me… I create my life of whom I AM BEING!

So while waiting at Costco, I grabbed my sketch book and started random drawings and suddenly I was drawing horns of abundances in each other.
Something like the little puppets in Russia that fits into eachother.

In the depth of each horn of Abundance is the place of awareness, the space we ARE.
In is not only the place where we, our bodies were born out and will return when we die…we are that SPACE…
Being that Space creates a synchronicity with awareness that allows us to ALLOW ourselves to surrender to effortlessness.

Anyway, that‘s how the painting started.

Each horn of abundance you see in the painting is a world of one of each creature painted.
Each one of us is pure awareness and our human worlds arise out of that awareness.

We are the creators of our own world.
And that is what you see here in the painting.
The tiger created itself, the turtle, the hummingbird, the elephant, the woman, the butterfly…each one of those creatures are the same SPACE= AWARENESS…

In essence we are all the same….

The spirals go inside….
It is that what you feel when you let go in the ‘IAM’…you don’t look anymore with your eyes, but from behind your eyes from a depth that is SPACE.

When you are there you only feel love for everything that comes on your path, because you know that all creatures, things, Nature…it is all THAT.

 

This painting is for sale or you can order prints of it,
please call me 808-754-5883

Love Rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

I let go of the balloon

I

 

 

I feel so happy lately, it is not a happiness because I won the lottery or got something I want…

Well, that is not really true…I guess I finally found what I wanted all my life…
It feels as if I can relax now and don’t need to do anything anymore then only to BE.

I feel and be now who I am…

I also see if I try to be the Iam, I am missing it….it is effortless…unchanging bliss.
It is who I am, nothing to do…than just falling into it with waking up each new moment…

I still see my thoughts coming and going and sometimes I am head by it…but not in a way anymore that my awareness of who I am disappears.

Now I am the watcher…

I realized today that my thoughts just are air moving…illusions appearing…and if I believe the story of my mind, that air kind of becomes a balloon.
In Belgium we have a saying; “Don’t blow things up.”
Or you make from a mouse an elephant. J You get the picture , right?
In fact , hilarious enough I had an experience this morning that gave me that insight.
In fact a pink balloon or pink elephant was swimming with me…well that was what my mind made up.

There is a woman that got the amazing job from the Universe to bother people.
A lot of my friends shy away from her. Including me.

My friend T. said even last Sunday, while turning up all the windows of his car; “I know it’s going to get warm rainbow, but believe me it is worth.” (And believe me Kihei can be hot)
And to give you the picture, we were sitting in his car talking, while overlooking the bay.

We saw the woman getting out of her car and we were kind of falling beneath our seats….hiding out.
J As a war would break out…J

She has this amazing gift to go over people’s boundaries. She is truly a master in that. The other day she swam by me and stopped and looked suddenly on an inch or two in my snorkel. I kind of scoot away….disappearing from planet Earth in a instant…J
This morning again, she played her role very well. And I know I kind of handed her the script, because I have the fear she is going to do it…so Better watch out…I am the director of my play!
It is putting something in the Universe that you don’t want. That is what fear is.

So she was doing it!!!

Ah Rainbow....


Good lord, there she was, I felt chased…followed, it felt as if she was on my skin. No breathe.
I had no space at all, and we kind of bumped into each other all the time.
She is much larger than me and so my mind was kind of describing her as a big pink balloon…
My mind was ‘in a gallop of frustration….’
It was so bad even that I  pushed myself in a defensive position.
I was making my body larger in order to keep my space.
You know, the shoulder move....
Is that not something animals do in the animal kingdom?

Fish make themselves bigger, because they are afraid to get swallowed.

I guess I was doing that… J I was afraid to be swallowed by her…
When she disappeared from the stage ,  I felt relieved but kind of fell bad I protected my space in a very low frequency.

I had an amazing swim after that, but sometimes my mind would still go to that incident in the past…an hour earlier.

That is called stupidity or abuse…I could see it and made a change…
I stopped judging myself and it was as if the dolphins felt it, because there was one dolphin slapping another right in front of me…Get out of my space!
No harm though, they forget after a few minutes…and really dolphins have a good memory, they know who I am...

The I AM I am was watching the  whole thing and l I saw how I was blowing the whole thing to proportions that weren’t necessary.
I felt guilty, and that is a low energy.

I tried to change my choice of thoughts and saw that it is ok to get angry sometimes, and to express it.
Anger is something that passes just like thoughts. It comes and goes. And when I saw that, something shifted.
I am not the anger, I remain as the IAM.…
I relaxed and dropped even deeper in the IAM.

That is when I saw that sometimes we blow our thoughts up to balloons…
When I got that insight I started smiling…a balloon can be ‘poefed’ with one needle…

So I just put the needle of my awareness on the illusionary balloon and take my power back….

No need to be hiding anymore in the car, or ducking down behind a rock….

I AM SPACE!!!! No need to get it from another, everything is an inside job.
You feel another takes your space, it is because you are not in your inner space…it is that simple.
The change happens inside of us…J

I am the one living my inner SPACE…if I keep the authority in the IAM…and I am not giving my authority away to my mind that blows up like a balloon….then anything can come to me…

there are no enemies where I live in the IAM. Everything is for me….there are also no friends in the IAM…we are all awareness....SPACE...

When I relaxed in the IAM, I got connected with the IAM of the woman and I could see clearly, that it was all NOTHING.
And only coming and going….

When she stays it is because I let her stay in my mind…because I hold on to the balloon…I can just prick the balloon or even just let it go and let it FLY!!!!!

It is so delicious to be living in the IAM….
Effortless…

We are all in there, together….

All Love Rainbow