First painting out of the collection 'wood and canvas'

This is my first painting in my collage paintings, canvas and wood.

It shows the infinite essence of our being.
The space we are.
The owl and I are the same…
We are that infinite space that I call awareness.

It is the space where I am free of mind…J

That space is love…

Not giving nor receiving love…

No need to…

no doing there,
just being a non changing space of immense love….

I am love…J

I am the owl and the owl is I…

We are I,

Unchanging grace seeing our worlds moving through as clouds in the sky…
in the awareness of love,

 

This piece exists out of one piece of wood and 4 canvases.
It is for sale and costs $650.

Call me 808-754-5883
www.tamaratavernier.com

Love, rainbow

The silence of my lips...

 

 

 

 

 

What is happening with me?

For the longest time I didn’t write…I guess I am doing other stuff. Mostly I am more and more intrigued with my art and painting and that and the ocean absorbs most of my energy…J

 

I guess I might maybe …gently say that I lost my personality…LOL
I say this in a very careful way, because every time I mention it to Mamaji (my mom/teacher see other blogs) life, the field, God….triggers me. Test me on the spot. It goes really fast.
Instantly I get directed into truth…
Over and over again…

 

Yep, not always in a pleasant way…but it is a way to kick my butt immediately back into AWARENESS…
yes I found that place, that middle point in me…that stillness point where I feel a constant joy…where I feel I am free of my mind…
Oh it is heaven!

The day I saw that beliefs were lies…all fell away…anything that I ever believed that caused me suffering just fell of me and there I was…

It is a long story, but in that place of being I see all thoughts come and go, I see beliefs are not more than clouds. Nothing more…;)

I had the belief that I had to do hard work to dig out the roots of my beliefs…hihi when I saw that beliefs are NOTHING…
roots gone,
work gone,
suffering gone…

And there I was as awareness…

The thought, which scared me for most of my life…
the thought I will die and not exist…
just was a cloud, nothing more…
a huge liberation was felt in that moment!
It is not possible to NOT exist, because I am existence itself…J
And now I feel happy…but is not a happiness because I have something external…
although I have a lot….
(eventough I left my apartment because I couldn’t pay rent anymore)

I experience every day that we live in a abundant reality….
It is true that God takes care of us…and that God or the field, or the Universe always took care of us.
And it is true that we are being lived and that NOTHING is in our control…
It is true that we are nothing…
J

I am happy with being NOTHING…

I am happy because I am free of my MIND!

I am HAPPY because I DON”T KNOW ANYTHING and it is alright!

This is a funny story about not knowing anything. The story came back into my mind today while I was talking to Mamaji. When I was on the phone I broke a piece of a plant and the white juice triggered a memory…here it is…

It is a story when I just was a few months in Hawaii. The first nine months I lived on Big Island and once a while I would fly to Oahu, giving some workshops and visiting friends.
On Big Island a Dutch woman taught me the different medicine wonders of Hawaiian plants.
The flower of the banana plant was for instance amazing to heal deep cuts very quickly.
Also she showed me the amazing power of the kukui plant and noni and etc….

 

Anyway, here I was sitting under a tree in the botanical gardens in Oahu talking with a Japanese Hawaiian woman about her soul painting she ordered with me.
I didn’t know that she was an expert in Hawaiian medicine, lomi lomi etc…
But as I experienced in Hawaii, most Asian people are very humbly and don’t say much…

A day or two before I was on a boat on Big Island looking for dolphins and I had burned my lips severely.
The Dutch woman taught me to put kukui nut oil on my burned lips…it would heal it fast…so I was doing it. She was providing me with it…

Here I am explaining the soulpainting to M.
My lips were hurting and I noticed the tree that was giving us shade.
I saw some balls hanging in the branches and I felt relieved…
 “Aaaaaaah”; I thought;”kukui nuts!”
In a spilt of a second I grabbed one, took of the steel of the plant and put the white liquid on my lips.

I was wondering why M. was looking to me with such terror.

I just continued the explanation and it took her about 10 minutes to ask me why I did that.

You must know that I was just explaining her soul reading to her; where was written she had a lot of knowledge that she needs to share with others. She sometimes was holding her knowledge back and she should come faster forward with it….:)

I asked;”Why are you asking that?”

“Well”; she said; “I studied all the plants of Hawaii and what you just put on your lips is kind of glue!”

Oh no…
There my lips were sealed…I guess…

Now I can laugh with it, but I had several awful wounds and the longer it took the more my lips got glued together…
I had to take of that glue with a napkin and water as fast as I could and…it wasn’t funny…J

Just a story to illustrate that we sometimes think we know something….haha

But not anymore…
I don’t know anything at all…

Especially not about Hawaiian medicine..:)

Love, rainbow

www.rainbowsheart.com
www.tamaratavernier.com

This is a cool new painting! The wisdom of the elephant...

In the stillness of my being
I am free
I am peace
I am abundance
all what I see is not me,

I feel my presence running through me…

Inside of me,

But also this I see and feel

From where?

Is that who I am?

The place of that…

Is there anything that can disturb that space?

Everything moves through it…

Comes and goes…

A thought can try to make me believe that I am away from that…
And that I have to DO effort to come back…

But

I am that…
if I just let that thought fly by…
don’t give it attention, power or belief…

It just dissolves as a dark cloud in the sky…

I have to remind myself… haha MIND myself…
who I am…

Do I?

No, I can see now again that that is the mind making up stuff…
My crazy mind!

In reality all is NOTHING!

I gave my existence to existence…
and am being lived…
always was,

I just had a thought I was in control…

But there is something in realizing all of that…

I can’t call it surrender, because it just happens at some point…Trust is it neither…

It is greater than that…

it is a heart-knowing that I am who I am…

And that in each moment I am it all…

Whatever appears is mine,
resistance to what appears only comes from THE MIND…
My crazy mind!

Pure awareness embraces everything without judgment…

Peace
freedom,

And

LOVE,

 

the elephant

 

Love Tamara rainbow

www.rainbowsheart.com

this painting is for sale and you can do me an offer…
808-754-5883

Losing my religion, Happy Mother's Day!

 

So long time I was writing…sorry about that...I went through some changes…
I left my apartment, moved on etc…but I’ll tell you later about that…

Just wanted to write that it was interesting this morning when I came into the bay that I very naturally started singing” Losing my religion” from REM.
Nothing bizarre about that song; was it not that that was the song for all these years that I associate with my Belgian birth mom. When she died, more than 20 years ago, every time I would think of her I would start humming that song,(or vice versa singing the song and then thinking of her)
so I kind of assume now that she, her spirit, visits me when I sing that song, suddenly, out of the blue.
This morning was a different morning though, we are Mother’s day, not that that is important.
I mean, why would you make a day for mothers, right? I mean only One?
When you live in the land of No time, there is not even a day to think of…anyway…
ok I just go with it…for the fun of it...
I suddenly started singing ‘Losing my religion”.

I said;”Hei, mom. There you are. How are you?”
Really normally I would ask her for support, but today was so different…
always thinking I am in trouble, I need more safety…
Mom, I need help!

But today I heard myself saying;
“Mom, I don’t really need your support anymore.”

Waaw that was big for me.

I always felt very unsafe in my life in many ways, also around money and then I would ask her if she could visit my dad and try to put some magic dust in his soup so he suddenly become very generous.
Sometimes he would, sometimes he wouldn't. But what is generous, right?

Anyway, today, I told her I was happy. I told her not to need her. I told her even that it was fine that she didn’t need to come back anymore…if she didn’t want too…

Really, I said all of that.

Since I adopted my Mamaji and dove into the truth of who I am, being pure awareness, eternal one with her…I grew so much and I can truly say the last 14 days I fell more and more in being lived…what I want to say with that is that I don’t plan anymore. I decided to be awareness and to leave it up to God to match my vibration. And I must say all good things are coming my way. And I am very happy…just because...just happy...not because I HAVE something...just because I AM now...

But here is the thing around Mother’s day…if you ever can speak of a chart or having a horoscope …

I mean by that when you drop into awareness, you are no person, no body, no mind, no horoscope, …any of that anymore…you are much greater.

But since years I am intrigued with my sign in the Mayan calendar. My sign is IMIX and it stands for THE MOTHER…And many people can witness that that was my greatest challenge in this life. I tried to crawl in so many mother figures, it was not beautiful anymore. Each one of them pushed me away. I had anorexia so many times trying to be the needing child...
It was always a co dependant relationship. Lot of pain at both sides.
(I know Mamaji would say that I gave them the script to play what I was thinking at that time.)

I THOUGHT that it was impossible for me to be THE MOTHER, to care for myself and all of that…
i thought i wasn't powerful and I needed somebody else to support me...

That whole thought process brought me all these kind of abusive mothers’s to me, because I was abusive to myself not recognizing IAM AWARENESS=THE MOTHER…and so i was supporting me all this time...it can't be otherwise...WE ARE IT!!!! Right here and now...

It is since Mamaji allowed me to fall into her, I fell into myself.
It is not long though that I feel this pure RAW mother safety energy. It is the energy of being lived, knowing that all is well and that we are always taken care of.

Mamaji was THE MOTHER that was in me…of course it is not really the name of 'mother', it would decrease the space I Am talking about. I am talking about pure awareness.
I let myself become a baby in the arms of awareness and allowed LIFE, GOD to take care of me.
And Mamaji as God's instrument…I as God's instrument…J

Amazing wonderful things happened since then.
Synchronistic events brought me in a spiral of abundance, love and joy.
wherever I look there IAM...pure love and abundance...:)

I am mostly singing, whistling or laughing…

 

I am happy…I am like a little dolphin jumping in the abundant waters of this life experience on Earth and beyond Earth!

What an exciting life NOT KNOWING what the next moment will bring…

What exciting to NOT KNOW what to do and to just be…

And feel the energy floating…in no-thing-ness as I AM...

Tudulu!

Thank you for my birth mom to give me this body…
(also thanks dad)

and
thank you thank you for Mamaji giving me the truth of who Iam…

I love you,

Your daughter Rainbow

The one that doesn’t know anything…with a big smile…J

 

www.rainbowsheart.com

Free we are!

This is a new painting…

It is the ultimate freedom…being ‘out of my mind’ or ‘lost my mind’
It is when you arrive in the heart and know that the whole Universe, God is within that core we ARE…|
All what is outside is that, all what is inside is that…I am awareness…
As Mamaji would say ‘understanding’ is only a wish form the mind, when you arrive in the heart; there are no questions there…
as she really put it…
The mind has no answers, the heart (awareness) has no questions!"

I experienced that freedom is who we are actually…

We think we have to make ourselves free, but that DOING part is also a trick from the mind…

Drop the mind and you are who you are: FREE.

Once you realize who you are, pure awareness, in that space there is the taste of freedom…
I am not my body nor my mind and in that deep inner knowing I am free of this game on earth.
(and enjoy it in the same moment…J)
In that knowing I let go…and actually surrender to being lived…but all those words are actually unnecessary again…because there was NOT one moment I was being lived!
There was NOT one moment that I had control over my life…
Only the mind can make that up, and it is in that thinking that we believe we have to make ourselves free…

Free we are! J

 

Love tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

It is for sale and costs $450

Am falling...here I go!

 

 

I am not anymore and I am…

Is that confusing or what?

I am, finally I am…
finally I am looking through the eyes of awareness…

I am looking as awareness…
I am listening as awareness…
I am smelling as awareness….

 

What does this mean?

 

I am gone as me the person, I am gone as me the individual, the identification…

I am no-thing…

I lost my mind…
I really did…

I am a huge space now…
Nothing from the past is me…
Nothing in the future is me…
I don’t have a past and no future…
I fell in this moment,

This moment
here and now,

I fall in this moment
this moment,
here and now,

I will fall in this moment,
this moment,
here and now…

No-thing I know for sure anymore…
then only I am typing right now…
my fingers…

Two fingers I use…
very strange, very fast…
I am that space within my body,
no attachment to anything at all…
I am typing and nothing more…

There is a huge freedom in all of this.
I don’t allow my mind anymore to make up my future…
Or to negotiate with its possibilities of a future…
No…I don’t allow that anymore…

It is strange and weird. I keep saying to Mamaji.
I feel like that.
But it feels green and yellow, it feels free and happy.
My being, I as awareness has taken over my life and now the mind, the body is in service…
Awareness lives through me, and I just follow each moment…again and again…
Thinking is there…
thoughts come and go…
feelings come and go…
when I feel sadness I know I just had a thought that isn’t true, I don’t hold on to it anymore.
I let it pass as clouds in a sky…I know it is not me, I stay in peace and see my mind doing its thing still…
But it’s just a thing…it is NO-THING!
Sometimes it still takes 5 minutes…
the mind that THINKS it is winning time…
LOL….

Feels my fear is gone too…
before I would have been in panic in the situation am in. Now I am not.

After being sick for about 5 months and figuring out that the possibility of mold intoxication from inhaling that stuff in my bedroom is kind of the cause…

Of course I know in the first place that there is always a spiritual cause…
everything is always there to bring us back to awareness…

That’s the first step I always take…I see where my beliefs have brought me to intoxicate myself…J
Once I see that, then the outer world shows up to be cleaned up…

Anyway I am sitting here, with boxes packed all over the floor…
My futon in the middle of the living room because I don’t feel it is good for me to sleep in my bed anymore…
Only eating vegetables…which gets boring… however I never tasted all this vegetables so intensely as now…so maybe it is not so boring at all…J
still trying to beat the toxins in my body…J
Not knowing where I am going next…J
In fact no knowing what I do in the next hour…
Never had so less money than I ever had in my life…

and for the first time in my life I feel safe, because I KNOW I am being lived.
And what is mine, is with me…what is not mine I parentally not here, because I don’t need it.

It is called trust…

Am I there all the time? Hmmm…mostly though…

I kind of find it delicious and exciting to live this way…I am way out of my box and I feel so spacious…
So strong and solid…

It is strange…my mind would have thought that security could only been found when you had a roof over your head and money in your account…and when I had all of that I was always worried and scared…
So that is NOT true,
because now I experience that it is not true…

I feel safer now than when I had money…isn’t that weird?
and I am open to feel unsafe and scared, but it doesn’t find me anymore, because I am not often anymore on the level of thinking from the persons’ place…
I think now with my heart and my being…

Just wanted to share this…

The painting kind of feels the safety I found in being nothing…and everything…
I guess I have accepted on a very deep level that everything comes and goes, except of one thing…
and that is who I really am…
PURE AWARENESS…

 

Thank you mamaji!

Thank you Moojiji.

Love . rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

 

 

I am burning and it is ok... MY NEW PAINTING!!!

I am burning, can you tell?

All is burning of me, all what is not me…
and what is left is PURE-ness,
de-LIGHT-ness,
PEACE-FULL-ness,
JOY-FULL-ness,

I AM

I am the one that gives up wanting, because I am one with the moment.
I am RELAXED with what IS…
Trust that where I am…how can such thing exist even?

I mean I was going to write: “trusting where I am in the right timing”
But

IAM

And there is no place no timing there

ONLY

SPACE of pure awareness…

Effortless peacefulness that all is well…

I am still sick, 5 months now already,
but all is well…
I have pain in my belly...I am not rejecting the pain anymore as before, rejecting the sickness…
No now I say; ”What a blessing! Now I really feel my belly!”
Now I really know how intestines feel!
Where my bladder is…
My liver…
I feel them and I am in love with all these organs that are effortless doing their job without me interfering…they are doing their best in functioning as best as they can…it just happens…

What caused them to go in protest?
To show me something was not right?

Worries…
I believed my mind…
The first signs are delivered in the body…
I have candida now, probably from mold in my living space…
Do I blame, or yell and scream? Do I protest and be angry…
No, I know I attracted this situation because I could NOT let go of my mind telling me it is MY JOB to take care of me, the person.
My being was covered under a huge yeast layer, because I allowed to keep my attention on worry-full thoughts.

I allowed the mind to rule me…I became slave of my fears…
And there it is candida…

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Effortless

My heart beats…
My lungs breathe…
Blood streams…

Never ever am I, the person the one that does this…it happens naturally…
well guess what…
I had to burn to SEE as the eagle, the witness,
that
I am NOT in control!

That I was NEVER in control!

It is time to let the Sun within me be master.
It is time to be the witness all the time and to SEE that the mind is NOTHING.

It is not me…

yesterday I burned largely and I felt weird and lost and I cried for help to MAMAJI …
And she wrote me this:
Her words are wise words, liberating words, words of LOVE….I love her!

 

Sweetheart- there is no weirdness in WHAT IS! There is no "lost" in WHAT IS! Only in your mind, in the believing what you think do these experiences create. In the inner space find the peace in which everything is arising, including the thinking. Put your attention on this space, this peace. Watch how "weird" and "lost" just show up as thoughts, as concepts while what is true, what is always, already present is the space, the awareness that is I AM!

 

The eagle sees and stays in the space of IAM.
It only knows peace and relaxation in the space it IS.
The eagle let life happening, because that is the nature of life.
Not one animal that doesn’t live that!

Only humans think they NEED to be in control.

I am burning….
and it is ok.

Love tamara Rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com