I am free

 

You can buy my paintings through my website www.rainbowsheart.com
or call me 808-754-5883.

On my website you can also order prints or t-shirts.

 

love Rainbow

Kongo, my rasta man

I am ‘thinking’ I am losing my mind.lol
Hihi, it feels so good though.

I love my life so much; I love to be with me…it is so delicious.

Can you imagine…

This morning I stepped out of the shower after an incredible amazing swim with parentally some whales around us, but we couldn’t see them. But just the trill that they are somewhere there around us…haaaa…it is as they are there…any moment a huge big enormous whale can come by…oooh ye…that’s the max!

And then just being…being in the water…being with my beloved honu’s…being space in a spacious ocean…I so love it…

I still cry every day to have been given this gift of life! Gift of Maui!
I am so happy here.

But back to the shower…
I get out of the shower and I fell kind of in love with my sink and all what was on it. I took a picture of it, so I can show you how beautiful it was.
I couldn’t believe I would feel this ever for a bathroom sink.
I am not the kind of girl that uses make up and does other stuff some other woman do.
I am more the being that doesn’t want to spend so much time in the bathroom, because there are more exciting things to do…LIKE PAINTING!

I have another story…a very funny story….will tell you in a bit…the story of Kongo…

But can you imagine…it was as if I was struck by light and fell in love with the lotion, my toothbrush, the bottles of detergent…all those colors were just dancing. Then my painting at the wall was vibrating so much…it was such a delight to feel that.
It is as since I know or am who I am, I can enjoy my bodily existence more intensely as before.
 It is as if I don’t have a future and am being lived in the moment.
More and more I fall from one such moment into the other. Walking tonight on the beach, the warm breeze, the water on my feet, the people on the beach,…it all was so sweet…so loving…

I start crying at some times, just like that…not because I am sad but because I feel such gratitude.

I am so thankful for mama-P, the dolphins, the whales, the turtles, Maui, Mooji, BK,my beloved friends,…the list is long…. I am a blessed being! J

 

I love so to be alone….because I am not!

LOL
Mooji would say; “You are alone as everything.”
MamaP once wrote to me;”Life is the eternal present moment and we breathe love and connection knowing ourselves as infinite I AM.”
I am I am, no effort to be there , because I am it!
There I breathe Mama-P., I breathe the dolphins, I breathe the turtles….I am!
I am love! They are love, we are love…

 

I want to share with you why I also feel so happy.
My art is changing!
For years I tried to paint to sell…yes I did…I always painted out of my heart, but there was a time I was confused and thought I needed to paint in the theme of Hawaii, so I could live from my art.
I thought that only the painting was what was bringing me joy, not the theme.
Well that is not true.

I gave it up.
It is not me to figure out how to sell. It is not even my business!

I paint now what’s me.

I don’t think I have to say more about that.
What I find most pleasant and exciting is that when I call with Mama-P. I share each painting with her now. Even each sitting. My paintings develop in different sittings, as most paintings do…but anyway…
I am always super excited to show her what I did and  a sweet collaboration is kind of born, which I love!
I show her my painting and am quiet and listen and most of the time she gives comments on what I already want to change or add or delete…It is so much fun!

The way I paint now is the way I look. Before I saw the world, just like that. I see the world.
Now it is as if a space is inside of my belly and that is my IAM….my eyes are open gates and it is as if that space flows out of it and emerges with the space outside of me (this is a new painting!LOL) that is the same.

It is from that space inside of me I paint now…not anymore form the little bit of space between my two ears where I THOUGHT too much…I am so excited…It feels so safe!

All of this …about my art…brought to me a very funny story. It is the story I wanted to tell you earlier on this page, which kind of links the story of me loving my bathroom sink and the story of my art.

How shall I begin…because I can make it very long, but don’t want too…

It is the story of Kongo.

Once upon a time...
I was living on Big Island and I just had met my new friends from Holland that were staying with me at the camp place of the Dutch woman. I was there already for months and this woman was really abusive to me. My new friends from Holland helped me to make me aware of it and stood firm that I couldn’t take that abuse anymore.
They would leave after a week and I would be stuck there, so they kind of told me that I should be leaving before they did. They were afraid for my safety.
But I was scared. Here I was all by myself, not knowing where to go…it was as if that place was safe, although she was abusive.

With the 4 of us we started to go to Ho’okenna, a beach south of the camp place.
I knew they were right, but I was not ready.

But then came Kongo.

Kongo was a beautiful black Rasta man from Jamaica.
He parentally fell in love with me.
It was the first time a man fell in love with me like that.
I just came out of a long 17 year relationship with my female partner.

Kongo changed my life forever.

He changed it in many ways.

One: that somebody can have such an impact on me in such a short time is for me a God’s given synchronistic event. Kind of a Soul partnership.

Two: he gave me the strength to stand up against that woman and to leave.
He didn’t know anything about me and the first day we met at a certain point he just looked at me and said; “You have a chuckle on your leg and you have to break it.”
I was astonished he knew that. J
He was an intuitive wonder!

Third…he started treating me as a queen.
Something I never experienced before in my life.
He gave me an ear ring and I felt so taken cared for. I really loved it.
Here comes the link with the bathroom story…he loved me because I had hair on my legs!
LOL…in Europe we don’t really shave us as much as the Americans and here people look at you as you come out of the jungle if you don’t!
He loved it! It was the magic touch for him…. J
He told me over and over that I was a REAL woman…because of that hair...
So hilarious, I never have felt as a real woman and now suddenly I was one…
with hair on my legs! Withot make-up...NATURAL...that's how he called me, his natural woman...
Fourth…what was really impressing to me…he was a musician…and so could live into the feeling of my own artist-ship.
I always had my paints and watercolor block with me to the beach.
He would shush everybody away from around me and tell them not to disturb me; because he said; "She needs to paint! “She really needs to paint!”
That made such a life changing shift, you can’t imagine.
He would refresh my water, clean my brushes, so I didn’t have to stop painting…
he would sit next to me and just be lovie loving….really sweet…J

Yes!

We visited Ho’okena beach every day and I got more confidence and more confidence…
I loved my visits with Kongo and he parentally too..:)

What was beautiful was that the love between Kongo and me was so pure.
He didn’t want anything from me and me neither. We were just sitting together, lovingly…being…
I was inspiring him with his music and he was empowering me in my art….
He would play music for me...

4 days before my friends were leaving for Holland, we all ran away in the middle of the night….
after i stood up against the Dutch woman...
that’s another story….but thanks to Kongo…
I moved to Oahu...
I searched for him, but he left Big Island and was somewhere doing his music on the mainland…
it was good news…J

He is in my heart and in my art… for eve!

When you want to make an impression on a Jamaican man, don’t shave your legs….
that’s the teaching for today!

Love Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

I am talking about my last painting

What a splendor of life! My new painting!

This is my new painting…

I painted while I was sick and recovering and sick and recovering…I guess I faced the tiger inside of me…

This painting started while I was waiting to get gas at costco one day.
There are always long lines and my human identity has something with waiting…
I was not always good in it…I get better and better though, now I discovered my Self…
I am just I AM…delicious waiting…there is nothing to do anyway…then  to be waiting right there in that moment.
There is no waiting really, only enjoying all what is.
I am getting it more and more…J

The wind blowing, the helpful guard at the pumps, the cozy business of people coming and going,
The blue sky, the planes landing and leaving, Haleakala in the distance, my body relaxed in the seat of my beloved car Rockie, my breathe going up and down,…

Yes more and more I am ok with doing nothing…I enjoy so much the being I AM that the doing is just doing.
Before I had to be in silence to be feeling my being, now I peel potatoes and I AM.
It is all delicious.

Walking, eating, swimming, sitting, washing my car, cooking, painting, talking to friends…everything happens into the being of who I am. I hardly leave that space anymore…J

I would say ‘in the knowledge of who I am’, but knowledge has so a heavy feeling…

If I would use the word, I can say that out of the knowing of who I truly am I can PLAY whatever I want in my life. I can create an I out of the perceptions I want to think of me… I create my life of whom I AM BEING!

So while waiting at Costco, I grabbed my sketch book and started random drawings and suddenly I was drawing horns of abundances in each other.
Something like the little puppets in Russia that fits into eachother.

In the depth of each horn of Abundance is the place of awareness, the space we ARE.
In is not only the place where we, our bodies were born out and will return when we die…we are that SPACE…
Being that Space creates a synchronicity with awareness that allows us to ALLOW ourselves to surrender to effortlessness.

Anyway, that‘s how the painting started.

Each horn of abundance you see in the painting is a world of one of each creature painted.
Each one of us is pure awareness and our human worlds arise out of that awareness.

We are the creators of our own world.
And that is what you see here in the painting.
The tiger created itself, the turtle, the hummingbird, the elephant, the woman, the butterfly…each one of those creatures are the same SPACE= AWARENESS…

In essence we are all the same….

The spirals go inside….
It is that what you feel when you let go in the ‘IAM’…you don’t look anymore with your eyes, but from behind your eyes from a depth that is SPACE.

When you are there you only feel love for everything that comes on your path, because you know that all creatures, things, Nature…it is all THAT.

 

This painting is for sale or you can order prints of it,
please call me 808-754-5883

Love Rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

I let go of the balloon

I

 

 

I feel so happy lately, it is not a happiness because I won the lottery or got something I want…

Well, that is not really true…I guess I finally found what I wanted all my life…
It feels as if I can relax now and don’t need to do anything anymore then only to BE.

I feel and be now who I am…

I also see if I try to be the Iam, I am missing it….it is effortless…unchanging bliss.
It is who I am, nothing to do…than just falling into it with waking up each new moment…

I still see my thoughts coming and going and sometimes I am head by it…but not in a way anymore that my awareness of who I am disappears.

Now I am the watcher…

I realized today that my thoughts just are air moving…illusions appearing…and if I believe the story of my mind, that air kind of becomes a balloon.
In Belgium we have a saying; “Don’t blow things up.”
Or you make from a mouse an elephant. J You get the picture , right?
In fact , hilarious enough I had an experience this morning that gave me that insight.
In fact a pink balloon or pink elephant was swimming with me…well that was what my mind made up.

There is a woman that got the amazing job from the Universe to bother people.
A lot of my friends shy away from her. Including me.

My friend T. said even last Sunday, while turning up all the windows of his car; “I know it’s going to get warm rainbow, but believe me it is worth.” (And believe me Kihei can be hot)
And to give you the picture, we were sitting in his car talking, while overlooking the bay.

We saw the woman getting out of her car and we were kind of falling beneath our seats….hiding out.
J As a war would break out…J

She has this amazing gift to go over people’s boundaries. She is truly a master in that. The other day she swam by me and stopped and looked suddenly on an inch or two in my snorkel. I kind of scoot away….disappearing from planet Earth in a instant…J
This morning again, she played her role very well. And I know I kind of handed her the script, because I have the fear she is going to do it…so Better watch out…I am the director of my play!
It is putting something in the Universe that you don’t want. That is what fear is.

So she was doing it!!!

Ah Rainbow....


Good lord, there she was, I felt chased…followed, it felt as if she was on my skin. No breathe.
I had no space at all, and we kind of bumped into each other all the time.
She is much larger than me and so my mind was kind of describing her as a big pink balloon…
My mind was ‘in a gallop of frustration….’
It was so bad even that I  pushed myself in a defensive position.
I was making my body larger in order to keep my space.
You know, the shoulder move....
Is that not something animals do in the animal kingdom?

Fish make themselves bigger, because they are afraid to get swallowed.

I guess I was doing that… J I was afraid to be swallowed by her…
When she disappeared from the stage ,  I felt relieved but kind of fell bad I protected my space in a very low frequency.

I had an amazing swim after that, but sometimes my mind would still go to that incident in the past…an hour earlier.

That is called stupidity or abuse…I could see it and made a change…
I stopped judging myself and it was as if the dolphins felt it, because there was one dolphin slapping another right in front of me…Get out of my space!
No harm though, they forget after a few minutes…and really dolphins have a good memory, they know who I am...

The I AM I am was watching the  whole thing and l I saw how I was blowing the whole thing to proportions that weren’t necessary.
I felt guilty, and that is a low energy.

I tried to change my choice of thoughts and saw that it is ok to get angry sometimes, and to express it.
Anger is something that passes just like thoughts. It comes and goes. And when I saw that, something shifted.
I am not the anger, I remain as the IAM.…
I relaxed and dropped even deeper in the IAM.

That is when I saw that sometimes we blow our thoughts up to balloons…
When I got that insight I started smiling…a balloon can be ‘poefed’ with one needle…

So I just put the needle of my awareness on the illusionary balloon and take my power back….

No need to be hiding anymore in the car, or ducking down behind a rock….

I AM SPACE!!!! No need to get it from another, everything is an inside job.
You feel another takes your space, it is because you are not in your inner space…it is that simple.
The change happens inside of us…J

I am the one living my inner SPACE…if I keep the authority in the IAM…and I am not giving my authority away to my mind that blows up like a balloon….then anything can come to me…

there are no enemies where I live in the IAM. Everything is for me….there are also no friends in the IAM…we are all awareness....SPACE...

When I relaxed in the IAM, I got connected with the IAM of the woman and I could see clearly, that it was all NOTHING.
And only coming and going….

When she stays it is because I let her stay in my mind…because I hold on to the balloon…I can just prick the balloon or even just let it go and let it FLY!!!!!

It is so delicious to be living in the IAM….
Effortless…

We are all in there, together….

All Love Rainbow

Happy New me

my art


 

Long time no write…

Suddenly we are 2013…I really am not in time any more, not on time, in time,…
I lost track of time…
My days are delicious and when I was dancing tonight in front of the Ocean on the tunes of the Mul mantra….
I realized ‘LUCKY LUCKY ME!”
There were at least more than 10 turtles eating only 2 meters away from my feet…

I dance and turn, my hands in the air, my feet hopping around, I turn circles…
and suddenly my attention goes elsewhere…
hup there comes a little turtle head or better HONU head out of the water…
I jump in the water and am now centimeters away from him or her…
I sing and dance for honu, to thank her/ him for this delicious time together…
Invite to dance with me, but for some reason, he/she didn’t think that was so a great idea…
This time,
because they do dance with me,
but not when it is DINNER time!
they are being lived and intuitively they do what they do…
As Mama-P. would say, they do what comes in front of them to do!
That is what she teaches me to do…
Ha…I might have to become more like honu or dolphin…
LOL

Honu doesn’t really look up, when I just dance if front of him. He doesn’t really give a shit.
He is just in his world of course, eating and doing…and being lived!
He is the IAM creating his own world!

HA so I am the creator of this delicious time, it’s me…not honu, not the sunset, not the warm Ocean water on my feet, not my body dancing, not my hair in the warm breeze…no its me behind all of this…that’s where the joy is coming from… IAM!!!!!

 IAM is pure awareness, pure joy….
Being in the resonance of that...brings me more of that!

IAM is always pure JOY…it is unchanging!

When my joy disappears I know now already that it is because I think something that is NOT true.
What is TRUTH is that I am IAM!!!!

The joy I feel now while dancing is just because my thoughts are not here when I dance with honu in the Ocean of pure abundant laughter.
I am the creator of my own world!
Yiecha!
I realize more and more with the help of Mama-P. that loving my world with everything in it….makes me feel joyful…because I am in IAM….I am the pure being that sees or witnesses my world….
I am not my world, but my world arises out of me...

I see me dancing, I see me jumping and trying to sing for honu, that  he doesn’t give a dawn whether I am there or not…because he is creating his own delicious world of eating Algae and is NOT dependant on anything else for his happiness!!! He knows better! LOL

I went through a whole lot the last months…I was sick most of the time…
It was all so amazingly perfect…I changed so much…My addictions fell of me…I am free…
The last days of the year I got sick again…again my kidneys…
According to YouTube video’s I watched I had kidney stones leaving my body.
In the mornings I would be swimming with turtles or dolphins and in the afternoon I would lay on the ground in terrible pain…
It is when I went deep to see what was behind this thing I had…that I felt that my body crossed a line towards health.
Consciously I made a shift to true maturity… that was behind it…I thought that if I could just stay small, I would be safe.
Oh boy, deeply I know that was not true. I have done that many times in the past and it always brought me in trouble.

Safety I didn’t find yet all the time, but most of the time i am that…
I guess I don’t need to search so much to be more safe and just surrender  ALREADY in the unknown.
I have a feeling that then I will find that I always was safe no matter what.
The UNKOWN= IAM.

Ha …so maturing, right…J
Yeah you can laugh…I thought I would never grow up and in a sense I don’t…
I always thought that maturity lied in the section of BEING responsible…
Having a job, paying your bills,…you know doing all this serious stuff they taught us when we were little.
But how happy surprised I was, that my thoughts about that were total bullshit.
Maturity is the absolute opposite!!!!

Life is here to be enjoyed..not to work our asses off!
Really!
Maturity is being who you are.
Is being IAM.
Is allowing to BE lived by the awareness I am.
When you arrive there, it just is.
Words such as RISKS, COURAGE, DARING, FAITH,….all fall away…
These words are made up by the mind, as we would have TO DO something to BE who we already are.
As we would have to do EFFORT…

NOp..I experienced when you let go…haha
you let go…
There is no effort or energy needed to let something go…
LOL
You just open your hands and there you go…
EFFORTLESS…

I can write so much about what I learned the last 10 days in this deep transition I made.
I would never have made it without mama-P.
She would say now:”Honey, the fact that I am here, you didn’t have too…”
She is always very funny…
But she is also as a true mama dolphin that puts me on her tail, if she has too….:)
And she needed to do that the last days, because the child in me didn’t want to let go AT ALL…

Love…mama dolphins let their little baby dolphins play, but when it is time to sleep or learn…TAIL!

I fell with my butt in the butter….
This last year…is the best of my life…
And these last 10 days are the first 10 days I allow myself to live the life I want…
Or I guess I am letting go of the life I don’t want right now…more and more J
Because I still see my mind tries to get me off track with all its fearful messages.

It is the mind that tricks us in a life we don’t want.

When we can change our attention from the mind to the IAM…
There the mind has no breathe, no air, no food…
But even when you are IAM, we still live in this body, in this reality…in this dream…
Mind will come and go…
So now I practice to let it come and go…
I gave it up to fight against it…I just let it be now…coming and going…more and more…
And especially I am practicing in NOT believing it!

Because thoughts are just thoughts, it is when you believe them you get in trouble…
SOOOOOOOO in trouble, I can tell…

So I realized lately that I don’t know anything.
Nothing at all.
I can only say that right now in this moment I feel happy with the life I have.
Mmmm…’having’ a life is probably not the right expression…
Anyway…
I realized that what I always searched for…I FOUND!
Through my Mama-P., she is my master , teacher, mama I learned to become nothing.
or better I learned to let everything go I am not…so there I AM!

 

I long so much more to being LIVED (this can be my mind trickster again telling me I have to be more being lived)
I want to be in the IAM, loving my life and to create and play in this amazing life of mine….I want to allow more and more to be lived…
We do that already for the greatest part anyway…who thinks how to breathe, or when to eat, or how the liver works, or the kidneys…it just works…

I realized today that dolphins, turtles, birds, trees, water, clouds, rocks…they don’t THINK how they will live….they are LIVED…
I want to return to my true Nature and I see that humans have a lot of trouble with that…
because they give the POWER and AUTHORITY to the MIND…
They make the mistake to THINK that the MIND is maturity….
haha
It is just the opposite, it is ruling the world out of a child’s perspective…
This is mine, no this is mine…give this back…
CONTROL.
Look to our beautiful planet...right now it is ruled by the mind...
Nothing to do, than to stay put in the IAM...my job.

Returning to our IAM, that’s when Mother Nature, the animal and plant KINGDOM will sing together in pure JOY…
They finally WOKE UP! Those humans!
AWAKENING from the dream…2012 is gone…
Time is gone…
UNKNOWN arrived…
And guess what it was always that way…
ONLY HUMANITY THOUGHT it could control what is GOD’s…

Let’s be lived by letting go in the unknown…
There we fall TOGETHER!

lOVE tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

A poem for my beloved Mamaji

Through a little hole

I SEE

YOU

The brightness of your being
shines,
pierces my light-being,
intense.
I am
touched
by the de-light-FULL-ness of your presence.

Your wings
 soft and strong,
Radiating colors
in the fresh morning dew,
Your feelers
gently in the silent breeze,

Your wings
colorful and majestic,
Tall
in the rays of the rising sun.
Your feet
full of little dew drops.

I look
and SEE

YOU

The Magnificence of your being shines through the wonder of this New day.
Is it time for the NEW me?

I don’t see
yet

I am watching me through you…

I see

YOU,
Your IAM.

You clap your wings…
Shining rainbow drops fall,
onto the green soft leafs…

I see now,
it is time.
Seeing you,
feeling you,
a calling inside…

I push,
and what I thought would be tuff,
appears not at all,
it is time,
I glide,
the hole opens softly,
And a force slides me through,

I fall down,

In the presence of your being,
Your wings totally spread now,

I surrender.

My wings still fold,
I shake,
In the presence of your being.

My wings dry,
in the soft embrace of your LOVE.
My legs hold,
in the safety of your truth.
My wings move,
in the spaciousness of your being.
My legs let go,
in the connectedness of our Self’s.

I fly,
surrender,
I AM,
I fly,
 spaciousness,
 I AM,

knowing now I was that all this time…

I AM,
who you are,
YOU ARE,
who I am.

We fly in the sky and dive down in spirals of abundant laughter.

I am the unchanging bliss of pure awareness,
And could only become this beautiful butterfly,
that YOU ARE,
because of your love, support and truth…
I dared to let go in your Magnificent Presence.
I would not want anybody else up there J

Thank you Mama-P.

love Rainbow