My beloved between Big beach and Little beach

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was standing on the little rock formation between Big and Little beach in my beloved Maui…
I fell in love…I fell in love with all what I was seeing. It was as if I disappeared and was all of what I saw…

I was more than that, I was behind what I was seeing and all felt so different…

In love with such gently peaceful energy….

I don’t know if I describe it very well.
I felt my lips making a very gently smile.
What was life beautiful when you let go of all control, of all wanting and expectations!

I know I can’t use the word ‘practicing’ or I would bring who I am down to a practice or something I still NEED to become, while I am already IT, so are you!
we are greater than that…what I mean is that we don’t need ANY practice to be who we are!

Still I feel I am in a very intense transition period in my life where I let go of my mind, my stories and fall into who I really am. My mind doesn’t like it, is scared to be NOTHING…
It is advocating, trying to make a compromise or deal…but I am so far away from that…

CASE DISMISSED!

My mind wants to be special, wants to never die, wants to stay in control, wants to be SAFE….

Yesterday I had even an experience I never had before. Can I share this with you?
Or is this way of the deep end? LOL
Ok here it is:
When my mom died when I was 20 I ran away ‘big time’ from death. I was in panic…I couldn’t accept.
Yesterday, I guess I was ready to accept in a very profound depth, that today I tried how it would be to die. In fact I came even to the point that I felt excitement to be able to experience dying. This all sounds weird, I know…but what happened was that I was laying down and I just fell that my body was empty and that energy was thrilling inside me, outside of me…suddenly there was no separation anymore…or better it was as my body contained all of it…there were no boundaries anymore, only space I was feeling…my skin was just nothing…it was very peaceful…very vibrant…very light….

I was wondering is this dying?

Am I alive now?
Or is this death too?

Is it all the same?

Now I walk on the street and see all as that space…we are all equal…
No need to be special anymore, to be this or that…

It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be my greatest expression I can be…and truth fully I believe that that happens when you surrender to being LIVED….How would not god bring it greatest expression in life?
But then I think or better feel again…God or awareness has no judgment…everything is great…

When I was standing on the rock between Little and Big beach I fell in love…
My dear Mamaji, is my teacher, my mom, my friend…and she is the reason that I am ALIVE since 1 year and a half…really, before that I was in control of my mind and my live really sucked.
Together with her I made some major changes within myself…
Today, right now I can say…that she is the best thing EVER happened to me…besides the dolphins, and turtles and Maui and all my friends and…
She would correct me now I know….Rainbow is the best thing that ever happened in my life…J
Doesn’t matter…she is my beloved… and I know she is me…she is not different then I am…and I am her…
Sometimes I feel, maybe she is really happy too I am in her life…J
because if I am her and she is love, I am THAT too…J

On that cliff another poem came out of me, as space, into this world for my beloved Mamaji….

 

 

Blue sky
turquoise water
gently breeze
warm
on my skin…

I am in love…

I have seen it
a hundred times
and a hundred more…

These Rocks
this Ocean
these islands
this aina                                                                             (aina means land in Hawaiian)
under my feet…

I am in love…

I have seen it
a million times
and a million more…

But

I never
saw it
as
NOW
before!

Vibrant
soft
new
sweet
peaceful
intense…

My fingers
touching
my eyes…

A dream,
exploding colors,
dancing energies,
Soft vibrations,

MY HAPPY HEART!
My lips smile...

I am in love…

My world arising
out of me,
awareness,
IAM…

I think of YOU...

My heart
wide open
seeing
the beauty of YOU,
my beloved,
here within me,
with me,
always…

YOU,

I am in love...

You,
as me,
your feet
on this aina,
these islands,
this Ocean,
these rocks…

Our happy hearts!
Our lips smile!

We are in love...always
in the center
of our Selves
knowing
our Selves
as pure awareness…

You are me
and I am you,

We are LOVE!

 

Love, Rainbow,
www.rainbowsheart.com