All is well, if I just can make bubbles!

Being well and making bubbles as much as i want!


 

Can there be such a thing as confusion?

I learned the lesson…out of my experience:
NO.
It is impossible that there is a possibility of confusion.

Confusion is something that comes from your thoughts, your thinking…
My thoughts, my thinking…

I didn’t write for all these days because I was sick again. I might have written already I went for a second time to the ER and they left me with confusion. Haha...Blame it on them...:)

That was how I felt the day after…my mind was totally CONFUSED.
They couldn’t tell if I had a kidney stone or diverticulitis.
A cad-scan was too much money…that was kind of a decision that just popped up and so when I left the ER, I didn’t really know what I had.
The next day I started looking up the symptoms of kidney stone and diverticulitis and both kind of have the same symptoms.
So what to do?
I was confused.
Mama-P. would text me I was fine….
I AM always fine…she wrote...

But in the confusion of my mind I couldn’t see that…
Haha Doctor, please make up your mind!!
Haaa, where was I not making up my mind? It’s all a reflection…


I became more sick the longer the day was moving and Mama-P. repeated again; “I sound like a broken record, but maybe you have to really rest and LOVE yourself.”

HMmmm…she might have a point I thought…but there was a mountain of resistance popping up too, that didn’t want to rest and do the things she wanted to do…voila…J
All the worst emotions that would make a Shakespeare piece great, was passing the revue.
Sadness, complaint, anger, revolt, rebellion,…Oe…I saw it all coming and going…
I know I am awareness and my thoughts ARE NOT ME…they come and go…

The next day after this disastrous day of pain…it was hard for me…but I stayed home…I slept out as we would say in Belgium and ‘sleeping in’ is how we say it here.

IT WAS DELICIOUS!

How could I have resisted this…only my mind could make up reasons to justify the resistance.

It was as if I was back the 8 year old ‘spinning’ (what cats do when they sleep)

Is the word purring?

I was enjoying with such delight the symphonies of the birds singing their ‘thank you’ song for the rising of our Majesty the SUN.

I had told Mama-P. in all my resistance that I would be bored…pffffffffff nothing of that!

I enjoyed every minute of it… I adored it and when my friend M. came with the soup at 11, I got out bed with ‘a long butt’( Belgian expression for not wanting to get up J)
After she left I just installed myself in my living room in my self-made bed, laying in the sun again…purring…J

Delicious…Rest…haaaa…no pain this time…

But still the confusion was going on whether I had kidney stones or diverticulitis.
I did more research on the web and then decided from a level of consciousness that I would not eat and just rest, so I could give my awareness the space to tell me what was going on.

Point was I was going to do my own cadscan…J

With sunset I tuned myself in to my ‘Iam’ and immediately I saw that the two voices in my head…The kidney stone or the diverticulitis, was a metaphor for two things that was going on inside of me.
There was a mind game going on in my head…of course...

Immediately I got a flashback of something that happened 15 years ago with my beloved dog Mercy.
She had hurt herself badly and I went to the vet immediately. It wasn’t my usual vet, because it was an emergency. I brought her to the ER for dogs really…haha
You have to picture me as a punk, 8 ear rings in my left ear, also very destructive towards my body having anorexia, and all of that….rebellious energy… during that time in my life...J

The vet was fast to put Mercy asleep to take the necessary pictures.
After a while he came back with the news she needed surgery right away.
She had torn a muscle really bad. The surgery needed to happen right then, because she would not be able to walk again.
He left me alone and I was standing there with Mercy lying on the table asleep and it was as if I couldn’t move anymore and a voice from inside came…If you step away from self destruction, one step is good enough already, she will walk without surgery.
Symbolically I took out all my ear rings and threw them in the trashcan…
Inside of me it felt finished and when the vet came back I heard myself saying, that I was taking my dog home, just like that.
I remember the vet yelling and saying she would never be able to walk again. And he added I was an animal abuser too.

Miraculous enough I didn’t let that authority make me change my mind and I just walked out.
It was when I came home, I realized what I have done…Oh shit…

I laid Mercy in her basket and I remember me lying next to her and Jodhi, my black Labrador would come sniffing and pushing Mercy, but Mercy wasn’t moving.
It was clear that Jodhi just wanted to go back outside and play in the snow.
When Mercy started waking up, Jodhi could hardly retain her emotions, she wanted to play and jumped on Mercy.
I tried to keep her away, thinking Mercy needed the space…but how I was surprised when suddenly Mercy got up and just ran out the door with Jodi behind her,running in the snow…
I was speechless…breathless…crying…

It was that event that my ‘Iam’ showed me yesterday…
The message was CLEAR…when you are awareness it doesn’t matter which illness you have…you heal from a level of consciousness… UNDERSTAND the message behind it as you did with your dog and you are healed in an instant.
You can’t give your authority away to your thoughts anymore, you really have to make a deep choice that the authority is in the awareness…It was always so…really…just the resistance towards this TRUTH makes you ill…

Wow…ok

I was shown how I still was hanging with one foot in the world of my fearful mind.
It was time to SURRENDER completely to the trust of IAM.
The voice continued; “If you are awareness, you know you neither are your body nor mind…it is time for you to live from that place of truth and authority, and not from the place where your mind paralyses you…
Every time you let your mind get away with dominating you, you burn…

See through it and just let it come and go and stay in the awareness of who you truly are…

I had the same feeling when I carried out my dog…it was done…

If it was a kidney stone it was dissolved…my intestines soothed down…
I knew inside I had seen and heard and was willing to take out the last ‘earrings’ that were symbol for a LACK of SELF love.

If you are in self lOVE…it is that where NO confusion is possible…
Love is the flagrance of awareness….there is NO confusion there…

All is well,
I am well,

 

Love Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com