I NOT LATE

 Am giving it up

These last few days I tried to come back in my center. Do you remember the movie, of ‘Eat, pray and love’ when she thinks she isn’t in balance anymore. That was exactly what I felt.

I fell in love, and is falling in love falling…and smashing and hurting…???

I don’t know it anymore.
I can only say that my loved one is gone and it extremely hurts me…as I thought she was the one…

Of course we all know deep inside that we are the One for ourselves.

Still it is fun to be loved and be adored and to be hugged and kissed and…

Hmmmm….I know deep inside that the real pain is the cause of me exporting my authority of true happiness on another being or something outside of me.
I am angry at myself for the crash. How can that happen to me, right? I felt so balanced and great before I met her. No doubt I would always stay in my middle. I had already so many experiences.
No regrets though, I had the most amazing 14 days in my life as a lover. And I am still embracing the experience and I still want more of that. But then maybe in a state where I stay more centered.
Where I don’t get jerked around and where I don’t jerk myself around.
Relationships are the mirrors to see where we can love ourselves more and more…
In the I AM there is only one….and so there is no other… Still a lot to experience…
A lot to learn…(sometimes I feel I still have green behind my ears= Belgian expression)

The last days my inner Soul is shouting to SLOW down, to stop jerking on something that is not happening right now, anyway.
And to just relax and to let go…

But where do I go, what do I do with myself in the meantime?

I feel sad…
still…

It always alarms me that I believe something that is not true.
Sadness is an illusion.
Why am I sad? Really?
If I look around me and within me…why would there be sadness?

I am sad because she is gone…
I am sad because I AM GONE…is that not the real truth?
Every time we are with our thoughts outside of our center, we are not PRESENT and so not in the NOW, not experiencing any LOVE…time to come back to me…to come back to God...

Thinking thinking today, how to do that…trying to find my way back to myself through teachings, spiritual knowledge, card decks,…

And the more I was trying…the more my belly was in fear…

The more I was GONE…
I was looking outside of me for answers…while I could just relax in me…
How did I do that again?

Little bird

I was laying in the perfect lava rock this morning reading my Mayan oracle book, to find a way back to my middle. The lava rock had the shape of a beach chair. My feet in the air, relaxed in the warm Maui sun. The turquoise water of Mother Ocean slightly touching the rocks. The sound of unseen little animals, somewhere underneath me…and a bird (een mus= Belgian bird) that looked at me…and caught my deep attention.
He was showing me how easy life is…
really…

He was hopping around on the lava rock next to me, whistling a tune, eating some grains falling of the trees, trying to get some seafood as well. And joyfully I saw him dancing from one little feet on the other…life...Oh oh Life! What a joyful life…He wasn’t THINKING how to stay in its middle. He was in its middle. He was doing what he wanted to do=being in joy.
I wanted to be as the bird…hopping around and especially in a NO-thinking mood.
A no-thing mood.
An I AM mood.

My thoughts were carrying me in the peacefulness of the BIRD’slife. It was a very peaceful thought.
I liked it.
Suddenly 3 men jumped on the lava rocks wanting to snorkel and one of them came not coincidently closer to ‘my’ lava seat to show me his awesome t-shirt.
He was not aware of the importance I was seeing his t-shirt, but God was ALL aware and showed it to me….

I NOT LATE… said the words on the shirt.

It was so profound and amazing to read…It was a deep message.
Two days I was thinking it was all too late..over..done…
Aiai..our thoughts can sometimes bring us in a danger zone…a WAR zone..where we feel victims of our own thoughts.
Where we THINK we don’t have a choice to say STOP IT!

And to be relaxing in what is! And to TRUST that all is well...

It was a revelation for me. I knew and have learned this lesson already, but sometimes our thoughts can fog up our awareness big time!

And then later in the day I could take another step.
My teacher P-Yoda announced;
“WHAT IF NOTHING IS WRONG?”

I got an assignment for the next 24 hours from her…

“NO thinking…
There is nowhere to go and nothing to do…
And just live in Joy…”; she said.

I stepped out of my house and I lived the no-thinking, the nowhere to be, and the nothing to do energy.
And it was as if I fell in the now…
I fell in nothingness…
And it didn’t matter.
It was all ok and there I felt I could have any desire, without limitation,
but it didn’t matter anymore…

I felt connected with everything…

It was all there..

Nowhere to go and nothing to do…
I was everywhere and everything…

What if nothing is wrong?

And I just am?

Love tamara rainbow,

www.rainbowsheart.com