Happy New me

my art


 

Long time no write…

Suddenly we are 2013…I really am not in time any more, not on time, in time,…
I lost track of time…
My days are delicious and when I was dancing tonight in front of the Ocean on the tunes of the Mul mantra….
I realized ‘LUCKY LUCKY ME!”
There were at least more than 10 turtles eating only 2 meters away from my feet…

I dance and turn, my hands in the air, my feet hopping around, I turn circles…
and suddenly my attention goes elsewhere…
hup there comes a little turtle head or better HONU head out of the water…
I jump in the water and am now centimeters away from him or her…
I sing and dance for honu, to thank her/ him for this delicious time together…
Invite to dance with me, but for some reason, he/she didn’t think that was so a great idea…
This time,
because they do dance with me,
but not when it is DINNER time!
they are being lived and intuitively they do what they do…
As Mama-P. would say, they do what comes in front of them to do!
That is what she teaches me to do…
Ha…I might have to become more like honu or dolphin…
LOL

Honu doesn’t really look up, when I just dance if front of him. He doesn’t really give a shit.
He is just in his world of course, eating and doing…and being lived!
He is the IAM creating his own world!

HA so I am the creator of this delicious time, it’s me…not honu, not the sunset, not the warm Ocean water on my feet, not my body dancing, not my hair in the warm breeze…no its me behind all of this…that’s where the joy is coming from… IAM!!!!!

 IAM is pure awareness, pure joy….
Being in the resonance of that...brings me more of that!

IAM is always pure JOY…it is unchanging!

When my joy disappears I know now already that it is because I think something that is NOT true.
What is TRUTH is that I am IAM!!!!

The joy I feel now while dancing is just because my thoughts are not here when I dance with honu in the Ocean of pure abundant laughter.
I am the creator of my own world!
Yiecha!
I realize more and more with the help of Mama-P. that loving my world with everything in it….makes me feel joyful…because I am in IAM….I am the pure being that sees or witnesses my world….
I am not my world, but my world arises out of me...

I see me dancing, I see me jumping and trying to sing for honu, that  he doesn’t give a dawn whether I am there or not…because he is creating his own delicious world of eating Algae and is NOT dependant on anything else for his happiness!!! He knows better! LOL

I went through a whole lot the last months…I was sick most of the time…
It was all so amazingly perfect…I changed so much…My addictions fell of me…I am free…
The last days of the year I got sick again…again my kidneys…
According to YouTube video’s I watched I had kidney stones leaving my body.
In the mornings I would be swimming with turtles or dolphins and in the afternoon I would lay on the ground in terrible pain…
It is when I went deep to see what was behind this thing I had…that I felt that my body crossed a line towards health.
Consciously I made a shift to true maturity… that was behind it…I thought that if I could just stay small, I would be safe.
Oh boy, deeply I know that was not true. I have done that many times in the past and it always brought me in trouble.

Safety I didn’t find yet all the time, but most of the time i am that…
I guess I don’t need to search so much to be more safe and just surrender  ALREADY in the unknown.
I have a feeling that then I will find that I always was safe no matter what.
The UNKOWN= IAM.

Ha …so maturing, right…J
Yeah you can laugh…I thought I would never grow up and in a sense I don’t…
I always thought that maturity lied in the section of BEING responsible…
Having a job, paying your bills,…you know doing all this serious stuff they taught us when we were little.
But how happy surprised I was, that my thoughts about that were total bullshit.
Maturity is the absolute opposite!!!!

Life is here to be enjoyed..not to work our asses off!
Really!
Maturity is being who you are.
Is being IAM.
Is allowing to BE lived by the awareness I am.
When you arrive there, it just is.
Words such as RISKS, COURAGE, DARING, FAITH,….all fall away…
These words are made up by the mind, as we would have TO DO something to BE who we already are.
As we would have to do EFFORT…

NOp..I experienced when you let go…haha
you let go…
There is no effort or energy needed to let something go…
LOL
You just open your hands and there you go…
EFFORTLESS…

I can write so much about what I learned the last 10 days in this deep transition I made.
I would never have made it without mama-P.
She would say now:”Honey, the fact that I am here, you didn’t have too…”
She is always very funny…
But she is also as a true mama dolphin that puts me on her tail, if she has too….:)
And she needed to do that the last days, because the child in me didn’t want to let go AT ALL…

Love…mama dolphins let their little baby dolphins play, but when it is time to sleep or learn…TAIL!

I fell with my butt in the butter….
This last year…is the best of my life…
And these last 10 days are the first 10 days I allow myself to live the life I want…
Or I guess I am letting go of the life I don’t want right now…more and more J
Because I still see my mind tries to get me off track with all its fearful messages.

It is the mind that tricks us in a life we don’t want.

When we can change our attention from the mind to the IAM…
There the mind has no breathe, no air, no food…
But even when you are IAM, we still live in this body, in this reality…in this dream…
Mind will come and go…
So now I practice to let it come and go…
I gave it up to fight against it…I just let it be now…coming and going…more and more…
And especially I am practicing in NOT believing it!

Because thoughts are just thoughts, it is when you believe them you get in trouble…
SOOOOOOOO in trouble, I can tell…

So I realized lately that I don’t know anything.
Nothing at all.
I can only say that right now in this moment I feel happy with the life I have.
Mmmm…’having’ a life is probably not the right expression…
Anyway…
I realized that what I always searched for…I FOUND!
Through my Mama-P., she is my master , teacher, mama I learned to become nothing.
or better I learned to let everything go I am not…so there I AM!

 

I long so much more to being LIVED (this can be my mind trickster again telling me I have to be more being lived)
I want to be in the IAM, loving my life and to create and play in this amazing life of mine….I want to allow more and more to be lived…
We do that already for the greatest part anyway…who thinks how to breathe, or when to eat, or how the liver works, or the kidneys…it just works…

I realized today that dolphins, turtles, birds, trees, water, clouds, rocks…they don’t THINK how they will live….they are LIVED…
I want to return to my true Nature and I see that humans have a lot of trouble with that…
because they give the POWER and AUTHORITY to the MIND…
They make the mistake to THINK that the MIND is maturity….
haha
It is just the opposite, it is ruling the world out of a child’s perspective…
This is mine, no this is mine…give this back…
CONTROL.
Look to our beautiful planet...right now it is ruled by the mind...
Nothing to do, than to stay put in the IAM...my job.

Returning to our IAM, that’s when Mother Nature, the animal and plant KINGDOM will sing together in pure JOY…
They finally WOKE UP! Those humans!
AWAKENING from the dream…2012 is gone…
Time is gone…
UNKNOWN arrived…
And guess what it was always that way…
ONLY HUMANITY THOUGHT it could control what is GOD’s…

Let’s be lived by letting go in the unknown…
There we fall TOGETHER!

lOVE tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

A poem for my beloved Mamaji

Through a little hole

I SEE

YOU

The brightness of your being
shines,
pierces my light-being,
intense.
I am
touched
by the de-light-FULL-ness of your presence.

Your wings
 soft and strong,
Radiating colors
in the fresh morning dew,
Your feelers
gently in the silent breeze,

Your wings
colorful and majestic,
Tall
in the rays of the rising sun.
Your feet
full of little dew drops.

I look
and SEE

YOU

The Magnificence of your being shines through the wonder of this New day.
Is it time for the NEW me?

I don’t see
yet

I am watching me through you…

I see

YOU,
Your IAM.

You clap your wings…
Shining rainbow drops fall,
onto the green soft leafs…

I see now,
it is time.
Seeing you,
feeling you,
a calling inside…

I push,
and what I thought would be tuff,
appears not at all,
it is time,
I glide,
the hole opens softly,
And a force slides me through,

I fall down,

In the presence of your being,
Your wings totally spread now,

I surrender.

My wings still fold,
I shake,
In the presence of your being.

My wings dry,
in the soft embrace of your LOVE.
My legs hold,
in the safety of your truth.
My wings move,
in the spaciousness of your being.
My legs let go,
in the connectedness of our Self’s.

I fly,
surrender,
I AM,
I fly,
 spaciousness,
 I AM,

knowing now I was that all this time…

I AM,
who you are,
YOU ARE,
who I am.

We fly in the sky and dive down in spirals of abundant laughter.

I am the unchanging bliss of pure awareness,
And could only become this beautiful butterfly,
that YOU ARE,
because of your love, support and truth…
I dared to let go in your Magnificent Presence.
I would not want anybody else up there J

Thank you Mama-P.

love Rainbow

I am a spiritual warrior!

 

 

You better watch out!

This morning I was still licking my wounds of my heroism battle with a ‘man o war’….
Nothing is coincidence, nothing at all….I am so grateful for the ‘man o war’, which stung me wherever it could find some skin.
It only took me minutes to figure out the lesson.

The pain was so intense; it was as if somebody was holding a torch against my skin. It was hard to use both arms after the torture and he(I guess a man o war is a he)got my neck and leg too…

I was swimming and suddenly I felt something stinging in my face, before I knew it…seconds really…I felt grabbed by something around my neck, then my left arm and then my right arm and then my leg…I looked what it was, I looked around me to find jelly fish, but I couldn’t see anything…until I looked kind of down my belly and saw a long blue line being attached to my body…

It was everywhere!

I, immediately saw the whole picture, this guy had its tentacles around me and I was not going to get away from it…  I was kind of far from everybody in the Ocean…nobody to save me, I guess I was the one to SAVE me…J

Luckily I mostly always carry my scissors with me to liberate turtles, sharks , dolphins, fish, or other living beings…
Funny…it was time to LIBERATE myself!
It was an intense spiritual journey to have this battle with the man o war…I was so happy I had my scissors with me…oh my, I can’t imagine how it would have been without…

I didn’t think twice, I was in so much pain by then…
Still he was stinging me wherever he could…and I just cut the thing of me… I saw a blue little ball floating two feet away from me…his long blue line dragging behind him….I swam away…felt the stinging was over… relieve from that…
I mean by that, the attack was over…I could feel I was detached from him…BUT
WOW…

I was in so much pain, I didn’t know right then how to get to shore…I was just drifting and swam….biting on my teeth…excepting whatever what was happening… being the good Belgian girl that never gives up no matter what…(We are considered fighters…tuff Belgians…haha sometimes to tuff)

 

I felt like a knight who just battled her dragon…

It was a very symbolic inner battle…I was in so much gratitude and didn’t mind the pain at all….
I saw the bigger picture…I was ok…
I could see clearly, how I had let my thoughts ran me the day before…
I had believed my mind, which is represented as the wounded child in me…

Instead of turning away from her tantrum, I took her in my arms…she was kicking and slamming me…shouting and abusing….Anger came inside of me, because I felt powerless to know what to do with her…and all that energy I put in the field….(always know what you bring in the field comes back to you in whatever form….)
But yes, the anger I felt came back tom me as burning wounds…

Mama.P- explained me later I can’t give that sort of attention anymore to a part of me that is not me.
It was maybe the first time I heard her really clear when she said that I had a CHOICE when that child tries to get her way… the child is the ego personality, the one that makes up stories that are not true.
The correction happens when you turn back your attention to your IAM, said Mama-P.

IAM….it is the awareness of who I truly am…it was my IAM that took the scissors and cut the ugly tentacles…it was all very symbolic…but I knew immediately that that is what I have to do next time, if there is a next time, when MISS child gets her fears and tantrums…

CUT!
STOP the DRAMA.
Other channel…

Life is that simple…you get back what you put out in the field or God. That is good news, because it means you or we are the creators of our own world.  We are cause, not the outside world.
It starts with us… So change and your world changes…J

The ‘man o war’ showed me clearly I was in war with my own thoughts. And I was because I didn’t know how to deal with the wounded child in me the other day. I resisted her, fought with her….and I lost…
I see now that I always loose when I fight with my mind.
It is when I put my ATTENTION on who I really am; IAM…that the poison is CUT off.

For people who have an experience like this…meat tenderizer is the golden solution to take the burning pain away!
Because I understood the lesson so fast, the healing happened fast too…everything is in a flow then and all happens in synchronicity. A half hour later I was in my car on my way to a friend that had a miracle solution of such things as ‘man a wars’: meat tenderizer.
Also this was very symbolic!
Time to be tender with myself…and that is to choose to NOT let my mind abuse me…
Everything that is NOT self love is abuse…

Self love brings us back to who we really are and then automatically the world around us changes….
Instead of a man o war, I could meet a hugging dolphin or turtle then….:)
So good is it all…it brings me more and more to who IAM….

oh when i came home I felt something in my hair...euh it was the blue line, or tentacle...
ye I won the battle...LOL...is there ever a battle to win? LOL
No resistance and living what is...is being IAM...no battles there!

NO stories...just wareness and being lived...delicious...the dragon 'Man o war' was my friend, and if I can see that always in my life ....that everything is FOR me...waaw ...
That's loving what is!

Love Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

Maui spiraling sunrise

 

Maui spiraling sunrise

 

The dance of a new dawn…
We just entered the New era…

I turn and turn in spirals,

Waving my arms in the vastness of the Universe…
the spiral turns and turns in the nothing-ness of pure awareness

it is dark

I am

it is light

I am,

The spiral turns and gently moves into a form of a body
My body…
Million little dots floating in the Universe…
LOL

I am

 

I was invited on solstice eve to join a circle of friends of Mama-P. and to participate in a ceremony to activate my solar body.

It was very profound and very beautiful.
It is as if I can’t write a lot about it yet. It feels I am still trying to comprehend something, that …I know is not comprehendible… LOL
But I have that thing that if something really beautiful happens, I have to hold it gently in my heart…caressing it with love…not with hands tight, but with hands open…
It is like a little bird that needs to take it first flight laying in my hands…
And I hold it gently, showing it the wide open blue sky…
that’s how it feels right now…
I feel that the ceremony is like the little fresh newborn bird ….it did something with me deep inside…
that has to take flight still…J

I can see that I am more and more aware of who I am though…and that thoughts come that whisper lies, but that I see faster it are lies…and I see now it is not me!

When I return to who I am, every emotion that comes into me, every feeling that comes in my body…I know now is not me…
I am not always there…I see I am still judgmental towards myself…and hup I see now that is not me neither…

Acceptance of what comes and goes is freedom…I saw.
And I can let anger, sadness just come and go, because I KNOW it is not who I am…

And it’s a lie anyway because it doesn’t feel good…

When I know who I am and I am awake… nothing has any importance anymore, really.
Joy comes and goes…
It is also not who I am…
because I see it coming and going…
I figured out by now that what comes and goes is not me,
what stays is me…
I find that when I take a deep breath and go inside…
and see that my whole world comes out of that SPACE of awareness…
it feels like a presence, existence…

That’s the creator of my whole world,
that’s the one that sees it all…
that’s who I really AM.

I saw tonight that dolphins, turtles and Mama-P., my friends, Maui, money, abundance, my car, the Ocean, the lava,…it all comes into my heart…

I was standing on the beach with my arms wide open…in gratitude for the Magic of my life…

All the gifts enter in that space of Iam, I am the receptive one of the gifts that is showered in my heart…
The gate to pure awareness…

I am wide open, my heart receiving,
a tear on my cheek for the gratitude I feel for all this greatness in my world.

But I saw that in receiving…
They…then I talk about Mama-P. , the dolphins, turtles, my friends…
go out of my heart…in the same moment…
And first I thought it is letting go of them…and that was true…you can’t hold anything…

But it was something else that my awareness pointed me at…
My world going out was the same as my world coming in…
It was the same as Creation…

You know what I mean?

In seeing them going out of my heart I was not losing them…and that was what I always thought before(Oh my fearful thoughts…they can come and go now..hih)
So I was not losing them BUT RE-CREATING them!!

Or maybe CREATING them…
because what I saw was that there is NO time difference of them entering my heart and leaving that space… it is ONE creation!
It is CONNECTEDNESS…aliveness…

So I went to my problem with money…paying bills is creating money…J
Coming and going is the same…

IT IS THE SPIRAL…

maybe we are all a little spiral, making that movement of CREATION over and over…

Oh GOD…

Thank you,

 

 

 

 

Love Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

This is the end my friend

12/21/2012 Surrender to the spiral of infinite Awareness

This is the end my friend.

By now Belgium must have been deleted from the maps, they entered 12/21/2012 20 hours ago…
I saw my dad on facebook, he must took his laptop into space. J Hmm I still have 5 hours to go, before the big bang will hit us…here in Maui.
Or maybe we are too small to be found…J

What would I still want today, if these were my last 5 hours?
Hmmmm…
Later Mama-P. and I will call, which makes me every day super excited…so that’s what I want….
I would not do anything different then I am doing right now…writing this very moment.

I bought myself a Jamba juice and a celery root earlier as celebration!

People from Belgium must think I am crazy, if I mention buying a celery root as a very important mile stone in time. In Belgium there are so many, they fly around your ears.
Here, they are not existent and so have to be shipped, which makes them super expensive.
Yep I looked to that celery root for about a year…yes yes, I am really good in limiting myself, telling myself I can’t have this or that… J At least I was good in it in the past…
Haha! Now I love myself so much, I don’t do that kind of shit anymore.
Well, mostly...
So my last supper was graded celery root with mayonnaise and bread.

I made a painting for this beautiful occasion of 12/21/2012

 

 

And this is the explanation of it:

The best thing that happened in my life is that I met Mama-P. and other teachers as Byron Katie and Mooji, that showed me who I really am.
I have a feeling that the 12/21/2012 is all about this…

In knowing who we truly are, everything that isn’t us falls away…instantly…no need for hard work.

Awareness meets awareness in an instant…timeless…

The calendar we always have taken for real ends here…

Coming into our true beings happens with the speed of LIGHT.
No attachments, no pride,…
NO-THING…

In that SPACE…you know that everything that comes is FOR you…
Your mind is in service of you as IAM,
The mind still comes and goes…

But you know now your ESSENCE…

The lies the mind makes up, are just lies…
Every lie is the same, nothing is heavier then another…
Drama transforms into PEACE…

You relax into the TRUST that all is well,
because you are the SPACE of awareness,
where your whole world arises.

YOU ARE MASTER.

It is all in our behalf…

In the awareness of who you are everything is
TRUST WORTHY, WORTH of TRUST…
The deeper value is seen, felt and tasted…
Dimensions upon dimensions,
You are it all….
You feel your awareness in your body,
but you know you are not your body,
You feel you inside of you,
You feel you outside of you…

Mind comes and goes and you
know it is not you…
Also, maybe for the first time in history…
we won’t call it the ‘ego’ anymore…a self degrading term sometimes…

We meet our mind in LOVE now…
We see it as the innocent child.
Our mind becomes our friend, It gives us great service
and we take care of it with seeing through the lies.
It shows us what we believe that isn’t true…
And we correct it as we would do with our own children…

We take the mind’s hand and bring it back to AWARENESS…

A relaxation falls into you, or you fall into a relaxation…
No fear anymore…the stories fall away…J
Mmmm that’s how it feels to me.
I fell with my butt in the butter…
Lucky me, to live this incredible beautiful life!
I wish for everybody to wake up to their true Self,
It is then that you see through the  apparent ‘suffering’.

We are the watchers of our own movie…
We have the main role and we watch us playing our own lives.
Before when I wasn’t awake; I lived a life of suffering, like a good Belgium drama movie…ah ah…
And they are really excellent in making drama movies! Ever watched Antonia's line?

Now I watch myself in my life and when something comes up, I think; ”What is she going to do now?”
I am not the one any more, I watch the actor Tamara or rainbow from a distance.
Her movie is pretty awesome lately, I must say…living in Maui, dolphins, turtles,…having my wonderful Mama_P. as my teacher/mama….
This is all because the one that’s watching the movie is CHOOSING how she wants to BE.
This life is a play…and if I AM LOVE,
That resonance will be reflected back to me…
The change always happens in me,
NOT ON THE SCREEN…J

So, I still have 4 hours to go….

What will I eat now?
I got hungry again…J

Love Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com

Respect the tiger!

 

 

 

This is a new painting…. My gosh I didn’t even knew about the movie ‘A life of PI’ when I started this one…I just wanted to do a tiger and here he is..

When I was painting the tiger I kind of was feeling really sick, burning inside…but also my consciousness was burning. It is the tiger that gave me the courage to go deeper than I ever went.

I see now who I really am and that my body and mind is not me.

I knew that already before, but since this sickness I also feel who I am…
It goes deeper and deeper…
I see I am the infinite source, emptiness, awareness…

The tiger taught me RESPECT….respect for who I truly am…really…you think…
It was when the doctors couldn’t tell me what I really had, that I took a leap inside to see what was going on…
The tiger helped me jumping, me on its back…looking in the darkness of the black vastness of the Universe…
It was so dark, I was scared…is this death?

I thought a lot about death during being sick…
And came to a point one day that I was ok…what if this was my last half hour to live?
I would be who I was right now…black vastness…
My body, my mind was created out of that space…
I am that…black space, where everything arises…
Me included…me as body and mind…

I am the Universe… God.

Mmmm…I heard one day inside of me; I had to make a conscious shift to heal…no matter what I had, it didn’t matter at all!
The next day I would be ok, if I just made that shift…
In fact the next second my body would be ok again…
I had to take that step into the truth of who I am…
And I did…
Miraculous, it was true..I healed very fast…
I knew too, it was done… J

The tiger helped me jumping…
It is of course the tiger in me…the one that knows that courage is only used for unaware souls…
Once aware, you are it!
NO courage needed to be who you are, because you are already it…

But life is a game and our mind makes things up and makes the body believe we need to do something really courageous…haha and act form the heart….
But we are the heart, the source ALWAYS EVERYWHERE… J

When you are aware of whom you really are…the tiger’s quality of courage changes into RESPECT…
True respect is when you have respect for your awareness, the space of who you truly are…
And start acting from that…
You love yourself so much that you see through the lies of the MIND.
You respect yourself in not letting the mind take over as master…
But in the respect for who you are, you create a space of peaceful effortless acceptance of what is…

In that space the mind will automatically recognize you as master…

Mmmm, the tiger is laying down and knows….he is power, he is master of his own world….
In his infinite ‘IAM’ his world of abundance arises in him, outside of him….
He is the CENTER…he is not only source, but the circle around that middle point…
Everything, aliveness is him….
He looks and rests, relaxes in the knowing….
Life is good…
He sees…

Especially he sees what is TRUTH…
and knows the mind creates stuff, until it surrenders...
The tiger knows and is in ease,
let the mind create 'clouds in his blue sky'
knowing it is coming and going...
He remains centered...
IAM...
Source...
and even amuses himself with the incridable drama the mind is capable creating...
What a thriller! What a soap opera!
The tiger knows he is the watcher of it all, but knows it is not him!
And... haha ...he has the remote control,in his hands...
OFF...hihiJ

Yesterday I went to the doctor…don’t know why I went…more to take care of myself in the ‘insurance world reality’ in the US, then to really have examined myself. After 15 minutes I was out of the office declared very ‘healthy’! The doctor even had a long lip she couldn’t examine me more… Oh well.

Don’t know but I feel so good being healthy…who wouldn't?
I had a feeling ... I love my body so deeply…mmmm delicious.... J

This last month I dropped all my addictions…waaw…
Thank you Tiger!

Thank you Mama-P.!
Lolololololove yume!

 

Love tamara rainbow>
www.rainbowsheart.com

Lucky, lucky me!

When I am writing my blog it feels as if it happens like I do my soulpainting readings.(see my website)
I never know what I will write next.

Haha It is like life, we never know what’s next.

I am learning and really it is not a learning anymore….to not plan NEXT.

I never know what I am doing the next hour, really…and if I dare to go to the next hour I just tell myself; “Give it up, forget about it; you don’t need to know and really you even can’t know.”

It gives me an immense feeling of freedom and excitement.

It is kind of being lived by life… trust that you will know in the right moment…well you’ll know in the moment what to do…Mama-P. would say; “You can’t know ahead of time.”

I see that I sometimes have high standards on how I think things should be…
I try to change that in my life, because it sucks….really…
The word ‘expectations’ in Dutch is the word ‘verwachtingen’ and it literally means WAITING FOR….
If you have to wait for something, it means it is not for you, because there is only one moment to be lived…the one we’re in each moment again and again…
Waiting for is waiting for something you project in a future that doesn’t really exist.
In the truth of who we are, awareness, there is not such a thing as TIME.

Let’s see …an example:
I had the desire to heal quicker than I did. I expected results that were not coming….nop
It was lying in a far future…somewhere over the rainbow…
In the desire, often an expectation is hooked in.
And if that expectation is not met, we tend to get sad or…disappointed…frustrated…
And disappointment is just an appointment not met.
As mama-P would teach me, it is just like missing the bus…
That’s all it is…nothing more than that…no drama… it is what it is.

Isn’t that a relief?
That counts for everything.
It is all not so important, really.

So, sometimes I see my thoughts come up with stories of how things SHOULD be….and as Byron Katie would say; “You lose 100%, if you are not accepting what is.”
Especially when I was sick, I had often that voice in my head that resisted being sick…J

So I have a new saying in my head now that works really well to help me accept what is…

It is “LUCKY, LUCKY ME”…
Really when I say that to myself, it is as if my mind get stopped in its tracks…
all resistance and complaining crashes in the TRUTH of what is really true and that is
that I am so LUCKY to be alive…and to be me!
We all are…LUCKY ,LUCKY us!

You know I realized that LUCKY, LUCKY me is so so true…

And I am not only looking towards my life in this body and mind dimension…but I am so lucky I have this drive to know what awareness is about.
It is that desire (I guess desires are ok if you let go of the outcome) that brought me to Mama-P.
She is my mama, teacher, master,…all the above and she teaches me how I can see through my mind games…she teaches me who I really am. Lucky, lucky me!


I am a seeker and that’s why I love to write of these things too, because I am seeking through my experiences.
I don’t write if I didn’t feel in my God’s self it is true.
And always I can be wrong too. It doesn’t matter, really.

Don’t believe me…haha

Mama-P. would say; “What if nothing is wrong?”

It is not wrong to be wrong…J  and even if I am wrong I want to be able to say: “Lucky, lucky me.”

I want to come to the point I love my life with everything in it. I had difficulties to love it when I was sick for one month a half,… I am much better by the way after my conscious shift (see other blog).

I am coming to the point, you know…I am a seeker and the last days I was wondering if my life or if life in general has a destiny. I asked Mama’P. and then I asked God in me and little by little puzzle pieces came together…
When I ask something to my God’s self, the awareness I am, a whole mechanism starts working behind the scenes and brings me the answers in the most peculiar ways.
Last night I was watching a movie and right there the question was asked…the same question I asked mama-P. and myself.
Is there a plan, a destiny to life?
In the movie Ms Palfrey answered;” Yes I believe in destiny. Destiny might lead you to the path, but the rest is up to us though! Make the best of every moment.”

Maybe the path is our awareness itself.
I believe that’s our true destiny…of course how other can it be?
Than to be who we truly are?
God will always make sure that events in our lives happen to bring us back to the awareness of who we truly are. I feel that is the essence of life.
And I do believe that there are certain events that were kind of planned…I would never have been in Maui, if my physical mother didn’t die so young. I believe I have a connection with dolphins and turtles. And I deeply feel I had to come to Maui to meet Mama-P.
I see in my life that I have deep soul connections with close friends and I believe that we are from the same soul family. It is very strong….

Is my art imbedded in such a thing as destiny?
I think so….
So that’s the path…and who ‘AM I BEING’ is my job…J

This afternoon…it is so funny how life works…I was listening to Mooji.
I opened a new life streaming video and there suddenly he was talking about destiny…
So amazing…life works so perfectly, if we don’t try to control…J or have the illusion we have control…LOL
Even that must be NOT WRONG….

Mooji said that not everything is free will.
And then he gave the example of a friend of his that wanted to do a business and everything failed…he would start over and over again and invested everything he had and it just wouldn’t go….
It is interesting to hear that, because I feel the same thing happened to me.

This is a funny story, oh well…I don’t know if it is so funny after all…J but here it is…

Every year I have a friend that gives my solar for my birthday. This year I didn’t ask, because I don’t want to know anymore…I don’t think it can even be accurate, because there is no future anyway…
And it doesn’t really matter…
A solar is the horoscope for a full birth year, so from turd of December 2011 to turd of December 2012.
(see other blogs to understand the joke ‘turd’)
My friend had told that in July 2012 I finally would break through with my true life purpose.
By August I would do my real life purpose and I would be in great abundance…
I of course had put MY OWN STORY on that predicament.
I had this image I had to help and save the world with my art…
LOL J yep…. I thought that that was it…
I thought there would be Rainbowshops everywhere with rainbow clothing and Rainbow books…
Ok we can all start laughing now already…

I started knowing Mama-P. since that same birthday and since then my world didn’t turn up side down once, but didn’t stop yet turning upside down… J
A lot of my belief systems I still had with my birthday of last year is vanished as snow for the sun..
it is gone…I even forgot most of it…
My wish to save the world…gone…
My task to love everybody…gone…
My whole happy thought of having my book everywhere, my art everywhere…all of that all gone…
gone…
gone…
gone…
I feel a lot lighter, I can say…J
After I was released from those desires…hahah….
I got sick…was burning inside…beginning of November…
It was as if a long wick was placed inside of me and God light my fire…OH YES!
It went from the kidneys, to my urine track, to my ear and then to my intestines…
The fire was cleaning my body, but also my consciousness…

It is burning all what isn’t me…
and today?
What do I know today?
I mean do I know what my destiny is?
I thought I knew and I was kind of a fighter and a knight and also invested all my money in it and it is all gone…It is time to give up….I see that really clear so my real destiny can surface…haha
do I know anything, really?

I guess what Mama’P. would say is this; ”Here it is. You don’t have to look further or work to find it.
Right here and now it is, you are. This is your destiny. You are awareness, that’s it. And in the awareness you know yourself to be you can choose who you want to be and just PLAY.”
( I assume she would say that, I don’t know really if that is true)

I want to be LOVE, FREEDOM, PEACE, ABUNDANCE and JOY…I want to be the one swimming with dolphins, turtles and hear the whales singing….
I want to have this amazing relationship with Mama-P.
I want to do my art and live in abundance…
I want to share my love with friends…

Waaaw, I guess right here and now I am living my destiny already, because that is what I am living…J
And the next moment will be my next destiny…

I just have to stay in the moment and feel intuitively what to do…and live in the law of synchronicity…

I don’t even have TO DO that…IT IS LAW, it is life…I can’t even not do it…it is who we are.
It is insane to think that we have control over our lives….

As mama-P. would say: “Why would it be better to give the outcome of who you are being to God?”
I was like;”Hmmmm.”
MP.;”because God is unlimited, you are limited.”

And then I came to the next thought…life is a dream…what we really are is awareness.
Our lives here is a dream…so it doesn’t really matter to ponder about destiny or not…maybe? J

Is destiny just a dream?

Remember the movie ‘the life of Pi’ where his destiny was to be surviving a shipwreck with a tiger in a little boat. At the end of the movie the insurance company didn’t believe him. And so he made up another story that was even more unbelievable…so they choose the tiger story after all…
Just to say that our life is just like that…it is a story… and maybe there are outlines as meeting the tiger and being in a boat….BUT THE REST IS UP TO US…” J

So “LUCKY, LUCKY ME!”

 

Tamara rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com