What is happening with me?
For the longest time I didn’t write…I guess I am doing other
stuff. Mostly I am more and more intrigued with my art and painting and that
and the ocean absorbs most of my energy…J
I guess I might maybe …gently say that I lost my personality…LOL
I say this in a very careful way, because every time I mention it to Mamaji (my
mom/teacher see other blogs) life, the field, God….triggers me. Test me on the spot.
It goes really fast.
Instantly I get directed into truth…
Over and over again…
Yep, not always in a pleasant way…but it is a way to kick my
butt immediately back into AWARENESS…
yes I found that place, that middle point in me…that stillness point where I feel
a constant joy…where I feel I am free of my mind…
Oh it is heaven!
The day I saw that beliefs were lies…all fell away…anything
that I ever believed that caused me suffering just fell of me and there I was…
It is a long story, but in that place of being I see all
thoughts come and go, I see beliefs are not more than clouds. Nothing more…;)
I had the belief that I had to do hard work to dig out the
roots of my beliefs…hihi when I saw that beliefs are NOTHING…
roots gone,
work gone,
suffering gone…
And there I was as awareness…
The thought, which scared me for most of my life…
the thought I will die and not exist…
just was a cloud, nothing more…
a huge liberation was felt in that moment!
It is not possible to NOT exist, because I am existence itself…J
And now I feel happy…but is not a happiness because I have something external…
although I have a lot….
(eventough I left my apartment because I couldn’t pay rent anymore)
I experience every day that we live in a abundant reality….
It is true that God takes care of us…and that God or the field, or the Universe
always took care of us.
And it is true that we are being lived and that NOTHING is in our control…
It is true that we are nothing…
J
I am happy with being NOTHING…
I am happy because I am free of my MIND!
I am HAPPY because I DON”T KNOW ANYTHING and it is alright!
This is a funny story about not knowing anything. The story
came back into my mind today while I was talking to Mamaji. When I was on the
phone I broke a piece of a plant and the white juice triggered a memory…here it
is…
It is a story when I just was a few months in Hawaii. The first
nine months I lived on Big Island and once a while I would fly to Oahu, giving
some workshops and visiting friends.
On Big Island a Dutch woman taught me the different medicine wonders of
Hawaiian plants.
The flower of the banana plant was for instance amazing to heal deep cuts very
quickly.
Also she showed me the amazing power of the kukui plant and noni and etc….
Anyway, here I was sitting under a tree in the botanical
gardens in Oahu talking with a Japanese Hawaiian woman about her soul painting
she ordered with me.
I didn’t know that she was an expert in Hawaiian medicine, lomi lomi etc…
But as I experienced in Hawaii, most Asian people are very humbly and don’t say
much…
A day or two before I was on a boat on Big Island looking for dolphins and I had
burned my lips severely.
The Dutch woman taught me to put kukui nut oil on my burned lips…it would heal
it fast…so I was doing it. She was providing me with it…
Here I am explaining the soulpainting to M.
My lips were hurting and I noticed the tree that was giving us shade.
I saw some balls hanging in the branches and I felt relieved…
“Aaaaaaah”; I thought;”kukui nuts!”
In a spilt of a second I grabbed one, took of the steel of the plant and put
the white liquid on my lips.
I was wondering why M. was looking to me with such terror.
I just continued the explanation and it took her about 10 minutes to ask me why
I did that.
You must know that I was just explaining her soul reading to her; where was
written she had a lot of knowledge that she needs to share with others. She
sometimes was holding her knowledge back and she should come faster forward
with it….:)
I asked;”Why are you asking that?”
“Well”; she said; “I studied all the plants of Hawaii and what you just put on
your lips is kind of glue!”
Oh no…
There my lips were sealed…I guess…
Now I can laugh with it, but I had several awful wounds and the
longer it took the more my lips got glued together…
I had to take of that glue with a napkin and water as fast as I could and…it
wasn’t funny…J
Just a story to illustrate that we sometimes think we know
something….haha
But not anymore…
I don’t know anything at all…
Especially not about Hawaiian medicine..:)
Love, rainbow
