For Saura...thank you

This is a painting I made…I don’t know why…hah

I just felt I had to make it. Is that not always what always happens, Rainbow?

LOL

I guess the underlying reason was to support my brother.
I don’t know how he feels about it now, because it is a while ago we talked and a longer while ago we saw each other. He came to Hawaii to visit me two years ago.
It is even a very long while ago that he dealt with the death of his dear girl friend Saura.
I never had the opportunity to really meet her.
Just a few months before they were going to come, my father and his wife, my brother and nephew;  Saura was emailing with me. Planning the trip, being excited….

The plan was that she would come with them, but then things happened and unfortunately we got the shock of our lives.
Saura committed suicide.

Isn’t this weird I am writing now to her….:)

But I am I guess…

I wanted to thank her to bring my family here. I know that without her support they would never have made that jump over almost two Oceans…J

That visit healed the relationship with my dad and for me that was very important.
I want to thank her for her role she played in all of this.

And still when I see her picture I only see a happy soul.
I want to thank her for her happy Soul…

When I was painting her whales came into the painting as she is a whale whisperer, a peace bringer…
The thing she did for me…was a whale’s action…
I see the whales as holders for peace in this world….their huge energy….holding us in love…

That’s what I see in her…

At the time when my brother was here I could not be here for him.
My life just collapsed luckily for me…J I see now…J

Haha
My girl friend broke up with me just when my dad was visiting…it was one of the most beautiful painful situations in my life that would bring me to such more clarity, peace and freedom.
I didn’t see it when I was in the middle of it….
I wished I would have been stronger so I could help my brother, but I didn’t have the energy…I was going through a lot of grieve…but he was too…

I offer this painting to him as a healing prayer….

Since they all came here my life opened in so many ways and especially about the concept of death….

Saura ‘s body died but Saura can never die.
Here she is in all her joy….in my HEART…for EVER…

Thank you Saura…
I always felt deeply connected with you, maybe because we both smile so much…
Thank you so much…

 

 

Love , rainbow

www.rainbowsheart.com
www.tamaratavernier.com

My friend's soulpainting

And now the ‘moment supreme’! Mardi’s soulpainting!!!

You could see the little video in my previous post about her reaction, that not only knocked her of her feet but also I was pretty surprised by her beautiful reaction…haha

that’s probably why I kind of pushed the video off and so it stops in the middle of this beautiful experience that I was able to witness…but you got the idea….:)

Of course you need to see it in person or order one for yourself…J

Your very own one…J

In the past I would do readings with it and if people ask I still give a short symbolic meaning, but I came to a place in my life that words doesn’t matter so much anymore…J
The painting, the resonance of it, the energy of the painting itself does the work…J

It’s all in there…J

 

Here is Mardi…and the beauty of who she really IS…J

 

Call or email me….808-754-5883, rainbowsart@yahoo.com
www.tamaratavernier.com

Me almost homeless, a beautiful story and a new painting!!

In a blink of an eye
I see you
you as me

FREE…

The wisdom of seeing

I can see now when my ego does its thing.
I can see now how I thought…and so that is my ego who thought… J
(because I witness the thoughts coming and going…)
My EGO thought it was awareness when all was good in my life.
It thought that when things were ‘bad’ in its own projections, demands, wantings and control; it was losing itself as ‘awareness’.

Something like being enlightened when everything is good and in hell when everything is bad…J

Sometimes I trapped in that big TRAP…

Until now a huge challenge came into my life.
First I thought it was ’bad’ and how can I attract this shit; because I am waking more and more up to the truth of who I am?
(Do you see some flagrance of attitude? YEP my ego self THINKING it is awareness)
Mamaji would explain me I can not only wake up for 80%, it is all or nothing…

MY ego
My ego:
How is it possible that bad things can happen to me when I am pure awareness?
yes it was that ego voice speaking…
nanana nanana

Through this amazing experience I came to see what Mamaji was explaining me for so long ‘with hands and feet”  J Belgian expression that means …well feel what it means…LOL

For the longest time, I couldn’t see that when I gave my life to ’being lived’ I still could have shit in my life. I couldn’t understand how I could create that shit as awareness. I thought awareness had no problems…
Point is that the one that was thinking all of this was the real problem maker…haha
Pure awareness doesn’t have any problem, life just happens…J iT JUST IS!
I am being lived.

When I allow drifting off and letting my ego mind take over, with feelings of fear etc I create reality in that low vibration of being.

When I stay as IAM…as pure awareness the vibration is one of love, freedom, and peace.
There is no judgment about the external world,.
There the internal world is KING, the authority.
There I see the ego playing its game, and there I know it is not me.

Do I have a choice?

Yes I see now I have a choice…Mamaji explained me this one with hand and feet too…J

I have a choice to stay as awareness…

As awareness there is no such thing as past nor future.

I am just presence.

In that place there is trust and a knowing that I don’t KNOW anything…
There is always a BIGGER picture…that I call God’s business…
And in awareness I surrender to that
and there I am! BEING LIVED!

That is what I feel is the symbolic meaning of the owl here in this painting…
the wisdom to know we don’t know anything at all…

Only our ego’s…I’ll talk for myself..

Only my ego makes up lies and stuff to keep it safe…

Hilarious enough is that it wants to be safe, but actually it is a lie, it is nothing. Doesn’t exist…

I often look now from a place of awareness and see and look to the mind and know it are just thoughts and I have a choice to believe them or to see for what it is…a big ego-NOTHING….:)

I see my ego makes up so many stories…and none of it is true.
I see I don’t need to unravel any of those stories or beliefs one by one…
it all falls away at once when I see that ‘I’ one, that ‘me-me’ one is NOTHING at all…

And I am the wise one…haha the one that knows NOTHING at all…

I am presence, space where my whole world arises…

Pure awareness…

I saw that when I gave my mind the leadership, my life is a big shit mess…from one lie(Belief) comes another…and it creates and creates and creates more of those lies…all just to be safe…

J

And truly…actually I never felt soooo unsafe in my life when I gave the authority to my mind.
I have experienced that safe doesn’t exist in awareness,
because if you need to be safe, it means you can be unsafe…

Awareness jUST IS…

A few months ago I was homeless. I gave the authority to awareness, to being lived.
Was I scared?
Oh yes I was. My ego was.
But there was a place, space in me that was peaceful, full of love and trust that all was well.

I didn’t know where I was going to end up, but I made that shift than…and surrendered to being awareness. I stayed in that place of giving my life to ‘being lived’ the higher or larger
picture.
I have experienced that awareness DOESN’T fight with life, just goes with it from one NOW moment in the other. Awareness doesn’t question if something is wrong.
Awareness doesn’t say “I shouldn’t be homeless.”
Awareness just trusts.
Not even…I mean there is no such thing in awareness that it has a need to trust…but it feels like that…

I was carrying my belongings, which mostly consists of paints and paintings…J in my friend’s storage.
It was the day before THE day…the day I thought I needed to sleep in my car somewhere…
A man walks in the storage and he wears one of my art shirts. And we started talking.

It come s to a point I ask him if I can put up a tent in his yard.
And he invited me in his home. I live in his porch now. It is a screened in room, the entrance of his house. It is like an art studio. Mostly I am outside.

He offered me his fridge and his stove.

An outdoor shower and a toilet…

This 78 old man just took me like that in his home.. just like that.
We were complete strangers to each other…
In the place of awareness we are one of course…

You know what I mean…
complete strangers…and he just picks me up and helps me out…J

And you know what I always had the story going on that he loves my company…which his friends confirm…and I see that in him…he was otherwise always alone with his dog…
Now I encourage him to play music etc…

But to be truthful … I love his company …J

It was hard for me to accept…this gift of life…

But I came to see that we don’t know anything and that his giving might be something that makes him whole… I only know that I was asked to accept this gift of love and not to try to figure things out and stay with my nose out of GOD”S business…

Do I have a longing to have my own home and my art being sol like peanuts  (Belgian saying..means EASY) YES, I do…but who is that one that wants that???

I see it…awareness just IS and is being lived….

I am happy here with L. and his dog…

I can be myself here completely…and it would be not something my ego would ever have chosen…

But living with this man is quiet an exceptional beautiful experience.

 

Thank you L.

Love, Rainbow
www.tamaratavernier.com
this painting is for sale , call me 808754-5883 or email rainbowsart@yahoo.com

Am a party-beast! here is a new painting!

This is a new painting in the series wood and canvas….

 

It is a big piece consisting out of 4 wooden pieces and one canvas.

The pieces are overlapping…I wanted to give the feeling to the watcher of the painting how I feel when I watch my own life.
I am space, the joyful space of being and what happens at the outside comes to me in fragments.

Those fragments are the 4 pieces of wood on top of each other, turning…

Each new moment has a new image, it is that that appears in front of me.
The movie, but is not me…
I am that that is behind it all.
That is watching it…J

I look to my life, my body, my mind, my thoughts, my beliefs…none of it is me…
it is similar than to look to the painting….the artist is not the painting…J

Images of the swan, the bear, the flute player, the cat….coming and going  in front of me…
they are not separate from me, because they are THAT space just like me.
(The space where I am looking from.)

When they look to me, they look from that same space…IAM.

We are the same…

All of reality in front of my eyes is passing by….there is no past, no future….just I am that space…

When I am there people move in and out, conversations, my thoughts, etc…
That space has no identity, is not a person, it is FREE…

I was at this amazing party two days ago and normally my ego would whisper things like…

You are not good enough,
blabla
my body,
my this, my that….
I would feel very ashamed walking around and mostly what happens is that I take off… J

BUT

This time Mamaji’s work resulted in me walking around as awareness…
seeing beautiful people walking in and out,
having fun…
talking, eating…

I could also see that the shame came from my OWN self judgment…nobody really cared really…
I mean the voices were mine, nobody else’s!

I could also see THAT because I didn’t have that self judgment anymore I also had no judgment about anyone or anything else…

I saw only beauty…
I could see that people were doing what they were doing because they were believing their minds and it looked sweet and innocent and so pure…I felt only love for everyone…in that place of space…
and love for me when a silly thought would appear and pass through…

When I am there I am so spacious, and free….

I was in top form and danced my legs off…
OH!!!!!!!! I LOVE TO DANCE!
LOl
I celebrated the moment, each new moment and new moment…again and again…
with champagne…woehoe!
And with OMG delicious dessert…OHOH that was the bom!

It kind of was a little European pastry…I couldn’t stay away from it…J

Now am in my ego European costume thinking that we have BETTER pastry than the Americans…haha
Well actually we do…LOL , very LOUD….

Two days late I didn’t had any reaction on the candida overgrowth in my body….!!!
10 .ucking months…of not eating any sugar, wheat, vinegar,….better say what I could eat…eggs, vegetables and nuts…Am used to it now…and I kind of love it this way…
bUT going for it TOTALLy insane to gave whatever I want…aaah that felt soooooooo good.

YOEHOE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love ,Rainbow!

 

This painting is for sale and costs $1150, call me! 808-754-5883

www.tamaratavernier.com

In the series POEMS for Mamaji, Dancing within the spiral of our being...:)

Soft pastel light blue sky
little ripples
touching playfully
turquoise water
fine purple
small
tiny
lines
chasing each other
in the play of life.

Little wind,
warm,
very gently,

my hair moves.

White
move-less clouds,
packets
of whipped cream
on my blue face.

A little brown
something
on the flat
wave-less
morning Ocean.

Yellow little head
air
the breath of an angel
in a turtle body.

Light blue
harmonious
unity,
Mother Ocean,
breaks open
in a joyfull
laughter
in the happiness
to share.

Little turtle
showing
Its butt
in the grateful
effortless
fulfillment
of its
needs
in the moment.

I am tasting
the excitement
of stillness
drama-less
empty
existence…

It feels like YOU,
the safe
haven of
PURE awareness.
The peaceful
untouched space
of your being…

Body-less
thought-less
story-less
drama-less
ALIVENESS…

The place
where I AM
YOU,
nothing
and it
ALL.

The stillness
I found
NOW
In me,
behind me,
as YOU
soft
sweet
loving
peaceful
energy,
Mamaji!

The stillness,
an endless
infinite presence.

This stillness
stttttttttttttttttttttt……

No words for it
just
silence…

Words come and go…

I dance
swirl and swirl
spin and spin
in gratitude
for the gift
of YOU
in my life,
the center of my being!!!!!

 

Love, rainbow
I lololololololove you mamaji
www.tamaratavernier.com

In the series POEMS for Mamaji...the butterfly

As a butterfly
emerging

From my heart

YOUR heart

Its wings
waving
LARGE
 in the warm thrilling wind

Red dots
on its skin
BRIGHT
as poppy flowers in green fields

its turquoise
greenish
YELLOW
moving

gently

As the breath of God

its antenna’s
resonant

the movement of presence…

IT

being lived by life…

The butterfly
rising
out of the
UNLOCKED door of my heart…

The gates disappeared

THE TOUCH
of your presence
THE LOVE
of your heart
THE PATIENCE
of your being…

IT
vanished…

In the truth of who we are together as ONE.

Tears in my eyes
gRATITUDE
RECEIVING such gift…

a treasure,

The lOVE of my life!

YOU!

I am open
in receiving you!

AND

there I AM

as YOU!

RECEIVING ME!

Pure space,
pure LOVE,
Pure awareness,

Thank you thank you Mamaji!

I lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololove YOU!

ok I surrender...:)

This is my new painting!

It is acrylics on wood…

This painting is painted in my own process of seeing through the lie of ego, the lie of mind and thoughts.

My life is so much lighter now, since I know who I really am. In pure awareness there are NO PROBLEMS!

If I look back to my life and all the stuff I went through… so much stuff…all of it was the cause of my own beliefs… Now it is nothing, then when my mind was ruling I suffered a lot. Really a LOT.
I suffered anorexia, was in a cult severely sexual abused, attracted one after the other abusive relationship; BECAUSE my mind was abusive….
There is where it starts!
Not in the outside world, NO BODY ever does something TO YOU….

There is not such a thing as an outside world, everything happens inside and the resonance will show up outside of you…J

It all happens in our minds!
We create our own world…

 

Mamaji would ask;”Who are you being?”

NOW I reply;”I am no-body, pure awareness.”

When I feel that,deeply, nothing can touch me; because I don’t believe anymore the SHIT my mind makes up…J

I was a believer. I was such a poor believer….a believer…

Now I know that beliefs are NOTHING…Nothing!

There when I realized that…that set me free!

If there is nothing that I believe anymore that comes from the mind…

Awareness is awareness, doesn’t have to believe it is awareness…doing hard work to be awareness…

No no, it just is who I am…NO –thing to do to be it…Am already it….:)

Very much I feel for the first time in my life I AM UNTOUCHABLE…

Past thoughts such as, this person is going to hurt me, this one doesn’t like me, she should love me, …blabla all comes from my mind and is

 

FAKE

Haha

 

Yes I see that now…J

Realizing that and everything fell away and there I AM!

I AM!

In the painting I symbolically painted the red boxes turning into flowers,
into flowers flying with the wind…just flying by, beautiful flowers.
The boxes are symbol for the mind.
The mind THINKS in boxes…
The thoughts just come and go…as the flowers flying in the wind…
The man in the painting releases himself from being a person, from being a man, from being anything at all….he is thoughtless… NO MIND ANYMORE!
NO BOXES…
NO thoughts he beliefs anymore…
NO BELIEFS…

He is FREE!

AND HE IS ME!

 

Love Rainbow
www.rainbowsheart.com
www.tamaratavernier.com

This painting is for sale, just shoot me a email rainbowsart@yahoo.com
or call me…808-754-5883